SHE HAS ALWAYS BEEN HISโž–SIXTEEN

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ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย 
ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  She has always been HIS.

ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  My throat runs dry, my eyes jut out as I stare at a completely different Xander, who was clearly still bleeding, his hair disheveled and face red, dotted with beads of sweat as he stares into my eyes, I try my best to stay sane, roaming my hands till it falls against the edge of a table for balance.

I part my lips and stare intently into his jade green orbs, his dark brown curly hair, the shock or rather mortification his face held and it was certain, this wasnโ€™t Xander or Chance nor even Zach, this was Xavier.

The Xavier I knew years back, the Xavier that kept sending letters, was standing before me, words canโ€™t leave my lips and even if they do, I have no assurance of how stable my words would be.
Abruptly, the door behind me is pushed open, out of fear I avert my eyes to the door only to seeย  Xander staring at me then to his lookalike.

"Its not what you think, this is Cha-"

I lift my trembling hand up, halting his words, "Chance? Zach? no, maybe this is Xander and youโ€™re Chance." I say almost convincingly,
His eyes bulge distressinglyย  as he runs out of words.

But he persist as he continues, "you donโ€™t understand Mari, this is Cha-."

"S-stop." My heart beat unnervingly, as we both turn to the voice, "Iโ€™ll e-explain." He says more carefully, I pick that he still stammers just like he used to.

Without any argument Xander runs a hand through his hair as he exit the room, shutting the door behind him, my brain is reeling from all the questions roaming in it.

How, why did he leave my school, why his he suddenly so private, why didnโ€™t he talk about his brothers when we use to talk, why his Xander acting as him, why is he even hiding inside a..

A realisation dawn on me, that I was so awestruck to even glance at the room. I take my time to look round the room and Iโ€™m shocked to my feet when I see the pictures on the wall, so many of them littered at every corner of the room.

It was my pictures. Some I donโ€™t know how he got access to, the one of me inside the kitchen, the one of me wearing my uniform inside Malloyโ€™s eatery and even a recent one of me in class.

"Its not what you t-think." Sensing my discomfort he hastily informs.

"W-what?" I utter out of breath.

"The p-pictures." He states,ย  "Iโ€™m sorry about this, I know how inappropriate this looks but itโ€™s not what you think."

"What do you think Iโ€™m thinking."

"That Iโ€™m a freak, a p-pervert."

"Why, why do you have so many?" I question as I carefully saunter round his room.

"Itโ€™s how I remind myself of you."

I let out a strangled laugh taking my eyes off my pictures to meet his warm gaze, "why, why would you want to remember me."

"B-Because youโ€™re my happiness Mari, youโ€™re the only thing that make sense to me, Iโ€™m still breathing because I have you, you mean soโ€”"

I stop him halfway by going ahead to talk, "No this canโ€™t be real, you canโ€™t be playing games with me like this, I shouldnโ€™t be here." I utter trying to convince my self, I turn around running my fingers through my hair as I made my way towards the door.

"M-Mari wait, Iโ€™ll-" I donโ€™t let him finish as I stormed out of his room.

I come face to face with Xander and he looked so vulnerable. I donโ€™t understand how he could act like someone heโ€™s not, was that the only reason he has been helping me all this while, because his brother had feelings for me.

"Let me explain." he starts but I cut him off.

"Explain what, why he left? Why he was hiding all this while, why you are acting like him, why you have always been helping me?"

The door beside us is pushed open making Xavier stand few feets away from us.

"Itโ€™s all him." Xander says looking deep into my eyes, "you think he would have left on his own accord? look at him." he points at his brother sounding so broken.

"Xander donโ€™t!"

