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𝘝𝘰𝘵𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘊𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵
5406 words. Comment bitch bye.

𝙊𝙣𝙚 𝙔𝙚𝙖𝙧 𝙇𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙧

"How you been?"

"Miscarried twice." Serenity shrugged.

"Oh."

He didn't know what else to say besides oh. Mainly because he didn't care.

"So.." Serenity tried making conversation with Jade as she sat in passenger seat of his car.

"Hold on." He tried to hide how annoyed he was and rolled the window down when Monty came up to his side of the car.

She didn't know why she still got butterflies around him but she didn't. Being in the car with him sort of reminded her of high school, when he got his first car.

He'd pick her up and let her stay with him when he was around Zeik and some of the other people he hung around at the time. Despite being around Zeik she didn't have much of a relationship with him because Jade didn't like her talking to his friends, mainly because he didn't want her in his business.

"Wassup." Monty nodded as Jade reached into the back seat and grabbed a jacket.

Serenity just shook her head and tried wiping the blush off of her face when they began talking. It's not like she wanted to feel this way about someone who obviously didn't feel the same and had moved on way long ago, she just did.

Of course it was more than his looks, he had an interesting personality. She took interest in him because he was cute and didn't do the most like other boys did, but she quickly fell in love with his snappy but reserved personality. When she got to know him he was more goofy than he let on.

He just nodded back and sighed.

"This your girl?"

"Fuck no. My girl at home."

Quick change in attitude.

"You could've kept me at home if you were gonna do this ghetto shit. Could've swore you said you wasn't even in no shit no-"

"Girl shut up I handed the nigga his jacket you just wanna hear yourself talk at this point."

"Stop talking to me like that."

"Stop being a bitch when you see me trying to get along with you." He gave her an aggravated look.

Jade didn't really understand what her problem was, maybe it was just him being a nigga but the idea of her still being into him just wasn't in his head. He just thought she felt like India was trying to replace her as Eli's mom.

"You want me to stop being a bitch tell your girlfriend to stop being bitch."

"She doesn't.. do anything to you. Dee asked me to try to talk to you so we could get along so if anything be mad at me. I'm the one that don't like you."

"And why don't you like me?"

"Because you just rub me wrong bro you seem mad as hell for no reason almost every time I come around. Maybe the energy would be different if you didn't act like that. I'm an asshole but we're two parents so I avoid being an asshole for no reason around you, even if you don't fuck with me grow up. I gotta deal with you for the next thirteen years."

Serenity just looked to the side.

"You make me feel unimportant and that hurts my feelings. And you used me knowing I have feelings for you and threw it in my face. That's why I'm a bitch to you." She looked out of the window.

"My bad if that helps us move on."

"That's not an apology. You never treated me right to begin with now five years later I get a half ass my bad."

"I'm not apologizing because I'm not sorry and I don't feel bad. If you want an apology you better look for one but it ain't coming from me." He said dismissively, opening his box of chicken nuggets as he got comfortable. If she wanted an apology they'd be sitting there for a while.

"It's not that hard to say sorry."

"You want me to lie to you?"

"I want you to apologize and mean it."

"Well I can't do both so I'll do neither. Got me fucked up. I didn't do anything to you." Serenity rolled her eyes and they stared each other down for a moment before she surrendered.

"You treated me like you didn't c-"

"Not about to argue with you. Situation dropped and over. Don't say shit else to me about whatever you thought we were because I don't care and all you'll do is piss me off." He pulled up to her building and parked, looking at her like 'bitch get out'.

"All I'm gonna say is karma."

"I'll beat karma ass. No reason for it to be bothering me as of right now so leave me alone. With that shit."

"Definitely a reason. You're selfish, inconsistent, narcissistic and I hate the fact that you put on a front and act like you care about anyone but yourself because you don't. Everything that's went wrong in my life is because of you and I hate you for that but since I've become dependent on you I can't seem to not love you and that shit tears at me. I'm sitting here communicating my feelings to you and you still don't give a fuck and act like I'm delusional for feeling the way I feel." She began crying, making his eyes roll to the back of his head in annoyance.

"You blame me for everything that's went wrong in your life but I didn't bother you. You bothered me. I left you alone and you didn't like that so you kept bothering me and I always let you crawl back out of pity because you're a pathetic ass person."

"And you preyed on me being weak. Thanks for finally admitting it."

"I didn't prey on you because you were weak, I left you alone because you were weak then felt bad so I tried to fix you. In return you fucked your ex after I forgave you for lying about not having one. Save the sob story." He said dryly, seeing her surprised face.

"What?"

"Yeah dumb ass. I don't know if I look like bobo the clown or some shit but I'm not."

"I didn't.. he-"

"Don't lie to me it's not necessary cause I don't even care to keep it buck. Just crazy how you sit in my face and act like you ain't do shit wrong. Wasn't even my bitch but you coulda been, not in this uni though cause word to everything you a fuckin bird and a lyin one at that."

"Let me out the car. Now." She jiggled the door handle as he drove.

