CHAPTER TWO !
── "the weakness in me"

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               JAMES POTTER IS not one you would expect responsibility from.

This fact is not a secret around the chattering Hogwarts halls. He's the person you approach for a good laugh, but not one you ask help for. To those who don't know him, James Potter is simply not a dependable man so much so that many found it surprising when he had been named headboy, most simply excusing it as one of Dumbledore's matchmaking games.

James Potter simply isn't the type you expect accountability from.

Olivia knew this, very much aware of his reputation and so she isn't nearly as surprised when three days later and he still hasn't shown face. The silence was loud and she got the message clearly.

Olivia had fully expected this, expected him to disappear. In fact, a part of her hoped he would. There's familiarity in disappointment. With him gone, there's less expectations.

What she hadn't expected was for his friends to always be tailing her around like a bunch of stray dogs. It seems wherever she goes, they're not far behind. So much so that Oliva had memorized the smell of Sirius Black's cologne.

She did her best to ignore them, believing that they'd get tired eventually but it seems that isn't the case as three days have passed and she can still hear them muttering among themselves behind her wherever she goes. For the most part, she succeeds in pretending they aren't there, usually only mildly annoyed as she goes about her day. However, she seems to have reached her limit as she loudly slammed her book shut, making the three men turn to her in panic

Turning around, she narrowed her eyes at them, the three looking a lot like deers caught in the headlights. Releasing a sigh of annoyance, she glared at Sirius Black ─ the most annoying and obnoxious out of the three. "Blurt it out, Black."

Remus Lupin cleared his throat, having the sense to look embarrassed as they slowly walked towards her table and took a seat. Sirius, on the other hand, simply sent a smirk her way. "Just checking on my godchild."

Olivia had the sudden urge to throw her book at his head as she deadpanned. "This baby is not your godchild."

Sirius scoffed, looking offended as he dramatically placed a hand on his chest. "That's bollocks and you know it. I'm James' best friend. I deserve to be the godfather of his first born."

"Potter hasn't even acknowledged me or that he's the father. As far as I'm concerned, this is my child and mine alone."

Truthfully, Olivia doesn't blame him. She'd love to. She'd love to paint him the villain, but she understood. There's nothing physically tying him to her child. He's a teenage boy, practically still a child himself. He can easily walk away if he wishes to. He's young, free and isn't the one physically tied to the baby.

Remus looked torn as he cleared his throat, not wanting to make excuses for his best friend but also wanting to give him the time he needed to process the major changes in his life. "It's nothing like that. He's just ─ he's just being stupid right now. It's life changing and he hasn't quite wrapped his head around it yet."

"Imagine finding out you're pregnant at seventeen," she muttered.

Perhaps a part of her believes that she isn't being fair. James has people around him ─ friends and family he can lean on who will always look out for him. Olivia doesn't have any of those. She's completely and utterly alone, only having herself to lean on.

She grimaced at the bitter taste on her tongue, shaking her head to clear her thoughts.

"Anyway," Sirius began, smirk dropping as a genuine smile replaced it. "While James gets his shit together, we just want you to know that you can come to us if you ever need anything ─ cravings, medicine, physical help ─ anything you and we'll get it. We're here for you and the spawn."

Olivia couldn't deny that the thought was absolutely endearing however, he ruined the moment as soon as he followed it up with the last sentence, making her scrunch her nose in annoyance. "Call my baby spawn again and it'll be the last thing you do."

Sirius pouted, looking like a reprimanded child. "You never like anything I suggest about Prongslet."

"As if Prongslet is any better." Olivia rolled her eyes, stacking up her books and gathering them in her arms. "I have to go. You guys can stop stalking me now."

"It's not stalking if you know about it," Sirius grinned cheekily, bringing back Olivia's urge to hit him with her book.

"Bye, Olivia," Peter said politely, smiling at her. "Take care."

She gave an awkward smile. "Thanks."

Olivia was already walking away when Sirius called back to her. "See you around, James' baby momma!"

She glanced back to glare at him, her hand itching to pull out her wand and throw a hex at him, but she settled on glaring, thankful that at least nobody had heard. Knowing Hogwarts, the news would spread faster than a plague which would undoubtedly reach her parents in no time, the one she definitely doesn't want to happen.

Olivia was on her way to Dumbedore's office when she heard her name being called once again, turning around to see Remus Lupin jogging to her with a soft smile plastered on his scarred face.

"Hey," he greets kindly as Olivia can't help but narrow her eyes in confusion.