"No!" Xander yells back at his brother, "she needs to know, itโ€™s all stupid but he did it for you, Mari. Months before Xavier left school he was diagnosed with cancer, all the while that he was in the hospital all he thought about was you, undermining the fact that he could have died, after months of treatment he changed, the drugs he was taking had effect on him, so the doctor decided that he should be homeschooled, far from other children, he didnโ€™t want to leave you, I didnโ€™t get what he saw in you, we were so young but he loved you, so I decided to take his place instead, we looked more identical if you havenโ€™t noticed, I made sure, I tried to make sure that you were safe, just because he was scared, he was there when Manuel wanted to abduct you at that party, him not me, he fought with Jackson after he made fun of you in fifth grade him not me, if you want to be angry and you donโ€™t know who to put it on, put it on me, not him, all he talks about is Mari, if you get mad at him now God knows what heโ€™ll do, he is crazy for you and if you donโ€™t like him itโ€™s understandable but donโ€™t get angry at him for falling in love with you." He concludes before walking away, Iโ€™m there without words, I turn to look at Xavier but I just canโ€™t keep the gaze as I run off.

I finally step outside their house, breathing erratically as I'm finally able to breathe in fresh air unlike the choked one I was forcing into my system inside their house, I wipe the tears gathered in my eyes clutching on to my Jean jacket.

I stare at the open street pensively, My transportation back home wasn't thought about and I was not about to go back in there and ask for a lift from Xavier or even Xander, who's clearly mad at me.

"Homo sapien?" I lift a brow, before turning around to see Chance clad in a white tee shirt and a blue jean, he looked tired and with the way he yawned I could tell he was just waking up and was completely oblivious of what had happened inside his house minutes ago, I see his keys in his hands and i go to ask.

"Can you drop me home please?"

"Sure, are you okay?" He creases his brows staring at me in a disquieted expression.

"Yes, very." I feign an assuring smile, walking towards him, he nods before opening the passengers seat for me to enter.

I could easily detect his eyes on me as I climb into the sit, he shut the door close, going to take his seat, immediately he enters he revs up the car engine and speeds off.

Not just long after Chance starts the car, I watch Xavier come out of the house, I could see him through the rear view mirror, looking more dejected than he looked before.

I take notice that Chance sees his brother and I didn't miss the way he gripped his steering wheels, he doesn't know that I found out already, "That's Zach, he has been working out lately." Chance tries to lie but fails woefully, I saw Zach recently and no amount of workout could do that much magic within days.

Xavier is tall and looks more like Xander, if it wasn't for his jade green eyes that looked broken and his slightly built muscles it would have been impossible to tell them off.

I couldn't argue anymore so I just hummed in response, even with the answers Xander offered me, I still had a lot of unanswered questions roaming through the edifice of my head, I don't even know what to put my attention on, the fact that they've been playing me or the fact that Manuel took it this far.

I clutch onto my Jean jacket even tighter, I couldn't let this go this time around, i needed to report him to an officer, whether they take me serious or not and I needed to do it with immediate effect, God knows what his next plan is.

"We're here Maria." Chance informs and I unstrap my seatbelt before going to say.

"Thank you so much Chance, I'll see you around." I walk out of the car and I hear a low whistle from behind me, I turn around to see Chance adorable baby eyes staring at me.

"Don't miss me too much homo sapien and if you do, you could always come and see me, right? Promise me, pinky promise me."

I smile, heartily, leaning in and pushing my hand into his car, "I promise Chance, I pinky promise."

"Better." He assures and I pull my hands from his and turn around walking into my house, I peek to see Mrs Sarahs car outside her house and I'm grateful that she came home instead of waiting for me, I don't hear Chance's car move until I was inside the house.

"Hey kid?"

"Hey pops." I try my best to sound stable.

"Mrs Sarah told me that you followed a friend home, the guy that was tutoring you, was he the one that dropped you off, the guy I punched last time, Xavier?"

I'm thinking Xavier would have told Mrs Sarah to go home without me. And I also take in the fact that dad didn't know about Xavier, he called all the brothers Xavier, because that was who he knew, the stutter kid who kept sending love letters, there I was thinking maybe it was all a phase which would pass, I didn't exactly know that it meant so much to him.

I feel bad that I didn't even read some of the letters. And the others I did, I took it as a mere joke, I wouldn't blame my self, I couldn't, I was young, too young to realise what Love meant, how it felt like, it wasn't my fault that i couldn't give him as much recognition as he did me.

