𝟐𝟎

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Months passed, and I still got no word from Eren. I'd regularly attend my anger management meetings, to which I now found boring and useless. We'd hardly even make eye contact anymore. I no longer replied with snarky comments, instead I just stayed silent. I wanted to hear his voice, something. I was too scared to start a conversation with him, though. I missed talking to him. I didn't even know why it affected me so much. All he'd done is talk to me a few times, nothing more. It was October finally, one of my favorite months out of the year. Fall was the only thing that was really keeping me calm, the only thing that wasn't making me lose my insanity.

October was also the last month I'd be attending anger management, since my nine months were up. It was mid October, meaning I wouldn't be attending anger management anymore. I felt something in my stomach turn at the thought of me no longer being able to see him. My anger management meetings were the only way I had been able to see Eren, the only real way I had communication with him. It was crazy to think that two months had passed, and neither one of us had said anything to the other.

I was starting to grow aggravated with his patience.

how long does he plan on not talking to me? he does know this was my last month, right? what the hell is he doing just waiting around?

Two months and no word from Eren. Two months with no communication. If he wasn't going to break the silence then I would. For the first couple weeks I managed without him, I thought maybe he'd be the one to talk first. He didn't. Instead, he ignored me for 2 months, which is why things are the way they are now.

I had an anger management meeting in an hour or so. This was supposed to be one of my last meetings for the time being. If I didn't say anything now, would he ever?

Half an hour passed, slow. The slowest I've ever experienced time move. I got into my car and made my way to the meeting. I was nervous.

why the hell am I so nervous?

I parked my car and made my way inside. I was excited. Excited that maybe I'd finally be able to talk to him, but he wasn't there. He didn't attend this meeting. I felt disappointed, I knew I shouldn't have given my hopes up. I sat in the chair I regularly sat in and began to drown out all the noise. I drowned everything out. I didn't care about paying attention. I was so out of thought, that I didn't notice a certain emerald eyed boy had take a seat.

I continued to stare off into nothing, before something caught my attention. Eren was waving his hand in front of my face, trying to catch my attention. I noticed that he wasn't in his regular seat, instead he was seated next to me. He didn't seem angry with me. He seemed happy. I gave him a small smile before directing my attention back to the speaker of the group. I sat and listened for once. I could feel Eren's eyes on me. I gave him a small smile and mouthed 'what?', to which he just shook his head.

Things seemed like they were going back to the way they used to be. I still hadn't forgot how he put his secret of a higher importance than our friendship, though. I didn't care, though, I was just enjoying his presence. After two months with no interaction from him, I had the right to feel happy about him being here. Eventually, the meeting ended. Everyone exited the building, making their way out to the parking lot. I spotted Eren, walking to his car.

it's now or never, y/n.

"Eren." I called out to him.

My voice was a little shaky, laced with nervousness.

He lifted a brow, like he was surprised that I finally talked to him.

"Yeah?"

"Um can I talk to you?"

"If this is about last time, I'm sor-,"

I interrupted him.

"No, it has nothing to do with last time. I was wondering if you wanted to hang out or something."

"Why?"

"What do you mean why? Eren I haven't had a conversation with you in two months."

"Yeah, I know that, but why now out of all times?"

"It's October, meaning I'll no longer be able to see you."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I mean I only have a couple of anger management meetings left. After those meetings, I'll more than likely not be able to see you."

"So you just want to hang out because you're scared of not seeing me again, huh?"

I didn't reply.

"You know Jean hosts parties right, and I attend them. So why don't you just go to a party?"

"Parties end bad for me that's why. Now do you want to hang out, yes or no?"

"Fine, where?"

"I don't know, you pick."

"you seriously did not just ask me to hangout and then not know where to go, did you?"

"Uh yeah."

"He was right, you are indecisive."

He let out a sigh. He seemed pissed off.

"What's your problem, Eren?"

"Don't have one."

