ava's pov.

i sat there, looking out the window as billie drove. i haven't said a word. she hasn't even tried either, she just was calling people. we've been driving for almost 2 hours, and we left new york.

i felt sick to my stomach and i felt lifeless. i keep replaying it over and over in my head. i was so angry inside. billie doesn't know anything that happened before she came in. keyvon raped me. over and over. they all watched him, as he forced himself into me. i begged him to stop. the pain was excruciating, my whole lower half is numb.

i was angry at billie inside, she put in this position. i know she didn't know who keyvon was, she just knew about an ex who did it to me. but now she does. i'm upset at billie, but i couldn't let him kill her. she came back for me, and i love her still. i just don't know how to feel. my depressive thoughts are taking over my mind, and i don't even have my sister or marina. i was worried about them, i knew jah was there but this mario person clearly has a lot of people. and there's only one jah. my sister can put a fight but not with a tall muscular man with a gun.

when i shot keyvon, i couldn't stop. i wanted him to feel how i felt. he was dead, i knew that. but he made me feel like i had no way out other then to kill myself, multiple times. 

when i realized what i did, i completely gave out. i have no energy for anything. i wasn't gonna fight billie on leaving, i knew i had to go. i had to face i made a huge mess, even though billie brought me into it.

we drove silently for a 20 more minutes, until we pulled up a complex looking place. she parked in the way back, behind all the cars. almost in the parking lot.

she turns off her car, and looks at me with a blank expression. "are you okay?" she says.

i continue to look out the window. "where are we?" i whisper.

she unbuckles my seat belt, and continues to look at me. "it's a safe house." she says, getting out the car.

i open my door, and i get out. i zipper up my jacket, covering my bruised legs. i don't know why, but i didn't want billie to see it. i knew she'd flip out, and i don't have the energy to try to calm her down.

she looks back at me, with our bags. "let's go." she says.

i follow her up to the back of the complex, and walk inside. it's a normal house, but there's groceries all over the table.

i look over at it, and billie watches me. "jayvin brought it for us. we will be here for while." she says.

i'm immediately infuriated. what the fuck does she mean awhile? i have school. i don't want to be away from my sister.

i give her a glare. "what the fuck do you mean awhile billie?" i say, with an attitude.

her face turns into her regular cold bitch face. "i mean a fucking while. he is looking for YOU because YOU killed keyvon, you should've just let him fucking shoot me." she spats.

i can't believe she just said that. i know i gave attitude, but she had to throw that me? when i haven't even processed that i just fucking KILLED someone?

i feel my bloodshot eyes tear up. "i fucking killed him because i wanted to protect you! and for everything else he's fucking did to ME." i yell.

her facial expression softens, then goes right back to cold. "i don't need you to protect me. & i could've handled him ava." she spats.

i immediately turn away, looking for the bag she brought for me. i grab it, and go up the stairs.

"ava- " billie yells, but i was already up the stairs.

i look through the hall, and there's two rooms, and a bathroom. i hear footsteps, and i go into the bathroom. i shut the door and locked it.

billie bangs on the door, as i start the shower.

"ava come on. please open." she says.

i just sit on the toilet, and cover my ears. i just cry and cry. i wanted to be left alone. i wanted my sister, i wanted my parents. usually, i would want billie here, but right now i just don't.

i begin to undress, and i look in the mirror. i look at my necklace of me and adry, and more tears fall. i look down at my legs, and my
whole lower area and legs are blood and bruised.

she still is banging on the door as i get in the shower, putting my whole body under the water. i let the steaming hot water take over and block out billie.

i wash my hair, and my body about 3 times. i felt disgusting. keyvon made me feel like i was some piece of trash. he ignored my screams, my begging for him to stop. he kept going, and mario watched.

after about an hour of sitting there, i finally decided to get out because i was looking like a raisin.

i dry off, and put on sweatpants, a tank top and socks. i quickly dry my hair, and i realize i have no products for my hair. so i just put some conditioner in it and hope for the best.

i didn't wanna go back out there and face billie. i already decided i was not sleeping with her and i was just gonna avoid her.

i grab my bag, and i slowly open the door. no one there. so i head to one of the bedrooms, and i open the door. and billies laying there on the bed.

she looks up at me, and i immediately turn around to leave. i just didn't wanna talk to her right now.

