Aries: an emo band leader
Taurus: owning a restaurant
Gemini: living in a mansion
Cancer: being chased by the paparazzi
Leo: owning a condom factory

Virgo: a founder of a very important technology
Libra: a model
Scorpio: in a mental hospital
Sagittarius: somewhere in Africa on an adventure
Capricorn: earning a billion dollars
Aquarius: a ho* who gets paid a lot
Pisces: also in a mental hospital with Scorpio