T H R 3 E

"ugly emotion part one"

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Jake's POV

IT FELT LIKE IT HAD ALL BEEN A DREAM. A good one, though. Jake grumbled as he got up off the couch, scratching his back. He had fallen asleep in the clothes of the previous day, and he knew that that day he would go to work wearing that same shirt and jacket. It wasn't like he attached much importance to it, nevertheless.

He yawned and stretched his limbs, hearing weak and slow footsteps behind him. Jake turned his head to see Sarah, her brown short hair was a mess and her eyes were red. He imagined he must look the same, if not worse. Sarah massaged her temples, not caring about opening her eyes completely.

"Morning," she rasped, clearing her throat. She winced. "Oh god, my head hurts like hell."

"My everything hurts like hell," Jake replicated with a smile, but Sarah did not smile back, and sat next to him on the couch. He frowned. "What's wrong?"

Sarah sighed. Jake perfectly knew what everyone of her gestures meant, he'd been her best friend for over a year. And, judging by her face, he was almost sure that she wanted to burst out something secret, or something she was ashamed of.

"Well, I..." Sarah started, she wasn't facing Jake. "Remember when I told you yesterday about how I was only dating Lewis to impress my parents?"

Jake nodded. "Yes, that's crazy." His ears pleased when he heard her laugh. "What about it?"

"I wasn't lying, of course," said Sarah, still with her eyes fixed on the wooden floor. "But I don't know, I kind of miss being with him. At least I didn't feel alone that way."

Her words caused a thousand feeling on Jake, feelings that he didn't know could go mixed. It hurt him to know she was lonely, but it bothered him too. Partly because he was with her always, trying to make her laugh, but partly because he knew it wasn't Sarah's fault. It was his. He had been so focused on his breakup with Sophia that he had completely left Sarah out, had sometimes asked her to leave him alone, or would have said she was not helpful. God, how silly he was. Why was he realizing until then?

"I'm so selfish..." he thought out loud, and Sarah shook her head.

"You're not!" her words surprised Jake. "You are the one helping me go through all of this. I should thank you."

He didn't know why, but the last sentence made him feel dirty. She didn't have to thank him, she was the one trying to make Jake feel better.

"I am," he replicated. "I've been depressed about Sophia but I didn't know I was hurting you. How stupid can I be?"

"Jacob, you're not stupid at all," Sarah suddenly faced him, looking a little mad. "I'm the selfish one! I couldn't feel dirtier. Doing everything to make my parents happy, I do whatever it takes. I hurt Lewis by dating him when I didn't even like him. And now I miss his company. There's something wrong with me."

Jake scowled. "There's nothing wrong with you. I understand you, okay? You got me and I got you."

Sarah laughed, rubbing her eyes and looking up at the ceiling. "I think we're both wrecks."

"Yes, but..." Jake stood up from the couch, smirking, "the best ones."

Sarah's POV

This time there was no one to scold them for listening to music in the car, so the two enjoyed a song as they headed to the precinct. Sarah was driving, trying not to be distracted by Jake's terrible singing, or to die from laughter at the high-pitched tones he suddenly let out.

When they arrived both clutched their stomachs from laughing so much. They didn't stop even when they were in the elevator, Sarah was glad that their friendship was back to normal, one making the other laugh in their own ways. 

They stepped out of the elevator with big smiles on their faces. They watched the classic morning show: Charles hurrying up from his desk to greet Jake, Amy doing paperwork, Terry eating yogurt, and Gina and Rosa laughing—yes, Rosa—in the background.

"Jakey!" Charles squealed with enthusiasm. "I was really worried because yesterday you got hurt and I didn't see you after that!" 

Sarah had totally forgotten abou that, not even Jake's black eye reminded her. Jake giggled nervously, maybe because he didn't want to talk about it, so Sarah gulped and tried to change the subject.

"Ah, yeah, but it was amazing, you know, our car chase," she said, and Jake nodded frantically, excited.

"Oh, yes, you two must've looked so cool," Charles agreed. "Why didn't I film you?" he told himself, going back to his desk, and Jake and Sarah snickered.

"Thanks," Jake hissed. 'You're welcome', Sarah mouthed. 

The two of them also sat at their desks, Sarah in front of Jake. That was a problem in the precinct, since it was common to see the two detectives watching funny videos instead of working. But Sarah felt a little dull that day. Amy walked up to them and started talking to Jake, Sarah liked to hear his laugh, but she liked being the cause of it more.

