CHAPTER ONE!──
"deep end"

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               OLIVIA KINSLEY WAS not meant to be a mother. Anyone who knew the girl would tell you this. The only mother she's ever known had not given her the best representation of motherhood. She grew up in a cold manor, ones where the walls are filled with stories that could rival those in horror movies.

She never desired to be a mother, a deep fear inside of her, a question she can never shake away always at the back of her head. Will you be just like them?

It's nagging, pressing on her skin like tar sticking to her. There had always been a fear of darkness, of the unsure and Olivia had simply faced too much of it for her not to be afraid, to be terrified, like a child hiding under the covers in fear of the monsters under the bed. Evil and darkness is all she knows and she fears that's all she will teach her children.

She pulled her knees against her chest and so she let the tears fall crying not only for herself but for the growing life inside of her ─ crying for what could be and what was. She felt madam Pomfrey wrap a comforting arm around her shoulder, pity in her eyes.

Olivia hates pity. She hates it more than hate.

"It's alright, dear," the woman comforted as she engulfed the younger girl in a hug. "It'll be alright."

But was it? Was it really alright? It would be so simple. She could get rid of it, could act like it never happened, learn to become numb. She's good at that ─ good at pretending and ignoring.

But could she really? Would she ever be able to forgive herself? Can she learn to live with the what ifs that would eventually follow her for the rest of her life. What if she had been a little braver, a little bolder?

"Olivia," the mediwitch called again, her voice softer than it had ever been. "Can you tell me who the father is?"

Olivia shut her eyes. She had almost completely forgotten. Her child had a father. It was a mistake, one made with alcohol fueling her system, making her unknowingly make life changing decisions she didn't quite understand the consequence to. They were both drunk and Olivia had barely spoken to him, never looked a second glance in his direction. He had just been another boy, one she hadn't particularly cared about until that night.

God, she's about to tell him that he's a father.

"Miss Kinsley?" The mediwitch pressed softly, patiently waiting for her to gather her thoughts.

"James Potter."

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               JAMES POTTER ISN'T known for his ability to let the women he forms an interest in go lightly. It simply wasn't in his nature. His love life had always been much like a car crash in which he falls too fast and is left with the wreckage he made.

Now, it's not Lily's fault and certainly not Olivia Kinsley's. It's not their fault that James is unable to form proper, healthy attachments.

And as James learned the hard way, alcohol and a bruised ego does not mix well. It doesn't help that he woke up with the door loudly slamming shut, Remus' irritated scolding following after and a pounding headache.

The events of the night before played in his head. He watched a certain slytherin go about her day, not even sparing him a glance as if she hadn't been in his bed a month prior, nails digging into his skin. James isn't going to lie, that had dented his pride much more than he'd ever like to admit.

Then he found Lily Evans and Amos Diggory dancing together and he didn't think his night could be anymore ruined until he found them snogging in a corner.

James is arrogant. He's annoying and insufferable. He knew these things, having heard them being thrown around in his direction for as long as he could remember, but it's not like self-righteous Amos Diggory is any better. What did he have that James didn't?

He really should have known better than to listen to Sirius's stupid ideas. Drinking his sorrows away had been the stupidest of them all and yet somehow that's exactly what he did.

"Keep it down a little, won't you, mate?" He grumbled, burying his face deeper into the comfort of his pillows as he attempted to block out the loud voices of his arguing friends.

"No," says Sirius, sounding very much like a child as he throws his body atop his best friend. "It's time for breakfast."

"Bloody hell, Pads," James groaned, trying to push Sirius off of him. "Get your fat arse off me."

Sirius feigned offense. "Did you just call me fat?"

"Give him a break, Padfoot," Remus scolded from the other side of the room as he fixed his tie.

"Yeah," Peter agreed. "He saw Lily and Diggory snogging last night."

James forcefully shoved Sirius off him, resulting in a loud thud as he fell face first on the hardwood floor.

"Thanks for that, Pete," he grumbles as he pulls himself up, picking up the discarded clothes on the floor before heading to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

Breakfast hadn't been any better, finding Amos Diggory sat on the Gryffindor table with Lily by his side, her friends flanking around them.

"Diggory," he greets, bitterness lacing his voice.

"James─" Remus intervenes before anything else can be said, placing a on hand on his friend's shoulder to stop him from further doing anything stupid but James simply shrugged it off.

"Potter." Amos smirked as he sat taller, snaking an arm around Lily's waist knowing full well that it would piss him off.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, trying to seem casual as he ran his hand through his hair.

"Potter," Lily hissed at him, glaring. "Don't start a scene."

James was just about to drop it, willing to let it go until Amos stood up. He stands a few inches smaller than James so he had to puff his chest out to even out the height difference, a smug grin on his face. "Problem, Potter?"

"Yes, actually," James answered, now shrugging off Sirius' arm on him.

"James," Remus called, voice firm before James could say anything else as he once again tried to pull his friend away. "You're picking a fight for no reason."

