S7 EP11

"SO YOU'RE TELLING ME that Arizona showed up last night, all the way back from Malawi?"

"And Torres slammed the door at her face," Mark confirmed with a nod.

"How did she know Callie's in Tim's place, anyway?" Norah quirked a brow at him. Mark sent her a guilty smile and she huffed, "Of course, I should've figured."

The two coffees in their hands were already half-empty when they stopped at the lobby where the volume of the TV had been turned up.

When the live news report started to roll, all the chattering and gossips had fallen silent. The lobby was slowly crowded with surgeons and nurses, who were listening to the news update.

"We are currently live in a major Seattle-area shooting. We have reports that a gunman has opened fire on students and faculty. Again, that's at Pacific College. We now take you live to our on-scene reporter."

Everyone was quiet, except for the few sobs and cries coming from some of the staff. Norah felt her hair standing as the news showed the college building being evacuated, the students and faculty with scared and anxious looks stapled on their faces.

To her right, near the waiting area, she could see Kirian frowning at the news with his jaws clenched tightly. Nina was next to him, who, too, looked slightly paled.

To her left, Timothy had gently rubbed his lower right chest, where the scar from his gunshot wound remained. Lexie was sobbing and wiping her tears off with a tissue while she rested her head at his shoulder. The two had gotten back together after the successful date; Norah was beyond relieved and glad for both of them.

"Students and faculty are still in the building. I'm trying to get some answers, but what we know so far is that a gunman opened fire at Pacific College and that there are at least a dozen-I'm sorry? Okay. Okay, there are at least twenty victims."

The live tape was cut off shortly after when the police on the scene started moving the reporters away.

The mumbles and whispers in the lobby slowly grew; Norah rubbed the back of her neck uneasily, as though she could rub off the literal chills on her skin. It felt like she could see the muzzle pointing at her face once again.

"Hey, are you alright?" Mark spoke next to her as he nudged her lightly.

"I will be... We will be."

❦ ❦ ❦

"THERE ARE FIFTEEN ambulances on the way, maybe more to come," Owen informed while the group of surgeons waited nervously at the ambulance bay, "First one is three minutes out."

"People, people... Our own trauma is fresh and we are going to have feelings today, and there is no shame in that" Webber spoke up as he walked towards the middle of the group, "What I want to say is, what we went through six months ago, they are going through right now. Which makes them our brothers and sisters. Which makes them fellow travellers. Which makes them our own. So, to the very best of our ability, we are gonna do our work first. And you're gonna have your feelings later."

Norah rocked back and forth on her heels, mainly because she had drunk a little too much water even though she felt that her mouth was still dry. She swallowed down the bitter taste on her tongue and took several deep breaths.

"Grey? Lawrence?" Owen asked, checking on them.

"I'm fine," the two residents chorused; Lexie was sobbing while Norah was still fidgeting silently.

"Go to the pit, make sure we're stocked. Call the blood bank-" Mark stated but she cut him off.

"Mark, I'm okay."

"Lex, call the blood bank," Timothy whispered to her, "Tell them to give us all the O-neg. they have."

Mark's gaze was still fixed at Norah concernedly while she rushed up to the next ambulance that had just arrived, alongside Derek and Meredith. He watched as she hurriedly pushed the gurney past him and into the ER, her face remained expressionless.

The unease and fear were creeping up on him again; the unease of knowing he could list out a checklist of things that might trigger her, and the fear that she might push him away again. He hated the calm before the storms.

❦ ❦ ❦

DEREK AND NORAH WERE scrubbing in at the sink while Meredith walked in from the OR, having to just check on their patient.

"Intracranial pressure's getting higher," she informed before grabbing a packet of soap. "Are we doing a craniectomy or a craniotomy?"

"Dr Lawrence?" Derek quizzed.

"Craniectomy," she answered confidently and he nodded in agreement.o

Norah was humming to a short tune in her head while she scrubbed, one that she had used since her first day of internship. She silently cursed under her breath when the door opened next to her which nearly hit her in the arm.

"Dr Shepherd, the professor's wife just arrived," a resident notified, "Can someone speak to her?"

