Chapt 42

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Celeste

"Baby, it's been three days. You need to shower." His voice is like a faint memory in my head, seeming to come from a very far distance. Nonetheless, I can hear him speaking to me as he has done the past few days, but my body only utters a small will to answer him, in which I don't and opt for staying quiet.

His body dips into the mattress, making the sheets tug over my body for a small second. He slides his hand towards the curve of my body and lets it rest there, sending a warm chill over me entirely.ย  My mind fogs and convinces me none of this is real despite my all knowing of everything he's done to comfort me in my time of need.

I have tried really hard the past few days, wanting to put a smile onto my face, wanting to laugh, wanting to give him the same look in his eyes he gives me, but the feeling of agony so deep in my heart mocks me and decides my fate for me. The pain I endure now is a pain I wouldn't wish on most people, and is something I would dread going through ever again. My heart clenches at the thought of the doctor's words. It pains me greatly to know my low chance of luck.

I don't want to move, nor do I want to acknowledge any gesture of help. I inhale, and refuse to open my eyes to the dim room. I could hear a bit of shuffling around before he came to me just now, drawers opening and closing. His efforts to get me back on my feet are so appreciated, yet my body does not want to. I like seeing the darkness as I close my eyes. It comforts me in some crazy way, and I don't want to lose it. The level of pain has only gotten worse, and at this point, I'm sure I'm at a point to no return.

Three days. It's been far too long since I've showered. My body alarms me each time I move too quickly. It's not like me to neglect myself for so long. Xyle has done what he can, bringing a hot bowl of water and soap near the bedside and hitting my neck and arms, but I've refused him of anything else. My hair has nearly molded into the position I'm lying in, and I'm sure my body is engraved into the mattress.

I've gotten away with just lying around and sulking in my pain, not doing any work around the house or for my company. Sure he can let me go another three days. He can find it in his heart to be a very compassionate and understanding man of my low will to move around. My eyes have fallen heavy, so has my body.

It even hurts to move my head in a certain way, and I guess it's my body's way of protesting. My favorite pillow now has a very noticeable spot where my tears have ran and gone dry. I'll have to get a new one whenever this feeling dissolves itself for good.

The patient man waits for a few seconds before he starts to tug on the sheets. I feel the only sense of sureness slip away from my body and it sends me into a phase where I just want to whine. Give it back. I don't want to move. I don't want to shower. I pout, still not sure if he even sees me. I can feel the stern movement at the pit of my belly, a moan in pain threatening to erupt. This is torture. Don't torture me, please.

It wasn't likewise for him to ignore my pains and sobs, but as if they hadn't mattered one bit, he starts to protest against me. I feel his hands slip underneath my body. He pulls me close to his chest, holding me securely as he stands himself back up with ease. There's a low gruff that escapes him. In no time, we are moving through my bedroom. I protest any way I can. I let my head fall limp, acting as if I were just a dead body he's carrying around, because to be honest, that's what I feel like.

My head hangs as he sways me through the air, moving so swiftly throughout the room. We enter a different room where the lights are bright. Too bright. My eyes squint but I make no sudden move to protect myself.ย 

Through my midst of being startled, my consciousness slowly begins to regain. He gently angles his body downwards and places me at the edge of my cold porcelain bath tub. I cringe. The coldness can be felt underneath my thighs and it irritates me.

My body awfully reacts. I attempt to lift myself and go the opposite way, away from the bathtub and back into my bed.

With his firm body in front of mine, I am forced to just stay put and take it. It feels like a rude awakening.

It's quiet as he trails his hand to my waist. He grabs my shirt by the hem and pulls it up my body. I only react when it starts to tug at my arms. I lift. The smell of half eaten food and sweat fills my nostrils. I can barely even stomach my own smell. I'm not sure how Xyle could bare lying next to me all night.

He pulls it from my head and seconds later I can hear it hit the floor. I feel like a lost puppy. I don't deserve the care I'm receiving.

He swivels his hand around my body and tugs at my bra. He unclips it. He's too good at this, I think despite my almost absent mind.ย  The straps fall weak at my arms, and he gently pulls them down to free my breasts.

Moving along, he places his hands at my waist and pulls me up to stand. I do, barely, and he slides his thumbs into the waist of my shorts. He tugs them down, and lets them pool at my ankles. I make no sudden movements, not wanting to. The patient man picks me up and uses his foot to slide the dirty clothes away. When he sets me back down, he runs a quick hand over my face, lovingly, before he leans close to me. His lips brush against my forehead, and makes my heart jump.

