Monday morning has come around again and I'm sat with Josh at the kitchen table while we wait for Mia. I ended up picking my car up from Cole's house yesterday instead so looks like I'll just see him at school.

All weekend I haven't stopped thinking about him once. It's driving me mad and that's when I realise, I was going to ask him how he feels about me today. My stomach churns and the sudden need to be sick because of my nerves occurs.

I just finish eating my toast when the horn goes and we both grab our bags, heading for the door. I'm walking behind Josh when he stops suddenly, causing me to walk straight into his back.

"Ow jeez, Josh. You know that to walk properly you need to move your feet forward." I rub my nose and Josh still hasn't moved. What the hell? "Fine if you're not gonna move then I'll do it for you." I push him out the way and now I'm the one stopping when I see who's parked outside.

Josh's reaction is the complete opposite of mine. While my heart races and I smile, Josh bitterly mutters "This dude really doesn't know when to quit, does he."

"Are you just gonna stand there admiring the terrific view or are you gonna get in?" He asks while smirking. I try my best to show his unexpected appearance doesn't affect me by flipping him off.

I only notice Mia has shown up when she calls from the rolled-down window. "If you don't take up his offer right now, Andie Mitchell I swear to God I'll beat the living crap outta you." I laugh but don't argue.

Looks like he's giving me a ride after all...

We make small talk on the ride there and when we pull up outside I turn to thank him. When I do, he's looking at me oddly again. But by now I know this look. This is an 'I-want-to-kiss-you-and-please-let-me' look.

When did this become such a regular thing?

Don't do it! Don't do it!

We're both leaning in and I can't tear my eyes away from his lips. Oh for Christ sake Andie! Snap out of it!

He lips are so close to mine but before they can touch I move my head down so they rest of my forehead. Looks like my logical side decided to pay a visit.

I can't let this happen again because I know what Cole wants. Me.

What Cole wants, Cole usually gets. And I've said it before and I'll say it again, I refuse to be one of his conquests.

"I can't," I drawl out, "What even is this?" I gesture between the two of us and he doesn't utter a word. "I don't do that, Cole. I don't do this. We can't do this because I don't do no strings attached. So please tell me now if it's something other than that." My tone stays calm when inside I freaking out.

What happens next is what I was dreading all along.

He still doesn't say a word.

I'm screaming in my head, begging him to say something. Anything. Him to say he wants me like I want him.

But I shouldn't have expected any less than what I got. Silence.

I nod my head and click my tongue, unshed tears blurring my vision. "That's all I needed to know." I hoped it would come out stronger than that but it doesn't. It comes out as a hushed whisper.

His eyes almost look like he's pleading me not to go. But It must be my mind playing tricks on me, making my heartbreak more than it already has. I was determined not to let this happen. But it did. Cole Jones just broke my heartbreak and he didn't even have to say a word.

I try convincing myself that this is a lucky escape. That if I feel like this now, God knows what I would feel like if we were together and then broke up. But the pain in my chest says different.

Grabbing my bag, I open the door and get out of the car. I step away but he must leap across the passenger seat to grab my hand. "Wait!" He tugs at my hand, making me turn and a glimmer of hope rushes through me.

The ache in my heart disappearing for just a second but it's back again when I see he isn't planning to say anything else.

All you need to do it say it. Say it and I'll stay. If he just says he wants me—that he wants more—I'll kiss him all the goddamn time. But he doesn't.

The small piece of hope I had left drains from my body. I try my best to smile but it comes out timid. "It's fine. It's my fault really, I don't know what I expected." I close the door and just pray Mia turns up soon.

For the first time in a while, it appears I'm in luck because Mia's car pulls into a space not too far from Cole's.

After greeting them I ask if I can steal Mia for the rest of the time we have left before class starts.

We head the to bathroom and Mia locks the door behind her.

Well doesn't this feel familiar...

Only this time the roles are reversed and Cole didn't confess his love for me. Not that that's what I wanted, but I at least hoped he would've said he liked me back.

"What happened?" She asks, concerned and I can't hold back the tears any longer.

"I asked Cole if we were anything. I just wanted to know if I was different from the other girls but he just didn't say anything. I'm so stupid..." I run my fingers through my hair, "I just like him so much, you know? And it sucks because he doesn't feel the same."

"I'm so sorry, Ands." I hug her but pull away shortly after.

"It's fine. I'm fine." I say quietly.

"But you're not fine. If you were you wouldn't be crying." I look down, picking at the skin around my nails. "For what it's worth, I think there's more to it than you know."

I look up at her, frowning. "What?"

"I think he likes you too." When I don't respond, she says something else. "What I'm trying to say is, maybe the player is so used to getting things he doesn't care for, he's forgotten what it feels like to actually want something. I think he's scared. He's scared that at some point, he'll lose the one thing he truly cares about."

What? That's preposterous!

"That... That can't be true."

"Maybe I'm wrong but I'm not so sure... Just keep what I said in mind next time you see him, okay?"

"Okay," I nod. "Let's go, I need to put somethings in my locker and the bell goes in..." I grab my phone from my pocket, check the time, and put it back. "Less than five minutes."

