(049 - A Best Friend's Role)

Almost Unfixable is One Year Old! 😭❤️✨🔥. I said it in the last update, this is the first time I'm writing a book this long. It's a whole new experience, and it's very exciting, on G. I'm so happy because this book has come a long way and it still has a long way to go 🥺❤️.

Thank you guys so much for your love, and for always supporting. I really appreciate y'all, really 😭🥺🔥✨.

Family Members to the World!

And also, sharing a birthday with my book is my babes for life. Happy Birthday, My Darling Rihanna_Adedeji. I will forever bless the day I met you. Love you🥺❤️✨.

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𝐒𝐈𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐋𝐀
(Simisola André Jordan)

I could feel my heart pounding heavily against my chest, pumping in so much blood but I wasn't sure it was pumping back into my body.

My forehead and the rest of my body were completely drenched in sweat even though I wasn't feeling hot in any way. I mean, it was still the early hours of the morning and I was in nothing but a tank top and three-quarter shorts. It was very chilly, but I was sweating like a Christmas goat.

But I guess sweating was inevitable when you have been running laps around a big estate for hours without taking as much as a five minutes break.

"Slow down!"

Even with my headphones on, and music blaring at a high volume, I could still hear Gloria yelling at the top of her voice, her footsteps closing in behind me as she tried to keep up with my pace.

"Can we take a fucking breather! I can't keep up with you!" She screamed again, panting like the life was being sucked out of her at every step she was taking.

As if to corroborate what she said, my lungs began to protest since they have been void of clean oxygen, begging me to take the breather Gloria was begging for. Even my muscles were beginning to hurt, too tired from running miles without stopping.

I needed to stop running but I couldn't stop running. If I did, my mind of its own volition would start thinking about her... again.

And I was trying, God knows I was trying not to think about her.

And yet, here you are. My subconscious mocked me and I hissed.

I moved to increase the volume of my music, wanting to shut out the voice in my head when my headphones were suddenly yanked from my head, followed by my pouch armband where my phone was being ripped off my biceps.

That made me stop running abruptly, turning around to meet Gloria holding both of them in her left hand while hunched over like she was trying to catch her breath. I didn't even know she had caught up with me. Didn't even think she would be able to.

"Gloria-" I started, wanting to ask for my things back so that I'd continue. But she held out her free hand to stop me from talking further.

"I... need... a minute," She wheezed out breathlessly, her words coming out in pants that made her sound like she'd pass out any second.

My lips twitched slightly in a smile at how funny she sounded.

"Can I have my things back?" I asked her, stretching my hand out to collect it. "We still have about three more laps to go around Eastwell before we go to your side, Westview, and continue -"

"Continue what!" She snapped at me, shutting me up instantly. "You and who is going to continue jogging, ehn Simi? Tell me na!" She kept yelling at me even though she still sounded very breathless, but at least her words were more coordinated than before.

I exhaled, placing both hands on my waist, and looked on, knowing for sure that she wasn't done talking.

And I wasn't wrong.

"We have been jogging since 4:30 am non-stop," She went on. "This is almost 7:30 am, almost three hours. You haven't taken one single break! Is it until you hyperventilate and drop dead that you'll realize you need to rest? Simi, take a pause." She shoved me hard against my chest.

Due to the tiredness of my entire body, my limbs suddenly felt like noddles and couldn't hold my frame anymore. With that one shove, I toppled over and fell with a thud to the floor. Gloria came to my eye level, towering over my laying frame.

"You see!"

"You don't have to yell," I told her, sounding a little breathless myself. It wasn't until I landed on the floor that I realized how much oxygen my lungs needed. My chest was legit rising and falling so fast, my breathing coming out in vicious pants.

Deep breaths, Simi. Deep breaths.

I took my own advice, inhaling deep breaths of fresh air into my clogged lungs, clearing up my airways then exhaling unclean air. I repeated the process till my lungs were completely free and I could finally breathe properly.

Maybe I was pushing myself too hard. I really needed that breather.

"Now that felt nice, didn't it?" Gloria asked as she plopped down on the floor beside, folding her legs beneath her. I exhaled, casting her a look to find her still smirking at me. My lips twitched again in a small smile.

"Yeah, it did," I admitted, exhaling as I shut my eyes.

And with my mind calm and finally at rest, as soon as I closed my eyes, the first image that appeared in my head was her.

Was Hilary.

Exactly what I was trying to avoid was happening.

"Fück," I muttered more to myself than out loud, throwing my sweaty palm over my face.

"You know, it's completely fine to think about her if you want to," Gloria began to talk, an indication that she heard me, and she knew exactly what was on my mind. "You can't just force her out of mind, that's how important she is to you."

"I can try if I keep my mind busy," I answered, throwing my hand off my face so I could look at my best friend.

I wanted to get her to believe that I didn't have to think about her. More like I wanted to desperately believe it too. I desperately wanted to believe that a day could go by without me thinking about Hilary.

Wishful thinking, Simi. You lie! My subconscious said to be, but I pushed that voice away again.