I'm not able to dote on his single, affectionate kiss for too long because soon he slides his hands under my arms and rises me to sit me inside of the empty tub. He slides over and twists a few knobs before the water comes out. Ice cold water rains against my skin, for sure making me open my eyes to him. I make protest to stand and get away, but he pulls me back. This is torture. I pout once more, my eyes going blurry as I look at the drain. Soon enough, the water heats and it's the perfect temperature.

He slides my entire body closer to the water, and it hits a spot I don't want it to hit. "My hair..." I whine, my eyebrows knitting.

He turns his head towards me and places his hand on my back. "I know, baby." His soft voice murmuring in my ear makes my heart stop for a second.

He quickly pulls to the side and takes something to put my hair into a ponytail with. He does it so gently, and makes sure to leave behind only the strands of hair that can not fit.

He kneels beside the bathtub with a clean washcloth in his hand. He pushes it under the water and squeezes it over my neck. "Your hair needs to be washed, but we can do it another time." His tone is gentle.

I close my eyes again, letting him pour the water all over me as I bring my knees to my chest, curling into a ball. My sense of vulnerability is at an all time high. I have been so neglectful to my body, and to my boyfriend who's obviously trying to help me cope with the news.

He lathers the washcloth with my soap and drags it over me. My neck, arms, breast, everything he can reach. The suds sure do feel good running down my skin and cleansing my body. He reaches down to my lower back and lifts me a bit to bathe me even further. In my mind, I smile. He seems like a natural, as if he's done this before. He sits me back down and washes my front and legs. I expect him to rinse me off immediately, but he doesn't. He slides his hand to the back of my neck and turns my head towards him. As reflex, my eyes open, and I am forced into his grays.

His lips curl into a small smile as he looks at me, seeing more than just a woman who's let herself go for the past few days. I think he sees who I was before this, and that's all. He swallows and leans closer to me, brushing his nose against my own.

"We're going to get through this, okay?" He presses his head against mine and just breathes, countering my own breath. "I love you. There is nothing in the world that could make me stop loving you."

I can barely find it in my will to make out the words, but I'm sure he still hears me.

He pulls back and I open my eyes. He licks his lips.

"Let's get you rinsed and dressed."

He slides me further under the water and lets the water run over my body until all of the suds are gone. I feel more than refreshed now. He helps me to stand and wraps a warm towel around my body. To my surprise, he picks me up again and carries me back into my bedroom. There are already a fresh pair of shorts, underwear, and a new shirt lying down for me on the bed. He does everything. He dries me off with the towel and puts my clothes on, taking his time and being gentle.

He sits next to me and pulls me into his arms without a single word. I feel like a big mess. He wraps his arms around me and holds me for moments, I'm not sure how long, caressing my hair and stroking my back.

After a while he pulls himself up and walks me to my side. "I made you a sandwich. I took a bite, but it's yours." He makes it hard not to smile at him. I open my heavy eyes and look at the small plate he's holding. He did take a bite, but it's mine.

For the first time in a while, I put effort into actually eating.

He's proud of me, too. I can see it on his face.

His eyebrows lift a bit as I reach for it. He hurries next to me and pushes the plate closer to me, allowing me full advantage. I take the sandwich and flip it around, purposely taking a huge bite from the place he bit. I chew it and swallow it down. There is nothing like a turkey sandwich after you've refused to eat for so long.

When I look up to him he's smiling at me, but tries to press his lips into a thin line once he notices me watching him.

"Is it good?" He asks.

I nod.ย  "Yes, thank you."

His eyes glimmer with something. He pulls a hand up and puts it to stroke my cheek. "You're welcome, baby. Thank you for talking to me. I missed hearing your voice. It's so beautiful."

I take another bite of the sandwich and look over to the stand, seeing as my phone's screen lit up. It's almost four am. I hadn't even noticed.

His eyes follow mine. "I powered your phone back on. Your friends and family have called and texted." I frown. If it were up to me, my phone would have still been powered off, four days later. My friends and family would have been alarmed. "I responded to a few texts, but I'm sure they'd like to hear from you... w-whenever you're ready, no pressure, baby."

I hum, nodding my head a bit.ย  "I'll talk soon. Not now."

He nods, understanding as he places his hands on my thighs. He gently squeezes. "Of course. Tell me how you feel?" His hands slide up and down my thighs, massaging me so greatly.

I inhale, looking at my sandwich. "Like shit." I admit.

I can hear him swallow. "Better than yesterday?"