She denied with her head. That's why she felt so gross. She couldn't be jealous! Amy was her friend and she had to support Jake, not to get mad at anyone who would approach him. But she couldn't help it. 

"Sarah?"

She heard the muffled laughter of her friends, but her ears popped when she heard Jake call her. "Mhm?" she raised her eyebrows, realizing that Jake and Amy were looking at her. 

"I couldn't help noticing how you're squeezing that stress ball," said Jake.

Sarah frowned but immediately noticed what he meant, as she was squashing a ball with her left hand. "Oh," she said, and put the ball on her desk, smiling nervously. "Sorry. I have to go."

Leaving faces of confusion on her co-workers, Sarah got up from her seat and ran to the record room. She closed the door behind her, trying to calm down. She had millions of negative thoughts in her head. How can you be so ridiculous? Are you seriously jealous? You and Jake aren't even dating... he can hang out with whoever he wants...

She felt pathetic. And what she'd just done would lead to annoying questions, she was sure. They would ask if there was something wrong, and she'd have to lie, to say everything was fine. But Sarah felt like she had drove herself into that situation. No one told her to keep her feelings towards Jake hidden, or to date someone else that she didn't even like. 

And now Jake knew that as well, he knew about Lewis and the reason Sarah had dated him. What should Jake think about her? Jealousy is an ugly emotion, he'd said once. She agreed, but also found out that it was not something she could avoid. Jealousy was there, bothering her, even if she understood that Jake didn't like her back. At least that was what she thouhgt.

Sarah heard the door being opened. She turned around, for some reason she expected it to be Jake, but it was Gina and Rosa. 

"Me? Doing something suspicious? Nooo," it was too late when Sarah realized she'd said that out loud.

"Don't worry, we're here to help," said Rosa, closing the door behind her. 

"Yes, the fact that we're such a powerful couple doesn't mean that we're here to bully you," Gina made Sarah laugh, and seemed pleased about it. "Kidding, girl. Now tell aunt Gina what is going on with you, crazy, beautiful thing." 

"Don't take it the wrong way, but I'm not sure that you two are the most appropiate people to help me," said Sarah, swallowing.

Rosa crossed her arms. "Hey, just because I'm an emotional mess and Gina is a total narcissist you think we're not helpful? Well, that's really rude of you."

Gina nodded, also crossing her arms. Sarah sighed, lowering her head. "I know I don't use to talk about my parents, but there's something I haven't told anyone but Jake."

Her answer made Gina and Rosa lift their eyebrows.

"Remember Lewis, my boyfriend?" said Sarah, and they nodded. "Well, I kind of dated him only to impress my family. He had a 'real job'," she made a silly voice to imitate her mother, and Gina giggled.

"So... you weren't happy with him?" asked Rosa.

"He was a nerd, that's not exactly my type. But I think that the main reason that I wasn't happy was because I..." she trailed off before being able to pronouce I liked Jake. Gina and Rosa frowned, like waiting for her to finish her sentence, and Sarah avoided eye contact with them. "Because I liked Jake."

She faced them when she heard no one talking, and saw that their faces were still. Rosa raised an eyebrow. "Oh, that was it?"

"Yeah..."

"Well, it's obvious that you liked him," Gina said, and Sarah's stomach made a violent movement. They already knew? How? She hadn't tell them yet... was she so transparent? Perhaps she was. "Just this morning we noticed how you were squeezing that ball while Jake and Amy laughed right in front of you. Jealousy?"

"Not at all," Sarah lied, and tried to make up something else. "I didn't have the best night, and..."

"But you were with Jake," Rosa cut. "Did he do something to you? Do we have to punch him?"

"No! I meant after that, we got pretty drunk and I'm really tired."

Gina sighed deeply. "Oh dear, even I can tell that you're lying. It's okay if you're jealous, you're not being an ass about it."

"Thanks?"

"Always," Gina smiled, and she and Rosa left the records room. Sarah snorted and went behind them, and as soon as she entered the bullpen, her eyes met Jake's. She was sure she didn't blush, but she was ashamed of the way she'd acted.

Sarah sat at her desk, and Jake leaned to talk to her. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she answered shortly. She could feel the way Jake looked at her, but decided to ignore it. Gina was right. She couldn't be an ass about her feelings, and that included the fact that she liked Jake. 

Little did she know that it was going to be him who would struggle to hide it.

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