[this is your reminder that if you DON'T LIKE IT, DON'T READ IT! and do not feel welcomed to leave any negative comments on my stories. i'm not publishing this entire book just to receive negativity in return. i've already deleted so many nasty comments off this chapter and the last. if you have nothing nice to say, then shut the fuck up... respectfully.]

CHAPTER 20

"Hey babe!" Oikawa chirps loudly. Iwaizumi cringes, holding the phone a few inches away from his ear. "Sorry I keep calling and texting, it's just that you stopped responding, so I just wanna know what's up?"

The silence that follows is painful. Everything seemed to be moving too fast for Iwaizumi to process. Just a few minutes ago he was kissing you, and now, he was listening to his friend's voice through your phone.

"Y/n?" Oikawa asks, saving you from the long pause, "Are you there?"

Iwaizumi clears his throat. "Oikawa," he struggles to speak, hoping his voice won't crack, "Why do you have y/n's number?"

It's Oikawa's turn to be silent. The deep voice surprises him yet deflates his excitement. "Iwa-chan?"

"Oikawa—" you try to speak, but Iwaizumi stops you with a hand. He tilts his head, warning you with a deadly look. It changes your perception of him completely, and what once was a safe space now feels almost dangerous.

"Iwa-chan, what's going on?" Oikawa sounds more serious this time, "Why are you with y/n?"

"Answer my question first," Iwaizumi clutches onto your phone, his knuckles turning bone white, "Why the fuck do you have y/n's number?"

Another long pause. Sweat starts forming on your palms, and your head suddenly feels light. You want to run, run out of the room and down the stairs and hide in your bed and pretend like none of this is happening. Iwaizumi feels the same way as he starts pacing back and forth, waiting for his friend to respond.

"Shittykawa," Iwaizumi snaps, "I asked you, why the fuck do you have her number?"

Oikawa flinches on the other end of the line. He's seen his friend angry before, and he's dealt with it firsthand plenty of times. But he's never heard him like this — this outraged.

"Oikawa!"

"Okay!" he lets out a long sigh, "Remember when I told you I was seeing a girl?" Iwaizumi's eyes shoot in your direction, "Remember when I told you I had a crush on a girl in our school?"

Oikawa doesn't need to say more, because the dots are finally aligning inside Iwaizumi's head. He doesn't know if he feels betrayed. How could he have known? Up until now, he thought he could finally be with a girl that he liked, but every fibre in his body told him that it can no longer happen. He doesn't want to believe it — he doesn't want to let you go yet.

Iwaizumi stops pacing and averts his gaze to the floor. "Yes. I remember."

Oikawa can hear the crack in his voice, bringing another type of pain into his chest. "It's y/n," he finally admits, "The girl I've been seeing is y/n."

You watch Iwaizumi's lips twitch. It's obvious that he wants to lash out and say everything that's on his mind, but instead, he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

Slowly, you walk over and place a hand on his arm. "Let me have it," you raise your other hand, waiting for Iwaizumi to give you your phone.

It takes him a few seconds to register everything. He still refuses to believe it, but after seeing the apologetic look on your face, he knows that everything his friend just said is, unfortunately, true.

He places your phone firmly into your hand. He can't bring himself to say anything, still stuck in a whirlwind of thoughts and his first heartbreak. When his temper finally dies down, he makes his way to the door and out of the classroom.

"Hello?" Oikawa peeps through the phone, "Iwa-chan?"

You bring your phone to your ear. "Oikawa," your voice shakes, "Oikawa, I don't know what to do."

"What just happened?"

"I don't know," you go to the desk where everything started and pack your belongings, "Me and Iwaizumi... we were kissing and I told him to stop."

"What?" Oikawa's too busy worrying about his friend's reaction to process any more information. "Are you two still at school?"

"Yes, but he just left the room," you catch a glimpse of Iwaizumi walking into the stairwell as soon as you leave the class, "He's going downstairs."

Oikawa waves to his team, dismissing them early for the day. "Okay, I'm still here too. I just ended volleyball practice."

"He's moving fast," you try to chase him down the stairs, but he skips a few steps and stalks through the first floor, "Can you try talking to him? I don't think he'll listen to me."

"Okay," he says before hanging up and dashing out of the gymnasium. His shoes squeak against the floor, and he knows he shouldn't be running in the hallways to avoid any accidents, like the moment he collides into his friend.

Pain shoots through Oikawa's shoulder, causing him to whine, "Fuck," he rubs his muscle, and the second the pain disappears, he looks at Iwaizumi who appears to be completely fine — he's already dealing with other things that are causing him more ache.

"Ugh," Iwaizumi mutters, "It's you."

Oikawa straightens and squares his shoulders. "Look, I know you're mad."

"I'm furious."

"I know," he nods, trying to approach this as carefully as he can, "Trust me, I know. We both decided not to tell each other our crush's name, so I guess we both did this to ourselves, right?"

He watches Iwaizumi's brows knit together. "You're saying that I deserve to get rejected by the girl I like?"