I nod, biting into my sandwich again. "What if... what if all this is for nothing?" I ask lowly.

His eyebrows furrow.

I nod. "What if the doctor was wrong... or if a miracle happens and I am able to get pregnant each time we try?"

His lips curl into a small smile. "There would only be one way to find out, but we should try after we think about it. You told me before that you don't want to get pregnant now, so we will wait until we're both ready."

"With all the practice we do, I'm sure we will be successful."

He laughs. "I don't doubt that we will." He takes the empty plate and sets it on the stand. "I believe we will be successful in that department. We have an Angel up top to help us out."

I nod, thinking of Eleanor. Surely she will help with sending us a miracle.

I pull the dirty pillow from the bed and toss it onto the floor as I lie back, looking at Xyle. "How was Nelia?" I ask. I hadn't asked him about her or Dacre's reaction to me not wanting to come out.

He scoffs, bringing his fingers to the bridge of his nose. "You know... she's... something." I lightly giggle. "She threatened to cut my balls off and hand them to me on a silver platter, and said she was sorry after I told her you weren't feeling well."

Sounds like her. First she's sour, then she's sweet.

"I finally apologized to Dacre in person."

I tilt my head a bit. I hadn't expected him to do such a thing.

He nods, assuring me.

"I explained to him my suspicion and he showed me his friend, Oliver. Says they've decided to take things slow, but that's he's absolutely smitten by him. He feels about him as I do about you."

Dacre always says someone is his 'friend' unless he's talking to myself or Nelia.

I smile at Xyle's words, too. "Smitten?"

"Horribly. I don't imagine my life without you. Seriously. If you were to leave me, I don't know how I'd live happily ever after. My happy ending settles with you. I've always known it."

I pout. "Even without babies with brown eyes like mine?"

He climbs onto the bed and scoots close to me. "Even without babies with brown eyes. You are what matters to me. We can have two dogs, or two cats, or a dog and a cat."

"Not two cats. I don't want to be the cat lady."

He smiles. "We can get Nelia to be here? Surely she is a..."

"Xyles, stop it." I playfully push at him. "She's my best friend. Don't make jokes about her."

"I'm sorry, she's just a pain in my ass."

"She's a lovely friend. When you get to know her better, you'll like her."

"Tolerate."

"Like."

"Tolerate."

"Love."

"Too far."

I smile, leaning close to him and pushing into his neck. "You will need to like and tolerate my friends. They will be in the wedding."

He hums. "Will Dacre be a bridesmaid?"

I shake my head. "He'd be insulted if I asked. He's a gay man, but he is not a woman. He would rather be on your side of the alter."

"Marrying you?"

"No, as a groomsman."

He smiles. "Oh... well... I suppose he could be. Only if he doesn't try objecting."

I roll my eyes. "He wouldn't dare. Stop me from marrying a guy who's rich and that I can secure a wealthy future with? No. That's not like him." I joke.

He scoffs, looking down at me. "Is that all you're with me for? My money?"

I nod. "Yes." I giggle.

He pulls me closer. "Good... because I'm marrying you for yours."

I wrap my hand around him, more than ecstatic at my urge to touch him. "If we get married, will we share banking accounts?"

"When, and you'd have all access to mine."

"You're crazy."

"How?" He asks.

"I would go shopping everyday. I'll buy the most expensive shoes, decorate our house with so much expensive stuffโ€” wait, will we live together?"

He looks at me as if I were crazy. "Of course. You think I'd continue going to my home everyday to grab clean clothes just to spend the night with you?"

I shrug.

"We'd stay with one another."

"It's not like we don't stay together, now." I say.

He hums. "I know. You should move your things to my place."

My eyebrows squint. "Really?"

He nods. "Why not? My place is bigger than yoursโ€”"

"Don't brag."

He chuckles. "It would make more sense. You can rent this place out since you own it, and stay with me. I'd love to wake up and push past all of your shit over the bathroom counter as I try to brush my teeth."

"You'd never complain?"

"Never." He promises.

I push my face into his warm chest. "I'll think about it. Who's going to rent this house out?"

"I'm not sure. Do you know anyone that stays with someone else?"

"Dacre... Nelia has a tiny penthouse."

"Does Dacre make enough to rent this place?"

I shrug. "I'm sure he does."

"And I'm sure he'll take great care of it for you."

"You're trying to convince me to move in with you."

"Yes."

I lift my head to kiss his chin. "I'll talk with him soon."

"The sooner the better."

I nod, looking into his eyes. "The sooner the better."

X

"I'm going to fuck you. Hard"


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