If I was being completely honest, I had to admit that a small part of me was afraid of Nolan now that I knew he was a vampire.

It was normal to be a bit frightened, even if he was my friend, wasn't it? After all, he was probably kind of dangerous, considering that he could go into the forest all by himself after midnight without fearing for his life. He didn't need a flashlight to see where he was going!

No wonder he could just toss Bradley to the ground like it was no big deal. He probably wrestled with forest animals every night for a meal.

Imagining him drinking blood made my stomach go through continuous somersaults. Don't go there. I forced myself to stop visualizing it.

Now that I thought about it, that meant that he could see well enough in the dark, didn't it? I couldn't believe that it'd never occurred to me how weird this was until now—no normal person could just leisurely stroll through that dense part of the forest with barely any light reaching the forest ground.

Why hadn't I realized how abnormal his behavior was?

If I'd noticed these things sooner, at least I wouldn't have been so shocked by the revelation.

"...to Chelsea." Melissa's voice was accompanied by several loud clapping sounds. "Earth to Chelsea! Is any part of you in there?"

I blinked, and my eyes registered my surroundings once again. I was in the dining hall, having lunch with the others. Melissa, who was sitting beside me, squinted at me.

"Are you back?" she said.

Derek and Ashley, who were both sitting opposite us, looked concerned.

"Sorry," I said sheepishly. "I didn't hear what you were saying."

"Yeah, I kind of got that." Melissa shook her head. "You weren't replying to any of my questions! I thought you were ignoring me, but it turns out you were just spacing out."

"Sorry," I repeated. "What were you saying?"

"I was asking, is something up between you and Nolan? He hasn't joined us for lunch in like, three days," she said. "Normally I wouldn't pry, but you've been spacing out a lot like there's something bothering you."

"And look at your lunch," Derek said, gesturing to my tray. "You haven't been finishing your food recently."

My quarter-eaten burger looked lonely as it sat on my plate, but my stomach was too knotted up for me to consider taking another bite.

"I don't have much appetite today," I admitted.

"That's the thing—you always have appetite," he said, and his frown grew deeper. "I don't think I've ever seen you not want to eat."

"Actually, I remember there was this one time Nolan was avoiding you. You didn't feel like eating then, too," Ashley said.

"Hey, I remember that too," Melissa said. "I volunteered to form a human wall with you so that he couldn't get away, remember?"

The smile that appeared on Derek's face as he looked at her barely lasted a second before he turned back to me.

Ashley said, "You shouldn't keep it all bottled up if it's really bothering you. You know that you can talk to us."

"I know, and I really appreciate it," I said, having a hard time making eye contact with her.

But I can't talk to you guys about this. I had a hard enough time believing what I saw with my own two eyes, even after the cold hard facts were all laid out before me. I couldn't imagine them accepting without question that I'd found out Nolan was a vampire, that he was acting really distant to me as a result, that I was a little bit frightened of what he could do, and that I was still wondering what to do.

They would either have me committed to a psych ward, or, if they somehow found it in themselves to believe that Nolan was indeed a vampire, make sure that I was safely kept away from him and any possible danger. I knew that was what I would do if Ashley started talking to me about vampires and about how a classmate was one.

"Are you guys fighting?" Derek said.

"No," I said, slumping down further in my chair. "We're not fighting."

"Did he do something to upset you? I know you like the guy"—here he rolled his eyes when my jaw dropped—"but if he's giving you this many problems, I think you're better off without him. Also, stop denying that you like him. The way you stare at him when you think he isn't looking is so obvious. You've never looked at any of us like that."

Too speechless to respond, I could only continue gawking at him.

"Wait, really?" Melissa said, leaning forward interestedly.

The corners of his mouth twitched as if he wanted to smile, but the actual smile never surfaced. "Yeah. Haven't you seen her during lunch?"

"Never," she said, looking impressed.

"I noticed it the first time he came to eat with us," he said, shrugging.

Ashley said nothing but raised an eyebrow at me. Despite my intention of keeping my crush a secret, I had evidently been blaring it out to the whole world as far as Derek was concerned. I had no idea he was so perceptive.

Unlike the time he had implied that I liked Nolan when we were browsing caps in the mall, I couldn't deny it anymore. After all, it was true.

"Anyway, the point is, you deserve better than someone who keeps making you sad. He's not even your boyfriend," he said.

