TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM

a/n: we will start seeing billies pov next chapter.

ava's pov.

i started walking towards the exit of the school with a huge lump in my throat. i knew this was gonna fucking happen. i walk out and start walking towards the back of the parking lot. i don't even know what car she drives so i don't even know how the hell i'm gonna see her.

i continue to walk and i start looking around for billie, i'm starting to get nervous and then i see her blue hair. i look all around as i'm walking closer towards her and then i look up and i see her with someone else.

a girl.

they're making out on the side of a matte black dodge challenger, which i'm assuming is her care. my stomach drops suddenly.

what the fuck ava?
you're not GAY.

i'm not surprised because of what i saw on her instagram, the girls are all over her.

i stop about a foot away from her and look down, waiting for her to notice me. about 10 seconds later she looks up, and stops.

"hey jay, give me a little bit. i gotta talk her to her for a few so i'll see you in class aight?" she says to the girl while rubbing her arm.

"okay bil." she shoots me a glare and i immediately look down as she walks away.

billie looks at me and walks closer , and lifts my chin up slowly so i can see her.

"baby you gotta stop looking everywhere else, come sit in the car with me, i wanna talk" she points to the passenger while smirking.

i walk towards the passenger side and get into the car to see her leaned back with her arms behind her head.

"hi ava" she smirks

"hi billie" i say, finally looking at her directly

"wow, you looked at me. " she laughs while playing with her rings. "lemme apologize for the other day, i was pretty fucking mad at that kid." she explains, looking right into my eyes.

"it's okay, i didn't take it too personally, i figured you were upset." i say, sort of laughing.
"was that your girlfriend?" i suddenly blurted out. what the hell ava. dumbass.

she raises her eyebrows and chuckles slightly, "who? jay? nah, i don't date. i just kinda fuck around. all of them know that, and they're okay with it."

i nod, starting to feel awkward and looking away.

"who's that girl you're always with, i see you walk with her and sit with her at lunch." she asks.

"oh, that's marina. she's my bestfriend. " i explain, while staring at her neck tattoo.

"oh, she's really pretty-" she starts as i interrupt her

"i know. i tell her all the time she's beautiful, her and my sister are the prettiest people i know." i say quickly, before putting my head down.

"i think you're more beautiful." she says with a smirk.

i turn away and i feel my cheeks get hot. she thinks i'm beautiful? no way.

"don't turn from me, " she puts a finger on my chin and turns me to her. "i'm serious, i thought it since i sat next to you. i was gonna tell you in the bathroom but i was pissed off and you looked at me like you saw a ghost." she laughs.

"why did you ask me to come here billie?" i said quickly, starting to get shaky.

"because i want to be friends, ava." she says almost rudely, exaggerating my name.

"you want to be my friend? why? you were so rude to me" i asked with a attitude.

she raises her eyebrows at me, then her face goes into a cold glare. " and i apologized to you. why are you being so difficult?"

suddenly, i decide to grow some balls, and say something i probably shouldn't have.
"maybe i don't want to be friends billie" i mumble.

she stops fiddling with rings, and looks up at me with a look, a look like she wanted to put a bullet through my eyes. "i didn't ask you, i told you we were gonna be friends." she spat

i sat there silently, knowing i was going to have an attack. she then grabs my phone suddenly. i knew i was fucked because i didn't have a passcode. she goes on my texts and then sends a new message to herself, saying hey.

"now i have your number, since you decided not to use mine" she says throwing the phone back at me.

i sat there shaking, i was looking out the window on verge of tears. i wanted my parents. i wanted adry. i regretted going in the car with her, i knew i should've listened to marina. i was so anxious and playing with my rips in my jeans and i accidentally ripped them all open, revealing my scars.

billie looks over at them and then freezes, looking up at me. her face has softened, almost like she felt sorry for whatever she just said. i stare back at her with my tear filled eyes, and before she can say anything, i get out the car and run back to the school.

marina and adry were in the hallway as i ran by, they didn't see me though. i ran to the bathroom until school was over, ignoring both of their texts of where i was. i wanted to see no one. i decided to uber home to avoid any questions of where i was and why i looked like i just have been crying for hours.

i make it home just before them and run into my room locking the door. i sat on the floor in a ball and just cried and cried. i was embarrassed. keyvon was the cause of all of this anxiety, i can't be normal. the way billie acted reminded me so much of him, i felt like i was talking to him.

    flashback

i was sitting in my bed, when i heard a knock and then i saw keyvon. i was happy. i loved seeing him. but something was off, he looked like he was drinking again or off of some sort of drug.

"keyvon are you high?" i asked looking down.

"no. why the fuck would you ask that?" he slurs glaring at me with his bloodshot eyes.

"i just wanted to make sure, i was nervous." i mumbled.

he then comes to me and throws me off the back, choking me up against the wall.

"what i do, is none of your fucking business AVA." he spats, i then feel a hard slap against cheek.

this was a normal day now. he was never like this before. it started once or twice a month, to multiple times a week, now to multiple times a day. each time is followed up with a stupid apology that i always forgave, i loved him.

i start to cry as he lets me go, and then proceeds to punch me and kick my ribs, on the floor.

