(032 - Shutter speed and Small Talks)

Thank you so much for the 2.2k followers 😩✨.

So, someone commented in the previous update that I described the dance scenes so well and with so much experience, then asked me if I dance🤣❤️. The answer is yes. Yes, I'm a dancer. I don't dance as often as I used to, but I still dance sha 🌚.

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𝐉𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐍𝐀
(Jidenna Leo Okojie)

I exhaled deeply as the cold water from the shower cascaded down from my head to the rest of my body, unknotting my tensed muscles bit by bit. I ran the fingers of both hands through my wet hair, before bending my neck a little to allow the shower to wash my back properly.

It was painful.. very painful since all the scars on my back hadn't healed up and the droplets of water were like little knife stabs to my back. I didn't wince or anything, I just endured. I was already used to the pain. Besides, the pain of water hitting my back was nothing compared to the pain of being chained up and beaten till you pass out.

That's how it had ended that day. I had passed out, and it wasn't until I woke up in my room that I knew that I had been unconscious for six days, missing the last days of the first half term. And it wasn't until much later that I realized, this is the longest I have ever been unconscious after my father's beating.

My father.

I repeated in my mind and shook my head, not sure if I could call him that anymore.

No Father would inflict pain on a child they gave birth to like that. This man inflicted pain on me like it was a sport... and would call himself a good father for doing so.

How ironic.

At some point in my life, I used to believe him anytime he says that. Used to think I deserve the torture for being a bad kid.

Not until the day I realized that no human being, blood-related or otherwise, should be treated like that. No one deserves to be treated like an animal. That's how Kingsley Okojie treats me, his son... his flesh and blood.

An animal.

It kinda made me wonder how he treats his enemies.

I was no stranger to how the world viewed my father. I've heard the rumors about his brutality and I've read the news online, but I've never actually paid attention to it because they never last. For no reason, the rumors or the news would just disappear after hours of surfacing.

But after what happened last Friday... I'm beginning to wonder what kind of man Kingsley Okojie really was, what kind of things go on in his head, because...

A loud knock came to the bathroom door, bringing me out of my thoughts. I sighed, knowing exactly who it is at the door. And before I could say anything, another bang came to the door, followed by a call for my name.

"Jidenna!" He called me, then banged against the door again. "Jidenna, are you okay? Do you need help? Should I come in?" He asked all in one go.

"I'm fine, Tola," I called back because I knew he wouldn't leave except I give him feedback.

Truth be told, Tola still won't leave even after giving him a response. He was dedicated like that. I can even say, he was more dedicated to me than he was dedicated to anyone else in this house, well... except Kingsley Okojie. He has, of course, been my personal bodyguard since I was a kid.

He was the closest thing to a big brother to me, right now.

And that's saying a lot because I have three blood-related older brothers, including Jideofor. At least I still see Jideofor occasionally. Only God knew where the other two were.

Jidekene was the firstborn and first son of my parents, and nineteen solid years older than I was. I barely knew him, wasn't sure if I'd still recognize him if I saw him.

Apart from the age margin between us, I don't think I ever got to meet him properly. He was schooling out of the country when I was born. When I got older, he only came home once, had a talk with mum, and then left.

I really can't say where he is right now. Same with my second brother, Jidechukwu.

I still have a few vivid memories of him. We used to be close when I was much younger, even with our fifteen years age difference. We were both mum's favorite too. Although he was schooling abroad like Jidekene, Jidechukwu came home quite often. I can remember his last visit. Just like Jidekene, he talked with mum but this one was more heated.

And after that, he left. At first, he'd call to check up on me and mum. But later, he stopped calling altogether. I haven't heard from him in more than ten years.

Jideofor wasn't like the both of them. He was basically Kingsley Okojie's little errand boy. I don't know why he decided to stick with him because if there was anyone who suffered the most at the hands of our father, it was Jideofor. Yet, he still decided to stay and work for the man.

