F I V E

"trouble and worries"

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Jake's POV

THE ELEVATOR DOORS OPENED, he was certainly not expecting to see Sarah already at her desk, for some reason. She avoided his eyes. And he knew exactly why, still regretting the reason everything might go wrong. If the night before Sarah had left the bar suddenly, it could only mean that she saw Iris kissing Jake.

And that was the worst part. He didn't even mean to kiss her back, but the drinking and the confussion made him stay like that before breaking the kiss. 

"Hey, Jake," Charles approached him as he sat down at his desk, receiving suspicious looks from Rosa. 

"Charles," Jake greeted, sighing. He definitely did not feel like dealing with him, even if it was his best friend, but he could be a little too much sometimes:

"So... how are things going between the lovebirds?" Charles said in a sing-song tone, eyeing Sarah, who ignored the comment.

Jake gulped and rubbed his face, shrugging. Charles nodded at the answer, though he seemed to find that behavior strange in Jake. Sarah didn't say anything. It was weird, for she supposed to be more mature than him, but Jake understood why she wouldn't talk to him. So he had to do the first thing.

"Hey... um, Sarah," he whispered, leaning onto his desk.

Sarah looked surprised to hear her name, and lifted her head hesitantly. There were two dark circles under her red eyes, as though she had not caught any sleep the night before.

"We both know what's going on," Jake said, ashamed. "So... can I talk to you about it?"

"Really?" Sarah narrowed her eyes. "I don't understand what's your problem. Do you know what you did? How terrible it was?"

"Yes, I know and I'm sorry, that's why I want to talk about it—"

"I don't know if we can do that ever again. I can't trust you anymore," Sarah's words pierced Jake, and he sank in his seat.

"W... what?"

"I can't trust you anymore."

Jake scoffed, he didn't know why he was getting mad himself if he was supposed to try and fix that, even though it seemed to have no remedy. But he had to make her understand it had been a mistake.

"I would never hurt you," he raised his voice a little, not noticing, "I was really drunk, and I separated as soon as she kissed me. I wouldn't cheat on you ever."

"Well... you did," Sarah's eyes started watering, but her face told Jake that she was doing her best not to cry. Her voice, however, was now shaky, and louder. "You did and it hurt me. I should've trusted Iris."

Jake's eyebrows contracted, as he sat up. "Huh?"

Sarah rolled her eyes. "Iris told me that you were the same with every girl, that you were fine with them until the squad told you to break up with them."

A feeling went up Jake's throat. Anger. It was incredible that Sarah would believe someone like Iris about that.

"Yeah, because apparently every other girl I dated before was controlling, which led me to many problems," he said a little louder again. Charles looked at them, curious, and Rosa scowled in their direction.

"I don't care about every other girl you dated. I cared about our relationship. Now I even think it didn't mean anything to you!"

"It didn't mean anything to me?" Jake repeated, and laughed bitterly. "Yeah, that's why..." he trailed off. He was about to admit that he was gonna propose soon, but he stopped himself.

"Why what?"

"It doesn't matter," Jake snapped under his breath.

"See? You don't even care to fix it!" Sarah stood up, attracting more eyes. "You make mistakes but  if they don't affect you, you don't do anything about them!"

"Of course I do! And this does affect me! I don't want our relationship to end!"

Sarah took a deep breath, a tear running through her cheek. She immediately wipped it, and then laughed, though the situation was not funny at all.

"You don't want our relationship to end? It already did." After saying that, she looked one more time into Jake's eyes and walked away from him, leaving everyone speechless.

Jake stood up to go after her, but he was stopped by Rosa, who shook her head and stepped in his path. He frowned, looking at the hand she put on his chest for him to halt. Anger was still inside him, growing bigger, so when he talked to her it came out with more rudeness than he meant.

"What are you doing?"

"Stopping you before you go and make things worse," Rosa said toughly. She must have understood what happened. It had almost always been her who adviced Jake to end his relationships when it was obvious that they were using him. 

"I'm not gonna make things worse."

"Of course you are, she needs time and if you don't give it to her it's not gonna get any better. Let me talk to her." 

Jake snorted, and Rosa cocked her head suggestively, so he had to gave in. Jake rolled his eyes, his head hanging back, but he was equally going to get out of there, to avoid all the eyes that were drawn to him. He needed some time alone...

Sarah's POV

HER BREATHING WAS UNSTEADY. Sarah felt as if she could faint in any moment, color had left her skin and she was even trembling from rage. Her hands went from fists to open palms, as she tried to stop crying. She didn't know if she should feel ridiculous. No, Jake should feel that way. He'd acted like a jerk and he couldn't even realize that.

Perhaps she was being too harsh, but until they could have a conversation without yelling at each other, she would give him another oportunity.

Sarah heard the restroom door being opened, and lifted her gaze. She didn't want to see anyone at the moment, but the sight of Rosa calmed her down a little.

