S3 EP9

[TW: panic attacks/PTSD, blood, flashbacks]

NORAH OPENED HER FRIDGE in an attempt to make herself breakfast, but there were only some eggs and a few leafy greens-the contents of her refrigerator looked discouraging.

A thought of fish and chips crossed her mind as a dinner menu. She looked at her watch, debating whether or not to stop by the market before heading to the hospital, but eventually decided against it.

She sighed as she drove to the hospital, not quite in the right mood due to the trouble of sleeping the night before. Ever since the recall of the incident during the M&M, her sleeping schedule worsened. One single question stuck in her mind: Why can't I remember what happened that night?

Walking out of the locker room, her pager went off, as well as a few others behind her. Oh, it has to be a big trauma case, she thought to herself and immediately rushed to the ER, wasting no time in tying her hair up while her legs guided her to her destination.

"What happened?" Alex queried.

"Driver lost control of his car, plowed through the fish market at the wharf," Bailey notified, "At least a dozen injuries."

"Fish market?" Norah's eyes widened, "I was about to head to the fish market this morning before coming here..."

Alex frowned at her. "Dude, that's sick," he commented. "It's like you have... bad omen or something."

"Thanks, Alex. Really bloody helpful," she replied sarcastically.

"You better thank the gods that you weren't there then, Lawrence," Bailey stated. "I need all hands on deck!"

The ER was, in fact, a mess. Patients were constantly getting wheeled in from the ambulance bay, the gurneys filling the ER; people were covered in blood, freshly bandaged injuries, and moaning in pain while the doctors and nurses worked together to help them.

Bailey started shouting orders to her interns, who nodded and immediately scattered away in different directions. "Lawrence, get me a stretcher now!"

Norah's head snapped towards the source of the sound, where a girl covered in glass shards and blood had just collapsed into Addison's arms. Bloody wonderful, she thought, literally.

❦ ❦ ❦

NORAH AND ALEX SAT opposite each other while they removed the small pieces of glass from each side of the girl's legs. She held the tweezers in her hand and carefully picked up the glass shard, discarding it onto the gauze on her other hand. He was groaning and complaining about his side of the patient's leg, which contained tiny fragments of glass that needed removal.

"Awesome cuts," Alex commented.

"I flew through a window," the girl huffed. "I flew."

"Poor window," Norah mumbled.

"Karev. Lawrence," Addison warned, giving both interns a look.

"Stop man-handling my interns. That's my job," Mark stated as he walked over to them, putting on a pair of gloves. "One who's sucking up to me for surgeries, and the other with great potential but is tossing it away. This will be fun." Norah shot him a glare.

"Can you tell me your name?"

"Janelle Duco," she replied. As Addison walked away from the three of them, Janelle spoke again faintly, "Mr Dickerson is such a nice man... I hope he didn't kill my baby."

The three of them looked at each other alarmingly. "Addison!" Mark called out, "She's pregnant!"

Norah slowly tightened the tweezers around a piece of glass in the opened flesh, twisting it to the precise angle so that it would not cut through more skin and cause extra harm. However, as she carefully pulled out the glass, bright red blood blasted out from her wound onto one side of Norah's face.

Red.

"Dr Burke, is something going on?" Norah questioned as she shifted anxiously on her seat at the back of the ambulance. The blaring of the sirens was not in any way helping with her jittery either. "It's just... You look like the gears in your head are running a thousand miles per minute."

"Lawrence!" Mark's voice yelled her back to reality.

Norah wasted no more time, and she quickly covered the patient's wound with her hands-what was that?

"Dude, cut her some slack. She was gonna head to the fish market this morning," Alex interjected curtly. "This girl here could've easily been her."

The warm liquid had slowly dripped down to her eyelash. "Crap, I can't see-Alex, hurry up!" Norah bellowed.

He quickly passed her gauzes and pads, which she took to minimise the bleeding on Janelle's leg. She stared at her hands that were covering the wound, the white gauze under her gloves gradually turned colour as Janelle's blood slowly got absorbed by it.

Red.

Burke turned his head to her. "I wouldn't know until I see Denny for myself," he replied, "but I think Stevens is up to something,"

Norah had never felt like she wanted to smash someone in the head as much as she did now.

"Karev, take over for Lawrence," Mark instructed, "She needs to clean up the blood on her face."

Alex walked over and slid his hands on top of the wound, and Norah removed her hands from it. She slowly stepped back, unsure and uncertain about the scenes that were coming back to her-what were those?