I nod at dads question moving to stand beside him as he fixed the light bulb in the living room, "you know what!?" Dad suddenly offers and I shook my head, as I fiddled with the lone thread sticking out his blue and white stripes dress shirt he had on as he continues to work.

"I like that kid," he tells screwing the nuts in, "how many years had it been yet he still sticked around, even when I punched the hell out of his eyes. he really has guts you know, I remember the first time I saw your mother's dad, I cowered away, I didn't even go to her house until I proposed to her, I missed all the dinners her parents offered me because I was too scared to face her dad, sick right? Funny how your grand pa and I are like bread and butter when he comes to visit, and just incase you need the love Letters he sent just to mock him, remember it's still in the attic both the ones you've opened and the one's you didn't."

My eyes bulge out of shock, "You didn't throw them away?" I question, my heart suddenly beating at an insane speed.

"No, I reasoned it meant something to the little kid and maybe it would bring funny memories to you, I still remember the one where he rhymed love with curve, let's not forget when he said something about you being the thirty two to his bright smiles, kid didn't even have up to ten teeth then." Dad chuckles zealously but I was just too lost in my thoughts to even get his joke.

And just as if I was in a dream, I don't know how I made it up the attic in seconds but I was there, rummaging through the scattered boxes strewed at every corner of the loft.

Till my eyes finally lands on a box, with a bold writing which clearly belonged to dad on it, Xavier and his never ending rhymes.

I pick the box up, and gently blew the dust away from it. Walking into my room, I take my seat on the floor before tearing the box open, and colourful letters comes to view.

They looked really old, carefully I pick one of the already opened letter up from inside the box, it held more than my mind was letting me believe because they were all hand written and Xavier had a hard time writing because he had ADHD, but I didn't see it because he was so smart when he spoke, and he tried, he tried his atmost best when he read, studying daily and he learnt how to put words down even if it was extremely hard for him.

I stare at his writing again, as usual it was always rickety as though his hands were shaking when he wrote it.

๐˜ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ'๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ญ๐˜บ ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ด๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ ๐˜ด๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฑ ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ฏ๐˜ช๐˜จ๐˜ฉ๐˜ต.
๐˜›๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ญ๐˜บ ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ด๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ ๐˜ธ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ญ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ฆ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ฌ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ง๐˜ช๐˜จ๐˜ฉ๐˜ต.
๐˜›๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ญ๐˜บ ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ด๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ ๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ฏ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฐ๐˜ญ๐˜ฅ๐˜ญ๐˜บ ๐˜ต๐˜ถ๐˜ณ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง๐˜ง ๐˜ฎ๐˜บ ๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜จ๐˜ฉ๐˜ต.
๐˜›๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ญ๐˜บ ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ด๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ ๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ฌ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ค๐˜ฐ๐˜ญ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ณ ๐˜ธ๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ต๐˜ฆ.
๐˜ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ'๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ญ๐˜บ ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ด๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ฌ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ถ๐˜ฑ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ณ๐˜ช๐˜จ๐˜ฉ๐˜ต.
๐˜ˆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ข๐˜ต๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ ๐˜ค๐˜ณ๐˜ข๐˜ป๐˜บ ๐˜ช๐˜ต ๐˜ด๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ๐˜ด, ๐˜ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ณ๐˜ข๐˜บ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜Ž๐˜ฐ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ซ๐˜ถ๐˜ด๐˜ต ๐˜ด๐˜ฐ ๐˜ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ช๐˜จ๐˜ฉ๐˜ต.
๐˜‰๐˜ฆ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ณ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ญ๐˜บ ๐˜ด๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ฏ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜ฌ๐˜ช๐˜ต๐˜ฆ.

๐˜ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ณ๐˜ด ๐˜ญ๐˜ฐ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜บ
๐˜Ÿ.๐˜ˆ๐Ÿ–ค

Dad was right he really took his rhymes personal. I smile a little dipping my hand into the box till it falls into an unopened letter, it was sealed with a gum stamp, I pull open the letter and I see his uneven writing again.

