eighteen..

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"Nai? Whats wrong?" he asked when he heard her gasping for air. He instantly sat back up , trying to get her attention, but they were stuck on the stack of paper in front of her, her face stained with tears.

He instantly categorized this as an anxiety attack. His sister used to have them when she was a kid, and he remembered how he was taught to help her down so he tried it on Nai.

"Baby, baby listen to me, look around, name five things you can see , mamas," he calmly said to her. He repeated himself and her eyes began to shift around the room.

"O-Omari," she spoke, referring to a picture of him on the wall. "My-my tv, laundry basket, my slippers, a water bottle," she said shakily and slowly between breaths.

"Good, good job baby. Can you tell me four things you can touch?" he continued, seeing as she wasn't at all any calmer than before. She nodded frantically, feeling around her.

"The sh-the sheets, my hair," she moved her hands into her hair, looking back at him, chest heaving.

"Good, mama. Just two more, tell me two more," he spoke, maintaining his calm tone, as to not shake her up more.

"My-my phone and-and my pillow," she said, beginning to take deeper breaths.

"Yes, good. What do you hear? Can you give me three?" he inched toward her, to see if she'd let him touch her, and she snatched back quickly, letting him know she was still panicking. After a short silence, she nodded and began to speak.

"Your voice," she said, eyes shifting back to his. "My voice, my-my heartbeat," she said slowly and clearly, breathing at a much more regular rate. It only took about five more minutes to get her breathing completely regular, which was good in his book. His sister used to have to go through that for ten, and he was sure Nai had experienced longer ones too.

"I'm gonna get you water, okay?" he told her, waiting a few seconds for  her to respond before grabbing her a cold bottle from their mini fridge, as well as a small thing of grapes they had in there. He handed them both to her and she almost instantly drank half the bottle.

He wrapped her blanket around her shoulders and watched as she looked more spaced out than before.

"Nayeli, baby," he called softly, and she turned her head to him after a second. He smiled comfortingly at her, reaching out his hand to her. She didn't jump or flinch back, she just stared at his hand until he gently touched her face. She jumped a bit at the contact, but allowed it.

"You wanna tell me what happened?" he asked her. She looked back into his eyes, and there were still tears spilling over, now onto his hand. "You don't have to, mama. Only if you're comfortable," he assured her.

"My mother, she- she wrote me," she said, voice still trembling.

"Your mom?" he said, in a confused tone.

"My birth mom, she's um...she's in prison," she wiped at her face. His eyes went wide, she never mentioned this to him before. This would have been the first time Nayeli told anyone this before, outside of her parents and her therapist.

"W-when I was a kid, like four, my mom, she um, she started dating this guy," she started to recall. "She told me never to tell my daddy. She would always leave me with him, and at first, he just tried to act like my daddy yknow? He tried to tell me what to do, and when to do things, and when I wouldn't, he would pop me.

I told my mom, and she would tell him to stop. But later, she didn't. She let him hit me when he thought I was being bad. My mom was involved in some weird shit and they were always doing it at our house, so I was forced to stay in my room. I never told my daddy this, but some days she didn't feed me, she'd forget to give me water, and I would just be scared to come out the room because I didn't wanna get hit," she sniffed. Armani could feet himself getting angrier as she kept talking.

"There was one day when she didn't give me food or water and I had just come back from my daddy's so I was used to just getting up and getting juice, so I did that, forgetting I wasn't a his house. I-I uh caught her in our living room, having sex with this random man, and I lost it , screaming and all that. They both beat me that day, they beat me and yelled at me till I bruised. They called me names and things like that. This continued till I was five, and by then I was completely drained. My emotions were gone, I wasn't the same kid anymore, my daddy noticed but I was only with him three days out the week. They wouldn't hit me on days when I had to go to my dad's so he wouldn't see me all beat up during my baths or when he changed my clothes.

My mama, who was my kindergarten teacher at the time," she paused to smile at the memories of when Nadira was just 'Ms. B'. "She noticed I wasn't the same. During parent teacher conferences she told my dad, and my mother thought I told her about Keith—her boyfriend, and they literally beat me black and blue that night, I will never forget that. She called me all types of stupid bitches, dumb hoes, and all types of other names. I don't know how she didn't break one of my ribs that day," she sniffed, beginning to cry now.