"No!" Oikawa waves his hands, dismissing the idea, "What I mean is that we both didn't see this coming. I didn't know you were tutoring her until you answered her phone, and you didn't know I was seeing her until you saw me calling."

Oikawa's explanation doesn't help at all. If anything, it only made him even more irritated.

"It's always been you," Iwaizumi can feel his throat tightening again, something that happens whenever he holds back a cry, "It's always been you who gets attention. It's always been you who gets the girls, and now, it's you who gets to have y/n." Tears start to burn in his eyes, but he refuses to let them fall. "I'm not jealous of you, and I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at myself for being this foolish and actually believing that I could finally have someone."

Oikawa can feel his heart pounding. He knows that he has to be careful with his words, because if he's not, he could completely blow this up — for you, and for himself. "Iwa-chan—"

"Wait!" your voice grabs both of their attention. They turn, watching you run down the hall with a worried look on your face. "Can we all just sit and talk this out?"

There's no more energy left in Iwaizumi to help him deal with this. What was supposed to just be a tutoring session turned into a complete mess. It leaves him with a headache and a heavy heart.

He pushes past Oikawa, making sure to rush through the exit and out into the rain. He doesn't want to ignore you and be rude, but he just can't help himself, not when he's in this state of mind.

You eventually reach Oikawa in the middle of the hallway. "What did he tell you?"

He reaches over his head and interlaces his fingers behind his neck. "A whole bunch of stuff," he sighs, "God, I feel like such an asshole."

"I feel like the asshole in this situation," you pant, still catching your breath from your sprint down the stairs and hall, "I should've just been honest from the start and told him that I was seeing someone."

Oikawa bites his lip, feeling the tension in his stomach uncoil. "You said you kissed him?"

"Yeah," you sigh, not wanting to explain the details, but you push yourself, knowing it would be best to be honest, "It started with him kissing me, and it escalated, but I stopped because I was thinking about you."

"You were thinking about me?" Oikawa asks furiously. "What? If you were really thinking of me, you wouldn't be kissing him in the first place."

"I know, I'm sorry," you take a step closer to him, but he keeps his distance with a step back. "I'm sorry, Oikawa."

His brows furrow. "You sure about that?"

"Yes, please," you feel yourself starting to beg for his understanding and forgiveness. "I'm so sorry. I stopped kissing him when I remembered our confession. We confessed that night at your house that we liked each other... I'm sorry," your eyes burn with tears. "I'm trying to stay loyal to you, but—"

"Staying loyal?" Oikawa laughs, "You just told me that you were making out with my best friend! How the fuck is that staying loyal?"

Even after his small outburst, he knows that he can't blame you. He doesn't want to fight and argue over something so stupid. His friend had a crush and was simply acting upon his own interests.

The space within Oikawa's chest overflows with awkwardness, an apology already being prepared on his lips for not realizing earlier. He wants to go back in time and erase everything he just said. Stupid, he thinks.

"I was his first kiss," you try to explain, "he initiated it, and I thought that if I backed out, I would only hurt him. So, I kept going with it, until I hit a point where it felt completely wrong. I was thinking about you. That's when I told him to stop.

"But... you're right. I shouldn't have kissed him at all," your voice quivers as the reality settles in, followed by regret, "I saw potential in us, and I threw it all away with a kiss."

Oikawa gasps with heavy breaths. If only he had come to terms with his own feelings, then things wouldn't have become so complicated. "I see potential in us, too."

"Even after what I did?" You shove past him and follow the path Iwaizumi took to the exit. The doors are cold, opening to reveal the rainstorm outside. "Shit," you curse before wrapping your arms around yourself and stepping out.

"Wait," Oikawa chases you out of the building, letting his clothes and hair become drenched, "You shouldn't be out in the rain. You'll catch a cold."

I'm such an asshole, you think as you continue to ignore him.

"Come back here," he has to raise his voice over the roaring rain, "Please, at least let me drive you home so you don't get sick."

"No," you turn back, giving him one last glance, "I'm sorry for what I did to you and your friend. I was in the moment and I didn't think about you until it was too late."

"That's okay," Oikawa tries to calm you down, "Just come back inside and we can sort this out together."

If it weren't for the guilt eating you alive, you might have walked back inside to talk things out. But it was already too late — the guilt had turned into an unbearable regret. Had your confessions mean nothing at all?

You turn around and pick up your pace, running as far away as you can from Oikawa, from everyone, and from everything that has happened. Your skin grows cold but you don't care. As long as you didn't see any of them, you knew you'd be fine.

Heart in his throat, its beat nearly making him retch, Oikawa scrambles to his car and out of the rain. His breathing is heavy, and it feels like he won't be able to catch his breath until he knows you're at home, safe and happy.

Leaning forward, he rests his head on the steering wheel. He closes his eyes and listens to the drumming of the rain on his car. He can't get the image of your glossy eyes out of his head and the sound of pure sadness in your voice — the sound of pure shame.

Fuck.