Chapter 27: ᴏᴠᴇʀᴡʜᴇʟᴍᴇᴅ

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I get overwhelmed so easily

My anxiety creeps inside of me

Makes it hard to breathe

What's come over me

Feels like I'm somebody else

I get overwhelmed so easily

My anxiety keeps me silent

When I try to speak

What's come over me

Feels like I'm somebody else

I get overwhelmed

"Overwhelmed":  Royal & the Serpent

Zane must have sensed a change in my mood lately. I haven't been as cheerful as before.

That is because I keep getting nightmares. Dreams where my father laughs cynically while holding women hostage.

In other dreams, my mother appears and laughs at my body pointing out every imperfection.

But the worst nightmare is seeing Zane leaving me. In those dreams, he always confesses that he doesn't love me and wants to break up. Then he turns his back to me and leaves.

I kept telling Zane that I'm alright but I'm not. I did not want to worry him. The mission is already too much for him and I don't want to add more.

But as days went by I felt worse. The amount of negative thoughts was overwhelming.

I question if any of this is my fault. Maybe if I noticed things earlier. Probably things would be better if I knew about their lies.

Then I ask myself if there are more lies. Wondering if my anxious heart will finally be at peace. But I cannot stop it from beating fast every time Zane calls me wondering what lie I'll find out about.

I should expect Zane's calls with excitement, happy to hear his voice. But lately, all I feel when he calls me is anxiety. Not because there's something wrong with our relationship, it's the information that he finds or the questions that he has that hurt me.

Because somehow, every call revealed another lie. And honestly, I don't think I can take any more of it.

As if he could read my mind, Zane's name showed on my phone.

"Baby, good morning!" That voice...I wish I could have you here to hug you. You're struggling too ZeZe and I can tell.

"Good morning ZeZe!" I hope he doesn't notice anything.

I'm anxious. My heart is beating fast but for the wrong reason. There must be something. He must have found out something.

We talk for a while about random things but I'm impatient. Where is the new information?

"By the way baby, we finally got a picture of the woman Derek is living with. I already sent it to Jack but I wanted to show it to you in case you recognize it" There it is.

I opened my message feed to see the picture. He was still on the phone waiting for me to recognize whoever that person is.

And I immediately do. I know who she is. The one that gave me my refuge for the past years. The person who offered me a place to escape home and money to pay my bills.

Greta.

"I know her" My voice cracked. I was holding back the tears.

"Her name is Greta, she's the owner of the World Tea Hub, the tea shop I worked at for the past years".

"Baby, I'm so sorry. You don't deserve this..." He sounded worried. Zane probably sensed my about-to-cry voice.

"ZeZe? Is this thing between us real? Am I going to wake up tomorrow and find out that it was a lie too?" I hate how insecure I sound. I hate that I doubt his actions.

"KatKat, listen to me very carefully. I love you. This relationship between us is real. There is nothing that your family could do to make me run away from you. Please don't give up on us. Hold on a little bit longer." His pleading voice made me even sadder.

He loves me. How can I even doubt that? I'm broken. Zane doesn't deserve all this doubting. He doesn't deserve to handle all my insecurities.

"ZeZe, I'm sorry. I think I need time to arrange my thoughts. I promised to tell you when I need space and this time I think I do. I've always been on my own when dealing with emotions and I don't know how to receive help from others. I'm also scared to trust because as you can tell everything in my life has been a lie. I care about you ZeZe, a lot. That's why you don't deserve all my doubting. I'm sorry ZeZe" I hope he understood me despite all the sobbing.

"Baby, I'm confused right now. Are you telling me you want us to take a break?" I hate to hear how sad he sounds. It's my fault.

"Noo, I'm not letting you go. Not you ZeZe. Please just give me a few days to get myself together. Can you wait for me?"

"Of course baby, all the time you need. I'm just a call away. Anything and I mean anything you need just give me a call or message me."

"Thank you"

"I love you Angel, take care"

I love you too. That's what I wanted to say but I couldn't. At least not yet.

After we ended our call I broke into louder sobs.

Father, mother, Sarah, and now my former boss Greta, all of them lied to me.

I cried and cried until I felt nothing. Until I no longer felt pain.

It took me almost a week to get myself together. The tears I spilled during those days would be the last I would spill for them.

I got a piece of paper and wrote down everything I knew. I was well aware that I was related to all of them but I was not involved in any of their wrongdoings and I was determined to know why. There must be a reason why they kept me in the dark.

I made myself a map with names and possible relations.

I wrote down all the information I knew about Greta, even the ones related to the tea shop. It was after writing down and organizing all that information that I realized quite a few important things. I knew that everything will change once I share with Zane all I know.

I dialed his number with sweaty hands. I was nervous. It would be the first time I hear his voice in days. I hope he's still willing to hear me.

"Baby!" The excitement in his voice made me feel warm inside.

"ZeZe, I'm sorry it took me so long. Did you have to wait for too long?"

"No love, I could wait months for you."

"ZeZe, I've been thinking a lot this past few days. I'm finally ready to face my family. After thinking a lot I've realized that I was never really part of my family. I was just a mean to reach their goal. A tool to get something. Always present but never involved and I think there must be a reason for that. Something that I don't know about."

"You are right KatKat. It's really strange how you know all of them yet you don't know anything about them. To be honest it's my first time witnessing a situation like yours. Usually, everyone is involved somehow."

"I'm not sure why they keep me in the dark but I want to find out. In fact ZeZe I might have information that you want to know. I've been working there for a while and I know things related to the business. Greta was the one who approached me first to offer me the job. That could mean that she knew who I was. Then, she always travels, most times she's in the Philippines, Indonesia, and South India. As for the tea, she gets her supply from different locations. She has a warehouse in New York, one in Ohio, then outside the country, she has one in Mexico City, Sao Paulo, and Havana. I know that because I always asked for restocking from there."

"Noted, I'll tell Jack about it. Do you know any more details?"

"Yes, I always found it strange that she would have so many warehouses when the sales were never that good. The amount of tea sold didn't compensate for the amount of tea she made me restock each month. The strange thing now that I think about it, is that Greta never let me verify the goods. She was always the one who received the truck with goods and always outside of working hours."

"Hmm, then there's a huge chance that it's not only tea there"

"Right, also I remember that I stayed overtime once and I saw the truck that brought the goods. I must say that truck was huge for a two boxes delivery. The truck had the tea shop logo and the only shop she has is the one in town. I found that very strange but I dismissed it thinking that maybe I don't know much about business."

"Fuck, that means she might be doing the transport of girls in those trucks. Fuck, Angel! Do you remember which days she received the goods?"

"Yes, on the 1st and 15th each month. It's always in the afternoon after 6 or 7 pm."

"Fuck KatKat, we might be closer to an end now. I have to call Jack and my boss"

"ZeZe?"

"Yes, baby?"

"Once this is over I'm coming with you" He knows what I mean.

"Fuck Angel, you just made my day. I can't wait to take you home."

"I'm looking forward to it"

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