(013b - Therapy and Tutorials Part 2)

Mehn, you people are angry children o. The insults on Mrs Khadija in the last chapter had me rolling 🤣💔. Well, she deserved it. Like I said, she'll suffer.

But for now, let's see how bad her words affected Simi😪.

P. S. I have an important notice in the author's note at the end of the chapter. Please don't ignore.

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𝐒𝐈𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐋𝐀
(Simisola André Jordan)

You are not going to cry, Simi.

You are not going to cry.

But even as I kept reciting that mantra in my mind, over and over again, the tears wouldn't stop dropping from my eyes in beads. I sniffed and furiously wiped it away, but that didn't stop the tears from coming. The tears kept flowing. I couldn't help it.

The voices wouldn't stop reminding me...

YOU ARE A FAILURE...

Stop.

... I DON'T KNOW WHY YOUR PARENTS ARE WASTING THEIR HARD-EARNED MONEY ON A BLOCKHEAD...

Stop.

... COMPLETE WASTE OF RESOURCES!

"STOP!" I screamed into the air, my voice echoing through the empty room. Then a deafening silence came after my voice, the only thing that could be heard in the room was the whispering of the pool and my heavy breathing.

"S-Stop..." I choked out, my voice breaking into a sob, the tears flowing even more now. I threw my palms over my face to suppress the sobs but I could still hear myself, my cries echoing through the room.

My mind wouldn't stop reminding me of all the insults hurled at me by my teachers and mates from the very beginning. Words I have never been able to get out of my head, and will probably never be able to get out of my head.

"You are a waste of time and energy."

"How can a human being be so dumb. No iota of brilliance or intelligence."

"You should be lucky I gave you a three-over-forty in this test. The three is for wasting your ink."

"Are you sure you are not cursed? Because it seems like you are, Simi."

"This place is not for dunce students, Simi."

"Your parents are wasting their money. You should just drop out and go learn a trade or something.

"Trying to teach you is a complete waste of time. It's like you were born daft."

The worst thing you can ever go through, especially in Highschool or anywhere for that matter, is being reminded on a constant and regular basis how much of a deadbeat, a loafer... A Loser you are. You know it within yourself, but then every other person around you knows too, and they remind you, every single time.

They will keep reminding me that I'll never amount to anything. I probably won't anyway.

After all, I'm a Loser.

How can I be in a place... where no one accepts me?

"Simi?"

My head jerked up at the familiar voice, my bloodshot eyes meeting Gloria's worried ones. I was quick to put my head down and start cleaning my face, but she had already seen my teary eyes. She has seen everything.

𝑭𝑢𝑐𝒌.

"Simi, are you crying?" I heard her ask, briskly making her way to where I was seated in the bleachers. I shook my head in answer to her question, furiously cleaning the tears from my eyes and on my face.

But there was no reason for me to do that anymore. She already saw me. She already saw me crying.

Simi, how more pathetic can you be?

"Simi..." She called again as she got to me, her hand touching my shoulder gently. I sniffed and rose my head, mustering a faux smile at her.

"I'm fine," I told her, and the look of concern on her face quickly wiped off, replaced with a deep frown.

"You are fine?" She asked, the sarcasm obvious in her tone. I knew She wasn't going to buy it, not after seeing it for herself. And knowing Gloria, she wasn't going to let it go. She'd drill me further and harder until she breaks through. She was stubborn like that.

Too bad, I was just as stubborn.

"I met you crying, Simi." She continued. "Your eyes are red! Not to mention, I heard your scream from outside. And you are telling me right now that you are fine. It's offensive how stupid you think I am." She folded her hands across her chest and gave me a deep look. I exhaled, clearly exhausted.

Okay, she's way stubborn than I am. Times one million even.

"What do you expect me to tell you?" I asked her and she threw her hands out.

"Tell me what is making you cry!" She answered, her voice very edgy and loud, I almost flinched. "Why are we best friends if you are not going to tell me things like this?" Her tone now sounded pained, making me feel even worse. My emotions began to take a better part of me again and I felt the tears well up, but I pushed it back down.

Not again. I'm not going to cry again.

This is the most vulnerable Gloria has ever seen me. The most vulnerable Gloria has ever seen me before now is anytime she's tutoring me and I get frustrated whenever I don't learn anything.

But that was it.

She has never seen me cry.

Until now.

She was seeing me differently now. At my weakest of weakest, at my most most vulnerable state... when the voices came to torture me. The voices just needed an invitation to come and manifest and Mrs. Khadija gave it to them. Her words invited them in again.

She's seeing how pathetic I am.

But I knew she wasn't going to leave. This doesn't faze Gloria Esho one bit.

And she proved me right by staying. She didn't move from the spot she was standing above me. Instead, she sighed and settled beside me on one of the chairs. I kept my head down, still feeling extremely ashamed and embarrassed that she had seen me this way.

"Simi, this isn't the first time I am seeing you this way... this torn," She paused, bringing her hands to where mine laid on my lap and covered them with her palms.