I've never really understood why.

But unlike him, Jidekene and Jidechukwu haven't stepped foot into this house since they left. They never stated their reasons for leaving, at least to me. They just left and never came back...

Not even after mum...

I shook my head to stop myself... and my mind from drifting away... to somewhere unimaginably agonizing. Those dark memories in the deepest, almost unreachable part of my mind. Memories I've kept buried for years.

Come back, Jidenna. Don't think about it. I told myself, taking a deep breath.

I turned off the water from the shower, took my towel from the rack, wrapped it around my waist before I reached out to open the door of the bathroom.

Tola was standing right in front of it, staring right back at me.

Exhaling deeply, I told him. "You don't have to stand in front of my door every time I decide to go into the bathroom." I bypassed him and walked further into my large room.

"You were in there for a long time. I was just trying to make sure you were okay, Jidenna. That's all." He answered me, his baritone voice booming across the room and bouncing on the walls. I sighed, massaging my temple.

Tola has been treating me like an egg ever since I woke up from unconsciousness. Always all up in my face so that I won't hurt myself. But the truth is, I can't hurt myself more than Kingsley Okojie has hurt me.

"I'm fine, Tola," I answered him, but he rose his eyebrows skeptically. I sighed again. "It's not like I slipped and broke my leg or anything," I added, punctuating with a shrug.

"What if you had?" He questioned back, shutting the still opened door of the bathroom before coming to stand in front of me. "Do you know how many people die or get injured in a year because they slipped in the bathroom?" He asked, quirking his eyebrows inquisitively and I shrugged.

I don't know.

"Over two hundred thousand people, Jidenna." He answered his question. I let out a puff of breath from my lips.

"Thank you, Tola but I'm fine," I told him, then continued. "And I need to wear something before you clean my back up, so if you'd excuse me..." I trailed off suggestively, but he didn't move a muscle, only staring back at me.

"Except you want to see me completely naked which would be extremely weird," I added. He rolled his eyes back at me, muttered some incoherent words but made his way out of my room, shutting the door behind him.

I couldn't help my lips tugging slightly in a small smile.

No doubt, Tola cared about me. On the outside, he might be this huge and muscular bodyguard who never smiles, but I knew him. I've seen the way he always is anything I'm subjected to Kingsley Okojie's affliction and torture, even though there's nothing he can do about it. Just like I said, he was like a big brother to me.

But there was so much his care could do. My subconscious reminded me, making the smile disappear from my lips.

His care couldn't fill the void.

I've tried to fill the void in the past. Being friends with Hilary, Kizito, Dawn, and Semeeha helped a bit but not totally. In all honesty, being best friends with TK hasn't helped much either. So truth be told, Tola cannot fill the void, no matter how much he tries.

And lately, I've been feeling the void getting larger and deeper.

Lately, I've been feeling so alone.

I exhaled, putting on a pair of joggers just as a knock came to the door of my room. I knew it was Tola, probably trying to check if I was done.

"You can come in now," I answered and he did, walking in with a steel tray that contained everything he'd need to clean up my back. He didn't have to say anything before I got on my bed and laid face down, my back exposed. He sat on the bed as well, dropping the steel tray on a stool.

This has been a routine since I woke back to consciousness. Tola coming to dress my battered back every morning and evening. My entire back was so unrecognizable, filled with thousands and thousands of slashes as if it was a knife that cut through my skin. I even stopped looking at the mirror to check it. That's how hideous it looked

And then, there was the pain.

The undiluted and raw agony I haven't stopped feeling. There's nothing else you can feel, but pain, when there are slashes like this on every part of your back, all the way up to your neck and down to your lower waist.

Just pain.

The kind of pain that no amount of painkillers cannot relieve.

"Do you want to bite down on something?" Tola asked me, his voice cutting through my thoughts. I looked at him over my shoulder. "For the pain," He added as an afterthought.

