day 9
11.46 am
lee haru

army

i wake up in the morning with tired limbs
but jeongguk just had to drag me out into the streets
for "some fresh air" and a "casual afternoon stroll"

i adjust the black mask he'd given me
on my face and follow him as
we walk along the pavement

jeongguk pauses all of a sudden
and i follow his gaze
to see several television screens
through the window of an electronics shop
displaying the afternoon news

it has his name and face on it
i can see his figure stiffen up
but i refrain from questioning him
when he takes me by the hand
and leads me away

jeongguk says there's this
chinese food place he's heard about
i don't get a say in it
because once he pushes the door open
the smell of minced chicken
fried duck and chinese noodles
instantly fills my senses

my mouth begins to water
because honestly
how can i say no to this

"how is it that you know all of the
food places around here?"
i ask after we made our orders

jeongguk licks his bottom lip
leaning back against his seat
as he glances around the room
"i did some research,
naver, google, you know"

"smart"

he tosses me a smirk

"it smells like heaven"
i comment after the food is
set down on the table
jeongguk bows at the waitress
as a gesture of "thank you"

"it doesn't just smell like heaven
it tastes like heaven too"
he says before telling me to take off my mask

"no argument there"
i pull it down before indulging myself
in what tastes like food from the gods above
after so long of being away from home
having a well coursed meal like this feels heavenly

jeongguk suddenly freezes
i raise an eyebrow at him
"what?"
i turn to see a group of
teenage girls walking into the room
wearing hoodies with 4 letters printed on them
spelling the word a. r. m. y

"army?"
i ask

jeongguk sighs and turns back to his food
but i can see him trying hard not to smile
"it's what we call our fans"

"ahh"
i nod and take another mouthful
of my chinese noodles, hearing him chuckle lightly

the girls take the table across the room
and i might have eavesdropped on
a small part of their conversation;
they mentioned something about jeongguk
and i think that he's noticed too
because his smile only broadens

but there's something about that smile that
just doesn't feel as right as it should feel
maybe i'm just over thinking things
after all, he ran away
his fans are probably missing him
maybe some of them feel betrayed, heartbroken
that their beloved idol disappeared without a trace

"i think everyone misses you a lot"

jeongguk doesn't reply for a moment
and i shift nervously in my seat
maybe i shouldn't have said that

before i can say anything else
he looks up at me and answers in a soft voice
"i miss them too"
and then after a couple of seconds, he adds bitterly
"every second of every day"

"then why don't you go back?"

"it's"
he hesitates
picks at his food, avoids my eyes
as if all of his secrets are buried behind his own
and i can unravel them
as soon as he lets his guard down
"it's complicated" he finally breathes

and i don't ask any more than that
because the sad look on his face
is enough of a sign that even he
doesn't know the answer to my questions