"I'll go. I'll be quick," Meredith volunteered and headed out of the scrub room, leaving the attending and resident pair to scrub in before her.

"You know, I didn't wanna go to the blood bank... because that was where I went last before putting myself in front of the gunman," Norah admitted, "And also because of the-"

"-blood. I know that," Derek sighed, "The world is twisted, isn't it? First a hospital, now a college... what's next?" She opened her mouth for input but he interjected before she could mutter a word, "No, no, don't say anything. You're gonna end up jinxing it."

She shrugged in defeat as the sound of scrubbing and splashing filled the small room. "So, you brought Cristina fishing yesterday? She actually fished?"

He nodded and ran his hands under the running water. "She caught a fish and she cried," he summed up and the resident narrowed her eyes at him.

"Did it occur to you that that doesn't sound Cristina at all?"

"That is the whole story of Cristina and the fish. Now, let's go save a life."

❦ ❦ ❦

HALFWAY THROUGH THE surgery, the door to the OR opened and Owen stepped into it with a surgical mask covering his face.

"Shepherd, we need more hands, more patients are coming in," he informed, "Could you spare me a resident?"

Meredith and Norah looked at each other. "I'll go," the latter spoke and passed the irrigation over to the former. She tore the surgical gown off her and tossed it into the bin before scrubbing out in the scrub room.

❦

THE OUTPATIENT RECOVERY area had been transformed temporarily into a mobile trauma unit. The place had been divided into multiple sections and was separated by clear plastic sheets. Voices and mutters filled the place where the surgeons treated their patients just as if they were in an OR.

"Oh, hey, guess what? Hunt just stapled my patient," Mark ranted as they passed by each other. Norah returned him an amused chuckle before moving on and inserting herself to help Lexie on her patient.

The younger resident's eyes went wide when she was told to drill the holes into the patient's skull, but the older resident's solemn glare made her gave in and do as told.

"See? Great job," Norah commented, "You can handle her now?" Lexie nodded with a relieved look under her mask and Norah walked out of the section.

The place was packed with surgeons and nurses heading in different directions. She felt an unsettled restlessness in the tight space, which was quickly pushed away from her mind when a resident bumped into her before scurrying off.

Norah furrowed her brows at Nina who stood at the other end of the place with her arms thrown in the air, and she settled to go check up on Kirian.

Passing through the corridors filled with gurneys, he eventually found him inside an on-call room. She closed the door behind her as he heaved shallowly and she sat next to him on the floor.

"Take deep breaths, Rook, it helps," she suggested and he did so, his breathing returned to normal after a few minutes.

Kirian buried his face into his hands. "My uh, patient... had a large gushing wound and his blood was all over the drapes..." he prefaced, "And I just... I-It made me think of the blood we were lying in..." He let out a dry laugh, shaking his head. "It's been six months, and I thought... I just thought it will be better, you know? But it isn't, it's like that day keeps repeating in my head."

Norah brought her knees to her chest and folded her arms on top of it. "You seeing a shrink?" she queried and he nodded in silence.

"He told me it's time to move on and I, well, fought with him... kinda," he shared with a light chuckle, "I don't know... It's like every time I walk down the halls, I could see his smile. Every time I take a turn, my body freezes slightly to make sure there wasn't... you know, a shooter. And every time I step into a supply closet, o-or a linen closet... I just-can't step into one, because all I see is..."

"Blood," she finished his sentence when his words strangled in his throat, "Yeah, I know the feeling... Been stuck with it for a while..."

"Does it go away?"

She sighed heavily and shook her head. "You know, people always say that this... pain heals with time, but personally? I disagree," she stated and he lifted his head to her. "Time only numbs it, makes us get used to it... It never really goes away."

"I-I can't function here, I can't work properly in this place," he confessed with a shaky voice, "I want to be a surgeon, a great surgeon, but... I can't. Not with me thinking of Jace every time I walk down halls a-and run away when I see a puddle of blood. I'm constantly working in fear within these four walls-you know how bad that feels?"

She could not help but feel a sense of guilt from the younger resident's confession. She wanted to give him some advice, to suggest ways to cope, to just talk to him-but she did not know what to say. She was still trying to figure out that for herself.

