Chapter 29: ᴡʜᴏ ɪ ᴀᴍ

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I have my flaws

I make mistakes

But I'm myself

I'm not ashamed

That's who I am, oh

That's who I am, oh

That's who I am, oh

I have my doubts

I lose my strength

Sometimes I fall, but I don't break

That's who I am, oh

That's who I am, oh

That's who I am, oh

"Who I am": The Score

It felt strange to be back in the apartment. The place that was my home for almost all my life. And now the place that I wanted to avoid at all costs.

There was a strange smell as soon as I got inside.

"I know this smell" Zane said while sniffing the air.

"I know it too, drugs" I replied. I've smelt this scent on Sarah and my father when I was younger.

The whole apartment was a mess. Clothes were scattered everywhere, with a lot of dirty dishes and pizza leftovers on the floor.

My mother has always been a tidy freak. To see all this mess means she hit her lowest point. I wonder the cause of that.

I went to her room to pack some clothes for her.

In the closet in the underwear drawer, there was a box. A blue wooden box.

Out of curiosity, I opened it and I wish I didn't.

I sat on the floor while reading the documents.

A marriage certificate, no longer valid. Sarah's birth certificate. My mother's custody papers and the apartment contract.

What made my hands shake was the last document. My birth certificate.

Name: Katherine Willson

Place of birth: Kansas City

Mother's name: Amanda Willson

Father's name: Robert Willson

Another paper was attached to it.

Guardianship letter in case of death

I Robert Willson name Emilia and Derek Willson as guardians for my daughter Katherine Willson. This guardianship should be effective in case of my death.

What is this?

Zane took the papers from my hands as soon as he saw me crying.

What is the meaning of this?

There has to be a mistake. It can't be real.

"Baby, let me call my boss. We have to confirm this" Zane said but his voice felt distant because I couldn't focus.

"Sir, I apologize for calling this late but I found out something very important for the case. Did you manage to look into Robert Willson's file?"

There was a silence for a few seconds, Zane was listening to what his boss was telling him.

"Alright sir, this changes a lot of things. We should discuss this further tomorrow"

He hung up and came to me.

"Baby, it's true. Your father is Robert and not Derek. They became your guardians after your father's death" Zane hugged me right away.

I felt numb. I didn't know how to react.

When I thought there couldn't be more lies in my life turns out there are more.

The two people who I considered my parents my whole life are not my real parents.

According to these papers, my real mother is Amanda Willson. Is she dead?

"ZeZe? Do you know if Amanda is alive?"

"No baby, she died while giving birth. At least that's what my boss told me"

So she is dead.

I have no one then?

I took the box to place the papers back except my birth certificate and the guardianship letter. Taking a better look at the box I found another paper at the button.

Last will and testament of Robert Willson

A lot of formalities were written there but the paragraph that caught my attention was:

I appoint my daughter to become the Beneficiary of this will once she turns the legal age. She will inherit:

The Lake House in Kansas City

The money saved in the bank account registered under my name

The Death Gratuity in case of death in duty

There is a will directed to me?

Anger. That's what I felt.

And for the first time in my life, I felt hatred towards 'my parents'.

I was way past my legal age and I was never informed of this.

All the sympathy that I felt for Emilia was now replaced with anger.

The whole way back to the hospital I remained silent. Zane could tell that I was mad and he was surprised to see me that way. He was used to the calm Katherine. The one who always avoids confrontations and stays quiet.

But I can no longer stay quiet after what I found out. There is a limit to everything and this was mine.

When we got inside Emilia's room she was already awake.

She looked surprised to see me. It won't be for long anyway.

"Kat, honey, you came to see me" She was acting sweet because she saw Zane next to me. She won't make a scene in front of a stranger.

"Why did you do this?" I asked emotionless.

"I was desperate, you left me all alone and didn't even try to contact me. You are the one to blame that I am on this state"

I laughed like a madwoman. I laughed for a few seconds while I felt my eyes filling with tears.

"You find my state funny? You made me like this!" She yelled.

"Emilia, I don't think you are in the position to blame me for anything." She looked taken aback by my harsh tone.

"How dare you call me by my name, I am your mother" The act was over. She couldn't keep her cool anymore.

"Are you though? Are you my mother? This paper says otherwise" I say showing the birth certificate.

Emilia's face turns pale.

"How did you find that?"

"I'm sure you wished I didn't find this but I guess someone up there wanted me to get out of the darkness."

"That doesn't say anything. I am still your mother. I raised you and you owe me" She spat.

"Oh 'mother', tell me exactly what I owe you? Last time I checked I paid you money for years. And I wasn't the only one who gave you money, am I right?"

"I don't know what you're talking about"

"Come on Emilia drop the act already. I found the will of my father too."

She was clearly panicking. I wasn't supposed to find out anything about this.

"You kept it secret because of the money right?"

"I didn't use that money, Derek did. We got a divorce because he spent the money on drugs and alcohol. He also cheated on me with another woman" She yelled.

"How much money did my father left and don't even dare to hide the truth anymore Emilia"

"There were about 300.000$ on your father's account as your future savings and you got 100.000$ as Death Gratuity because he died on duty."

"You spent 400.000$ on drugs and alcohol? Money that wasn't yours but a dead person's hard work?" I yelled, losing my calm. For the first time in my life, I raised my voice.

"I only used the Death Gratuity, the rest was used by Derek." She tried to justify herself.

"You didn't try to take your life but to get attention. Am I right?" Her silence was all the answer I needed.

"Do you even know where your daughter is?"

"At the dorms studying" She clearly looked like she didn't know.

"I think it is time for you to talk with your daughter Emilia. You might find some things that you won't like." I resented Emilia but I was not heartless. She shouldn't find out the truth from me.

"I brought you some clothes. This is the last time we'll see each other, Emilia. I thank you for the food and shelter you've provided me all these years. But I can not thank you for anything else. Your bullying has left a wound on my life that will hardly heal and your lies will never be forgiven. You vented your anger on a child that wasn't aware that she wasn't surrounded by her real parents. You humiliated a young girl who did everything to please her mother. Then you asked her to repay you with money for everything you invested in her. And when I did you thought it was not enough. I respected you as a mother and treated you like one. I owe you nothing and I don't want anything either." I was crying while saying those words but I had to let it all out. This was my closure.

"You're leaving me again?" She asked with a victim tone.

"Yes, and this time is forever. As a gratitude for the food and shelter, I will not sue you for hiding information and spending money earned by my father. Farewell Emilia"

I grabbed Zane's hand and left the hospital.

Zane let me cry and didn't press. He held my hand on the way to his apartment and still held it until we got inside.

"ZeZe, please tell me this relationship that we have is real. I've said this before but right now I really don't think I can stand another lie" I looked at Zane with pleading eyes. I could tell he felt sad for me.

He cupped my cheeks and made me look into his eyes.

"I swear on my life that I'm not hiding anything from you. There are things that you still don't know about my past, traumas, and bad memories. Aside from that anything that has happened since we've met is true. No lies there. And it's also true that I love you."

We hugged for a while. Zane provided me the comfort that I needed.

At least now I know who I am. 

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