Grief

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Slight Trigger Warning! Suicide Attempt! Please read at your own risk!


"Where is he?" Hongjoong asked quietly, taking off his shoes before walking into the living room and sitting on the couch, relishing a tired sigh. "In his room.. He won't go out since we got back from the funeral."

"Did he at least eat something?"

"No. He didn't touch any of his food today."

"That boy will collapse if he doesn't take care of his health.."

"We can't really blame him for that, Joongie-ah.. He just lost someone that was very precious.."

Hongjoong sighed softly, nodding his head in understanding and stood up from the couch, "I'll go talk to him to at least make him eat something."

"Okay."

--

Hongjoong entered the room and found the mourning boy sitting on his bed, his back hunched over as his face buried in his pillow that he had hugged. Hongjoong blinked his eyes as the tears threatened to come out when he watched the mourning boy on his bed.

He took a deep breath and went to the boy and sat on the bed, running his hand on the boy's back slowly.

"Pup.." Hongjoong said softly and Yunho instantly turned around and buried his face on Hongjoong's chest, sobbing loudly.

"H-hyung.. I c-can't do this.. W-what should I d-do from n-now on...? I d-don't know if I can m-move on...It hurts.. It h-hurts so much, hyung..."

Hongjoong can't help but to cry as well when Yunho sobbed in his chest, his hands grabbing on Hongjoong's suit tightly. "I know, pup.. But he would want you to move on.. Didn't he?"

Yunho nodded his head, still crying openly in Hongjoong's chest. "I k-know.. But h-how could I..? We p-promised to grow old t-together... N-now I'm alone..." Hongjoong sighed softly, he doesn't know what to tell Yunho so he pulled the younger closer and hugged him while swaying their body together.

Yunho fell asleep after 20 minutes, exhausted from all the crying and the events that had happened since 3 days ago. Hongjoong kissed the top of Yunho's head and let the boy sleep in his embrace while he looked around the room. His eyes teared up however, when he found a frame on the desk.

2 boys, smiling brightly and holding each other in their embraces while looking at the camera.

"Mingi-ah.. I hope you're in a better place right now and watching over us... Watching over Yunho.. He need your strength.." Hongjoong whispered before closing his eyes to pray as he stroked Yunho's hair gently.

--

"Where's Yunho?"

Seonghwa turned around from the stove, giving Wooyoung a small sad smile. "He's out. He said that he can't stay in the house as everything reminds him of Mingi so he went out to have a little bit of a breather."

Wooyoung sighed, sitting on the chair and running his hand through his hair. "It's been 2 months and Yunho didn't seem to get better.. I missed his bubbly self.."

Seonghwa put a plate of food in front of Wooyoung before taking a seat at the opposite of Wooyoung, sighing softly. "I know.. I missed it too but we should give him some more time.. The pup still couldn't believe that Mingi is gone.."

"He's getting thinner, hyung.. I'm worried.. He doesn't seem to sleep better too with how the eyebags are permanent on his face now.. I heard from San that Yunho didn't even go to his classes or part time job too.. Won't the University kick him out if this continues? He's working in Yeosang's bakery so Yeosang understand and let him be."

"I called the University and they are currently letting Yunho be absent from his classes but only until the end of this month. If he didn't go next month, then the University will kick him out."

Wooyoung nodded his head as he ate his food slowly, not really having a mood to be happy. Seonghwa caught on this and ruffled Wooyoung's hair. "All we could do now is to be there for him. I'm sure he will open up to us when he's ready."

"I know that hyung.. It's just I really hate to see him being all gloomy.."

"I understand but if we were in his shoes, I think we would be the same. He lost his childhood best friend and a partner for life, Woo. What would you do if San is gone like Mingi? Hm?" Seonghwa tried to explain to Wooyoung.

"....I would be devastated.. J-just like Yunho.."

"See? Just give him some space and time. He'll come through. He just needs to know that we won't abandon him to be all alone. I'm sure Mingi is doing the same up there. Looking out for his bub."

Wooyoung wiped away the tears that had fallen onto his cheeks before resuming eating his food while Seonghwa accompanied him.

--

Yunho's legs are dangling from the rooftop while tilting his head up to the sky, his eyes empty while his lips curl into a small sad smile.