"Yes you do, you're acting like an asshole. I'm just trying to be nice. Do you know how much it took for me just to come over here and talk to you?"

"Well sorry I didn't realize that everything revolved around you all the god damn time."

"You know what? I don't know why you act like such an asshole to me. I try Eren. I try for you. I worked up the courage to come talk to you, because you couldn't. I missed you, is that really that hard to believe?"

He stayed silent again, tucking his hands into his pockets.

"I don't know why I keep doing this with you, you're always the one to ruin it. You're always the one who gets a shitty attitude with me. I just wanted to do something with you, spend time with you. I haven't talked to you in 2 god damn months. Guess who's fault that was? You."

"No, now don't go blaming everything on me, y/n. I told you that I didn't want to tell you something, and you pressured me into it. Maybe it would've been better for you not to come talk to me. Maybe you would've just forgot about our conversation and left it alone. You can't do that though, can you? You always have to be curious about something, digging your nose into shit. You get yourself involved with stuff as much as I do. You're no better than me."

"Fuck you. I really did try this time. I tried to be the better person. I tried for you, god damnit."

I was crying again, my words were spoken out of anger.

He seemed taken aback when he saw I was crying. He reached his hands out to cup my cheeks, to which I swatted his hands away.

"Don't. Don't put your fucking hands on me."

I started walking away. I did all that, and receive this in return? Fuck him.

"Y/n wait."

I ignored him. I was done. I was done with his bull shit.

"Wait, god damnit."

He grabbed ahold of my shoulders and spun me to where I was facing him.

"What?!"

"Just calm down, okay."

"No, no, you don't have the right Eren. Do you know how many times I cried at night, because of you? Do you have any idea how I feel? I spend two months trying to fill the spot where you were, trying to get used to you not being in my life. I don't even know why I care about you so much. I don't know why the hell I care if you're in my life or not. I used all the courage I could to try to talk to you, and this is what I get. I'm done trying, I give up. I try for everyone. I try the best I can, and it's never enough."

"Am I not enough? Do you hate me? Is that what it is? If you hate me so much, then just tell me so I'll stop."

He crouched down to my level, pushing my hair behind my ear.

"I don't hate you, love. I could never hate you. I'm sorry that I'm an asshole, that I'm the reason you feel so shitty. I promise I'll make it up to you. I'm sorry for lashing out at you. I was just confused why you decided to talk to me now. I was nervous, and lashing out at you is the only way I could cover that nervousness."

"Nervous about what?"

"Nervous to mess things up with you again. Nervous to lose you again. I was nervous at the thought of you even talking to me."

"So why? Why do you lash out at me? Why not just tell me, honestly?"

"That I don't have the answer to, trust me if I knew I would tell you."

I stood myself up properly, this isn't the way I wanted to start our conversation. I wiped the tears with my sleeve. Eren engulfed me into a hug, my head into his chest. He slowly drew circles into my back with his hand.

I missed this. I missed him. I missed his presence.

"Shh, stop crying. You okay?"

"No, I'm still mad at you. Don't think you're off of the hook either." My words were muffled due to the fact that my face was in Eren's chest.

"I'll take that into consideration. Now c'mon, where did you want to go?"

I could feel the grin showing through his words.

"Is it okay if we go get macarons?"

"I'm down for whatever you are."

I smiled, lightly laughing. I retracted my head from his chest, and looked up at him.

"Why are you laughing?"

"I'm just happy, that's all."

"Well I am too. Now c'mon let's go get you those macarons."

I spent the rest of the day with Eren. I was genuinely happy. Everything that had happened before had left my mind, all I cared about right now was this moment.
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A/N:
don't take this chapter as a confession or anything. this is purely just eren and y/n reuniting. I'm still unsure of how many chapters I'll post in total. I'm thinking around 30-40 chapters in total, I'm still unsure tho. I really hope you guys liked this chapter though (:

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