๐˜'๐˜ฎ ๐˜ด๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ๐˜ณ๐˜บ ๐˜”๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ช.
๐˜”๐˜ข๐˜บ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ช๐˜ต ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ด ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ต ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ
๐˜›๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ ๐˜ธ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ญ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฏ'๐˜ต ๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ท๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ฆ
๐˜ˆ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ข๐˜บ ๐˜ธ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ธ๐˜ฆ ๐˜จ๐˜ฆ๐˜ต ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ด๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ
๐˜Œ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜บ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฅ๐˜บ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ฌ๐˜ด ๐˜'๐˜ฎ ๐˜ฅ๐˜บ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ.
๐˜›๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜บ'๐˜ท๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ค๐˜ณ๐˜บ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ, ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜'๐˜ฎ ๐˜ฌ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง ๐˜ด๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ ๐˜ง๐˜ฆ๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ ๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ฌ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ช๐˜ต, ๐˜ฃ๐˜ถ๐˜ต ๐˜ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ'๐˜ต ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ต ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ท๐˜ฆ ๐˜ธ๐˜ช๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ต ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜”๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ช, ๐˜ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ'๐˜ต ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ต ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ, ๐˜'๐˜ญ๐˜ญ ๐˜ฆ๐˜น๐˜ฑ๐˜ญ๐˜ข๐˜ช๐˜ฏ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฎ, ๐˜ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ณ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ๐˜ช๐˜ด๐˜ฆ ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ
๐˜š๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ๐˜ณ๐˜บ ๐˜ ๐˜ค๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ญ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฏ'๐˜ต ๐˜ณ๐˜ฉ๐˜บ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ, ๐˜ ๐˜ซ๐˜ถ๐˜ด๐˜ต ๐˜ฅ๐˜ช๐˜ฅ๐˜ฏ'๐˜ต ๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ท๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜บ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ
*๐˜ธ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ฌ*

๐˜ˆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ ๐˜ฌ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ฌ ๐˜'๐˜ฎ ๐˜ค๐˜ณ๐˜ข๐˜ป๐˜บ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ถ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ ๐˜ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ท๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ'๐˜ต ๐˜ด๐˜ต๐˜ฐ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ๐˜ต๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ด ๐˜ข๐˜ง๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ณ๐˜ข๐˜ค๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ญ๐˜บ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ณ๐˜ช๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ธ๐˜ช๐˜ต๐˜ฉ ๐˜ฎ๐˜บ ๐˜ง๐˜ข๐˜ท๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ณ๐˜ช๐˜ต๐˜ฆ ๐˜ด๐˜ฏ๐˜ข๐˜ค๐˜ฌ ๐˜บ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ฅ๐˜ข๐˜บ.

๐˜ˆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ ๐˜ธ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ญ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ท๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ๐˜ญ๐˜ฅ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ด๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ถ๐˜ต ๐˜ ๐˜ธ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ญ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฏ'๐˜ต ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ข๐˜ฃ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ข๐˜ฌ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ข ๐˜ค๐˜ฐ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ต ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ค๐˜ฆ ๐˜ธ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ ๐˜'๐˜ฎ ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ.

๐˜ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ฌ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ช๐˜ต ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ง๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ธ๐˜ณ๐˜ช๐˜ต๐˜ฆ ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ด๐˜ฑ๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ญ, ๐˜ด๐˜ฐ ๐˜ช๐˜ต ๐˜ข๐˜ค๐˜ต๐˜ถ๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ญ๐˜บ ๐˜ต๐˜ข๐˜ฌ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด ๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ง๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ๐˜ฎ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ณ๐˜ช๐˜จ๐˜ฉ๐˜ต ๐˜ธ๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ๐˜ฅ๐˜ด ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ถ๐˜ต ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ๐˜ฏ, ๐˜ ๐˜ง๐˜ฆ๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ ๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ฌ๐˜ฆ ๐˜'๐˜ฎ ๐˜ข ๐˜ฅ๐˜ช๐˜ด๐˜ข๐˜ฑ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฐ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ต๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ต, ๐˜”๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ช, ๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ญ ๐˜ฎ๐˜บ ๐˜ง๐˜ข๐˜ฎ๐˜ช๐˜ญ๐˜บ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ด ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ด๐˜ฎ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ต ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ต๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ด, ๐˜ฅ๐˜ถ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฃ, ๐˜๐˜ต ๐˜ต๐˜ข๐˜ฌ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด ๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ง๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ด๐˜ฑ๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ญ ๐˜ฎ๐˜บ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ฏ๐˜ข๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ.