"Let's go straight to the point," Rosa said, tiredly. "You said nothing was wrong between you two and it's clear you lied. Now, please tell me, did something happen?"

Sarah thought of a short answer that would explain most of the matter. "Iris Deacon. Does that say anything?"

Rosa's eyes widened at the name. She clenched her jaw, and her expression was of somewhat disgust. Rosa was friendly with the people she cared about, but if she disliked somebody, she wouldn't even try to hide it.

"What does she have to do with all of this?"

Sarah breathed sharply. "A few days ago Jake got a message from her, she said she wanted to see him or something. As friends, she said. But... well, we joined her at Shaw's and got really drunk... well, at least Jake and I did, and then I went to the bathroom cause I started feeling bad, and when I came back..."

"What?" Rosa asked, for Sarah had stopped talking. It hurt her even thinking of it.

"They were kissing," she said firmly, tears blurrying her vision again.

Rosa scowled, scoffing. "They were what?"

"Kissing. I know that doesn't sound like Jake, and until tonight I thought he wasn't capable of—"

"He isn't. I mean, that's not him."

"Then?"

Rosa began to pace around, making her own conclusions. "Well, if you had Iris Deacon in a bar and got drunk of course she would just take advantage of that, she clearly must've done something to him."

"Even so! He was kissing her back!"

"Oh, yeah, I'm not saying I'm not mad at him, what he did suck. But you also have to do something about Iris."

Sarah leaned against the sink, wipping her cheeks. It was too much for her. Too much to think about, too much to do. And she was getting sick of it way too fast and easily also. Maybe she just needed a break, to sort her head out and to take time for herself.

"I think I know what you have to do," said Rosa, who seemed to have thought the exact same thing as Sarah. "You should ask Holt for permission to take some days free. Maybe a week? He'll understand, and you are one of the best detectives in the precinct."

"That sounds good..." said Sarah.

𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫, Sarah and Holt had agreed she could take a week. The captain, like Rosa predicted, took it lightly, because apparently Sarah must've looked paler than she thought, and he even recomended her to rest as much as she could. But she knew that was not a way to solve her problem. She did not know how to deal with so many things at once, but sleeping definitely would not help.

"Do you want me to talk to him?" Rosa questioned before Sarah left, she was about to enter her car outside of the precinct.

"No, I guess I'll do it myself when I come back. Right now I don't feel like trying to fix this."

Rosa nodded, pressing her lips. She rubbed Sarah's back. "If you need anything, Gina and I are here for you. Always."

"Thank you. But I don't need help."

"Don't say that, we all do and it's okay. Promise me that you will come to us if you need to."

Sarah sighed, but then smirked. "I promise... thank you, Rosa. You're a really good friend."

Rosa patted Sarah's shoulder before turning around and going back into the precinct. Sarah laughed to herself. She felt weird, but also... a little better. Iris said that normally Jake let his decisions go by what the squad said, and, for one second, Sarah thought that she was saying the truth. But no, that didn't sound like the squad and she was right... they were actually good people.

With that reassuring thought in mind, she started the car and began to drive to her apartment, but before she stopped to grab a cold drink in a café. When she entered, there were not many people there, only a few clients. 

"Just cold coffee, please," Sarah asked.

She was given her drink and paid, and when she was exiting the place, she felt a hand tapping on her shoulder. Sarah turned around to see a man offering her a shy smile. He had dark brown hair and tan skin, and wore a simple red button-up shirt. Sarah frowned.

"Hey..."

"Sorry, you... dropped this," he said. His voice sounded really cheerful, like he was even happy just to be talking to Sarah, but it was also soft and stained with some shyness. He held Sarah's wallet, and extended it to her.

"Oh, right... thank you," she said, taking her wallet.

"It's okay," he clasped his hands together, nodding awkwardly, and then his eyebrows went up. "Wow, you're a cop?"

Sarah noticed she hadn't given her badge to Holt and clapped her hand against her mouth.

"Shit," she exclaimed.

"What's wrong?"

"It's just that I was supposed to give my badge to my captain because I'm gonna take a week free and I can't have it, and..." Sarah trailed off because she realized she had started ranting in front of a stranger. Though he seemed amused.

"You have a lot going on?" 

"Maybe," Sarah shrugged. 

He laughed. "You shouldn't keep all your problems to yourself," he said, analyzing her, "take that as an advice."

She cocked her head. "Thank you, stranger," she made him chuckle.

"Right... I'm Henry."

"Sarah."

"I know I may sound desperate, but..." Henry hesitated, "I don't know... do you wanna just, sit down? I don't have anything to do and it looks like you could talk to somebody right now."

Sarah smiled. "Sure."

They sat down at a table and began a simple conversation, making each other laugh. At first it was a little awkward, but then both gained some confidence and talked more freely. Henry was right. Sarah did need to get all her problems off her head, and once she forgot about them, she felt somewhat happier...

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