I really didn't like how they were getting the wrong idea about Nolan, but the worst part was that it wasn't their fault at all. I couldn't share anything with them, so it was only natural that they assumed something had happened between us and that was why Nolan and I weren't on speaking terms. Knowing this didn't lessen the frustration that rose up in me.

"Derek's not wrong," Ashley said, looking at me apologetically. "I'm worried about you."

Trying not to bristle, I said, "It's not like that. He didn't do anything. We didn't argue or anything like that."

"That's what he said, too." Melissa squeezed out another packet of ketchup. "Which makes less sense than everything already does, if you ask me."

I did a double take. "Wait, who said that?"

"Nolan," she said in a tone that suggested that the answer was obvious. "I talked to him this morning."

It was her turn to be stared at by everyone now.

Polishing off another fry, she said, "What? He hasn't eaten lunch with us these few days, and I was wondering why. I thought we were all becoming friends. Besides, Chelsea's been so depressed lately, it's not a big jump to wonder if these two things are connected."

"What did you say?" I said, finally finding my voice.

She shrugged. "I just asked if everything was okay. I also asked if you two were mad at each other or something. He said that you guys weren't fighting, but he was just too tired to join us for lunch. To be fair, he did look pretty tired. He looked like he was going to fall asleep while talking."

At least he answered her. I kind of expected him to ignore her or avoid her like he did me, but I felt strangely relieved that he didn't.

Ashley frowned. "So, the only reason he hasn't been coming is because he's too tired? I have a hard time believing that since I haven't seen him talking to you the past few days. Or are you saying that he isn't the reason you've been moping so much?"

That wasn't exactly the truth either.

I sighed.

"See? You've been sighing nonstop," Ashley said. "I'm really worried about you."

"We all are," Melissa added.

My best friends really were the best. Any irritation that I had was quickly fading away, replaced by a comforting warmth in my chest.

I knew that if it were Melissa or Ashley or even Derek who was behaving like this, I would be equally concerned, which was why I couldn't blame them for trying to find out what was going on.

"Thanks, guys," I said, sighing again. "I know you're just worried for me, but please believe me when I say that I'm okay."

"But you can't even finish your lunch," Ashley pointed out. "That doesn't look like 'okay' to me."

"No, really. I'm fine." Mostly. I forced myself to take another bite out of my fish burger.

Swallowing it seemed like an insurmountable challenge, so I ended up chewing it for the longest time before I managed to get most of it down my throat. For the first time in ever, the texture of food wasn't at all appealing in my mouth.

"Sorry for making you worry," I said. "I have a lot on my mind, and I need to sort it all out, but I can't really share it because it's kind of personal."

What else could I say? They looked like they were ready to haul me off to the school counselor's office. I hadn't even realized that my misery was so apparent to everyone else around me.

"Alright," Derek said, glancing at Melissa and Ashley. "Just think about what I said, okay?"

I already knew that I wasn't going to, because he didn't have the full picture of what was going on, but I nodded anyway.

-----------------------------------------------------

"What would you do," I said, staring at the opened pages of my book club novel without reading the words on them, "if you found out that your friend was hiding something important from you?"

This topic was on constant replay in my brain, insisting on outstaying its welcome. I was sick and tired of rehashing it over and over foralmost five days now, but I just couldn't stop the thoughts from running through my head.

I could sort of see why Nolan was hiding it from me, but at the same time, I didn't really get it.

Sure, it wasn't the sort of thing that came up in everyday conversation, but he could've made time to tell me about it. Was he just hoping that I would never find out somehow? Or was it because he didn't think we'd stay friends long enough for me to one day discover this fact?

Oof. Okay, that last thought hurt.

Speaking of which, would we even be able to stay friends?

I didn't know what he always did at night, or how he became a vampire. Was he preying on our fellow schoolmates? Did he drink human blood?

The most ridiculous idea—that he was biding his time and planning to feed on me when the opportunity arose—came to my mind, and I hastily banished it. No way. He wouldn't do that, right ...?

Ashley rolled over onto her stomach to stare at me. "What's with the weird hypothetical question? Are you hinting at something?"

"I'm just asking," I said.

I shut the book and tossed it onto her desk. I doubted that I would be able to get any reading done today. All my mind could focus on was Nolan's flying bat form, the fangs that he bared, and the cold detachment in his voice as he called himself a monster.

