*61*

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- - 6.18.18 - Bil cutie - -

I stood up and went into some slippers and a hoodie.

I tried not to make to much noise to not wake up my mom.

I don't even know if she was already sleeping, she probably was, but I didn't wanted to find out
I walked outside and closed the door. Than I walked to the bench at the end of the street, where we also talked four days ago.

I sat down. And I just took a deep breath. My heart started beating like crazy.

Some moments later, Hyunjin came.

He looked adorable, with his hoodie and the joggers.
He didn't looked very tired, his sleep schedule also must be on summer break mode.

But there wasn't many hope left in his eyes.

"Aren't you cold?", he asked and looked down at me.
Even tho I was wearing a hoodie, I still just wore shorts.

"I'm good", I answered.

He didn't wanted to complain and sat down next to me. And again, there was this awkward silence in the air.

"You wanted to talk", he began after a few moments.

I didn't wanted to say anything. But at the same time, I wanted it so bad.

"Uh- uhm", I started.

"I hope it's important, I stood up out of my bed for this. Even tho I wasn't sleeping, I still had to walk out here."

I took a deep breath.

"Hyun, I wanted to say sorry."
Okay, that was a good start.

"For what?"

He looked kinda confused.

"For breaking your heart. I feel so bad", I explained.

The boy just sighed.

He stood up from the bench. His back faced me, he didn't turned around.

"It's not your fault, you don't like me back and I can't force you to."

I gulped.

Okay.

It's the moment.

Now or never.

"But I like you", I answered quietly.

Finally.

I said It.

Oh my god.

Oh my fucking god.

It feels so good.

It just feels so relieving.

Hyunjin turned around to face me. He looked very surprised. And confused. He didn't saw that coming.

"You like me?", he asked to be sure he heard me right.

I nodded.

He looked still confused, but his expression quickly changed. He looked disappointed now.

Wait.

Disappointed?

That wasn't the reaction I hoped for.

"(Y/n), you don't have to force yourself to say that", he said and looked down.

"What? Hyunjin. I like you. I am in love with you. Isn't that what you wanted? I don't care about anything or anyone."

He still stood there, he didn't move.
He looked me in the eyes.

"What do you expect? That I am all happy and forget everything what you did?"

Uhm, yeah, that was what I expected.
He sounded pissed now.

And that hurts differently.

It was very naive to think that he could just blindly forget everything.

"But, I- I am sorry", I tried to calm him down. But that made him even more angry.

"Do you think that will fix everything? A sorry? (Y/n), you don't even realize what you did, you can't comprehend what you did to me!", he shouted.

My view started getting blurry.
Tears filled up my eyes.

"I want to make everything alright", I responded, nearly whispering.

"You can't. (Y/n), I don't what you in my life. And even tho I really hate you, I hate myself even more for still liking you", he said and looked back to the ground.

"You still like me?"

Why don't he even wasn't to try, when he still likes me?

"Yes, I still like you. I will always like you. But I still don't need you. I will find another person I like more than you. And maybe, one day, I will forget you."

He looked me dead in the eyes.

Not a single emotion when he says these words.

Oh my god.

It feels like he just stabbed me, right into my heart.

He just told me that he wants to forget me. And that hits really hard.

The tears started running down my cheeks.

"B-but what about earlier? You expect something,
right?", I still tried to grab every last hope for a good ending they were.
I tried to hold onto every argument I had.

"Yes, I expected something. I even thought about trying to make you jealous with Hani. But after you let me down twice, after you let me just go, I realized that I needed to let go. I realized, that it hasn't any sense anymore. And now, I relaize, that it's better like this, way better."

Okay.

So it's done.

Yeah.

No.

Ugh.

It can't be like this.

It can't end like this.

It just hurts so much.

There's no hope left anymore.

No more reason to still hold onto it.

Onto this weird relationship we had.

It's done.

He's done.

He's so done with me.

I didn't say anything.

I just stared at Hyunjin.

"Okay, I am gonna go now", he said.

He turned around and started going back.

But I couldn't.

I couldn't let him go.

I still didn't wanted to realize that it was done.

And I mean, what was there to lost anymore?

I jumped up and ran towards him.

I layed my arms around his waist.

And I hold onto him.

~~~~~
(A/n)

Uh yeah

I planned this differently

And wat more easy

But hey making it easy when it also goes complicated?

And you may don't noticed bc there were so many just 'thought' but this chapter was over 1000 words again

My first chapters were soo long

But I like it way better like this

It will be a lot of chapter

But yeah reality it isn't that long

Like it's is long

But not that long

Okay idk know of it is

I mean it's chapter 61

Okayyy

And

How do you think this will end?πŸ₯΄

Will they end up together?

Okay and a few word to today's song

It is very very sad

And it still makes me sad to think about X

Even tho it's already more than 2 years ago

But

Legends never dieπŸ–€

Okayyy

I hope I can publish something tomorrow

But see you next time

Goodbye huns ~

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