๐˜ž๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ๐˜ณ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ, ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ๐˜ด ๐˜ธ๐˜ช๐˜ญ๐˜ญ ๐˜ค๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜จ๐˜ฆ, ๐˜ ๐˜ธ๐˜ช๐˜ญ๐˜ญ ๐˜ค๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜จ๐˜ฆ, ๐˜ฃ๐˜ถ๐˜ต ๐˜ ๐˜ด๐˜ธ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ณ ๐˜'๐˜ญ๐˜ญ ๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜บ๐˜ด ๐˜ญ๐˜ฐ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜”๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ช, ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ณ๐˜ข๐˜บ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ ๐˜ง๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ๐˜จ๐˜ฆ๐˜ต ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ, ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ณ ๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ต๐˜ต๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ด๐˜ต๐˜ถ๐˜ต๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ถ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ ๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ฌ๐˜ฆ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜บ๐˜ด ๐˜ด๐˜ข๐˜บ.

๐˜ž๐˜ฉ๐˜บ ๐˜จ๐˜ฐ ๐˜ง๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ ๐˜ด๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ง๐˜ฆ๐˜ค๐˜ต, ๐˜ธ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ฏ ๐˜จ๐˜ฆ๐˜ต ๐˜ช๐˜ฎ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ง๐˜ฆ๐˜ค๐˜ต ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ ๐˜ช๐˜ต ๐˜ง๐˜ถ๐˜ญ๐˜ญ ๐˜จ๐˜ญ๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ๐˜ช๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ด ๐˜ด๐˜ต๐˜ข๐˜ต๐˜ฆ, ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฌ๐˜ข๐˜บ ๐˜ ๐˜ฌ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ช๐˜ฅ๐˜ฏ'๐˜ต ๐˜ด๐˜ข๐˜บ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต, ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ ๐˜จ๐˜ฐ๐˜ต ๐˜ช๐˜ต ๐˜ง๐˜ณ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ ๐˜ข ๐˜ด๐˜ต๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ๐˜บ ๐˜ ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ฅ ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ฏ๐˜ช๐˜จ๐˜ฉ๐˜ต ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ข๐˜ฌ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ด๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฑ, ๐˜ฃ๐˜ถ๐˜ต ๐˜ฌ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜'๐˜ญ๐˜ญ ๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜บ๐˜ด ๐˜ญ๐˜ฐ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ.

ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ๐˜๐˜ณ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ณ๐˜ด ๐˜ต๐˜ณ๐˜ถ๐˜ญ๐˜บ
ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ๐˜ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ณ ๐˜ด๐˜ต๐˜ถ๐˜ต๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ถ๐˜ญ๐˜ญ๐˜บ.

I wipe the tears off my eyes, hugging onto my self, I felt terrible, how didn't I read this letter all these years, why didn't I read it when he gave it to me.

How could I have done this to him, he told me, he practically told me his problems and as a friend all I could have done was be there for him, but no, I spent years thinking that he was someone else, I spent years thinking that he was bipolar and that he had mental illness for being someone he was not.

I get up and walk towards my window, skillfully putting my legs by the side, I stretched my arms forward till I could reach the pool, immediately I grab ahold of it, I slide down, thankfull that unlike last time I tried this, I didn't land back down.

I just needed to walk alone, I needed to clear my head, I needed time and space to think. I place my hands inside my jacket as I walk down the street of my neighbourhood, the sky was dark, and my path could only be seen by the street light placed at every corner of every house.