"That Monday, I went to school and she's supposed to pick me up from school, but she didn't. He came, and I assume my five year old brain saw my way out, so I told my teacher I didn't wanna leave with him, and I started freaking the hell out. She called my daddy and I never went back to my mom's after that. He got full custody, and he didn't tell me till I was older, but he tried to sue for the abuse, and get her locked up but she disappeared. She didn't show up again until she tried to snatch me up off the playground. I got diagnosed with PTSD and separation anxiety, and she showed up again trying to take me right out of my dad's arms. They didn't tell me this until I was older either, but when my mom was pregnant, she ran her car into my mom's. She tried to kill my mother and my baby brother, so they were able to get her locked up, and I haven't heard from her since," she finally finished explaining.

Armani was completely speechless. When she said she went through a lot as a kid, she didn't expect any of that. She was thoroughly scarred as a child, and you would never guess it.

"I-I don't even know what to say, Nai, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry you had to go through that baby," he stammered. She smiled slightly at him, and began nodding.

"It's okay, thank you. You don't have to be sorry, I'm better now, you know? I'm happy, I didn't let that stop me as a kid, I'm not gonna let it halt me now," she said confidently.

"I just wanna know why. Why do that to your daughter? I loved her so much. I wanted to be like her when I was young, I looked up to her," she chuckled bitterly.

"Have you thought about seeing her?" he asked, pulling her into his chest, rubbing her back in circles.

"Never, I can barely read her name without having an anxiety attack or hyperventilating. I don't know if I could see her," she admitted to him.

"Maybe you could bring you dad?" he suggested.

"I don't know. He'd probably beat her ass across the table," she sighed. "My mama would too, and my TT Tink," she shook her head. "Maybe I could bring my TT Saija, she was my therapist when I was a kid,"

"Yeah, that's smart mamas. Knowing why would help, you think?" he pushed some of her loose curls out of her face.

"I'm not sure if it'd help or harm, but I wanna know. I genuinely want to know why I was abused and treated like shit at 4 years old," she spat. "I feel like I'm old enough to make that decision now,"

"You are, baby, I'm sure your dad would understand that,"

"I hope so," she sighed. "Thank you for listening," she looked up at him.

"Always, baby," he leaned down to kiss her lips twice. "Siempre voy a estar aquí para ti, siempre que me necesites," (I'm always going to be here for you, whenever you need me) he spoke quietly to her, making her heart beat faster.

"You know just how to make me feel good, huh?" she smiled.

"Absolutely," he chuckled, kissing her again. "Let's get some rest okay? You need it," he rubbed her back some more.

"Yeah," she nodded. "Thank you, Mani," he just kissed her forehead, laying them both down.

"No," Gionni spoke. "Absolutely not,"

"Daddy why? I feel like this is something I deserve to know," she stressed to him. She'd been home for two days now. She didn't know how to bring the letter up to him, nor did she know how to ask to see her incarcerated mother in prison before Christmas.

"Nayeli do you understand how badly she traumatized you? There were times you could not sleep because you had nightmares of her and you refused to close your eyes. How many times you broke down? At such a young age? You cried. You were in pain. You cried so much, I-I didn't know how I was supposed to help you Nai," he said. She could hear the hurt in her dad's voice.

She never really stopped to think about the effects of everything on her dad, since it was only happening to her, but to see your child suffering like that, and not being able to help them must have broken his heart over and over.

"Daddy I—I'm not—I don't want to hurt your feelings or anything like that, I'm not trying to do that I promise. I just want an explanation," she tried to explain herself again. He still didn't look convinced in the slightest, and Nadira saw it all over his face, so she decided to step in.

"Gionni, she was five years old. she had no idea why those things were happening to her and she has a right to know why babe. she's not going to start a relationship with the woman she just wants an explanation and you can't fault her for that. She's grown now, and there are things that she's just going to want explained, its okay, baby," she spoke, rubbing her hand on his back. He looked at her while she spoke and she could see him calming down, at least in his face. His expression relaxed completely.

She couldn't help but smile at them, they were so in tune with each other, the love was evident in just the way they looked at each other. She sincerely hoped one day she could be just as in love as they were.

Gionni sighed, looking up at the ceiling. "Fine, Nayeli. But I'm going with you, you understand?"

"Yes sir, I appreciate it. I would have needed you," she smiled softly at her dad, and he cracked one of his own. "Okay, I'm going to try and break in my shoes, I'll be downstairs," she hopped up from the dining room table and grabbed her dance bag, heading down.

He wanted to get it over with as soon as possible, so that weekend, two days before her performance and the day before Christmas, they were on their way to the facility that Ameera was in.