"Hey?"

"I hope you don't think we're pressuring you to do something you don't want to do," he starts. "If you want to keep the baby or not, that's completely your choice and we'll support you either way."

Olivia's eyebrows furrowed together as she put more space between them, feeling him getting close as they walked. What she decided to do with her baby hasn't been fully decided yet as she thought things through. There's always that terrifying possibility of her parents finding out and Olivia isn't quite sure if she'd physically survive the consequences that would bring.

"What if Potter wants to keep it?" She asked, finally voicing the thought that's been circling through her mind. What if she decides to get rid of the baby but he doesn't want to?

Remus grinned as if the answer was simple. "Then I guess he better find a way to house it in his body for nine months."

Olivia couldn't help the way the corners of her lips lifted, discovering a newfound appreciation for the gryffindor.

"And," he continues. "Sirius is an idiot, but he means it. You can come to us anytime."

"Thank you."

Remus only smiled as he stopped walking, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I'll see you in class?"

Despite herself, Olivia nodded, head filled with thoughts, weighing what each choice would entail for her. The easiest and right answer would be to get rid of the baby. She wouldn't have to worry about her parents finding out, wouldn't have to take on the responsibility of being a mother. It's so easy, so simple and the right thing to do.

But Olivia doesn't want to. She wants this baby. She wants to feel it grow inside her, wants to hear its first cry, see its first steps, its first word, it's first time boarding the Hogwarts express. Despite knowing that she shouldn't, she wants it all. She wants to care for her baby, to shower it with so much love that it'll never lay awake at night doubting if they deserve it.

It's a stupid, stupid choice and despite knowing the fight ─ the fucking war ─ she'd go through in order for it to have the future it deserves, she want's it anyway. It's a stupid choice, but it's one that she's taking.

Olivia took a moment to lean against the wall, allowing herself a minute to let it all sink in, to compose herself before she stood straight, back stiff and head held high as she knocked on the door of Dumbledore's office like she was instructed to.

She's only been in his office a handful of times, mostly for her prefect duties, but she can't help but admire the magical artifacts lining the walls, each one filled with history. Though she had grown up in a manor full of them, Olivia will never fail to admire the beauty in simple things.

"Good morning, Ms. Kinsley," the headmaster greets before she could announce her presence. "Have you decided or do you require more time?"

"I'm keeping it," she says, hoping her voice is as firm as she wants it to be. "I want to keep my baby."

"Very well," he put forth, placing his quil down. "On the topic of your living arrangement, seeing as Ms. Evans and Mr. Potter preferred their dorm rooms over the heads room, I found it fit to accommodate your needs."

Olivia nodded, trying not to show how the mention of James Potter had her grimacing.

"Madam Pomprey also insists you see her every month," he continues. "The faculty has been made aware of your condition so if you ever feel like you can't attend, please don't force yourself to."

"Thank you, professor."

"You made a mistake, Ms. Kinsley." His voice had that tone to it, one that only someone who had lived long enough to acquire such great knowledge could use. "But you also made a choice. Making bad decisions doesn't make us bad people. I trust you to be capable enough to live with the consequences of your decision."

"Yes, sir," she agreed because even though Olivia would never consider herself brave, she'd be brave just this once. She'll make sure it'll grow up with the things, the love, care and affection she hadn't been able to.

"Now, that's all been settled with, I believe you have classes to attend. You can move into your living quarters anytime you see fit," he said before that twinkle in his eyes appeared. "The password is 'patronus'. Though I must inform you that Mr. Potter had taken liberty into fixing your new space."

She looked down to avoid his knowing eyes, swallowing the bitterness in her mouth.

She stood up to get ready to leave, giving the old man a smile. "Thank you again, professor."

"You're very welcome, Olivia. Take care of yourself," he said with a smile.

Olivia nodded, turning around to head to her charms class where she knows she's already late for. Now that she's fixed the technicalities with Dumbledore, she can't help but be overwhelmed. It seems to feel more real than ever. It's as if her whole world changed overnight. And in a way, it had. She's no longer only living for herself. She's responsible for someone else now, for another human being. She can barely trust herself to make the right decisions to keep herself alive and now she's decided to care for a child when she's still one herself.

But the truth was, no matter how overwhelming it currently felt like, Olivia knew she'd do everything to keep her child safe. It's barely the size of a grape and she already knew that she'd give it her whole world.

And that thought almost feels almost as terrifying as being responsible for another human being.

