i've learned to set my standards low for myself. i hated it when people told me to believe in myself because it always gave me this false hope. the hope that i might actually succeed and yet i always disappointed myself.

that was the thing that was stopping me, i guess. i've always dreamt of being an actress and was always in school plays and such, but i never got the chance to start an actual career for myself, and what i was doing right now took a mass amount of courage in me, that i had to build up for years on end.

still, i sat there, every nerve in my body set in panic mode. which was probably default already at this point.

i never thought i'd be in this position, ever in my life. yet, there i sat, on the dinner table with my brother anticipatingly standing behind me with his left arm over the head of the chair. millie had just texted me to check my email ASAP. she didn't tell me if i had gotten accepted or rejected. 

right now i was waiting for a rejectance letter.
again, i liked setting my standards low for myself.

i dragged my shaky fingers over the trackpad of my laptop, hovering over the refresh button before clicking it. there it was. a new email from "[email protected]" 

i put my hand over my mouth as if it was out of my control, feeling ryan's heavy hand lace through my hair in a sucky attempt to calm me down. 

"it's okay, calm down," he whispered. "you can see it when you're ready, hm?"

i took a deep, quite shaky breath, before slowly clicking the email. 

──────────────── 

"hello?" my boyfriend answered the phone.

"I DID IT- LOUIS I-" i stammered, fidgeting in pure excitement.

"woah- hey, you did what?" he asked in confusion. he was probably so concerned, since well, i was screaming at him through the phone with absolutely no context.

"I GOT-  THE I- STRANGER TH-"

"OH MY GOD! Y/N I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT," he congratulated me excitedly once he understood what i was trying to tell him. 

i giggled, sniffling my nose as i was tearing up. i still could not believe i had gotten the role. i had been sobbing for the past 30 minutes until i finally decided to call louis. 

"i'm so proud of you," he chuckled, "you're gonna blow us all away."

"is that- a hamilton reference?" i asked him through my shaky and cracked voice.

"you know it," he joked.

AUTHORS NOTE
i kinda forgot to update i already wrote this like a few days ago LOL SORRY
im forgetful i told myself id update a few hours after but then i forgot to ummmm
i understand if u guys dont trust me when i say anything 

anyways sorry this is so short SHDBF i lov hamilton