"ava, please." she says. "i'm sorry."

i turn back to her, and glare. "sorry? billie i just killed someone who destroyed my LIFE. and you threw it right in my face. you lost all my respect. you stay in your space and i'll stay in mine until i can go home, and then we can go on with our lives SEPARATELY. i don't care how much i love you." i yell, with tears in my eyes.

her face softens. "you still love me?" she whispers.

i scoff. "why do you think i shot him when he had a gun to YOUR head?!" i yell.

she looks at me with a blank expression. i roll my eyes and laugh mockingly. "of course you have nothing to say. just leave me alone." i say, walking out, slamming the door behind me.

i go into my room, and i put my bag down. i go downstairs and i sit on the couch, and i turn the tv on. i surf through the channels and just watch friends.

after about an hour, billie walks downstairs and goes to the fridge, not looking my way.

she grabs a beer, and then goes to the kitchen table and grabs something from a bag. she walks towards me and throws me a new iphone box.

"you can't tell anyone where you are." she says, with an attitude.

i ignore her and just put the phone next to me, continuing to watch friends. i could tell i was pissing her off.

"can you just fucking answer me?" she yells.

i turn to her, with my jaw clenched. "i fucking got it. now go the fuck away." i spat. i know i was being mean, and it hurt me a little. but i was so angry at what she said, i was already so fucked up from everything and hasn't even had the decency to fucking make sure i'm okay. i don't do this. i'm not like her. i don't kill people.

her eyes turn black, but she just goes right up the stairs, into her room, slamming the door.

my focus goes back to friends, when i suddenly hear smashing.

she was destroying the room.

it goes on for about 20 minutes and i try my best to ignore it, but the tears just kept falling out my eyes. i hated seeing her so angry, it scared me.

when it finally stops, i slowly turn to upstairs at her door. it was still shut.

i slowly get up, and grab the phone box. i go up the stairs and just go into my room. it had a dresser, a vanity, a tv, and full size bed.

i go on the bed, and lay down. i begin to try to set up my phone.

about 10 minutes later, my phone is set up. i didn't wanna talk to anyone tonight i just wanted to be myself. i decided i'd text my sister tomorrow on snapchat and just tell her i'm okay.

it was 9:33pm, so i decided to just put my phone down, and watch some tv.

i put on the selena movie, since it helps me relax. i'm laying there for a few, and i hear billies door open. i close my eyes immediately, pretending to sleep.

a hear footsteps, and i keep my eyes closed. the door open slowly.

"ava?" she whispers, trying to see if i'm sleeping.

i ignore her, pretending to sleep. she waits for a second, then shuts the door.

i wanted to talk to her at this point, i kinda felt bad for earlier but she really stooped low. i didn't wanna live like this. i was scared. drained.

my thoughts flow through my mind, and i know i was pretending to sleep, but i then started drifting to actual sleep.

i jump up from my sleep, covered in sweat, shaking. i had a bad dream. keyvon was here, he grabbed me and took me back to the van, where he raped me continuously. again and again. it felt so real.

i look over at my phone, it was 1am. i lay back down and sigh. i knew how this time here was gonna go.

