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"I-I feel like I can't breathe, Mani, everything hurts so bad" Josefina cried against her brothers chest, while he cradled her, holding her head. They landed in South Carolina an hour ago, and she'd been attached to him ever since.

Armani didn't waste a minute hopping on the next flight to be with his mother and his sisters at home. They'd all been crying like crazy, ever since he was pronounced dead the night before. Nobody had slept, the house felt heavy, the only words that were heard were choked through their sobs, and Armani didn't know how to fix it. He wanted so badly to fix it all.

"I'm so sorry, babygirl," he kissed the top of her head, rocking her back and forth. Armani looked off into the distance, watching his mother and his other sister sitting on the couch, holding one another.

Nayeli honestly didn't know what to do. She wanted to be there for Armani from the moment he found out about his father, but it seemed like he shut his emotions completely off. He wasn't allowing himself to feel anything so that he could be there for his family, but she was scared of what would come as a result.

She didn't know how she was going to console him when the time came.

"Nayeli sweetie, d-did you need anything? Drink, food, I know you-you've been on the move all morning and—" Sofía spoke, standing herself up to walk over to Nai. She was trying hard to take her mind off the fact that she just lost the man she'd been tied to since she was sixteen, the father of her children.

"No no mama, please, sit down," Nayeli immediately rose to her feet, and helped her mother in law back to her seat. "I'm okay, I promise, don't worry about me," she assured her, rubbing a consoling hand on her back. "Let me, okay?"

Nai stood back up, completely unfamiliar with the kitchen, but trying her best to be of some help, she filled the kettle on the back of the stove with water and tried to find some tea bags, and the sugar.

"Nai, you don't have to," Camila said from next to her, trying to stop her frantic movements.

"I-I just wanna help y'all out," Nai sighed, pushing some hair behind her ear. "I don't know what I can do,"

"J-just being here is good enough," she stammered. Try her best to give a smile. "Thank you for coming," she nodded.

"Oh of course! Please don't mention it," Nai said, reaching out to give her sister in law a hug. She could see Camila's eyes watering before they came in contact, and Mila immediately broke down again once she was in Nai's arms.

Armani's family was at the house the next day. There were people coming in and out of the door every second, and Nayeli was trying her best to stay calm for him, but her anxiety was through the roof.

A lot of these people didn't know her, and when they came up to talk to Armani they stared, and she felt like an exhibit of some sort.

"M-mani, I'm just gonna go get some air, okay? If you need me, I'm gonna be right out there," she said quickly, rushing towards the back door before he even got the chance to respond to her.

Once in the open air of the backyard, Nai took deep breaths and tried grounding herself as best she could, she had Armani to be worried about, so she wanted to get a grip on things and be right back at his side for support. She'd never dealt with a death so close to home for anyone, she only knew of extended family passing.

"You're okay," she coached herself, walking back and forth in the backyard. "You're fine. You're here for Mani, not them," she nodded, knowing she probably looked insane talking to herself like this. After a few more minutes of fresh air and some well needed pep talking, she was heading back into the living room.

The heads of many of his family members turned to her, and she brushed it of as best she could, walking past people to get back to what her main focus was. Armani sat on the couch, zoned completely out. He stared out of the large bay window in the front of the house, eyes looking empty.

"Hey, papa," she said quietly, sitting next to him. He took a second but he turned to face her. "I just wanted to tell you I'm back," she smiled, taking his hand in hers. He looked down at their fingers intertwined, and it seemed like it finally registered in his mind where he was and what was going on.

He looked back up from their hands, and there were tears welling in his eyes. Her eyes widened a bit, seeing as ever since he was told, he didn't drop but one tear. His eyes had been dry from the  moment after he got the call, nearly forty eight hours ago. The night before, Nayeli didn't know, but he hadn't slept. He was struggling, but he didn't know how to say it. He was too busy focused on his mother and his sisters he didn't even acknowledge his own hurt.

"Come on, let's go back outside," she said quickly, pulling him up off the couch with her and rushing to the backyard. Once there, they sat on one of the outdoor sofas they had there, and Mani just stared at Nai.