I carefully walk down the short grasses hoping, I don't trip and fall, lord knows I won't get up till dawn, I just didn't have the strength.

"You might fall."

I gasp but I don't turn back as I suddenly feel conscious, maybe a part of me expected this, a part of me knew he would come, "Is this how you follow me everytime I walk alone?"

He stays quiet his silence answering my question.

"Why, why me," I whisper unsure, "Why couldnโ€™t you stop loving me, why send Xander, why didnโ€™t you just forget about me."

I hear his loud sigh in the dead of night as we walked side by side, "The heart want what it wants Mari, I tried forgetting you, but nothing worked, Xander only decided to take my place because of how frustrated I was knowing that I couldn't attend school with you anymore, I am deeply sorry, you have every right to be mad at me andโ€”"

"No I don't," I whisper dejectedly, "I don't have any right to be mad at you or Xander or anybody, if it weren't for you or Xander, God knows what would have befallen of me given the lengths Mr Manuel is willing to go."

I notice the way he fist his palms at the mention of Manuel, making me mean my next words more than I can imagine, "I should be grateful, I am grateful, and I'm really sorry that I wasn't considerate earlier on, I shouldn't have ran away like that, thank you..... for everything Xavier."

"Its nothing." he swallows hard, I take a step closer and I watch as he trembles.

"How are you feeling now?"

"D-don't worry, I'm not dying a-anymore." He stutter and I smile, he notices and looked elsewhere.

"For now." He replies roaming his eyes till it fell on my mortified expression, I suddenly feel scared, was he still sick? "it was a joke." He hastily add.

I frown walking ahead of him, "Don't joke about things like that." I warn my voice coming out as a broken record.

"Are you worried about me?" I could hear the hint of surprise in his voice.

I shake my head, "No! Maybe? any problem?"

He chuckles so close to me making me stop to face him.

"H-here," he hands me a bag I didn't know he was holding and I instantly turn red, "you dropped the bag outside the mall and I forgot to give you."

"T-thanks." I whisper as I grab the bag filled with tampons from him, I can't believe I'm the one now stuttering.

I realise I hadn't looked at his face properly, so I did, I lift my lashes up enough, letting my eyes scan around his face, and for the first time since I saw him today I noticed that he hadn't changed much, I could still see my stutter Xavier in there, his hair was everywhere almost covering his eyes, his chin was covered with light stubble, his lashes long just like Xander's and lips pinkish and small.

I notice the injury still on his forehead from earlier, and moments I locked in came lurching at me, all the injuries he had gotten, all the pain he had received, all for me.

I couldn't help the tears that sprang off my eyes as I stared into his eyes, and just immediately his eyes watered as if he too wanted to cry, I wanted to understand what he saw in me, I wanted to see it, why wasn't I seeing it.

"M-mari please." He cups my face into his palms, soothing my tears away with his thumb.

I took a step closer to him, and he tense, suddenly feeling feverish, I rethink my action but I don't relent, with one long stride I dip my hand into both his sides, allowing his frame engulf me, he tenses even more causing me to squeeze him.

I cried into his chest like a child and I didn't want to stop, I couldn't understand why I felt this way towards him, I felt safe pressing my head into his chest, I could hear his uneven heart beat as he wraps his arms around me, pulling me closer, eliminating any space we had between us.

"I....I've prayed for this for years Mari." He whispers against my hair, and almost immediately I felt a drop of liquid find its way through my curls and hit my scalp.

X-xavier was crying.

"X-xavy." I whisper, by voice barely audible, I pull my head away from his chest to stare at his eyes. His beautiful eyes.

"I-I'm here Mari," he assures steading his arms around me as he leans his face to mine, I consciously close my eyes and I felt his lips graze my tears away, "but this time, I promise you I won't leave your side, never again."

I open my eyes, smiling at his assuring words, before resting my head back on his chest, cuddling him even closer.

I just didn't want the feeling to end.

โ€ข โ€ข โ€ข

Xander shippers, all hope is not lost!!!

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