Mark handed her some gauze, and she muttered a 'thanks' before hastily wiping away the patient's blood that was slowly rolling down her cheek.

She opened one side of her eye and saw the bloody gauze. A whole wet pack covered her gloved hand.

Red.

The ambulance came to a halt, and both the intern and attending got off the vehicle. Not wanting to waste another second, the both of them started rushing towards the entrance of the ER...

But they did not make it.

Norah tossed the bloody gauze aside, and she slowly eased back to her composure while observing the surrounding. She recognised the familiar ER that she had regularly worked shifts in-people were still getting treated here and there; most of the trauma rooms were occupied.

Janelle was getting wheeled into a trauma bay; Alex had followed the gurney while she stood in place, and her head was hazy. She ripped off her gloves and tossed them into a bin.

"Hey, are you okay?" Mark asked.

Norah turned to the attending behind her and nodded hesitantly. "Yeah... yeah, I'm okay... Yeah..." Was she, though?

Mark narrowed his eyes at her. "There's still some blood on your..." he took some more gauze and walked over to her; she was beginning to question whether she had finally gone insane. He dabbed the gauze above her forehead; her mind was still racing like mad at the... flashbacks-she finally pinned down the word.

He gently turned her face to the side; she was staring at a pool of blood on the floor.

Red.

Burke was reminding her about some information about the heart when he suddenly pushed her to the side, but Norah managed to catch herself from falling. Multiple gunshot sounds rang in their ears, and she froze right down to the core.

Upon hearing a loud 'thud', she snapped her head and gasped in shock, feeling chills throughout her body. The attending had collapsed to the ground and was not moving.

She saw a faint figure not far from them with a gun in his hand. The man raised the weapon and aligned it on his temple.

BANG-

"Lawrence."

Norah drew her breath in sharply as she snapped back to the ER. The man in her flashback had shot himself dead right after shooting up the rest of them-she felt sick.

Her eyes searched for Mark, who had taken a step back from her. His hands raised in front of his chest in a small 'surrender' posture.

"I-I'm fine... I think..." she breathed.

"No, you're not," he stated, his face painted with concern. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

She shook her head and took a deep breath. "I just-I need to breathe. Just... not here. Away from here..." she blurted out and began rushing out of the ER. Mark followed closely behind her, but she stopped abruptly and snapped, "Don't-don't follow me, please. I need to... clear my head."

"D-Did I... Did I do something?" Mark questioned before she walked off.

She turned back to him. "Sorry, what?"

"You uh... literally flinched when I turned your face," he spoke in a lower volume, "Did I..."

"No, no. Not you, no," she reassured him. "It's just... Look, Sloan-we... we are not really uh, friends? A-And I've known you for less than a month, s-so I'm not gonna just start um, pouring out things about me that you want to know, okay?"

Mark stared into her conflicted eyes, not knowing what else to say. So, he nodded, and she left without another moment of hesitation.

Norah walked through hallways after hallways aimlessly, trying to recollect herself. When she finally got herself to breathe normally and think clearly, she found herself bumping into Meredith. "Sorry-"

"Norah, were you running?" Meredith questioned as she held the brunette. "You're sweating."

"No, no... I'm just," Norah took a deep breath, "I think I'm having flashbacks... of the night I got shot. And I-I need-"

"Derek's in the CT room," Meredith informed; Norah stared at her, confused. "He's your person."

"My what?"

"Your person."

Norah nodded weakly, though she did not quite know what Meredith meant. She headed to the room down the hallway and immediately pushed the door open. Her eyes met the attending's, and he furrowed his brows at her.

"You look like hell."

"I am in hell."

"Okay... That doesn't sound good." Derek stood up from his seat and let her take it.

"I'm having flashbacks, Derek," she admitted with her brows furrowed and her arms folded. "Remember when I yelled at the chief?"

"Yes?"

"I'm recalling the events of the shooting," she stated. "Bits by bits... it's like having memories you never knew you had restored into your head... but at the same time, it feels familiar."

"I have surgery soon, so I can't get out," he sighed. "What do you need?"

"A room," she answered. "An empty, quiet room that nobody will enter. I want to recall the details of the event without going bonkers in front of people."

He raised a brow at her request. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"My curiosity will consume me if I only know half of the story."

He nodded. "There's a small room in the attendings' lounge. Nobody uses it because the bed is rock-hard," he informed before frowning. "I'm gonna get someone to check on you... You look like you need it."