"Hmm." Rolling back onto her back, Ashley stared at the ceiling. "I guess it would depend on what they were hiding. Is it relevant to me, or is it none of my business?"

"I mean, it's not exactly relevant to me—I mean, it's not exactly something to do with you, but it's definitely something that you shouldn't not know. Like, what if Derek is actually a natural blond, and he's been dyeing his hair this whole time and he never told us?"

No, that was the worst example ever. Why couldn't I think of a good parallel to this situation?!

"What?" She sounded bewildered. "Who cares if he's blond?"

"It's just an example! My point is, what if he was hiding something from us because he didn't want us to find out?"

"Well, I'd ask why he didn't want us to find out." She paused. "You're asking for yourself, aren't you? Does this have anything to do with Nolan? Is that why you've been acting so strange lately?"

That was a good question. Why wouldn't he want me to find out? I mean, I got that it wasn't exactly something glamorous that should be shared with the whole world, but he looked really upset that night in the forest. Maybe he was afraid of my reaction.

"I just want to hear your opinion," I said, shaking my head. "What if the reason he didn't want us to find out was because he was afraid that we would judge him? Kind of like me writing fanfiction, right? I didn't share that with you guys until we got really comfortable with each other."

Another garbage comparison. Being a vampire wasn't anywhere close to writing stories.

"Then I guess I would wonder if it was because they didn't trust me enough to not judge them," she said.

Her words clobbered me over the head with the sudden realization that dawned on me.

Astounded, I whispered, "You're right."

The realization that maybe it had been taking a lot out of Nolan to keep hiding it from me like that. Keeping secrets obviously wasn't an enjoyable task anyone with half a sane mind made a hobby out of. With the regularity of our interactions, it couldn't have been easy for him. Memories of him shielding me from the rain with his hoodie, pulling me up into the tree to hide from the coyote, and making me hot chocolate that he didn't even like drinking surfaced to my mind.

No. He wasn't playing some kind of long con.

He had plenty of opportunities to attack me if that had been on his agenda. We were alone so many times, and he'd never once done anything to hurt me. He could absolutely have threatened to silence me—or actually silence me, now that I thought about it—when I found out about him, since it was just him and me in the forest. He never even tried it.

In fact, Nolan always protected me whenever he could.

My heart pounded in my chest as I remembered the way he had grabbed my arm to keep me from falling when I had tripped over my own shoelaces the other day. If he didn't care about me, he wouldn't have bothered.

He wouldn't have attended so many of our study sessions and basically tutor me for free although he was obviously tired.

Nolan wasn't the kind of guy who did something if he didn't want to do it.

Maybe he hid it because he was concerned about my reaction. Even if he had sat me down to break the news, I doubted I would've taken it well.

The niggling fear that had been crouching in the corner of my heart was abruptly dislodged and dispelled all at once.

I didn't have to fear Nolan. He had so many chances to do something, but he didn't. Before I found out that he was a vampire, I would've trusted him with my life. Come to think of it, that was what I literally did. He saved me from the coyote and stopped me from falling to my death so many times.

The more I thought about it, the more certain I grew about something: I didn't need to know everything about his vampire habits. All I needed to know was if he drank human blood. If he didn't, then it was good enough for me.

I still wanted to be his friend. My heartrate still sped up every morning when I saw him in class. I couldn't let go of him without learning that one thing, and that was exactly what I intended to do.

Right at that moment, the perfect example entered my mind.

"I got it," I announced, sitting up straight. "What if Derek is secretly an undercover FBI agent, and he's been hiding it from us this whole time? What would you think?"

Her face scrunched up in confusion. "I mean, then wouldn't it be his, you know, job to keep it a secret? He'd probably get fired if he told us, right?"

"Okay, never mind."

It didn't matter that I was terrible at making comparisons. At least I finally knew what my next step was.

-----------------------------------------------------

AN: 2786 words! i almost split it up into two parts but i decided not to torture you guys with the wait, since chelsea needed some time to get it together. i'd probably take a really long time to process it, if i were her. anyway, thank YOU so much for reading and voting and commenting! i cherish your support so so much, thanks for being my precious reader that i LOOOVE (๑'ლ'๑)ﾌﾌ♡ please take care and stay safe, everyone! have a wonderful week ahead!! ♡

dedicated to jakuzeekaka for all your support on my story so far, you have no idea how much it means to me every time i see your vote and know that you've read my latest chapter ♥（ﾉ'∀'）love you!!