day 21
6.26 pm
lee haru

what if

i didn't realise i had fallen asleep
until the sudden sinking of my bed
wakes me up
jeongguk is staring at me
with his signature cheshire smile
and i flinch in shock

"sleep well?"
he asks as he moves to lay on the
free space beside me
leaning his head on his arms

"very" i mumble out
"what time is it"

"just past six" jeongguk replies
and turns around to face me
i take the opportunity to study him carefully
there isn't any sign that he'd broken down earlier
it is as if everything was fine
or was that just some bad dream?

"jeongguk-ah
did your father and brother come home for lunch earlier?"
i ask, just to be sure

he nods
"yeah, they just went back to work
did you get amnesia after you slept?"
he chuckles and ruffles my hair with a finger

ah, so it all happened

"just making sure my brain is working properly
i don't think i've ever felt
this relaxed since i left home"
i smile and shut my eyes
inhaling deeply

jeongguk hums soothingly
closing his eyes as well

my thoughts drift back to the
conversation i overheard in the kitchen
i'm itching to confront him about it
to ask him what he's been hiding from me
to say tell me the truth
and get the truth for myself

but the words are lodged in my throat
and i can't get them out
i squeeze my hands into fists
my heart thumping

jeongguk laughs
and the bells of heaven are chiming
"i was thinking of something" he says
"the snow isn't very heavy tonight
do you want to go out and find something to do with me?"

i glance over at him and he smiles
and despite whatever i've seen earlier
his pretty eyes still have the
universe buried in them
because they're sparkling
just like every other day
"it's okay if you just want to rest,
i'm sure you must be exhausted after—"

"i'll go" i reply without batting an eyelash
because all this worry about
exhaustion and soreness can wait
wherever he's going
whatever he's going to do
whether he chooses to tell me or not
i'm going to have to find out on my own
and if whatever it is means that
i'm never going to see him again
i'll never miss a chance to spend time with him
while i still can

because this heart of mine is somewhat stubborn
and is easily attached
not knowing how it feels to let go
not knowing how it feels to give something up

jeongguk's eyes continue to sparkle
and i resist the urge to pull him close
to snuggle into his chest
to tell him how worried i am

and maybe finally confess my feelings
but i'm afraid
what if everything we've been through up until now
mean nothing but mere good intentions
what if he chooses to ignore
if i tell him how i really feel

what if
what if
what if

in spite of it all
my heart isn't ready to let go

[i would like to thank everyone for 4.5k reads up until now, i know it isn't really that much compared to others but i'm crying omg this was so unexpected ㅠㅠㅠ thankyousomuch ♡]