"I can't keep ignoring that a lot of things are hurting you. I can't keep quiet and watch you drown yourself in self-pity and self-loathing, because I am very sure that's what is happening right now." She stopped and even though I still wasn't looking at her, I could feel her eyes burning holes to the side of my head... an indirect urge for me to look at her.

It still didn't make me raise my head.

"What are we friends for, Simi?" She asked when she realized I wasn't going to say anything. I closed my eyes and a lone tear dropped, a tear I had no idea was lurking at the corners of my eyes. I immediately wiped it off.

"Simi..." She breathed out, the frustration evident in her voice.

Do I want to tell her what Mrs. Khadija said to me?

Do I want to relive that moment over again?

I don't know.

"Do you think I'm a failure?" The words escaped from my lips before I could stop them. I had finally risen my head to look at her, my eyes fixated on hers.

Gloria leaned away from me though her hands didn't leave mine, as if to have a better look at me. Then her answer came a heartbeat later.

"You have never been a failure in my eyes, Simi and you'll never be one. Damn anyone who thinks otherwise." She said all of that without taking one breath, her eyes focused squarely on me.

If I said her words didn't take a little weight off my chest, I'd be lying.

Because they did.

She's was one of the most important people in my life, my best friend. Her words carried so much weight. And I was very sure her words were not lies.

Gloria Esho never lies.

Even though it didn't Completely remove the burdens, her words made me feel a little better.

"Thank you," I muttered softly and she exhaled, a small smile stretching across her glossed lips.

"You still haven't told me exactly why you were crying. But I'm not going to ask again because whatever it is, I'm going to make you feel better. That's why you have me."

"That's why I have you..." I echoed and she nodded, bringing her hand to soften my ruffled hair. I leaned closer to her and placed my head on her shoulder, closing my eyes on instinct as I began to feel very tired, very exhausted.

I can't wait to go home and just sleep...

And forget every horrible thing that happened today.

"Your mum is in school."

My eyes flew open and my head shot up from Gloria's shoulder.

"What did you say?"

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Without knocking, I opened the door to Sir Isaac's office, ignoring his secretary who said I should wait for him to call me in first. I stopped short when I saw my mum, who turned back to look at me because it seemed like I had interrupted a tête-à-tête between her and my principal. When her eyes met mine, her lips stretched in a wide grin.

"Simi."

"What are you doing here?"

We chorused at the same time and her smile was replaced with a small smile.

"I can't come and see my son again?" She queried, her brows raised in question and I rolled my eyes, giving her a look.

This wasn't the first time my mum would drop by at my school unannounced. Sometimes, she'd just text me that she's in the parking lot, waiting for me. I'd go there to meet her, most of the time worried that there was something wrong. Only for her to just dump a bag of snacks in my hand, meaning she drove all the way from her workplace, just to give her only son a bag of snacks.

But never for once has she shown up alone, to meet up with Sir Isaac... not without my Dad. And that was majorly because of my academics.

Now? I didn't know what to make of this meeting.

"Nice of you to finally join us, Simi. You may have your seat." Sir Isaac said, his voice cutting through my thoughts. I sat down at his request, my eyes still on mum as I silently asked her what was going on. She gave me a reassuring smile and subtly told me to calm down.

"Thank you, Gloria," Mum said and I turned around to see Gloria was still standing by the door, remembering that she was the one that brought me here in the first place.

She curtseyed, giving me a signal that she'd see me later before she walked out, closing the door behind her.

"Am I in trouble?" I asked immediately Gloria was out and Mum sat up, shaking her head.

"Of course not. You are not in trouble?" Mum quickly clarified, looking at Sir Isaac.

"You are not in trouble, Simi." He repeated and I settled back in my seat, trying to relax but I can't be relaxed. No student sits comfortably in the Principal's office. No student sits at all.

"Your mum came in earlier and we have been discussing your academics." I wasn't surprised at that revelation but I couldn't help but feel downcast at the mention of my academics... and everything that had happened minutes before came rushing back to me.

Keep calm...

"What about it?" I dared to ask, keeping a straight face as I spoke. Sir Isaac and Mum exchanged a look before he sat up, leaning forward against his large desk that stood between us.

"This is your final year, Simisola. Which means you have to take your academics more seriously than you have ever taken them. Left to me and your father, you wouldn't participate in the upcoming sports this weekend because of your midterm test." He was talking about the Paragon and I fought the urge to roll my eyes at him.

"But from what your Mum told me moments ago, seems like you came into an agreement at home, and to help you actualize that agreement, we have decided that you should get a tutor." He finished, exchanging a smile with my Mum while I looked at both of them, completely confused.

"A tutor?" I asked, just to be sure I heard right. Mum saw this as a time to chip in.

"Not just any tutor. One of your classmates." She said, the smile still playing on her lips while my face contorted into a look of pure horror. She was still smiling because she doesn't realize the gravity of what she just said.

A classmate?

God Forbid!

"Mum, I don't think it's a good id..." My voice trailed off when a knock came on the door.

"She should be the one at the door." Sir Isaac said, before calling whoever was standing outside the door in. Whoever it was, I wasn't agreeing with this. I am not going to give these people more reasons to mock and ridicule me.