His jaw clenched, wanting to argue that there is a reason, but despite that, he knew that Remus is right as he always is and so giving Amos a last glare, James Potter did what he usually does not do, be the bigger person and turn around, completely forgetting about breakfast. James retreated back to his room, sighing as the comfort of his blanket fell upon him.

One would think that James Potter would be used to heartbreak by now, having been rejected everyday by the girl he's been infatuated with for the last five years, always accompanied by offensive insults and heartbreaking rejection speeches.

But alas, James Potter is a Gryffindor through and through; he's determined and loyal to a fault. Even if his loyalty is not wanted.

Deciding that attending class would be pointless with the state of his emotions, he allowed himself to wallow in self pity. Kicking his shoes off, he crawled under the covers and let himself fall into slumber, not realizing that the day would mean much more than having his heart broken.

It was safe to say that he was already having a bad day even before Dumbledore called for him.

It was the knocking that woke him up, disturbing his slumber. A quick glance on the clock told him it's a little way past two o'clock in the afternoon which meant most students would be in their class where James should be.

"I'm sorry, professor─" he began to say, blinking the sleep out of his eyes as he tried to clean his glasses with the hem of his sweater. However, even with his blurry vision, he can see that the silhouette of the woman before him was not a teacher, her fiery red hair something he could recognize from a mile away. "Ello there, Evans. Got tired of Diggory?"

"Dream on, Potter. Dumbledore asked me to give this to you." Lily Evans rolled her eyes as she shoved a piece of parchment to his hand before turning around and marching away.

"Hospital wing now." had been elegantly written on the parchment, confusing confusion to plague the boy.

Then dread came next. Everyone knew that being called to Dumbledore's office nowadays often meant that someone from your family had been caught in a crossfire ─ either severely injured or at worst yet most common scenario, killed. James knew it's entirely possible for this to happen to his parents ─ both being active members of the Order and his father being a well known auror. His family is a walking, breathing target.

His blood seems to have ran cold and before he could process what's happening, his feet are running.

With his scattered thoughts, he didn't have the thought to give himself a moment and think things through, didn't have the time to wonder why the hospital wing and not Dumbledore's office, logic completely abandoned him. He doesn't care that he's pushing people out of the way ─ doesn't care about their complaints or the sound of the professors calling his name. He ran as fast as he could, heart thumping loudly against his chest in pure terror.

Panting, James pushed the double doors open with urgency, making everyone turn to him. The hospital wing is surprisingly empty. All beds are vacant and fixed apart from one. Everyone seems to be looking at him with pity, only making him even more terrified. They crowd around the occupied bed, it's curtains drawn. James had hurriedly approached them, sweat coating his skin.

What he hadn't expected was the bed to be occupied by a certain slytherin whose dark hair frames her face, hiding the soft features of her lips and her jaw as her body rises and falls in an even breathing.

James lets out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding upon seeing that it's neither of his parents.

"Professor," he turns to the headmaster, a part of him still terrified of the bad news that may be awaiting him. "You called for me?"

"Mr. Potter, do you know who she is?" Dumbledore asked, nodding towards the peacefully sleeping form of Olivia Kinslet.

James knew her, of course ─ or knew of her. Saying he knows her would be a lie. He noticed the tear stains on her cheeks and the red ring covering her eyes.

He knows nothing about her apart from the night they spent together. He remembers how she had looked so beautiful, so much like a goddess descending from the sky to walk among them mere mortals, stealing away the breath of everyone in the room as soon as she entered, a dark red satin dress framing her body, hugging her curves and contrasting her skin.

It was almost pathetic how easily she had made Lily disappear from his mind with one look from across the room. Everyone had wanted her but James swore he'd be the only one she'd be dancing with.

They had done more than dance, of course, but as soon as morning came, she was gone and all James had of her was the trace of her perfume clinging to his pillows.

James had approached her but Olivia made it clear that she's not interested and he can only be a martyr for one girl at a time.

"Not personally, sir," he admits finally, confused about his involvement in whatever this is. It's been a month since that night and quite honestly, a part of him is glad for it. He's quick to realize how her presence seems to evaporate every sane thoughts and self control he has.

"Mr. Potter." He talked slowly, enunciating each syllable as if to make sure that he understands the severity of the situation. "Ms. Kinsley was found in the library unconscious. She climbed to have been experiencing nausea and vomiting."

"Oh," James breathed out, not knowing what else to say or what it all had to do with him.

"It was recently found that Ms. Kinsley─" the headmister began, trailing off as if he didn't quite understand how to phrase it. It's a surprise to see that for as long as James knew him, he'd never looked lost for words. "Ms. Kinsley is with a child."

For a moment, James' brain seems to have buffered as it refused to process the words properly. With a child? Did that mean that she's pregnant?

He then wondered if perhaps that had been why she avoided him like the damn plague after that night. Was she with someone then got pregnant with their child?

Then he felt his stomach drop as realization hit him with a train and it felt as though the world was dropping off its axis. They hadn't performed the spell in order to protect themselves from this exact same situation, having been too drunk and so engrossed in each other that they let their lust control them.

James felt himself slowly losing his balance as his mind raced ─ Madam Pomfrey immediately placed a chair behind him.

She's pregnant with his child.