They sat in silence while they got lost in their heads. She shifted her gaze to him, down to the little band around his wrist "What's that?" she pointed at the purple band, "Never seen it before."

He lifted his arm between the both of them. "This... is a gift, from five-year-old Jace," he shared, "Apparently, he made it after Aunt Tina's wedding, saying that a bracelet looks cooler than a ring." A smile was slowly forming on his face at the thought of it. "He swore to gift it to his partner when he got married. And uh... Mrs Thompson gave it to me that day in the hospital, I guess..."

It was cute, really. But the thought of it only made him feel the stinging in his heart. She stared at the band, how detailed and neat the handicraft was. It reminded her of Jace who had always been thorough and meticulous in his work.

"I tried to clear his stuff out of my apartment and send it back to his parents. They told me to take my time, but I-I just can't bring myself to," Kirian spoke again, fiddling with the purple thread, "It feels like wiping away his existence..."

Norah stared at the expression on his face; it was one that she recognised from herself.

The beginning of her spiral before everything gets worse and worse, until you could no longer feel and everything and everyone around you start to mean nothing. And then, if he were like her, he would start running away from the pain; but the pain will be following him wherever he goes.

She did not want him to go through that, too.

She seized his pager from his hand and he turned to her in confusion. "You are going to keep his stuff in boxes today. You gotta promise me that, or I won't be returning you your pager," she stated firmly and cut him off before he could protest, "Kirian, it's been six months. I know no time is enough to move on, but..." she nudged her head to the purple around his wrist, "the band on your hand is enough to store all the memories."

There was a long pause before he sighed and nodded. "Okay... I'll let the chief know..."

"Good. Now, go home," she shooed him and stood up from the floor, pulling him up with her. "You're in no fit for treating patients today," she noted, "So, go home, and go get some boxes. You'll still have a busy day today."

"A-Alright... Thank you."

She never told anyone, but Kirian Rook was her favourite intern, even though she loved them all the same. They were like her children-or younger siblings-and she very well knew that if Timothy was going through something like he was, she would do everything she could to help him. Emotion-wise and career-wise.

Maybe, it was time for her to let go.

She took out her phone and dialled a number.

❦ ❦ ❦

THE RESIDENTS AND attendings stepped into the gallery after they had finished up with their day. The seats were gradually filled. "I just took my kid to a room," Owen informed as he walked in, "He was the last one."

"Besides this one," Webber added and the trauma surgeon nodded.

The group in the gallery were observing Teddy and Cristina while they operated on their last patient from the shooting, who was also the shooter himself. They were all silent as they waited nervously, watching the display screen that magnified the patient's heart on it.

Teddy tickled the heart a little and it started beating on its own, slowly pinking up and pumping blood to the body. The cardio pair gave each other a satisfied look before glancing up at the gallery full of surgeons. When the attending nodded at them, they felt a surge of relief flushing throughout their body.

"We saw twenty-six patients. Twenty-six victims... and we had no casualties," Webber declared proudly with a smile on his face, "No one died."

The anxious tension in the air was no longer there, now replaced by a wave of ease and growing smiles on the surgeons' faces. Several of them started to sob, crying out happy tears at the wondrous news to conclude their day.

Suddenly, Derek started to laugh out of amusement, and out of joy. His laughter caused the other surgeons to follow suit and the gallery slowly erupted into fits of laughter. Norah wiped off the stray tear under her eye as the laugh escaped her mouth.

Stark stared at them like they were wild animals that broke loose from a mental hospital. "I hate this place," he grumbled before getting up from his seat. The other surgeons' laughter grew louder as they watched him make his exit, tossing his hands in the air in surrender.

What a wonderful end to an unfortunate day...

No, wait, scratch that-not yet.

❦ ❦ ❦

NORAH KNOCKED THRICE on the door before taking a step back and waiting patiently. She saw a figure's shadow from the gap under the door moving before it unlocked.

The door swung open and Kirian stared at her, surprised.

"Need a hand?" she offered and he let her in with a smile on his face.