The door opened and I turned on the seat, expecting to see one of my obnoxious classmates standing behind me. Ready to see the look of mockery and sardonicsm on their face, silently mocking me. Ready for whoever it was to even reject the offer of tutoring me, knowing fully well that I was a lost cause.

But, I didn't see any of that as soon as I looked back.

Instead, I saw Hilary... looking extremely confused and list as she took in the sight before her, clearly wondering what she was doing here.

I was too. Because I didn't expect it to be her.

And that made me a bit self-conscious.

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"Thank you so much, Mr. Isaac. I really appreciate this." Mum said for the umpteenth time as we walked out of his office. And by we, I mean, Sir Isaac who was escorting my mum out, my mum, Hilary and I.

"Oh, Mrs. Jordan." Sir Isaac waved his hands in dismissal to my mum's continuous appreciation. "There is absolutely nothing to thank me for. We want the best for these children. That is our topmost priority." He stated and Mum hummed in response, nodding her head. I glanced at Hilary, who had been quiet since she agreed to tutor me.

Yes, she agreed to tutor me.

It wasn't a hassle. At least, not the way I thought it would be. Immediately she got in and Sir Isaac explained everything to her, she agreed to tutor me without asking any more questions, aside from fixing the time and days of the tutorial. At first, it seemed so easy to me. Like, why would she agree to tutor me so fast like she wanted to get something out of it?

But I knew I was just overthinking it. Because the few moments I have gotten to know her, she didn't seem like that kind of person.

Still, I wanted to know.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked, startling her back to reality because it seemed like her mind was far away. She looked up, at me with brows furrowed in question.

"What?" She sounded confused, a confirmation that her mind was indeed far away from here. I sighed and repeated the question.

"Why did you agree to tutor me?" I expatiated so she could understand. "What's in it for you?" I asked. We had already moved further out of the reception, leaving Mum and Sir Isaac talking about me, most likely.

"Is there supposed to be something in it for me?" She asked, forehead creased in a slight frown and that was when I realized that the question was an extremely stupid one.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that." I quickly apologized and she shrugged, walking further out of the large office and leading the way into a part of the block, where the offices of our teachers were located. I followed behind her.

"It's all good." She muttered, leaning against the wall. I stood opposite her, watching as she stared down at her shoe-covered feet that kept shuffling on the tiled floor like she was uncomfortable.

Is it because I'm standing in front of her?

"I'm not doing this because I want to get anything from it." She began, her soft voice cutting through my train of thoughts. Then, she rose her head up, her eyes meeting mine.

"Just see this as a way of saying thank you for helping me last Friday." She added and my eyes widened slightly when I realized I haven't checked up on her since her parents took her home last week Friday.

"How... How are you feeling now?" I asked, picking my words carefully. Hilary folded her hands across her chest, not answering my question and I knew better than to prod further, even though her silence spoke volumes and only confirmed what Uncle Danny had told me this morning.

After assembly, Uncle Danny had called me aside and told me that we'd need to screen some of the other female swimmers and train the best for the Paragon which was barely four days away.

I was confused as to why we needed a new female swimmer because, in any swimming competition we had, Hilary was always the first choice. Even though we both have been on the swim team together for three years and we didn't speak to each other before now, I wasn't blind to the fact that she was the best female swimmer we had.

But Uncle Danny didn't feed me in on the details. He only told me to be ready to screen the other female swimmers after school. Even though he didn't say more than that, I was able to deduce that the sudden change of plans had a lot to do with what happened on Friday.

I can still remember vividly how Hilary had looked at the pool that day. Though, I wasn't sure what it meant.

And I wasn't sure if I wanted to find out.

"Hey..." Her whisper tore through my reverie. I rose my head up to look at her, seeing that her forlorn expression had faltered into one of... Is that pity? I was confused.

"I-I don't know if this is going to make any difference, but..." She trailed off as if having an internal battle whether to continue or not. I looked on, waiting for her to continue.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that with Mrs. Khadija... in class."

And my mood turned sour.

Someone just had to remind me...

Hilary must have noticed the change in my mood because she stopped talking, muffling incoherent self-chiding words when she realized how what she said had affected me.

I shoved my hands into the pocket of my trouser and looked away from her because I didn't want her to see any emotion in my eyes. I didn't want her seeing how much a simple statement that was supposed to be soothing and comforting, made me relive that embarrassing moment in class over again, just when I was trying to forget.

I didn't want her to see the tears welling up in my eyes again.

For the sake of Christ, Simi! Be a 𝒇𝑢𝑐𝒌𝑖𝑛𝒈 man!

"I'm so sorry I brought it up. I shouldn't have..."

"It's okay." I cut her off immediately, wanting nothing more but to walk away from her. With the way my emotions were all over the place, the last thing I wanted was for her to see me this way.

Vulnerable.

"I should go and meet my mum anyway. I'll see you around." And without waiting for a reply, I turned on my heels and walked away from her, not looking back till I got to where Mum was still standing with Sir Isaac.

When I finally looked back, Hilary was gone.

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