billies pov.

i sat there, staring at ava until she drifted off to sleep. i get up gently, doing my best not to wake her. i walk over and open the door slowly, and shutting it gently. i walk to the bathroom and look in the mirror.

i can't believe she kissed me. she looked at me right there, like she never has. she looked at me like i was hers. she wasn't scared, she wasn't shaky, she looked comfortable. when she kissed me, i felt the whole world stop. i've kissed too many girls to count, and none of them felt like that. it wasn't forced, it was like her lips were meant to be on mine.

i splash some water on my face, trying to recollect myself. once i dry my face, i look up at myself.

who am i turning into? i brought her back to my house. my REAL home, with finneas. ive never brought a girl here in my life. i don't know why but i just felt like i had too.

i don't know why i went and had sex jay tonight, like i genuinely don't know. part of me was angry at ava still from earlier, and for some reason, i wanted a reaction from her when i went with jay. i know she saw me leave with her, but she said nothing. she is so hardheaded, she never fucking listened. i never wanted to pull out my gun on her either, but she pissed me off.

and when she walked in on me, i instantly regretted everything. the pain in her eyes, made me feel like i just got shot in several different places. i never wanted to see her like that. i never chase a girl, but i had to go to her. her eyes and her breath, i knew she was drunk. drunk and angry. and i knew there that she did all of that because she was upset.

because of me, because i left her. to fuck jay.
fucking jaylene.

when she ran out, i wanted to follow but she was gone instantly. and when i saw her dancing with jayvin, and making out with him. everyone else didn't matter anymore. i wanted to kill him. he was touching what was mine.

i would never turn on any of boys for a bitch, but ava wasnt just anyone. she was not to be messed with, i would kill for her.

i took her out the party because i couldn't see her stand next to him anymore, i was angry as fuck. but i could see in her eyes, she wanted to hurt me. because i hurt her. i knew there, she cares for me.

she didn't even care about the guns, drugs, the way i treated her. she saw past it all, she just saw me.

ive always known i cared about her, and i hated it. i haven't cared about anyone since my mom died, other then finneas and my boys. that's why i was so awful to her, i tried so hard to make her hate me. and i was almost successful a few times. but everytime she went to walk out, i wouldn't let her, i couldn't. i couldn't let her leave me. and she never did.

when i took her to my house, everything i've done, fell from my mind. i felt like i never was in mbg, i was still the same person i was when i was 14. i wanted to take care of her, like i did when i took care of my mother.

and when i saw the scar under her breast, it all came together. why she was so fragile, why she had so much anxiety, why her sister and bestfriend were so worried about her trusting people. someone hurt her, badly. i felt sick when saw it. i know i'm not good for her, probably worse then the last. but until i die, i will never let anyone hurt her again.

i snap out of my thoughts, and i head downstairs to see fin. i knew i was gonna have some explaining to do to him.

"hey bil, is your friend ok?" he said from the couch.

i sighed and plopped next to him. "yeah she's good, she's asleep now." i said.

"so who is she?" he said wiggling his eyebrows at me, laughing.

i laugh. "no one."

he gives the 'i know your lying look'. "she's clearly not no one bil, you've never brought a girl here."

i palm my face and laugh. "her names ava."

and then i tell him everything. from when i first saw her in class, until the moment i left her sleeping in my bed.

his eyes widen. "wow. she seems really important to you billie." he says smiling.

i give him a small smile and look down. "i guess she is, yeah. but i can't do this relationship shit, you know this fin." i say.

he frowns. "why not?"

i give a look. "you know why. mbg? i can't involve her in that shit, it's dangerous. and i can't just give it up, we need the money. and on top of all that, i can't commit to one girl." i sigh

fin knows about all my girls, and he hates it, so i barely mention it. so i have to kinda bead around the bush.

he cringes. "you don't even like those girls bil, you were trying to fill a void. you were empty after ma died so they helped. but you actually like this girl billie, don't lose something good for this." he says grabbing my hand. "and about the gang, she seen so much already. she has to have an idea, the guns and drugs and shit. and she's still here, she clearly doesn't just see that, she sees the real you." he finishes.

the thought of that scared me. i want to believe she sees past it all, but i can't. but she has stayed around, no matter how much i pushed her away. finneas was right, but i'm too hardheaded. i'm too afraid of being hurt like i was when my mom died. i was so angry that she left us. she was so sick, but i still wanted her to fight, but i now know she just couldn't anymore.

i tell fin i'm going to bed, and i head upstairs to my room, and i see ava, still sleeping in the same place i left her. i crawl into bed and i just look at her. everything about her was perfect. how would someone wanna hurt someone so perfect? she takes over my mind as i watch her, and slowly close my eyes, drifting to sleep.

