chapter 2 - love & philophobia

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"I'm afraid I have bad news." Dante Wallace, the President of Mount Weather, informed Clarke. They were currently in his office, just a few minutes after Clarke's recent failed attempt at escaping. "Our patrols have swept the area and found no evidence of survivors. Either at your camp or from the Ark."

At his words, Clarke immediately shook her head in denial. "How can they be sure?"

"They can't." He replied. "But I've ordered them to keep searching—"

"I need to see for myself." She cut him off, but he instantly shot the idea down.

"I'm sorry. I can't allow that." He apologized. However, his tone wasn't exactly sincere. "I'm doing this for your own good, Clarke. It's not safe out there."

"But the radiation has no effect on us." She reminded him.

"Yes, but it's not the radiation I'm concerned about." He informed her, before motioning for the guards to come and retrieve her. "You need time to grieve. These men here will show you to your room."

"And if I try to leave?" She questioned.

President Wallace tilted his head slightly and stared down at the young blonde with a distinct look of power laced in his eyes. "Please don't test me, Clarke."

And with that, the men escorted her out of his office, leaving the older, white-haired man wearing what seemed to be an innocent smirk on his face. Although, it was anything but.

➳ ➳ ➳

Hours had gone by since Dakota last saw her brother, and after a while of holding, caressing, and singing lightly to the brunette in her arms, Octavia finally fell asleep. Either that, or she was unconscious, which Kota didn't know how to determine.

Still, she hoped that she was unable to feel pain in whatever nonverbal state she was currently resting in beyond her closed eyelids. Kota knew that no matter how exhausted she felt, falling into any sort of slumber was out of the question if it meant letting her guard down.

According to Trikru, she might as well be considered an enemy among her former clan due to what they deem was her "betrayal." Because of that reason, and the fact that they were currently residing—or hiding, rather—in their territory, she'd have to be on the lookout to protect them at all costs.

Taking that opportunity to truly observe the girl who was resting her head in Kota's lap, she ran her fingers through Octavia's soft brown hair and found herself absentmindedly picking out a couple of loose leaves and some mild debris in the process.

Her mesmerizing beauty still amazed her in every way possible. It wasn't just her defined facial features that captivated her, it was everything else that lay beneath the surface. She could tell from the way that she had treated her while she was first held captive, that her heart was pure and in the right place. Of course, she wasn't perfect, but what human left on this planet or in the universe was?

Blame it on Kota's naïve-labeled persona if you will, but she had always been the type of person to believe in many typically-doubted things such as love at first sight. With Octavia, it may not have been love that she immediately saw in her at first, but there was some sort of deeper initial attraction.

Before her mother died when she was around 10 or 11, she remembered hearing her say that humans could have an undeniable love for someone that was deeply rooted not only in the heart but within the soul as well. Their deeper connection to one another would allow such destined lovers to find one another and meet on a level of understanding like no other.

They were referred to as soulmates in the village, and they were known to be very rare. At least, that's what her mother had stated in her overly-dramatic bedtime stories.

Later on in life, as she worked alongside Lexa, she remembered her telling the story about a girl that she had once fallen in love with. Her name was Costia, and Lexa had claimed that she was the love of her life. However, after she was brutally murdered at the hands of the Azgeda queen, Lexa's views on love changed drastically. She was significantly impacted by Costia's death and it rightfully showed through her displays of emotion and how she ruled over her people. It seemed as if she was afraid to love again and now viewed it as a sign of weakness.

In the end, the way that she had described her love for Costia seemed like it no doubt came from the heart, however in Kota's opinion, it wasn't exactly from the soul. To her, it felt like even though it would be devastating for a loved one to die, their death should ultimately make us stronger in some way and we should be more open and appreciative of the love and feelings we were able to experience.

We shouldn't have to be on guard when it comes to love and we should be able to allow our hearts the freedom to further explore after our designated time of grievance. If we don't, and we refrain from love like Lexa, then we might never find the true souls with which we were meant to be.

It sounded like what she and Costia had was love, but Kota had hope that Lexa's soulmate was still out there somewhere waiting for her, even if she may not know it. And whether she was destined to meet this soulmate soon or not, she wasn't sure. But she knew that they'd meet each other at some point, whether in this life, or the next.

She felt like maybe Octavia could be her soulmate, but maybe she was being too optimistic. Only time will tell. If she was her soulmate though then she couldn't wait to see where life took them, and she was very fortunate to have the opportunity to grow and develop alongside her. She had high hopes for her, and she knew Octavia had them for her too.

Soon, her eyelids began to defy her, lightly fluttering shut and leaving her open and vulnerable to the unavoidable slumber consuming her. Due to her drowsiness, she was already too physically and mentally plummeted to take notice of the rustling in the nearby trees. So she was taken by surprise when something sharp hit the back of her head and caused her to spiral into the endless depths of unconsciousness.

➳ ➳ ➳

Octavia woke up to what looked like a disoriented figure of a man kneeling in front of her. His clothes were those of a Trikru member, and he had tattoos and markings across his face that led her to believe he was indeed a grounder. She began to panic and look left and right for her lover and friend, Dakota, only to find out that she was nowhere to be seen.