I shook my head

"I think I can take it," I said, trying to form hard guy. But Tola saw right through that, raising his eyebrows inquisitively. "I said I can take it," I repeated.

"You cried this morning, Jidenna... and every other time that I dressed your back." He reminded me of those embarrassing moments. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Well, now I'm getting used to the pain," I answered. "I can take it," I added, lying down completely on the bed, my head facing the other side.

I fisted the duvet beneath me, knowing for a fact that no matter how many times this goes on, I can never handle the pain... will never get used to it.

"Alright, if you say so," Tola said. I wasn't looking at him but I bet he had shrugged.

The man didn't even give me time to brace myself before he began to pour the methylated spirit all over my back. Yes, he poured the entire bottle... and I felt the sharp and painful stings from every slash it touched pierce every part of my back.

"Fuck!" I groaned out, almost leaping off the bed.

"I thought you said you could take it." Tola teased.

"Shut up!"

I screamed, throwing my head back into the pillow to muffle the uncontrollable groans that kept spilling out of my mouth. My eyes began to water as I let out a painful growl, burying my teeth into the pillow to stop me from screaming so much, my hands fisting even deeper into the mattress.

I'm not going to cry...

I'm not going to cry...

I'm not going to cry...

I kept reciting in my mind even though beads of tears dropped from my eyes and soaked the pillow.

"Take a deep breath, Jidenna," Tola said, soothingly this time, trying to calm my already heightened nerves. I growled lowly, punching in the bed with the pain still overwhelming.

"Why aren't they healing?" My voice came out more cracked and shaky than I wanted it to. I didn't have to look up for Tola to know that I was in severe pain...

...that I was crying.

"They are healing but they will take time." He answered. I heard the clanging on metals and I knew he was about to start cleaning me up. Taking deep, calming breaths, I turned my face to the side so that I could see what he was doing.

"The slashes from the whip reopened from older wounds on your back." He continued, glancing at me for a bit before he picked up the cotton wool with his glove-clad hand.

"It's not just going to miraculously heal overnight. It will take quite a while." He said, cleaning my back softly and gently. "Which is why I still think you should take a break from school. Don't resume tomorrow." He added after a moment of silence.

I almost sat up at that, but I couldn't. I had to stay put.

"Take a break from school? Don't resume tomorrow?" I asked incredulously, chuckling in sarcasm afterward. "It's been a little over a week, Tola. I was unconscious for six days and out of those six days, I missed three days of school for the first time. Thank God all these is falling during the mid-term."

I haven't put on my phone since I woke up. I don't even want to imagine the number of messages TK must have left for me.

"It is just an advice, Jidenna. But it's the best one I can give you right now." He paused the cleaning. "If anyone notices you are in pain in school, don't you think it would spark some sort of suspicion?" He asked me and continued to dab my back with the wet cotton wool.

"I'm pretty sure I can be very subtle in school. It's not like I'd have a reason to go shirtless, or someone will just open up my shirt to see the slashes." I answered him and he exhaled, continuing what he was doing.

I winced when he touched a deep spot.

"Besides," I continued, my face contorting into a deep frown. "I think my Father eliminated all chances of suspicion when he decided not to take me to a hospital but instead, had you clean the cuts up for me. Cuts he inflicted." I couldn't stop my voice from sounding so bitter and venomous.

Tola stared back at me for a moment and I held his gaze. Then he looked away, sighed, and told me to sit up. He took the three bandage rolls from where they were seated on the tray and began to lose them one by one.

"I'm sorry I couldn't stop him." He whispered after several minutes of uncomfortable silence, rolling the bandage around my middle. When one finished, he clipped it up and picked another.

I sighed.

"There was nothing you could have done," I answered, exhaling deeply. Rubbing my hand over my face in frustration, I added, "I'm just so tired, Tola. I don't know if I can continue to live like this. I don't think I can take it anymore."

"You have to endure..."