    •

it's been four days here. me and billie still haven't spoken. i honestly don't know what she did throughout the day. i only ever left my room to shower, use the bathroom, and grab something to eat.

one time when i went downstairs to get a drink, billie was sleeping on the couch with her gun. she was nervous. the other times i saw her, she  looked at me but i said nothing, and just went back to my room.

she would come in and check on me every night though, i could hear her open the door everytime i was trying to sleep.

my bruises had gotten worse, they were black and blue, and huge. my vagina swelling finally went down, but the bruises were just so painful. billie hasn't noticed, but that's because i've been wearing sweatpants. but tonight i just couldn't, it was so hot. so i put on shorts and just stayed in my room.

it was midnight, and i just woke up from the same nightmare. i've been having it every night, and i've been doing my best to stay in my room and not go to sleep with billie. i just hated having nightmares, everytime i did when i was home, i'd just sleep with adry.

but tonight was bad. i was shaking worse, on the verge of a panic attack. i wanted to go sleep with billie, as much as i was upset, she was here because she was protecting me. she still made me feel safe.

i look around trying to calm myself down, and i see a penny on the floor. i grab it and i look at it.

okay, i thought to myself. heads i go sleep with billie, tales i just suck it up.

i close my eyes and flip the coin, catching it and flipping it on the back my hand.

i open them and look.

heads. figures.

i sigh and i get up, quietly opening my door. i tip toe to her door.

i close my eyes and take a deep breath, and slowly open the door.

i open my eyes, and billies laying there on her phone. her eyes move up to mine, and she stares at me.

it was silent for a moment. "um..i had a bad dream. can i..um..sleep with you?" i ask quietly, looking down.

her eyes dont leave me. "yes." she says, opening the covers for me.

i slowly walk over, climb on the bed, and lay beside her. we just stare at each for a moment, and then i just snuggle myself into her chest.

she puts her arm around me, and kisses my hair. "it's okay baby." she whispers into my hair.

she moves her hand to my thigh, and rubs my bruise a little too roughly. i wince in pain, flinching slightly.

she moves her hand immediately, and i look up at her. she has an eyebrow raised. "what's wrong?" she says. fuck.

i shake my head. "n-nothing. i just hurt myself." i lie, i was a bad liar.

she looks at me suspiciously, and reaches over to the lamp, turning it on.

she moves the covers, revealing my black and blue legs. well now she's gonna know.

her eyes widen, and she sits up. she gently opens up my thighs, showing all bruises.

her eyebrow twitches, and she stares at them. she then looks back at me.

"what is this?" she says, emotionless.

i look down, embarrassed. i felt dirty. like i let keyvon do it to me, i know i didn't, but i felt like i was disgusting.

she then goes down to my vagina, and gently moves my shorts and under to the side. her whole body movement stiffens, and those beautiful blue eyes turn black once again. i guess the swelling didn't go away fully.

"did mario.." she trails off. giving me a look.

tears fill up in my eyes, and i shake my head. "keyvon." i whisper.

she puts her hands through her hair, and looks back at me. "baby.." she whispers, giving me the saddest eyes. 

i immediately lost it, and started sobbing. she takes me in her arms, and lets me cry. she rubs my back.

"i begged him to stop, it hurt." i said in between sobs, quietly.

her body stiffens, and she holds me tighter. "i'm so sorry i wasn't there. if you didn't do what you did to him, i put it on my mother's soul i would've done it." she whispered.

i cry for a little longer, and then i calm down. her vanilla scent, her warm body, her touch, just made me feel safe.

she slowly turns off the lamp, and puts the covers back on us. not letting go of me.

i lay there for a little, as she rubs my back. as i listen to the rhythm of her heart beats, i start drifting to sleep, but then she says something.

"ava?" she whispers. her chest vibrates as she says my name.

"hmm?" i say.

"i love you." she whispers.

my whole body fills with butterflies, and i feel myself smile a little. after everything, all the bullshit, we still managed to find our way back here. in the moment, nothing felt wrong. i ignored every bad thing that happened. i felt so at peace and safe. she wanted to protect me. she had flaws, but so do i. everyone does. she was stubborn and was a huge risk to love. but i was taking the risk.

"i love you too."

helloooo everyone !! shit has been getting crazy ! don't worry billie and ava are gonna be happy for a little...maybe🤣 you know i can't drop w the drama. but DUDE. OVER 1K READS?! thank you alllll so much i can't believe it 🥰🥰🥰 i really hope you love this book as much as me!!  more updates tmr loves
ily
- gabrielle 🧚🏼‍♀️