"Mingi-ah.. Are you happy up there? I hope you're no longer in pain.. I'm glad that you're in a better place and pain free now but I m-miss you so much.. You're the only thing that is in my head right now.. I can't function at all M-min.. W-what do I do..? I'm so so l-lost right now.."

Yunho had tears running freely on his cheeks, too tired to wipe it away as he stared at the blue sky. Wishing that all of this is just a nightmare. That Mingi would suddenly pounce on his back and pull him away from where he was sitting and scolded him for not taking a good care of himself.

It's a wish that will never come true.. Not anymore..

Yunho cried, balling up his shirt with his fists as he relishes all the sadness, all the pain of losing Mingi and how he pray that all of this is just a dream and that he would wake up with Mingi by his side, kissing his forehead like how he always did every morning without fail.

"I w-want you back, M-min... I can't l-live like this anymore.. I n-need you so so m-much.." Yunho cried out, not bothering if people heard him or not as he cried his heart out before he realized that something was in his pocket.

Sobbing and hiccuping, Yunho took out the thing that was in his jeans, or more like Mingi's. Yunho never wore his clothes after Mingi's death. He always takes Mingi's clothes to wear, in hope that it will bring him a little bit of strength. It was a piece of paper that had scrunched up in the pocket, making Yunho tilt his head and blinking his tears out so he could read it properly.

With shaking hands, Yunho straightened the paper and read it slowly.

Hey bub.

I don't know if you will find this letter but I hope that you will. This is the only clothes that is with me in this hospital right now so I prayed for the best that you will eventually find this letter.

How are you, baby? I hope you're taking a good care of yourself because I'm not there to look out for you anymore. At least not physically.

I know that you will be devastated once I'm not there with you anymore. I wish that all of this is just a nightmare and I'm not here dying on this stuffy old hospital bed but I've come to term that I won't get better. So I'm writing this letter in hope that you won't do anything stupid once I'm gone.

Baby?

Do you remember one of our promises? That we would be together forever. Grow old together. Going on adventures together. I'm sorry that I have to break that promise. I'm sorry that I won't be able to protect you anymore. I'm sorry that I won't be able to give you all the cuddles and kisses that you deserve so much anymore.

But, I will always be there with you. In your heart. I will be watching you from above. Protecting you as much as I could from above. So please take good care of yourself. Don't let your sadness take away your bubbly self that I love so much. Please don't push our friends away. Let them in, bub. They can help you. Trust me.

Even if I'm no longer with you, remember that my love for you is for eternity. Nothing could change that. Nothing could stop that. I love you so so much, baby. Thank you for taking care of me when I can't do it by myself anymore. Thank you for staying with me until my last breath. Thank you for loving me so much.

Bub, I think it's time for you to let me go. I think it's time for you to move on. Go out there and live your life to the fullest. Even if I'm not there by your side anymore. Don't lock yourself in. You deserve so much better. Okay? Promise me, bub. That you will try and live again.

Just remember that I will always be there with you. No matter what.

I love you so much, bub.

I love you so so much, Jeong Yunho.

From, your Min.

Yunho scrunched up the paper with shaky hands, putting it close to his chest as he cried out again, his shoulders trembling. "H-how could I m-move on, M-min...? I d-don't think I can.. I n-need you here w-with me.."

Yunho hiccuped, staring at the sky before crying again, "I want to be with y-you.." Yunho wiped away the tears on his cheeks before standing up, looking down from where he stood as he trembled again.

"I w-want to be w-with you again, M-min.. I c-can't do this.. I c-can't.." Yunho closed his eyes and put a foot out, ready to jump.

He was about to let himself go when suddenly a flock of birds flying up and one of them touched his foot hard, making Yunho stumbled backwards and fell onto the floor. Yunho stared at the flying birds with wide teary eyes while still hiccuping and saw that the bird that had touched his foot chirping angrily at him before flying away with the others.

Yunho blinked, before looking at the letter that had fallen onto the floor and smiled sadly. "Why won't you let me be with y-you..? That w-was your doing, w-wasn't it? Even if you're dead you s-still are t-taking care of m-me.."

Yunho stood up, picking the letter up with him and hugging it close to his chest while wiping his tears away. He looked up at the sky, giving it a small smile. "If y-you want me to l-live.. Then I'll l-live.. For you, M-min.." Yunho sighed, closing his eyes as one tear fell to his cheeks.

----

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