***

ava's pov.

i wake up to the beaming sunlight in my eyes, coming from the window. i look around and realize i'm not home, and i see billie. she was facing me, snoring softly, with her baby hairs in her face, falling from her messy bun. everything from the night before then comes back. the party, jayvin, the gun, billie with all my scars. i'm in her home. her actual home.

i shift and step out the bed, and look for my phone. i see it on a table and i grab it to see a bunch of missed calls and texts from my sister and bestfriend. i don't even bother lying so i just text them in the group.

me: i'm fine, i just woke up. i slept at billies. i will be home later. i want to talk. i love you both

i was sick of fighting with them, i need them both and i love them more then anything. i just want them to understand my situation with billie. last night was so perfect after the party mess, i wish i could show them this side of her.

i put my phone back on the table and step towards and full body mirror, and i look into it. my lip is completely busted, and my hairs a mess. i quickly take it out, and put it in a ponytail. i go on my knees, and start to examine my lip, and i suddenly hear billie.

"you fell." she says groggily, still trying to wake up.

i turn to her and she's sitting up on her arm, staring at me. she just woke up but she looks perfect.

i get up and i sit at the end of the bed, my eyes not leaving hers. "i know, thank you for helping me." i say looking down.

she nods, "how you feeling? you were fucked up." she laughs slightly

i feel myself get red and i cover my face. "i'm ok. i never do that, you know, like drink. i just was.. upset" i said sighing, remember why i was upset.

"i know baby. come sit with me, i wanna talk to you." she says patting next to her.

i sit next to her and she turns me and immediately lifts up my shirt, pointing to my scar. "who did this? why did they do this?" she says, quietly.

i sigh, i really didn't wanna get into it. it hurts to even remember it, but she already saw it, and knows something happened. so i just give in.

"my ex boyfriend. he was abusive. i met him when i was 15, at school. he was in my free period. he always sat at the same table as me and he always talked to me. after a few weeks, he asked me out. and i went. it was perfect at first, my sister and marina loved him. he was always with us, it ended up getting serious. he knew everything about me. he even danced with me for the father daughter dance at my sweet 16. and then after time went by, he got more aggressive. he came over with new tattoos everyday, then he eventually stopped going to school. he'd start ditching me to go with these new friends i didn't know, and he'd show up at my house really high or drunk. then one night, he tried to have sex with me. i wasn't ready and i told him that. and he punched me. i was completely thrown off. the next day he apologized and said it would never happen again, with the flowers, candy and all. but it still happened. once or twice a month at first. but then one night he came home high and drunk, and i asked what was going on. like why was he completely changing. and he finally told me he joined a gang. and i completely lost it. he then hit me again, and from that night on, it went to a couple times a week, to everyday. i had to go to the hospital a few times, and i lied to marina and adryana and said i got into fights. but you know i don't fight. they knew too, but they never would think he was the one doing it. and the last time i saw him, he was high and drunk again, and i confronted him. he starting hitting me and kicking me, and i ran. i grabbed a knife and i went after him. but i wasn't strong enough. and he took it and stabbed me. " i say, pointing to my scar. "my sister came home and found me bleeding out, he was gone though. i went to the hospital and they were able to stop the bleeding and the police were looking for him everywhere, they eventually found him and he was arrested. but his mom was rich, and got him out on bail. we have trial in june, but i don't even think i'm ready for it. " i finish. it felt so good to let it all out. i didn't even realize tears were falling but they were.

i wipe them and i look at billie, her face is so red. she looks like she wants to kill someone.

"who is he ava?" she asks, almost yelling.