The man stood up in all his broadness and forced Octavia to swallow a pink liquid from a cup that would act as the much-needed antidote for the poison in her leg wound. Of course, she didn't know it at the time so she tried to fight it, but the mysterious and seemingly threatening man made sure she drank every last drop of it before she lost consciousness again.

_____

Sometime later, when she awoke once more, she saw the same man rummaging through his bag just a few feet away. Only this time, she could see him more clearly and her vision was no longer hazy.

"You're feeling better." The man noticed, glancing over his shoulder at her.

Octavia cautiously sat up and eyed the grounder skeptically. "Who are you?" She asked. "Where's Dakota and Lincoln?"

"I'm Nyko." He responded, gruffly. "Lincoln is my friend. That's why I helped you."

The brunette stood up on her feet and grunted in pain, however, never taking her eyes off of the stranger.

"You can stand. Good. Because now you should run." He advised.

"Where's Dakota?" She questioned him again.

"She's answering for what she's done," Nyko replied. "And her brother is now a part of that too."

Octavia looked at him with confusion and a bit of fear for the grounder siblings.

"Because they helped you, our clan is now vulnerable." Nyko continued. "If the reapers come, we can't even fight them off."

"Wait, wait. Are you saying that they caught them?" She asked, already anxious about his answer.

Nyko's emotionless expression was enough of an answer and she immediately began to panic as he walked away. Not only was Lincoln captured, but they somehow managed to capture Dakota as well, when Octavia was sleeping right beside her.

"No, no, no. They'll kill them. We have to do something!" She cried. "Please. You said Lincoln's your friend. We have to do something!"

"I did do something." He argued. "I saved your life. Now run."

After that, he bent back down to retrieve his supplies, only to be surprised by a sudden kick in the gut by none other than Octavia. He grunted in pain and turned to face her but she instantly smashed a rock against the side of his head, knocking him out cold.

"Thank you for saving my life." She uttered out loud. "But now I need to save theirs."

➳ ➳ ➳

Walking deeper into Trikru territory was not in Octavia's original plans, but given the unfortunate circumstances and the absence of Dakota and her brother, she had found herself marching further into the woods with a restrained Nyko walking in front of her.

She held his sword to his own throat and urged him forward into the village that contained armed grounders surrounding them on the left and the right. They aimed their arrows and spears at her but made no move to release them, in fear that their healer would get injured as well.

"AI LAIK OCTEIVIA KOM SKAIKRU!" The brunette boldly declared to the warriors of Trikru. "AND YOU HAVE SOMETHING I WANT!"

A darker-skinned woman with short hair and a hard glare appeared a few yards away from Octavia.

"Ai laik Indra kom Trigeda. Chit yu gaf?" The grounder woman addressed her.

After noticing the clueless look on the younger girl's face, she approached her and repeated her words in English. "I said 'What do you want, Octavia of the Sky People?'"

"I want Dakota and her brother." She demanded, but Indra's response was almost instant.

"No."

Octavia frowned and kicked Nyko harshly in his back, making him yell out in pain and stumble to the ground, where she then delivered a hit to his jaw.

"Enough!" Indra ordered her. "Nyko is our only healer!"

"Good." Octavia spat. "Then you'll do as I say." She pulled onto Nyko's hair and aimed the sword deeper into his throat, causing him to grunt. "Bring Dakota and Lincoln to the place where I saw them last. They know where that is. Just you and them. No one else!" She then turned and addressed the other warriors. "If I see anyone else...I will kill your healer."

Her face held both power and determination as she forced Nyko back out of the village, never taking her eyes off Indra.

"You have until dark." She stated, before leaving the same way she came in.

➳ ➳ ➳

Lincoln and Dakota were being restrained in one of the secluded confinements of their old village. Their hands were tied above their heads, leaving the rest of their bodies open and exposed to the many tortures being given to them.

Their mouths were gagged and they were blindfolded, so they couldn't prepare themselves for the continuous punches and blows hitting them every few minutes. The only thing they heard was the sound of each other's groans and cries of pain, as well as the occasional sneer or insult from whatever sinful person was in charge of beating them.

Kota knew it wasn't just one person in the room, though. Her sensory skills told her that Indra and some others were located somewhere in the room as well, probably watching for their sadistic benefit.

Indra was never a fan of the young girl, nor was she of her. The older warrior didn't agree with her beliefs and outlook on things and was always one of the many people who assumed she was weak. She would constantly make snide comments to her about how she was never going to amount to anything, and that she was nothing but a useless girl who wouldn't ever be an asset to the clan.

Once their mother died, she had no problem taking Lincoln under her wing and training him to be a fine scout and warrior, but Kota never understood her disapproval of her. It wasn't until later on when she met her daughter, Gaia, had she realized what her problem was.

She figured she must have reminded Indra of her daughter in some ways. Both girls were trained to be Trikru warriors as well, however, neither one was ever a fan of fighting and violence unless they had to.