All her life, she's been taught to see emotions as weakness ─ to never let herself be too close, never fully open herself up for anyone and now here she is consciously admitting that her baby is already had her wrapped around its non existent finger.

Standing in front of the charms classroom, Olivia took a deep breath to clear her head, giving herself a moment to gather her thoughts ─ something she seems to be doing a lot nowadays.

Emotion is a weakness and no one can know.

Once she enters, every head seems to turn to her direction ─ wands out and chanting a spell. Almost involuntarily, her eyes scanned the room, knowing she shares this class with four certain troublemakers. Surprisingly, for the first time since she found out about her pregnancy, James Potter sat in his usual seat beside his best friend, jet black hair messier than usual and a light stubble of facial hair covering his chin, making him look older than he is.

When her eyes met his, he's already looking at her. Pupils' dilating, hazel eyes bore into her skin, so much so that even after she's turned her back on him, she can still feel his start on her.

She muttered a small thank you after being assured by Professor Finnick that her tardy is forgiven before heading to her which is thankfully a few rows away from James' watchful eyes.

Sirius enthusiastically waved at her with the biggest smile on his face, making Olivia raise his eyebrow. James hit his friend at the back of his head, muttering something that made Sirius roll his eyes.

"Just because you're being an idiot doesn't mean I'm going to ignore my future best friend," she heard Sirius say, making her roll her eyes as she took her seat, catching the frown that formed on James' face.

Realizing that she had been watching them, Olivia quickly averted her gaze away from the two, ignoring their light whispers which she just knew was about her.

All throughout the class, she could feel James' gaze watching her, never leaving the back of her head. She refuses to turn around and face him and even give him the slightest hint that she cares.

Because she doesn't. Olivia Kinsley has never cared about a damn thing her whole life and she's not about to start now. She cares about her baby and not its father. She doesn't care, not one bit.

As soon as the bell rang signalling the end of the class, she's not all surprised to find him standing over her as she fixes her things. He has his arms folded over his chest, his cheer height a little intimidating, but Olivia kept her head held high.

She looked him straight in the eyes, almost challenging; daring. Daring him to do what, she isn't quite sure yet.

Though his stature is intimidating, the clear hesitation and anxiety on his face is clear as days, running his hand through his hair. "Olivia."

"Potter," she started, pulling herself up and walking out of the classroom with James following after her.

"I figured we should talk."

"You figured," she repeated, mocking. "Well then, what do you want to talk about?"

"The baby." His voice lowered then, eyes searching around them to see if anyone was listening. "What I did was cowardly."

It looked as if it physically pained him to say the words.

"I ran away," he continued. "I ran away from my responsibilities and left you to face it all alone. Whatever you decide, whether you want to keep it or not, I fully support you. I'll be there with you with whatever you choose."

Olivia found herself at a loss for words. He's sincere, genuine. She can see it in his eyes, hear it in his tone. He meant what he said, every word of if, honesty and humility that's so raw, she can feel it buzzing on her skin like electricity.

"It's not a big deal," she said quietly, averting her eyes away from his, wondering if he can see the fear in them. Can he read her as easily as she can read him?

"But it is," he insisted. "The child is my responsibility too, but I let myself get caught up in my own feelings that I forgot to consider yours. My mother raised me better than that."

"Do your parents know?" She couldn't help but ask.

"Yeah, I told them after I found out." he nods slowly. "My mum sent a howler calling me stupid and all kinds of things. Then she sent vitamins and a weighted blanket."

Olivia blinked at him, thinking back to her own parents who would probably storm Hogwarts just to drag her out by her hair screaming and kicking drag. It's not a thought that she's fond of.

"That's nice of her."

"She's the one who told me to come talk to you if I want to be part of our kid's life. I'm not running away."

It surprised Olivia to say the least, having fully expected him to leave her in that hallway, telling her that he's not ready to be a father, that he can't handle the responsibility and expectations that comes with it."

It's easy to place blame when we can't handle facing the truth.

"I'm keeping it," she says, eyes on her shoes as she avoids his gaze ─ not knowing if she can handle the happiness in his eyes. It seems almost overwhelming like more weight being placed on her shoulder.

"We'll do this together, Olivia," he told her seriously, hazel eyes searching for her gray ones.

Finally looking up to meet his eyes, she found herself actually meaning the word coming out of her mouth. "Okay. Together."

AUTHOR'S NOTE:
new scene with remus and a slight change with the talk with james.

bffs, i've got like ten thousand uni work to get done, i don't even know how i managed to find the time to write this.