"why? he's gonna go to jail billie." i say grabbing her hand.

"no he's not." she whispers.

i look at her confused, sighing, waiting for her to finish.

"i'm going to kill him." she says, her face was emotionless. i knew she was serious.

i was completely taken back. i had no idea what to say. so i just sat there.

she then sits up and hugs me.

"i will kill him ava. i am. no one will ever hurt you again. i promise on my mother's soul. " she whispers in my ear, she sounds like she's almost crying.

we stay here for a moment and she looks up. "he's in a gang? " she asks.

i nod, and she looks down.

"i know your in one too billie." i blurt out.

she looks up to me, locking eyes with me. "how?"

i chuckle slightly. " it's obvious. i know what one looks like because of my ex. it's okay."

she looks confused, "that doesn't make you think of me differently?"

i shake my head. nothing this girl does makes me feel different, she was perfect to me. "no. i know you wouldn't hurt me." i whisper.

her whole face softens, she looks so relieved, like she thought i was gonna stop talking to her because of it.

she suddenly looks angry. "what's his name?" she asks.

i sigh. "please no billie, i don't want him to hurt you. he's huge billie and i know you could handle it but i don't want you behind that, his mother has a lot of money, and money is powerful. she would have you locked away for life." i plead, hoping she'll just stop.

she nods, "i will find out myself."

i decide to not even argue, she wouldn't ever find out. i would make sure of it. i don't want her involved with it, it was my fight not hers.

we spent the next two hours talking about everything, she told me about finneas, how this is their real house. she didn't seem to wanna talk about her parents so i didn't push it. i told her about how i moved from the bronx to brookhaven when i was 12, and how my parents left us. meeting marina, all of it.

we continued to talk until she got a text on her from jay. i looked over and i tried to read what she said, but i couldn't make it out.

billie stands up and quickly throws on clothes and some perfume and fixes her hair, she looks over to me. "i gotta go to where we were last night, i'll bring you home."

i nod and grab my clothes and my things. i was feeling uneasy, i knew she was going for jay. how could she go with her after last night? and this morning? i quickly then remember who i'm dealing with. it's billie. billie who doesn't date. billie who has multiple girls. i shake my head and realize how i stupid i felt, for thinking she was gonna be with me.

we go down the stairs and i see a familiar face, the guy who looked like her from her instagram. he smiles at me.

"hey, i'm finneas, billies brother." he says.

i smile back, "i'm ava. nice to meet you, i'm sorry about the last night." i say, embarrassed.

he waves his hand at me. "you're fine, it happens."

billie coughs and we look at her. "i'm going out. i'm bringing her home first. love you." she says, while walking out.

he nods, and i wave goodbye, following billie into the car.

we are driving for a few minutes and i decide to speak.

"are you going to see jay?" i say quietly, looking at her.

she shifts in her seat and looks back at me. "yeah. she works with me sometimes with my boys."

i immediately turn my head and look out the window, feeling the tears fill up in the eyes. i can't believe i'm crying over her. i didn't expect to her to be so honest.

i could feel her staring at me as she drove. she says nothing though, just continues to drive.

we pull up to my house and i grab my things, she grabs my hand and i look back at her.
"she's one of my girls ava." she says quietly.

i begin to get frustrated and i pull my hand away. "yeah i know, it's always her over
me. you left me for her last night." i spat.

she was taken back by my words. "why are you crying?" she says, with a blank expression.

i laugh while shaking my head. "you know why. i fucking care about you billie. i clearly like you. or whatever the fuck i'm feeling. after all the shit you've pulled, i still see past it and still manage to fall for you. every part of you. i opened up to you about everything. which is dumb of me clearly, because here i am, leaving because of fucking jaylene mideiros, ONCE AGAIN." i spat.

she looks at me and says nothing. she just looks out the window.

i get out and slam the door, she used me. i was so dumb.

i walk up to my door and wiped my tears, opening my door. no one was home because it was still school hours, so i go on the couch, and just cry.

how could i be so stupid? my sister and marina warned me. the signs were right in front of me, and i knew it too, but i ignored them. like always.

i knew that this billie wasn't gonna last, but i didn't realize it was gonna be so soon.