"I'd say I wish I could reverse that nut but my son wouldn't be here if I did, just wish you'd died giving birth cause I hate you and that's on him."

"Let me out the fuckin car Tana I'm not playin!"

"Santana to you miss."

"Stop talking to me! Fake ass bum ass wannabe hood nigga!"

"Girl don't insult me. I'm not no hood nigga that's dirty as fuck. Just a lil bit ghetto but I never gave the girls hood nigga."

"That's real funny. Even funnier that you won't get to see your son because you like disrespecting me." She leaned back in the seat.

"Okay."

"Exactly. Bum don't even care about his kid. Hope you and that bitch don't have no kids because they'll end up fucked up like you or weak like her. Fucking dirt bag." Serenity continued talking.

He acted like the last part didn't get to him just a little more than he expected it to. All he'd been talking about was having another kid and here she was throwing back what he already knew in his face.

"Wish you'd just die already. Eli not gon care I promise. I'll help."

"He will trust me. And when I tell him all the shit you say to me when he gets older he'll hate you."

"That boy don't like you, you delulu. India call him stinkabutt and he giggle. It's over for you. Streets is done."

So he did what he always did when someone said something that actually bothered him. Violate.

-

Serenity watched Jade sit alone at lunch for the third day that week. He was always with his friend but the boy had been suspended so now it was just him.

She walked up to him and tapped his shoulder, seeing him turn around slowly and mug her for touching him.

"Sorry. Can I sit here?"

"Why would I care? This is a cafeteria." He muttered, still not looking up at her.

"You're cute. How old are you?"

"Fifteen. Don't you got a boyfriend?" Jade finally looked at her and remembered seeing her with a senior.

"Yeah but no. Not anymore so it doesn't matter.. Why do you sit by yourself?"

"So I don't have to talk to people. Obviously didn't work.."

"Oh. You want me to go?"

"I don't really care." He shrugged. She sat and watched him play geometry dash for a few minutes. When the bell rung she began getting up to leave but he grabbed her arm.

"You not like freshman right?" Jade gave her a good look over. She wasn't skinny at all, a little chubby even. It was cute on her and she seemed confident so it didn't matter.

"No I'm fifteen too. Why?" She felt herself grow nervous when his hands moved near her ass and grabbed her phone out of her back pocket, not even touching her. He was close though.

"I'm putting my number in. You can call, just don't face time me out of the blue."

"You doing anything after school?"

"No why?"

"Come over. Not to do anything or nothing like that. I'm just bored." She shrugged, smiling to herself as she walked away.

Jade just shrugged and began walking back to class. Girls were weird.

Serenity counted every minute of every class until it was time for her to go home. By the time the day was over and she was getting off of the bus she had the dumbest grin on her face, like she'd won something. She'd told Brelyn about it but the girl didn't seem that excited for her.

"You invited him over?"

"Yeah."

"To do what? Y'all gon be bored sitting there watching tv. Lucky you not a virgin cause Sydney told me some things about him." She laughed making Serenity freeze up.

"What things?"

"Sydney and him did a project together last year and she said she had went to his house. His dad was home but they acted like they ain't see each other so when she got to his room she wasn't second guessing herself no more or whatever."

"What did they do?"

"She said they worked and he smoked. She said she was ready the whole time because his focused face was cute and right when she thought she was just gonna go home he sat her on his dresser and fingered her. Sydney said it was good too. Like she finished. Girls don't usually finish." Brelyn shrugged.

"I don't wanna do all of that."

"You don't have to but he'd probably like you more if you did. Sydney said she tried pulling a condom out and he said no, you should try. You're pretty so he'll probably say yes."

"Maybe if I feel like it. But I don't have to do anything I don't wanna do." She rolled her eyes, walking into her building as she parted from Brelyn.

Serenity cleaned up and showered when she got home, barely being able to contain herself as she waited for him. When the doorbell rang she got up to answer it, seeing him standing there with his hands in his pocket.. visibly high.

Jade just gave her a head nod and followed in behind her, not noticing her extra tight extra small pajama shorts. Things like that she just didn't catch his attention so you had to be upfront.

There was small talk but after thirty minutes of him staying silent for the most part she began wondering if he even wanted to come.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. Just quiet I guess." He looked up from his phone. Sometimes he just really didn't feel like talking, it was pointless. No one really listened anyways.

"You know Sydney?"

"Wet wet? What about her?"

"Wh- bye. You like her?" Serenity ignored the name and tried her best to hold in a laugh.

"No? Had nothing to do with me liking her."

"Brelyn kept saying you'd get bored if I didn't try to have sex with you. I don't wanna do that though. Can we like.. play the game or something?"

She'd had sex before and it wasn't all that. Actually it made her never want to do it again. If she could go back in time and say stop she would but he'd made her feel like it was what she was supposed to do. No one really bothered telling her any better.

When he didn't say anything she got nervous and began saying never mind.

"I've never had sex anyways." He looked at her and laughed.

"Stop lyi-"

"Word to everything never even put a condom on. Every time I think about it I get nervous and say no. Don't know why people think I'm so.. I don't know. But I'm not. Stop listening to other people."

