"You look tired, man. When was the last time you slept? I haven't even seen you step foot in here except to grab books and clothes." Farris points out.

"You only have yourself to blame. How am I supposed to know which surfaces are safe to sit and eat on? I don't even trust my own bedroom," I say, covering up my lie with humor. I can't exactly tell him that I'm never around anymore because my girlfriend has fucking cancer and I don't particularly like leaving her side.

Farris rolls his eyes. "We're not fucking in the apartment. We're taking it slow. And it's not like we're all over each other all the time. It's just like it used to be. It's not us that changed. Not for the most part." He says without malice but I still feel his words pierce my chest.

He's right though. I have changed. In more ways than one. Charlotte came into my life, buried herself into my brain, and refuses to leave. Now that I have real feelings for her, they're all I think about. Everything else has taken a back seat and all of my priorities seem unimportant in the face of life and death.

I sigh. "I know, I'm sorry, we're just...it's been a little less honey-moony a little more 'for better or for worse'. We'll have a night in sometime soon? The three of us?"

"You don't have to third wheel either, it's not like I don't like Charlie, that was all you, man," Farris laughs and I can't help but join, chuckling about how not that long ago, Charlotte and I weren't even acquaintances despite having a close mutual friend.

A design of my own making. A choice that I wouldn't take back, even if I had known how it would turn out. But god, do I wish Charlotte had a simple cold. Something that would go away with minimal intervention.

My phone beeps with a notification at the same time that Farris' does, and we both check it. My screen lights up with a preview of the Red Ridge Reddit page, the headline in all caps and attention-catching.

SOPHOMORE SOCCER STAR CAPTAIN DIAGNOSED WITH CANCER AT 19. What is to happen to the varsity team now that she's stepped down? Here's what we know.

I look up to see Farris with a similar expression to my own, the two of us exchanging horrified glances between our phones and each other. We both seem to move at the same time, clicking on our phone screens to read more.

Judging by the contents of the short article, whoever is reporting is doing it anonymously and doesn't know anything other than the fact that Charlotte was in the cancer ward of the hospital, as seen in the photograph taken without her knowledge and from far away. You can see her doctor in the shot, but it must have been taken before I got there, before she'd even known.

Though not well informed, the writer of the article seems to have chosen a headline eye-catching enough to have twenty people commenting on the post, and more by the minute. I report the post for "sharing personal information" and "misinformation" but unfortunately, the post isn't removed even temporarily to await confirmation.

"Dude. Who the fuck would do that?" Farris asks and I shake my head.

"Not anyone we know, I'm sure."

"Is it true?" He asks, his voice far from comforting. I nod, knowing that Charlotte wouldn't want me to lie to him about this. "Shit." He swears under his breath. His eyes are unsure and I turn away from them.

My hands fly over my phone until it's ringing and while it does, I collect my keys and put on my shoes, waving to Farris on my way out of the dorm. The call connects and I hear a small "hey" come from the other side.

"Have you seen?" I ask, not wanting to prolong this so that we can find a solution somehow. Rip the bandaid off and whatnot.

"Seen what?" She asks and my shoulders slump. Bad news bearer it is.

"Okay, so the school has a Reddit page that quite a few people follow." Half of them if I'm remembering correctly. "And they may have posted about you. Someone snapped a picture of you in the hospital and put two and two together. There's no actual information but people are seeing it and it's not wrong for the most part. They mostly talk about soccer and the team, probably because they don't know anything about—"

"Okay, calm down. People we bound to find out eventually. Don't be a hero."

"But, I can't just do nothing. People are commenting and speculating and—"

"And that's something that people will do in real life as well, Alexander. Have you thought about the fact that I'll lose my hair?" Her voice cracks and my heart throbs in pain. "Can't exactly hide that very well in Florida."

"We've got ball caps in Florida last time I checked," I say and regret it. My joke doesn't land and Charlotte is quiet on the line other than a "yeah". "I'm on my way upstairs now."

"You weren't supposed to come over for another two hours. I don't want you getting sick of me." She says but I can tell she's not upset by my early arrival and I take the stairs three at a time to get to her faster. She's already at the door when I get there and I sweep her into a hug, noticing first how her face is red, not as though she's been crying but like she's stressed or overwhelmed.

"What happens when it's gone? I won't look at all the same. It was devastating as a kid but I'm much vainer now." She says into my shoulder. All I can do is shrug.

"Nothing will change. Yes, you have beautiful hair but it will grow back like it did before. And you might not even lose all of it, depending on how long your chemo and radiation last. You might not even have to do them."

"Alexander, you cannot get your hopes up about that. Looking up my diagnosis on Google won't prepare you for this. It about destroyed my family the first time, and we came out stronger, but they had a responsibility. You do not."

"I don't? Because last time I checked, you agreed to another date, and I agreed to a kiss. We've got some unfinished business." I say but Charlotte doesn't crack a smile.

"Alexander, I'm being serious."

"So am I," I say. The silence stretches on for a minute until she leads me over to her bed, her hand in mine, and takes a seat, pulling me down to sit beside her.

"I never intended to tell you. Not about the first time. I was hopeful that my remission was complete, and now we're attached."

"Damn right we are," I interject but she continues.

"I don't think you're thinking about your future enough with this. I'm this bright, shiny new toy and—"

"Enough. I know exactly who you are. You're someone who would do anything for someone that you love, you're hard-working, an amazing sister and friend. You know what you want and go for it, even if he's a little dense about it at first. You've got your priorities straight and so do I. I'm not close with my family the way that you are, but my friends are what is most important to me in this world, and you're included in that. You are important to me, Charlotte. I want to see where this goes and I don't expect it to be all smooth sailing, but the only thing I won't be able to handle is you pushing me away."

"What about me dying? Because that is a very real possibility. I'm not nineteen years old with a life expectancy of ninety anymore. You can't expect that with me."

"So we should end things before they begin? I want to try anyway. I won't regret it, no matter what happens. If it becomes too much, let me make that choice for myself."

The look in her eyes tells me that she's scared. Scared of the outcome of this, maybe scared that I'll leave when she needs me the most, but I don't know how else to show that I am someone she can rely on. I would carry her around like a goddamn backpack if it meant I could protect her heart from the world.

Instead of an answer, she wraps her arm around my waist and hugs me that way, with her head against my bicep. I stand up instead, pulling her up with me and giving her a proper hug. Charlotte's arms wrap around my neck and she stands on her toes to press herself against me.

"As long as they don't conflict with your classes, could you come to appointments with me? We could do homework together as well." She asks, extending an olive branch and letting me into her world.

"I would be happy to," I say, kissing the top of her head before pulling back to look into her eyes. Red-rimmed, they are an even more brilliant green than usual. "You can give me your schedule and we'll see, but if you made them with your classes in mind, then I'll probably be able to come to them all."

"Right. Matching schedules and all." She giggles into my chest and I feel it against my skin, warming me from the inside.

"Convenient having a stalker," I say and that earns me a slap to the arm, though she doesn't pull away.

"Got any plans for the rest of the night?"

"You already know that I do."

"Well, I feel pretty good right now. What do you say we get out of this room and go somewhere? Off campus, perhaps?"

I smile, sliding my hand into hers, and pull her towards the door. "It's a date."