❦ ❦ ❦

"DR BURKE?" SHE CALLED out, crouching down and shaking the man on the floor, "Dr Burke!"

"Lawrence!" Bailey shouted as the resident approached them. She kneeled down in front of the attending and immediately pressed her hands onto his upper shoulder, her face pale with shock.

"I need some help!" A gurney was rushed over to them, and they carried the attending on it, wheeling him into the ER without wasting any more time.

The room was dark and chilly-just like the night as she remembered.

Norah sat on the bottom bunk of the stiff and solid mattress, shutting her eyes. She had her knees brought up to her chest, but her feet were still tapping anxiously as she recalled the event.

She pictured a scene in her head.

Two men were lying unconsciously on the ground, blood seeping out the wounds on their chest and head, respectively. The gunman pointed the gun at himself after he had successfully taken revenge. Within a pull of a trigger, he dropped to the ground; the dark liquid oozing out from his temple-

Red.

Norah stood frozen at the ER doors, her breathing rapid and shallow. Everything around her seemed to be heightened-the ER lights made her dizzy, and the shouts and mumbles coming from inside rang in her ears. She felt cold.

Bailey noticed her intern panicking and immediately walked over to her. "Lawrence, breathe. Just-" Norah watched as the resident's eyes widened and her face dropped. "Norah... You were shot."

Following Bailey's gaze to her abdomen, she realised that her scrub top had already stained-more crimson than light blue. She pressed her hand against the hole on the fabric; whatever pain that should exist was absent. She lifted her hand from the wound, her movement trembling.

"Dr... Bailey...?"

All she remembered was her hand covered in red-before everything went black.

Norah's eyes flew open, and she gasped sharply, as though she was coming up for air after being submerged in a body of water-or red fluid. "Bloody... hand..." she gasped as she panted for breath.

She looked down to her hand that was once covered in her own blood. The red, the warmth, the cold were no longer there-it's clean now, she reminded herself.

The light, the noise, the blood-all opposite of where she currently sat, yet she was still feeling overwhelmed by the whole flashback.

She let out a bitter laugh, shaking her head before sighing. She knew that she was the one who wanted to know about the night, but another question floated in her head: Did I really need to know that?

"Are you okay?" The voice was soft-soothing, even-but Norah jumped slightly at it. She had not realised that someone had their arms holding her steady because there was an odd sense of comfort within his hold.

Turning her head to the attending, who was now staring at her more worried than curious, she let out a shaky breath. Mark held her as she slowly readjusted her breathing while easing herself back into the darkness. "Derek... sent you?"

He shook his head. "He told Bailey about you being here and all, and I overheard," he explained as he gently rubbed the side of her arm. "And, well, somebody's gotta make sure you don't faint in this room. You good now?"

"Yeah, I think so... thanks," she mustered a smile at him, and he removed his arms from her cold figure.

He scratched his head a bit before clearing his throat awkwardly. "Do you wanna, I don't know, talk about what the hell you were experiencing there?" he asked, "Or, well... what happened in the ER...?"

Somehow, the look behind his eyes caused her to trust him to open up.

"I was having flashbacks," she confessed with a sigh, and he frowned at her. "A while ago, I was shot. I couldn't recall the details of that night... And in the ER, just now, I started having flashbacks of it, so..."

He nodded, and his gaze dropped from her eyes. Leaning forwards, his hand reached for hers, where she had been picking on the skin of her fingers anxiously. She watched him, studied him-his features defined even in the room with a lack of brightness.

"Like what you're seeing?" he asked, and she blinked at him. "Sorry... probably not the best time for a joke."

She let out a small chuckle, shaking her head. "Don't worry, I do that a lot," she responded with a grateful smile. "Thanks... again, Sloan."

He nodded and leaned backwards, his back hitting the wall while he continued staring at her. When she raised a brow at him, he finally spoke up, "If you wanna thank me, Laurie, we should be friends-like, actual friends."

She stared at him for a moment, confused as to what he meant by his words before she recalled her blabbering words to him outside the ER. "Oh... I did say that we're not, didn't I?"

"Just friends," he held out a hand for her to shake. "If that's what you want," he added suggestively.

"Strictly friends."

"And flirting."

She sent him an unamused look before giving in. "Fine."

━━━━━

The occurrence of the flashbacks somewhat makes no logic, well anyways-