Chapter 1: ɪᴍᴀɢᴇ

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I know the voice inside your head saying you're never good enough

The times you stay in bed because it's too hard to get up

The friends who disappear when things just get a bit too rough

Time to make it stop

"Lonely Ones": LOVA

Q: Have you ever done something reckless and regretted it right away?

EDITED

"Did you gain weight?"

What a great way to start the day.

"No mom, I'm on my period and I'm bloated" I answered but I no longer wanted to eat, the pancakes lost all their appeal.

"Are you sure honey? My period never made me look chubby" My eyes stung to that comment.

Don't cry, Katherine!

Don't cry!

Don't cry!

You're fine, you're not fat!

I nodded without saying a thing but that only worsened things and her frown deepened.

"See? I can't tell you anything because you always make that face. Playing the victim when I'm only trying to help you in life." Satisfied with her words and the fact she played the good mom role, she crossed her arms and put on a fake concerning look.

"You're right mom, you're right!" I said, my voice cracking a bit and I hated myself for letting her words get to me.

She nodded and stood up to leave before saying "Maybe you should ask Sarah to give you some dieting tips".

With that, she left the kitchen leaving me there completely broken. Just like a hit and run, leaving the victim bleed after you run over them.

A tear rolled down my cheek but I wiped it right away. I didn't want to let her words affect me despite hating how much she affected me. It was nothing new, she always did that.

It's hard for me sometimes to understand if she's genuinely concerned or not. Sometimes I even question myself asking if maybe she's right and she's only trying to help.

Don't fool yourself, Katherine. She's been doing this since you were 7. The voice in the back of my head reminded me.

After feeling like crap I still forced myself to eat the pancakes, reminding myself that I was privileged and I should never waste food. Some people would give up everything for just a slice.

I then went to my room and grabbed my bag to leave for work.

Soon the tea shop came into sight and I smiled. I loved the place. The different smells from the herbs made me happy and it felt like that place was my escape.

I wasn't such a big fan of drinking tea but I loved the smell. My favorites were rose, fruit and vanilla.

Greta, the owner greeted me with a smile. "Morning, sweetie. How was your night?"

Greta was a lovely middle-aged woman. She owned the place and she called it little pleasure. She loved tea and traveled all over the world to search for the right provider and the right taste.

I started to work there after I graduated from college. I needed to find a job right away and she was hiring. It came at the time that I needed it the most. Now I love it.

The pay wasn't big but enough to manage and save money. I bought my car after a year and now I've been saving to move out.

I was grateful for everything my mom did for me. But after I got into college I worked hard to pay for my studies and never asked her for money ever since.

The toxic environment was strangling me but I couldn't afford to move out yet.

One day, hopefully soon, I'll be able to move out and maybe just maybe, then my heart will stop aching.

"It was good Greta, I slept wonderfully!" I said faking a smile. She never questioned and it always seemed as if she believed every single lie I told her. Maybe I mastered my lying. Should I become an actress?

My night was far from wonderful. I tossed around all night because of my period cramps. I had those kinds of horrible cramps that made me nauseous and my body tremble.

It didn't help either the mood I was in thanks to my mother's 'kind' words. Add hormones and anxiety and you get the perfect mix of disaster.

.....

The day went by fast and by the time I got home I found my mom on the couch watching some show on TV. She loved those gossip shows that I found somehow annoying. I couldn't care less about other people's business. I had enough with my own drama.

She took her eyes away from the screen and when she saw me she scanned my body from head to toe.

"You went to work like that?" She asked frowning and shaking her head in disagreement.

"Katherine, I told you this before. You'll never find a boyfriend dressed like that."

"I'm not looking for one mom" I sighed and tried to ignore her words once again.

"That's what unattractive women say, honey. They say that so that people don't think men are not attracted to them because of the way they look." She shook her head again and turned back to watch the show.

I said nothing and went to my room, tears rolling down my cheeks because no matter how many times I hear it, it never gets easier. Could anyone get used to such harsh words? Was that even healthy?

I knew I wasn't the most attractive girl out there but I consider myself average. Brown hair, hazel eyes and full lips. Perhaps my flaw was my short stature because some people think I'm a kid with my 5ft.

I took a look at the clothes I was wearing and I didn't find them weird. Blue oversized t-shirt and black leggings. It was not fancy but it was comfy and that's all that matters.

After a quick shower, I went to bed and avoided my mom for the rest of the night.

.....

My phone suddenly rang and I answered without checking the caller. My eyes were closed and I felt annoyed by whoever dared to disrupt my sleep.

"Hello?" my voice sounded hoarse.

"Kat, you need to come and get me right now and take me to my dorm!"

"Sarah, weren't you studying with Caroline? She can take you!" I answered annoyed.

She always did that. Call me to pick her up as if I was her personal driver or her slave.

It wouldn't be a problem if things were different. For one our relationship is not the best, then she doesn't respect boundaries and calls me at night past reasonable hours like 4am, and lastly she frecuents dangerous places.

"I wasn't with Caroline, I'm at the car race place from the other day."

"Sarah, why did you go there again after all that happened?" I was now awake and angry but my voice was still surprisingly calm.

I checked the clock on my phone. It was 5am! 5 AM!!

"Well I needed my candy and some of Mikael's men are here."

"Damn it, Sarah, how many times do I have to tell you to stop with that? You're ruining yourself!!" I sighed remembering that I told her countless times to be careful.

Candy means drugs. She's been into them for the past three years.

I talked to her many times in the hope that she would stop but she hasn't. If anything her addiction has gotten worse and she's been looking for stronger stimulations.

Of course, my mom had no clue about this. I couldn't tell her after what happened with dad. I just couldn't.

Instead, I promised myself that I'll be there for my sister even after all she's done to me. She's still family no matter what. I'm just being a good sister, right? She would do the same, right?

"I'll be there in 30 min" I told her and hung up. I didn't wait for an answer because I knew by the way she was talking that she was high, very far gone.

I put on the leggings from before, a black oversized hoodie, and put my hair into a bun.

I couldn't care less about putting on makeup. It was 5am, I was tired and I had to go to work in a few hours.

I dragged myself there and 30 minutes later I was at the track.

The town had an abandoned car racing track. Years ago a company used to rent the place for national competitions, however soon the owner couldn't afford to keep the place going so he sold it to the town administration.

The mayor itself was involved in some illegal stuff and months later the place turned into an illegal car racing.

Drug, alcohol, sex, you name it. A place you would never want to go to.

Despite being an outdoor track, it had a structure similar to a stadium, grades, and private entrance.

I showed the security guy my ID and he nodded for me to get inside. You had to be at least 18 to get in.

Nonetheless, anyone knew that minors forged their IDs and snuck into. Yet no one did anything about it. If it brings money why bother?

This was my second time there. The last was six months ago when Sarah got high again.

It was scary the first time, and it's even scarier now.

Once I was inside I looked through the crowd both on the grades and the track and I couldn't help but feel self-conscious.

Most girls were in very tight and minuscule skirts and wearing only their bras on top.

Looking at my clothes and appearance I felt out of place.

I felt bad for those girls though. Most of them will probably not remember the night and I hoped that none of them had to go through any unfortunate situations. You know like being forced into something or worse, raped.

Now, where was Sarah?

................

This was the first chapter!

What do you think? Did you like it?Some interesting things will happen next chapter or rather someone interesting 😏


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