Aries: "buhhh i have a headache i was yelling too loud....."

Taurus: "yeah i came home from work yesterday, saw my mom trying to seduce my stepdad and decided overtime was probably the best route"

Gemini: "like she's super smart and i want to hate her but she's really nice so i can't?"

Cancer: "hell ye i'm the fun cousin when i'm not sobbing in my kitchen"

Leo: "DO YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME SON I'LL FIGHT RIGHT HERE" *trips over a desk*

Virgo: *hears about something* *becomes an expert about the thing literally overnight and probably knows more about the thing than whoever came up with it*

Libra: "things have been ok, family stuff is kinda str- ANGELO IF YOU LAY A HAND ON MY DOG I WILL CUT YOU"

Scorpio: "i mean i haven't killed anyone yet so.... success?"

Sagittarius: 'why do you talk to me im so awkward and uncomfortable'
"omg no it's ok that's how you know we're related"

Capricorn: "aw no you're not ugly you're like.... a solid 7...."

Aquarius: *texts back after 2 months* "psst do u still want to marathon a:tla"

Pisces: *recieves a compliment* *gets down on one knee* "marry me"