"stay. out. of. my. business" he says, kicking me each time he said a word.

i got up and pushed him and ran out my room. i was done. i was scared and i was sick of it.  i could barely walk, but i was still running. i went a grabbed a knife, i wasn't physically strong enough to take it. so i had to do it.
he runs after me and sees me in the kitchen, facing him, knife in hand.

"what do you think that's gonna do princess?"he laughs mockingly. "i kill people all the time ava, i've been stabbed. you don't scare me"

i just towards him with it, no thoughts in my mind. i wanted him gone. he has put me in hospitals time and time again i would lie to my sister, and marina and would say i got in fights with girls.
he trips me and then i drop the knife, he grabs it and pulls me by my hair. once again, choking me up against the wall.

"i c-cant breathe please keyvon" i pleaded, in hysterics.

but he doesn't stop. he goes harder and harder then proceeds to to take the knife, and slice me right underneath my left breast.
he drops me, and the knife and runs out my house.
i sat there bleeding out.

     flashback ended

i snap out of my memories and look down, and see a razor pressed down on my wrists. fresh blood everywhere. i hear marina and adryana banging on my door. begging me to open it. i won't stop crying.
they get through and see me there. full of blood. helpless.

"AVA NO" adry runs over and holds me tight i cry, rubbing my head.

marina sits there a cries. she cries about me a lot.

"he wanted to kill me, i deserve to die" i say in between sobs.

we stay like this for awhile. adryana holds me for hours, as marina cleans up my mess and my cuts. they get me into my bed, tell me how important i am and all of that. and marina lays with me until i fall asleep.

*

the next morning i wake up to marina.

"hey av, how you feeling?" she gives me a sad look.

"better today. i'm gonna stay home today though. i don't want these shown." i laugh awkwardly, pointing to my bandages.

marina nods, and adry comes in and comes to eye level with me.

"you had me scared. i thought i was gonna lose you again." she sniffles and holds my head against hers. "ava we are here. he is gone. i promise he will never hurt you ever again." she rubs my cheek.

"i know. i had flashbacks thats all." i lie. i wasn't telling them about billie. i really don't want adryana getting hurt by this girl, and plus billie doesn't know about keyvon, she doesn't know that she triggered me.

"go to school guys. i'm okay. i swear on you both." i pinky swear them both. they say there goodbyes. and then i'm alone.

i go to my phone which was not touched since yesterday, and i open it to see 6 texts from billie.

billie: yo
billie: just let me know your ok?
billie: ava
billie: you don't need to be embarrassed
billie: yoooo ava bro
billie: i'll just see you tomorrow

i sigh and look up. i feel bad. this wasn't necessarily her fault but now she's gonna think i'm some weak bitch with problems. i lift up my phone and reply back

me: i'm alright. i won't be in today i'm not feeling good but i'm ok

i press send and put down my phone, i watch some netflix and after a few hours,  i close my eyes and drift to sleep.

*

i hear knocks over and over again. i groan and crawl outta bed, sluggishly walking towards the door. i open it to see a blue haired girl with sunglasses on. billie.
she was dressed in yet another sweatsuit, but with short sleeves, revealing all tattoos. this time her hair was in two braids.

i freeze and look down at myself. i'm wearing shorts and tank top with a bun, my old and new cuts are right in her view. i don't know what to even say.

"hi billie, why are you here? how do you even know where i live?" is all i managed to say, looking up at her.

"your wallet fell out your bag in my car, your ID" she points to the wallet, eyes not leaving my new bandages.

"thank you" i reach out to grab it, and she grabs my arm gently. "billie i-"

"why would you do this to yourself ava?" she whispers and looks up at me.

"i-um..it's just complicated." i respond looking down again. "thank you for my wallet, i just should go though" i take my arm back.

billie is staring in my eyes, and doesn't stop. "yeah okay." she looks down then looks back up with her same cold usual look.
"i need you for something tomorrow night. i will pick you up at 8. " she says with a blank face and walks off.

i sigh and shut the door. what is this girls problem? she never stops. she hates me one second and then is actually acting normal, then goes back to her bitchiness. i don't want to go with her tomorrow, but now she knows where i live. i rub my temples while getting a headache.

i lay on the couch, to then hear marina and adry walk in.

"hey av, how was ya day?" adry says while grabbing food, i sigh.

"it was alright. boring netflix as always." i laugh a little.

marina plops next to me and tells me to check my phone. i grab my phone from the
table, to see a bunch of messages from her.

Rina💕: so where were you yesterday in free?
Rina💕: don't lie either.
Rina💕: i went to nurse gillis and she said she didn't even see you. and while in there, a girl named jay said she was with billie until YOU came?????!
Rina💕: why were you with her ava?

my heart stops as i read the messages.
i'm fucked.

heyyy so another chapter ! what y'all think of billie ? she's so back and forth with her emotions but you will soon see why 😭 i can't believe i'm actually getting reads like thank you so much fr! ugh ily all even if u hate it lol
- gabrielle 🧚🏼‍♀️