Because of their choice not to become official warriors and partake in the extra strength and agility training, it seemed to Indra that they were wasting her time. She was very devoted to Trikru and whatever commander may be ruling, which was something Kota had always admired about her. However, she also had a distinct way of handling situations that required her to use her fighting skills whenever she saw fit. Personally, Kota believed that there were other ways of settling disputes but she guessed that's what made her seem weak in Indra's eyes.

Gaia's whereabouts were unknown to her after all of that, but she did remember that once her father had died in battle, she decided to dedicate herself to the sacred flame. Meaning, she would train to be a Flamekeeper rather than a warrior.

They weren't best friends by any means, but Kota could confidently say that the girl was someone she would've liked to consider an old friend. Their relationship was nothing like the friendship that she had with Octavia, but they both understood and respected each other. She wondered if Gaia would be proud of the things she had accomplished and fought for because Kota was sure she'd be proud of whatever she'd been doing while devoting her time to the flame.

A sudden commotion outside had caused Indra to step out of the room, and the rest of the warriors followed her. Minutes later, Kota heard the heels and sounds of armor, who she already knew to be the Commander, as she entered the room.

"Bants osir," [Leave us,] she commanded the other warrior left in the room. "En taik Linkon kom yu." [And take Lincoln with you.]

After he was released from the restraints, he was forced out of the room, leaving Lexa and Kota alone. The younger of the two could hear the other moving around the room before addressing her, most likely deep in thought.

"I thought I had banished you," she finally spoke, choosing her tone carefully. "Were my demands unclear?"

Kota stayed silent and didn't respond to her, though she would have had a lot to say if it wasn't for the fact that a gag was still in her mouth.

"I had allowed you to leave Trikru without a fight," Lexa continued. "However, now that you decided to disregard my orders, you have left me with no other choice except this punishment. Which I hope you know pains me greatly."

When Kota didn't respond again, she could feel Lexa come closer to her. Within a few seconds, she felt her warm hands lightly graze her bruised face, before carefully removing the blindfold and gag from her mouth.

"I had no choice upon returning," Kota breathed out, finally able to do so properly. "Trust me, I didn't want to step foot back here knowing what everyone thinks of me—knowing what you think of me. But Octavia was poisoned by an arrow from one of Tristan's men during the war that you ordered, and we needed an antidote. So, I'm sorry that I disobeyed your commands but I won't apologize for trying to save her life."

She looked directly into the eyes of Heda, past the fading black warrior paint, and was met with the remembrance of their formerly cordial relationship as servant and Commander.

"I could have you and your brother put to death by one thousand cuts for what you both have done for Skaikru," she stated, gritting through her teeth at the last word. "However, I chose to show you both mercy because, believe it or not, I'd much rather prefer it if you were alive."

Her words stunned Kota, causing a wave of confusion to wash over her.

"Truth be told, I would even prefer it if you were still residing within this clan," Lexa further explained. "I had always viewed you as an asset to us and even though you may continue to think that you didn't have many friends here at Trikru, I must admit that I always considered you to be my friend."

Kota bit her lip and looked down, trying to avoid her gaze, however, she had already seen the shimmer of guilt that rested beyond the other's bright green eyes.

"I know that I may not have always shown my emotions or encouraged more, but you have to remember that I couldn't treat you with any sort of favoritism since I still had a duty to uphold as Commander. Plus, I choose not to grow close to anyone. It's nothing personal."

Kota looked into her eyes and saw complete and utter honesty, which allowed her to believe that she was truly speaking from the heart. "I guess I just assumed that you already knew how much more you meant to me than just a trustworthy servant. You may not believe me but I valued what little friendship we had. I opened up and told you stories about my past love, and I even asked for your opinions on very rare occasions because I respected your input that much. I didn't do that for just anyone. You were the closest thing that I had to a friend, given what my title is, so I'm sure you can imagine how hurt I was when you decided to betray Trikru. Even after I gifted you with your very own mission and the chance to prove yourself."

Tears formed in Kota's eyes as she listened to her. She grasped onto each word she said and it made her realize that even though her relationship with Lexa wasn't as deeply rooted as the one she has with Octavia, what they had may have been some sort of friendship nonetheless.

And it also made her wonder if maybe she had been misinterpreting what it meant to have a friendship with someone. She thought what she had with Octavia was the ideal friendship but not all friends had to thrive from a deep connection.

They just have to stem from a place of mutual respect and attentiveness. Which is exactly what she and Gaia had as well.

Kota looked up at her and sighed. "I believe you Heda, I do. But if we were friends, then I'm sure that you should understand how hurt I was when you were so quick to believe that I would ever intentionally betray you."

"I'm trying to," she claimed, pausing in thought.

She studied Dakota's face for a minute, and that same look Kota had seen before flashed in her eyes only for a moment. It was one of adoration and sorrow, but just as fast as it came it was gone again.

"I think I'm beginning to understand," Lexa spoke sincerely, releasing her from the restraints. "I know what type of person you are and I remember that you were never fond of war, so I'm realizing now that maybe you have always had our clan's best interest at heart when you befriended a member of Skaikru. I think I was just blinded by the fact that you had admitted your developing feelings for her, and I guess it just reminded me of Costia in a way."

"I've told you time