"I know I can at least go an entire day without thinking about her," I went on, ignoring Gloria's small scoff of disbelief. "I just have to try. I just need to keep my mind busy, and I will be okay-"

"Keep your mind busy with what exactly?" She cut me off, her neatly carved brows quirked in question. "Jogging around the whole Whiteridge estate till your lungs burst? Even if you are not going to do that, then what? Swim all day? Simi, you cannot avoid her, or thoughts of her even if you tried." She stated matter of factly.

I sat up immediately.

"But she's avoiding me!"

My voice came out louder than I intended. If it shocked Gloria, she didn't act like it at all. She just looked on, her lips in a small, pitiful pout. I sighed, running my hands through my hair, feeling the sweat beneath my scalp.

"Hilary avoiding me, Gloria, and it's messing me up bad," I repeated, my voice more controlled this time. "And as much as I don't want it to affect me, or try to act like it's not affecting me, it is... big time," I told her. She chuckled lightly

"You are my best friend, Simi," Gloria pointed out. "Of course, I know it's affecting you," She said.

I shook my head.

"But you don't understand how bad," I told her and she bobbed her head to the side, brows furrowed. It was my turn to chuckle this time, shaking my head again.

Gloria might be able to tell that being apart from Hilary was affecting me, but she cannot tell how bad, even if she's my best friend. She cannot tell how completely insane I have gotten in just a week because Hilary won't talk to me... or look at me.

And I have simped. Oh God, I have simped in the most pathetic and cringiest way ever.

"Give me my phone, let me show you something," I said, stretching my hand out to her. She picked it up from the floor and handed it over to me. I pressed some buttons and opened my WhatsApp chat with Hilary, scrolling down to my last message,

Or rather, last messages.

"Look at this," I gave her back the phone to look at. "Just look at how putty I am in her dm. If this is not insanity, I don't know what is," I dumped the phone in her hand. When she looked at the screen, the messages, I watched her eyes widen and her lips stretch in a big smile.

She looked at me, looked back at the phone, and looked at me again

(Simi is so cute 🥺😭❤️)

"Oh my God," She muttered, slight laughter in her voice as she looked back at the phone. Then a fit of chuckles escaped her lips as she kept staring at the messages, kept reading them.

I had the sixth sense that she was mocking me.

"Who are you and what have you done with my best friend," She whispered more to herself than to me, but her eyes were back to being trained on mine, twinkling with tease. That was a confirmation that she was in fact mocking me.

I hissed, snatching my phone from her, causing her to burst into laughter.

"Cut it out. It's not funny," I grumbled, but her laughter only increased. She threw her hand over her lips to stifle it, shaking her head as if to apologize.

"I'm sorry," She said between laughter, which made it a lot harder to take her seriously. I rolled my eyes, starting to regret showing her the messages.

"I'm serious, Gloria. Knock it off,"

I looked her right in the eyes, letting her know that I was being serious. She got the message, her laughs transcending into fake throat-clearing just to get herself together.

"I'm sorry," She sounded more serious this time, her eyes and her voice exuding genuine apology. But I looked away from her, folding my hands across my chest.

If she could react that way to my message to Hilary, laughing her ass off, I can't begin to imagine how Hilary might have reacted seeing it, that's if she has gotten her phone back already. Though I doubt that because my messages only ticked once.

But just thinking about it, her reaction if she gets to see it made me feel insanely self-conscious.

"Simi, I swear I wasn't mocking you," Gloria stated, moving closer to me when she felt my silence, my withdrawal. "I just thought-"

"You thought what?" I cut her off, querying her.

She didn't speak immediately, making me look at her. She was smiling, but not in a teasing way. It was gentle instead, her eyes watching me intently like she was seeing me in a whole different light. It made me curious. Made me want to know what was going on in her head.

"I've just never seen you this way before," She finally spoke, her voice quiet, her words simple yet very explicit. "This..." She hesitated like she was trying to pick her next words carefully. "This torn up because of a girl, or any girl for that matter." She added.

I hoisted my legs up so that my knee was on the same level as my chest, and my brows quirked up in question.

"And is that such a bad thing?"

"Of course not," Gloria debunked immediately, shaking her head. "It's... sweet actually. Beautiful in fact, and I'm not capping one bit," She added, her lips stretch on even more in a wider smile.

It was contagious. I wanted to smile back but I couldn't. Not with everything in me already doubting that Hilary will see it that same way.

"I doubt Hilary will think it's sweet or beautiful," I stated matter-of-factly, causing Gloria's smile to turn upside down.

I was putting myself out there. It was something I have never done before, and now that I am doing it, it's for a girl. The Girl. Before, I didn't regret it. I don't think I have ever regretted simping over Hilary the way did, being all up in her space and her business, wanting to hold her and touch her, wanting to do everything for her and with her.

But now, I'm beginning to feel like I was doing too much.

Maybe that's what Hilary even thinks. Maybe that's why she needed her space away from me.

"Why would you think that?" Gloria asked me

"Because it's pathetic," I answered pointedly. Gloria's brows furrowed in confusion, an indication that she didn't get me. I exhaled, running my hand over my face.