He searched for answers everywhere, even in her.

He couldn't seem to come to terms with the fact that this cut him so deeply. A year ago, Armani was willing to write his father off completely due to what had been done to him as a child. He hadn't even thought about Joseph for weeks prior to the call, and he didn't understand. He didn't get why someone who had hurt him so badly was occupying his thoughts the way he was.

He wished he at least called to say hello. Now he wished he could at least say goodbye to him before he was gone for good. As easy as it was to cut his dad off, he could never find it in his heart to hate anyone, and his father was included in that. They may not have had a good relationship, but he at least deserved a goodbye.

"Armani..." Nayeli said, gently touching his hand again, snapping him out of his intrusive thinking.

"He...he died thinking I hated him," he spoke simply, the lone tear finally cascading his face.

"Bab—"

"He's dead. I let it get so bad I—I could have said something, I could have reached out to him just to have a conversation with him I-I let everything get in the way and I was being stupid—I didn't even tell him goodbye. He could have at least heard goodnight from me. I-I didn't know, I didn't mean to—" he rambled, finally starting to unravel and break down. He immediately felt Nayeli's arms wrap around his body as his body shook, all of his emotions trying to escape him at once.

As bad as Nayeli wanted to tell him that his feelings of not wanting Joseph in his life were valid, and his emotions toward him were completely warranted, that's not what he needed to hear right now, and it would only hurt him further, so she kept it to herself for now.

"I'm here, baby," she mumbled, soothingly rubbing his back. "I got you, you're gonna be okay," she continued, feeling her chest tighten up as well. She wanted so badly to hold it together for him, though.

That night, Nai sat with Mani in the same exact spot. Except now, they laid back in the grass, staring up at the clear sky full of stars. It was 3 in the morning, and he couldn't sleep. Nai was exhausted, but she wanted to be by him at all times, especially now.

"I don't get it," Mani said, squeezing Nayeli's hand tight.

"Don't get what, babe?" she asked, turning to look at him. He kept his eyes ahead, sighing deeply. He hadn't cried since earlier, and he really didn't want to again, so he was going to try and speak slowly to hold himself together.

"I just...I didn't think it would hurt this bad. I felt like I was okay without him, but knowing he's not alive has really been fucking with me. He did some messed up shit to me and I would have been happy without seeing him again but now I feel like...I feel like it was all a mistake," he explained, finally turning to look at her.

"You're allowed to feel both things at once babe. Grief comes in many forms and this just happens to be yours. You're still allowed to feel disdain for the things he did to you while also mourning the loss of his life, because life is precious. At the end of the day, he was still your father, he still raised you, and you had a very good relationship at one point in time. It's extremely understandable that your feelings conflict like this. But, your feelings are not a mistake, your feelings are valid and that doesn't change just because the circumstances have changed," she spoke.

She felt very strongly about Armani being true in his feelings. While she did feel sorry for his family and for him, the things his father did were still unacceptable. She wouldn't wish death on anyone, but she wouldn't stand for Mani downplaying his own trauma and experiences.

"Don't beat yourself up for making the decision that was best for you at the time, you understand? Your feelings still matter, Armani," she said, coming across much more sternly than she would have liked.

It rang off in his head like a shot. Everything she said were things he needed to hear, and he was gaining some semblance of clarity. While it wouldn't be that easy to mourn his dad, this was something small that gave his chaotic thoughts a moments pause.

He just nodded, still looking her deeply into her eyes. "Thank you," he said in a quieter voice.

"Always, baby," she smiled widely. Somehow, that had become their thing as well. Instead of simply saying 'you're welcome,' to one another, they found themselves reassuring one another that they would always do those things

He smiled after her, and it was the first genuine smile she saw him give in almost three days. It warmed her on the inside, and she didn't know he made her feel just as warm.

heyoooo!

this was sad. sorry 😞 next chapter isn't really any happier so sorry in advance lol.

tell me how we're feeling about this chapter!

about armani's feelings towards the passing of his father,

about nayeli's reasoning with him.

and of course any other thoughts you may have. sorry this is short, the next one is longer lol

till next time 🤍

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