"Endure?!" I repeated, cutting him off sharply. "I have to endure this kind of pain for the rest of my life? Why does being his son hade come with so much pain? Is it natural? Is it until I die in this house? Tell me, Tola!" I screamed, hitting the bed with my fist in complete frustration.

Tola looked at me, shaking his head slowly.

"There is nothing that can be done about your father, Jidenna. You of all people should know that." He whispered. Wasn't sure if he meant those words to have a double meaning in my head, but they did. It felt like he wasn't just talking about the abuse.

It felt like there was something more. But I was too tired to even try to decipher it.

So instead, I scoffed.

"That's right." My lips quirked in a small, sarcastic smile. "Because he is Kingsley Okojie and he's so unstoppable, right?" I asked rhetorically, but still expected some sort of response from Tola.

But, he didn't answer. He stared back at me, something between sadness and pity marrying his expression. He was sad for me, pitying me. I exhaled, looking away from him as I threw my hand over my face.

I was tired. Exhausted.

Mentally, Physically, Emotionally, and even Psychologically exhausted.

I can't get used to the pain. I just can't.

But I can't do anything about it either

Tola and I didn't say anything to each other till he was done covering up the slashes. I didn't say anything to him as I stood up, walked to my sofa to pick up the long-sleeved hoodie sweatshirt sitting on it, grunting slightly when I threw it over my body,

"Where are you going?" He asked me. I picked up my phone from the bedside table.

"Out of this house," I answered monotonously, shoving my feet into my slides.

"Should I drive you?" He asked again.

"I'll order a Uber," I answered back in the same tone as I made my way out of the room. Tola didn't argue or try to stop me.

He let me go.

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I can't tell why I decided to come to this park.

Maybe it was the serenity, the beauty of it, or the beauty of seeing children running around the trimmed green grass, laughing and playing with no sort of care in the world.

Or maybe it was just because it was a place away from my home.

I wasn't sure if I could still call that place my home anymore. That's place was just a mere building with a very dysfunctional family living in it. If there was any word greater than dysfunctional, that's the word that can be used to describe the Okojie family. Truth be told, we weren't even much of a family anymore.

The one person that has been breaking this family apart from day one was Kingsley Okojie. And yeah, Tola was right. There was nothing that can be done to stop him.

Not when the only person that fought so hard to keep the family together was gone. Dead.

My mum.

Not again, Jidenna. Come back. I chided myself, taking in a deep breath.

Struggling not to allow my mind go down that dark part for the second time today, I allowed my eyes to wander around the park as I walked through it, feeding my eyes with things that could distract me.

Like some kids riding the carousel, or the ones that kept rolling around in the grass with carefree happiness while their parents tried to stop them from getting their outfits dirty.

Or this particular kid that had an easel set up in front of him, with a white paper that had colorful strokes on them. He was painting the scenery, capturing it on paper with beautiful strokes of paint.

After reaching to bring my phone out of my pocket, I began to take pictures of everything I was seeing. Though I wish I had a good camera to capture all these, I was satisfied with how my phone camera was bringing out the picture quite well, capturing the kids having fun. It was Saturday evening, so this place was relatively packed.

I couldn't help the ghost of a smile appearing on my lips as I stared at the pictures I took, wishing I was back to being a kid again.

Life was much easier... simpler when I was a kid. I wish I could go back to that age and time... a period where I had my mum with me. Things were so much easy then.

I walked further into the park, taking more pictures of any scenery that captured my eyes.

My mind was relatively clear. The energy of this place was gradually making me forget my sorrows for the time being. I know I'd still have to go back home at some point, but just for the few hours I had to spend here, I needed to bask in this feeling. The feeling of doing the one thing I loved the most.

Photography.

If only I had a camera.

I was saving up to buy one for myself. I might be the son of an insanely rich senator, but that doesn't mean I had anymore. I had an allowance, yes... but Kingsley Okojie has always been