Somewhere along the line, between mentally scolding myself and pinching myself, I had eventually fallen asleep.

I didn't remember doing so and neither did I remember moving to the sofa and wrapping myself up in a blanket.

In fact, I'm pretty sure I had fallen asleep on the floor. Not on the sofa.

I lifted my head groggily, my ears pricking up at the faint sizzle of a pan on a stove.

Who...?

I quickly pushed myself up from the sofa, my back cracking in protest due to the strange position I had slept in, only to be met with those familiar black eyes I had grown so accustomed to.

Though, despite their familiarity, I was still shocked when those eyes locked on mine.

"Scarf-"

"No."

He turned his attention back to the pan in front of him, preoccupying himself with adding a rather generous 'pinch' of salt to whatever was in there.

"I-"

"No. You don't get to say anything."

My blood ran cold at the calm in his voice, completely still and unwavering, a complete juxtaposition of my own.

"You disappeared for 5 days, no note, no phone call not even a fucking text."

I'm sorry.

"Did you ever stop to think, 'oh, maybe I should give the people who are probably worrying about me a call'?"

My gaze fell on the floor below me, suddenly ashamed of my lack of concern for others. Oh god, what if they thought I was going to disappear like last time? A wave of guilt washed over me.

"Your friends were worried about you, y/n! I was worried about you!" He had now discarded the pan which was smoking slightly, he was facing me now, though I still couldn't raise the courage to look at him.

"And it turns out you were locked up here of all places, right around the fucking corner and you didn't bother to say anything."

He reached forward and picked up my phone from the counter, switching it on and waving the screen in front of my face, a stream of messages and missed calls could be seen.

"The police wouldn't even class it as a missing person case because you've already disappeared before. Do you know how hard we were looking for you?"

"Obviously not that hard," I muttered under my breath.

"What?"

I shook my head.

"What did you just say?"

"It doesn't matter, it was just a stupid joke."

"You think this is funny?" I tried to ignore the way his voice broke slightly. "Do you think I was laughing when you didn't come home 5 days ago? Or the night after that? Or the night after that? Or the night after fucking that?"

I shrugged.

"What?"

"No-"

"NO." His voice picked up and I could hear the betrayal laced into the two-letter word.

I flinched at his shout and willed that familiar feeling building behind my eyes to stay at bay. It wasn't my place to cry. Not right now.

"Shota, I didn't mean to worry anyone. I was just- I was just overwhelmed."

"And I'm meant to be there for you when you get overwhelmed. Do you not trust me enough to tell me when you feel overwhelmed? I want to help you!"

But you can't help me, not with this.

What would you even think of me?

"Y/n I can't help you if you don't let me."

"YOU CAN'T HELP ME!" I snapped back, the tears falling from my eyes more down to more frustration than sadness. But I wasn't sure where the frustration was directed at.

And I looked up at him.

His face was just as expressionless as the day I first met him. If it wasn't for his words, you'd think he couldn't care less.

But I had grown to know him over all these months and recognised the flicker of hurt in his bloodshot eyes. They seemed more red than usual. Finally looking at him, I saw just how tired he looked. His black hair was unkempt and fell across his face, his beard scraggly and the dark circles under his eyes seemed that much darker.

Had I really done that to him?

"LET ME TRY!" He shouted back.

"I can't let you."

"What the fuck does that mean? Don't give me that bullshit excuse y/n!"

"It's not that simple!"

"I don't give a shit! I don't care if it's not simple!"

The tears were in my eyes now. If I'd have only noticed that they were in his eyes too.

"YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND!"

"THEN HELP ME!"

I swallowed the lump in my throat and just shook my head.

By now, whatever Shota had been cooking was black and burned, resembling more of a piece of charcoal than anything edible, but I seemed to be the only one who cared.

"Please y/n. You can't just push me away."

But what if it's better for the both of us?

"Watch me."

I don't know why I said that.

I shouldn't have said that.

"Is that how you feel? You really don't trust me?"

I do.

I want to tell you more than anything.

But I don't know how.

I don't know how to tell you.

"Are you really going to shut me out like that?"

I don't want to, but this is more complicated than we both thought.

"I don't think this is working out."

"Y/n-"

"I don't think this is working out between us Aizawa."

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

"Please... don't say that."

I jumped as he reached forward and pulled me into him, instinctively I turned my face down, knowing that if I looked at the face I fell in love with, I wouldn't be able to hold up the dam that held back the water in my eyes.

The face I fell in love with.

Fuck, Shota. What are you doing to me?

"Please tell me you don't mean that." His voice wavered and so did my heart. "Look me in the eyes and tell me that after all this time, after everything, that this isn't working out."

"Aizawa..."

"Do it y/n."

I lifted my eyes to meet his own, wincing slightly as I saw just how much sadness was behind that stare.

"T-This isn't-" His breath hitched in his throat as the first words fell from my mouth, "-this is- FUCK- I can't! You know I can't Shota!"

"Then why did you try?"

"I don't-"

"Why did you try?"

"BECAUSE I FUCKING LOVE YOU!" I screamed in his face, the dam finally breaking as water spilt down my cheeks. "BECAUSE I... I LOVE YOU AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET HURT!"

His cold hand rested against my burning cheek, everything about him urging me to fall completely into his embrace.

"You could never hurt me Sunflower."

"You don't know that."

He sighed, resting his forehead against mine. "I don't care. I trust you. So please, tell me."

"I don't think you'd believe me."

"I don't see why you'd lie to me."

"You think too much of me." I tried for a chuckle, but it just became a choked sob.

"Isn't it good to put my trust in the woman I love?"

I sucked in a shaky breath, "You're delusional Scarfy."

"Love does that to people."