"How much time is she serving again?" Nai asked, responding to Armani's text.

"Twenty five years," he spoke, remembering the trial they had to sit through. "I really want you to be prepared to hear whatever comes out of her mouth, baby. I don't know if I am, but I need you to be. We're gonna go in there relaxed, I know you haven't seen her in a very long time, but I need you to remember I'm there with you alright?" he spoke carefully. He knew she was almost 19 now, but all he could seem to think about was the last time she saw Ameera and the way she broke down.

"I know, daddy," she looked over at him. "Thank you for being here for me,"' she smiled at him, warming his heart.

"Always, my love" he kissed her forehead after putting the car in park. They walked together inside where they had to go through security of course, and were led to a mostly empty room. It was pretty early in the day so nobody was really here.

She sat there in silence with her father,  head on his shoulder, trying to imagine what would happen. What would she even say? How would she look? There were a million things going on in her brain.

When the door opened, she literally felt like her heart was going to jump out of her chest. She took a few deep breaths before lifting her head to see Ameera. She looked the same, just a little older. She could see, though, that her past drug use had caught up to her as she got closer. Her face was sunken in and she looked pretty tired.

Ameera couldn't take her eyes off of Nayeli as she was escorted to the table and Nai shifted uncomfortably, feeling her anxiety creeping up behind her. At first no one said anything. Gionni could barely bring himself to look at her.

"I-I never thought I'd see you again," she spoke up, sending a small shiver down Nai's back. Whenever she heard her mom's voice she just flashed back to all the degrading things she said to her as a child.

"Yeah same here," Nai finally spoke up. "Um, so I'm gonna get straight to it, I didn't really come to catch up. I got your letter and I couldn't even read it, I had an anxiety attack and it made me realize I don't know why. I don't know why you did all those things to me and made me like this, I don't know why you chose to hurt me the way you did. I'm almost 19 now and I'd like to move on with my life, so I came to ask you," she said,  already feeling her nose burning like she was about to cry.

Ameera sat silently, just staring at Nai, and she didn't think she could feel any worse than she already did, being in prison for 12 years, but seeing the physical consequences of her actions in her child had her feeling lower than low.

"I—I didn't do it intentionally," she finally said, making Nayeli's eyebrows furrow up in confusion. "Nothing was ever supposed to go that far. I thought I loved that man and so I did whatever he said without taking a second to think about the consequences, and-and I ended up hurting you. I was on drugs, I wasn't in my right mind, and I—I didn't mean it. Nothing bad was ever supposed to happen to you Nayeli, I promise,"

"You didn't mean it?" Nai asked. "Why didn't you just let me go? Why did you make me stay there? I could have stayed with my father! You didn't have to subject me to that type of abuse but you did! You let that man put his hands on me over and over again, you let him keep me locked in my room with nothing to eat and nothing to drink. You allowed him—you saw him! There's not that much love in the world that makes you forget you have a child. A child that looks up to you and a child that depends on you to live.

You could have let me go. I would have much rather you forget I existed that deal with that. You know I had PTSD? I couldn't sleep, I had migraines, anxiety attacks, I had nightmares for weeks. I have anxiety, I had separation anxiety, I had major trust issues, I cried myself to sleep wondering why my mom didn't love me like everyone else's. All because you couldn't let me go!" she exclaimed.

"You were selfish. You tried to kill my mama. You tried to kill my brother. There's nothing you can say to make me believe you didn't mean any of it. I asked you for one thing in almost fifteen years. I asked you to tell me the truth and you couldn't even do that," she scoffed, standing to her feet and marching out if the room, leaving Ameera stunned where she sat.

Gionni could barely keep up with her as she sped out of the facility and all the way back to his car. By the time he made it to her side, she was leaned up against the car, head in her hands. He could see her shoulders shaking slightly, and he knew she was crying. He was scared this was going to happen.

He simply walked up to her, pulling her in for a comforting hug, kissing the top of her head while she cried into his shoulder.

whew this was heavy :/

okay let's talk.

first, about armani and the way he handled nayeli's anxiety attacks.

next, about gionni's feelings toward nai seeing ameera again,

about ameera's attempt at an excuse,

and finally, nayeli getting all of that off of her chest. leave me sole wordsss and i'll discuss with you all.

next chapter is gonna be happier, and then i took the consensus vote, the gang is spending new years together! so next update is gonna be fun 🥰

till next time 💞

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