Nina and Timothy were already there, helping him to keep Jace's stuff into boxes together. She glanced at the words on each box before raising a brow at them.

"'Stuff to return', 'Stuff to keep', 'Stuff to donate', 'Stuff to bawl your eyes out'," she read out the words, "If I'm gonna guess, this was Tim's idea."

"Bingo!" the younger Lawrence grinned back at her.

The four of them spent a few hours sorting Jace's belongings and dividing them into boxes. Kirian was grateful for all of them that he did not have to go through the many stuff alone and end up crying before he could finish.

They made the night more joyful, and he knew that Jace would be glad that they were all together.

When they had settled the boxes, Kirian popped open bottles of beer and passed them around as a thank you gesture. They sprawled across the couches while the many boxes lined against the wall. Chats and laughs were exchanged as they stayed up until the lights from the shop lots outside had dimmed down.

It was around two in the morning when they decided to call it a night and head back to their homes. Nina had left first, waving a lazy goodbye at the three of them. Timothy cleared up the coffee table while he brought all the trash over to the kitchen to dump them.

"Hey, Kirian," Norah spoke up, "I have something for you."

"Huh?"

"You mentioned that you can no longer function in the hospital like before, right?" she recalled and he nodded. "Well..." a smile lit up on her face at the thought of her words, "I've put in a good word at my Aunt and Uncle's private practice."

Kirian's jaw dropped to the ground; Timothy, too, was surprised at her words.

"It's right outside Seattle so you wouldn't miss us too much, and-" Her words were cut short when he dove into a hug and she stumbled back a bit before hugging him back. "I'm sure you'll get an email by tomorrow morning, and all you have to do is call them back if you wanna accept the offer."

"Thank you, so much," he spoke, his voice soft yet full of emotions. She remembered him mentioning about wanting to specialise in plastic surgery, and what better than to learn from the greatest plastic surgeons in the whole of Europe?

"Well, it's the least I could do after you took a bullet for me," she grinned, "And covered me from the collapsing ceiling."

"And helping you make Sloan jealous at the bar..." he mumbled above her shoulder and she snickered a laugh at the memory.

"Yeah, speaking of, you should let her go now," Timothy suggested, "Sloan's gonna kick your ass."

Kirian released her from the hug and threw a scowl at Timothy. "Geez, thank you, Norah. Thank you, really."

"All the best, Rook." The beaming smile on his face was more than enough for her to feel a sense of pride swelling in her chest. "Try not to miss me."

❦ ❦ ❦

"YOU DO REALISE THAT you're waking me up at... three?" Mark asked groggily as he opened the blue door for her to enter.

"Can I crash?"

"It's our apartment, genius," he shook his head. Norah shrugged back at him with a smirk on her face. "When are you gonna officially move back in?"

"Hmm, let's see... Does tomorrow sound good?" she asked and his eyes widened. He crashed into her with a both-crushing hug which made her yelp when she was lifted off her feet.

"Tomorrow sounds perfect," he grinned, kicking the bedroom door close after them.

She smiled softly at the overjoyed yet sleepy look on his face. "You need sleep, urgently," she snickered, "And, I need a change of clothes."

"Help yourself," he mumbled and collapsed back to the right side of the bed, the grin on his face seemed permanent.

She took out the extra toothbrush in the cabinet and washed her face, before changing into a larger t-shirt and a pair of his boxers. She climbed onto the bed and lay down next to him while he stared at her sleepily.

"Mad day today," he murmured.

"Mm... Happy outcome, though," she shrugged while covering the comforter over them, "Rook's leaving. My Aunt and Uncle will be offering him a place at their private practice."

"You're okay with that?" he asked, holding her hand in his, "I mean, you love your ducklings, like, a lot."

"It's better for him... after Jace's death and all," she sighed as she looked back into his eyes, the both of them facing each other on the pillows.

He placed a kiss at the back of her hand, drawing her out of the saddened look in her eyes. "Are you really okay?"

"It's cute that you're worrying, but you don't have to because I'm doing great," she reassured. He nodded softly and pulled her head to his chest while he moved closer to her under the covers.

His eyes were close to