Aries: My taxi driver pulled over at a pub as he had to pee! The meter is running! Am I paying for his pee break?!
Taurus: I just witnessed a squirrel kick another squirrel out of a tree! SQUIRREL KOMBAT
Gemini: Can I have extra gluten please? Give me all of that juicy gluten
Cancer: I knocked my entire box of bath bombs into the bath so I just had the most intense bath ever. It was like a smelly glittery volcano
Leo: BACK IN LONDON! The house is freezing! A polar bear would catch a cold in here. *sets everything on fire*
Virgo: Happy #houseplantappreciationday *licks all my cacti*
Libra: Offended by the lack of pancake emoji how pancakeist
Scorpio: My salted caramel coffee tastes like a salted salt saltee
Sagittarius: ALWAYS CHECK FOR CACTI WHEN WARMING YOUR BUTT ON A RADIATOR that was almost a disaster
Capricorn: Just sent an important email and realized my phone autocorrected 'Phil' to 'Oil me'.
Aquarius: I got a face wash from lush and it has actual pieces of popcorn in it?! Am I meant to eat them while I wash my face?
Pisces: Tried to get an early night and woke up an hour later with a moth crawling on my lip. THANKS WORLD
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