"Gloria, I know Hilary is not with her phone," I started to explain and she nodded, a silent go-ahead for me to continue. "She hasn't been with her phone for an entire week, but here I am, still sending messages to her dm, messages she might not see in a while, desperately begging her to look at me in class! It doesn't get any more pathetic than that!"

"Simi, that's not true-"

"But it is the truth," I countered her with every enunciation of my words, cutting her off.

Gloria exhaled but said nothing to counter me back. She didn't avert her gaze from mine though. She kept looking at me like she was trying to understand everything I was feeling, all my emotions. God knows I didn't understand them myself. I have even stopped trying to understand them, stopped to understand the depth of what I feel for Hilary.

But one thing I did understand was that I want her. And I don't think I'll ever stop wanting her.

"I Really Like Her, Gloria"

I spoke after what felt like decades of silence, holding Gloria's gaze just like she was holding mine. And it felt so good admitting this to my best friend, especially with how her lips quirked up and form in a smile immediately after I said it.

But it also made me feel so... bare.

I've never been this open with Gloria about my feelings, even when it had to do with my academics, or my mum still in the hospital.

"I Want Her... all the time, and all the way," I whispered. My best friend sighed softly, remaining mute, a silent indication that she was going to let me keep talking. Keep expressing myself.

"This is the first time I've ever felt this way about someone, about anyone, Gloria" I went on nonetheless. She nodded because she knew it too. "I'm yet to understand these feelings that keep consuming my being every single moment I think about her, all the times I am around her,"

I paused and averted my gaze, feeling an overwhelming sense of vulnerability because I was letting all these out at once. It didn't make me stop though, because was my best friend and I'm supposed to be vulnerable around her.

"All I know is that these feelings are there," I kept my eyes trained on the concrete floor. "They are deep, they are strong, and somehow, I'm not even trying to get rid of them,"

"That's because you don't want to," She interjected, causing me to look at her. She still had that gentle, reassuring smile playing on her lips, putting me at ease.

"Simisola," She called my name, resting her hands on my shoulder. "You don't want to get rid of your feelings for Hilary because you want them, you want to feel them. All of them." She stated matter-of-factly, her words point-blank.

"And it's completely okay, it's perfectly fine that you are allowing yourself to feel these things. I, for one, I'm so happy you are letting yourself have these feelings," She sounded happy, she looked it too.

But...

"But is feeling all this really worth it if I'm not sure she feels the same way?" I asked my best friend.

"It's just your fear talking, Simi," Gloria answered.

"But I have a right to be scared, don't I?"

It was a rhetorical question, but she answered anyway, nodding in agreement. I exhaled, throwing my head back as I looked to the sky.

"I'm putting everything I have, everything I am into something I'm not even sure of," I said. "She didn't have to tell me before I knew she needed her space from me. I still don't know why but I care about her that much to understand and respect her decision. But, look at me now,"

I threw my hands apart, gesturing to my frame.

"I am a complete wreck because she won't as much as glance in my direction," I looked at Gloria and found her still watching me. "I'm in her DMs every single moment I think about her, being completely hopeless and desperate for her attention because I want it. Because I Crave it. That's how addicted I've become to her presence, that's how addicted I've gotten to her."

When I called you a simp, I knew what I was saying.

"She doesn't even know that she's giving me fucking separation anxiety," I laughed, suddenly finding all of it funny. Beautifully funny if there's anything like that. A breath of laughter left Gloria's lips and she kept staring at me ranting about the girl that was driving me crazy in the best way possible.

They haff kpakpa gotten you, Simisola André Jordan.

"I'm having fucking withdrawal symptoms, Gloria," I went on with my rant "Like I have to talk to her twenty-four seven or I won't feel whole," I told her. "It's overwhelming, It's driving me nuts, I swear," I admitted.

"And it's completely normal," She spoke for the first time since my ranting.

"Is it?" I had to ask because it doesn't feel normal. "Is this how to used to do my Dad? Is this how it always feels with you and Kizito?"

"I can't speak for your Dad," Gloria started. "But I can speak for Kiki and me, and say it's not this..." She paused, bobbing her head from side to side as if to think of a word to use. "Intense," She finally found the word.

Lobatan.

"I mean," She was still talking. "Kiki and I have had our own fair share of intense moments, but I swear to God, both of us combined cannot top everything you just expressed right now,"

"So it's official. I'm actually going mad." I stated conclusively, causing Gloria to burst into laughter.

"Of course, you are not going mad," She answered when her laughter subsided, shoving my arm playfully.

"Look," She started. "You have said it yourself, you've never felt this way about anyone. So now, you are feeling everything at once for one person. It's coming at you in a rush, like you have been hit by a truck. It's overwhelming you and that is completely normal. You are even handling it better than most people,"

"I've sent her messages four times in just seven days, one week," I reminded my best friend. "I don't think I'm handling it that well,"

"I'm sure you have stopped yourself from sending a lot more," She countered me indirectly, and I nodded. "And on the bright side, you are not following her around your class or stalking her every move," She teased.

"Okay, that's some diabolical shit," I quickly debunked, a creeped-out laughter in my voice. "God Forbid abeg," I said and Gloria laughed.

"Exactly," She