Jade wasn't a virgin by choice but he was at the same time. He was scared. It was a big deal to him because it was the only part of him that he could say was his and only his. His problems couldn't even be his problems without his parents making it into their problem.

It was kind of dumb to other people but it made sense to him.

"Why do you get nervous? It's not like boys are in pain when they do it." She didn't mean to laugh at him.

"I don't know I just don't like feeling out of control. All of the girls who tried to have sex with me were older. I have control issues, I'm being controlled or I'm too controlling. You seem comfortable with talking about it so I guess you're not." He leaned back finally getting more comfortable as their conversation was kicked off.

"I'm not. I regret losing mind though. He kept asking so I said yes to get him to leave me alone, and he made me feel bad for not doing it. It only happened twice and I don't think I like him."

"If you have to think about it you don't. I had girlfriend who was a junior, we met after I turned fifteen. Look." Jade pulled his shirt up and showed her the scar from when Ochean accused him of lying and cut his side.

He was more timid with girls at the time.

"You cheated?"

"I don't cheat. It didn't even hurt that bad so I didn't get angry. But she cheated on me later and I beat her ass so I think we're even." He shrugged, letting his shirt fall again.

They got quiet again until Serenity checked the time on her phone. Her mom wouldn't get back until way until maybe four in the morning and it was only six.

She felt icky about herself and was never insecure until she gave her virginity away. What's a better way to feel bad about something you didn't wanna do then redo it with someone you actually want?

"You wanna have sex?" She asked bluntly, making him look up from his phone.

"Huh?"

"Do you wa-"

"I don't wanna be your boyfriend."

"That's fine. Didn't ask that now did I?"

"I'm allergic to latex. And I don't have a condom."

Anything to get out of this. But.. wait.

She said she didn't care if he didn't wanna be with her and she was cute. And it seemed like she wanted to have sex for her own reasons, not to feel accomplished in taking his virginity. So why not? She even had the round fat face he liked, that was just an extra reason.

"Brelyn gave me one. Durex. If you don't want to it's fine but-"

"Lay on your back."

"I thought I was supposed to be on my knees?"

"What?" He seemed genuinely confused.

"Like. On my stomach? You know what I mean?"

"Did he break it all the way?"

Jade was a virgin but momma ain't raise no dumb ass. Either she was just as inexperienced as him and lying or whoever took her virginity did it in doggy style, meaning they hated her ass.

"I don't think so. It wasn't big at all and he just.. put it in. But it didn't hurt, it was just uncomfortable. It was awkward, this is awkward but that was flat out strange." She saw his confused face and laughed.

"That nigga did not care about you."

"I know."

Better off with me. At least you know I'll never love you. And we can still have fun.

"Well like I said lay on your back, bout to bless you. You can pull my hair I like it."

"Huh?"

"Was he gay or something? You didn't get head either?"

"No, you've done that?"

"Only one girl. I think I'm good at it and if I'm not you better tell me so I can fix it and not your friends cause imma fold you when I see you if you do."

-

Jade plopped down on his bed, a stupid grin on his face as he replayed the evening in his head over and over again.

It took a few tries because she was scared then when he finally got in he finished. Fast. God it was embarrassing. Then she pulled out another condom and it was like an Angel was watching over him because he couldn't go out like that.

The only thing he hated was the crying part. And she was scary as hell. Who knew you'd have to snatch someone's arm behind their back from them to stop pushing you away. Then you let them push you away and they ask why you stopped? Just as he thought, girls were weird.

The second time he was more patient and used his hands instead to find the thing like he always did. Then tried again but without his hands. And she came. When he realized that that's what was happening he felt like he'd won a Nobel peace prize.

Like he was on stage while niggas clapped and cried for him.

Mind of a teenage boy. Strange.

"Jade?" His mom came in his room. Everything had been good at home. She wasn't sick and Deon was home less, always a good thing.

"Yeah?"

"You're in a good mood. Surprising."

"I'm not usually in a bad mood."

"You've been moody since you learned to talk. Every year it gets worse. But I wanted to come talk to you about something." She sat on his bed and he looked at her funny.

Jade hated that. He couldn't change who he was. He didn't try to be rude, he just thought he was being himself. If anything he was nice compared to the thoughts that actually came to his head.

"Can we talk later?"

".. Jade I wanted to-"

"I have homework."

When India's hand grabbed his face his eyes opened.

"Bubba come on. Grocery store."

He felt funny but tried to hide it and act like he always did.

"People move in and get out they body. We can go to the store later cause it's food here anyways."

"No it's not get up."

"I gotta go to work."

"You literally work from your phone. Bitch stop being lazy." She instigated, seeing him sit up quickly.

"If I call you a bitch it'll be tears though." He pushed her out of his face and got up. When India began walking away away he realized she was waxing her legs, seeing two strips stuck to her calve.

Jade didn't like thinking back to high school. He didn't like thinking about his past in general. Thinking about to day before yesterday even annoyed him and nothing special even happened.

It just made him worry. He tried shoving all of the conspiracies about why he was having the dream to the back of his head while he

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