I see my locker from here and Noah is stood by it, I guess waiting for us. "Hey, guys." He waves and we wave back. "I'm on babysitting duty tonight," He groans.

"You still have to do that?"

"Not usually but let's just say mum still likes to hold the expulsion thing over me every once in a while." I force a laugh.

"So what do you guys have next?" Mia asks.

"Biology, you?" Noah replies and Mia answers back.

"Chemistry." I groan.

"That means if you have Chem, I have English."

Why the hell is it anytime I have an argument with Cole I have English or Health straight after?

The bell goes and once we say our goodbyes, I brace myself to see Cole. I try to listen to Mia and keep what she said in mind but it seems like that doesn't matter when I discover he isn't even here.

I'm not even surprised at this point. He tends to ditch school whenever he finds himself in a situation he doesn't like.

Even after this morning, I don't think I could be mad at him. I mean, I can't right? I'm mad at myself, not him. It's not like he implied at any point that he had any feelings towards me and I knew he didn't date.

I've heard it a million times since I moved here. Not from him exactly, but Mia, Josh and every other student in the school. Cole Jones has never dated a girl and it was ridiculous of me to think I could be there first.

Yet I still kissed him even though I knew. Stupid, young and naïve Andie set herself up for heartbreak. But somehow, don't regret it. I hate myself for it but I've done enough lying to myself about this boy. It's about time I'm honest so there, I said it.

I don't regret it and I don't think I could even if I tried.

My thoughts drift to how my mum would've helped me with this mess I've put myself in.

Forty-five minutes in the lesson while Miss is talking about oxymoron's, metaphors and so on, guess who finally decides to make an appearance?

"And you've been where, Cole?"

"That's none of your business really, is it?" His comment has everyone either stunned or on the edge of their seat laughing.

I, however, am neither. I'm too busy trying to breathe steadily when I see his face.

"Another comment like that and you'll find yourself in the principal's office before you can even take a seat." He rolls his eyes but considering his back is to her, she can't see. This means she takes Cole's 'silence' as an appropriate answer.

When he takes his seat, I try my best to focus on the board in front of me. That doesn't work and I give in to the temptation of looking at him for just a short moment by looking out the corner of my eye.

He leans back in his chair, arms crossed and my heart is hammering against my rib cage. The little fucker is beating triple the number of times it should and making my hands clammy as hell.

Throughout the whole time, the teacher is speaking, I feel Cole's eyes on me. He doesn't even try and do it subtly.

When Miss gives us our own time to revise, Cole takes this as his opportunity to try and speak to me.

"I'm sorry, Princess." His voice holds something along the lines of regret.

My heart clenches just from the sound of his nickname for me on his lips. I can't put it off any longer. I turn and meet Cole's sincere look in his eyes.

"It's okay." I force a laugh but I'm almost certain it comes out as a cough.

"I haven't slept with anyone recently. Not since I met you." I recall what Mia said to me not even an hour ago but my eyes are drawn from his eyes to his neck.

Lipstick.

Pink fucking lipstick.

I try fighting off the unwelcomed feeling of hurt, disappointment and irritation but I give up. It's already consumed every cell in my body.

Scared he'll lose the one thing he truly cares about my ass.

If he cared about me he wouldn't have hooked up with the first chick who caught his eye. Who knows? Maybe he has a girl on speed dial.

I wasn't mad before but now? Now I'm mad—No, I'm furious.

"Really?" I ask and he nods while I shake my head.

I got to give it to him though, he isn't a bad actor. Maybe he should pursue it for a career choice. It's good pay and he seems to be a natural.

"Why don't you tell that to your last booty call." I tap two fingers to my neck, the same spot the lipstick is.

His face goes from confused to panic within a flash and he knows he's been caught. His eyes go wide and he just about manages to get a few words out. "That's not... It's-I can explain." He goes to continue but the bell goes off.

"Huh," I say, and click my tongue. "I guess saved by the bell is a real thing." I dump my books in my bag as fast as I can. Not bothering to listen to Cole shouting my name as I walk away.

******

After an extremely painful last few hours, it's finally last lesson and Noah and I are sat in math, partnered together to do our work. Cole left without a trace after what happened this morning. I haven't seen him once.

"So are you gonna tell me the deal with you and Cole already? You looked upset this morning and Cole looked miserable. Did you argue or something?"

Damn, he's good.

I end up telling him everything that's happened between us, including what happened this morning. "Well as much as I want to shake some sense into him for doing whatever he did with that girl this morning," My stomach drops and I start to feel sick. The thought of him being with other girls makes me want to cry.

You can't be sad about it. He isn't yours. He never was.

"I think he likes you, Dee." I let out a forced laugh.

"Yeah sure, and I'm the queen of England." He rolls his eyes at my response.

"Are you seriously that blind? You don't see it do you?" I don't say a word as he looks at me in disbelief.

"The guy can't keep his eyes off of you for two seconds. The sly glances at lunch, he'll be speaking to someone else and he would still be looking at you. I've been here for five minutes and I see it, only an idiot wouldn't. And that idiot is you."

If I was drinking water right now, this would be my cue to spit it out dramatically.

"I'm being serious, Andie. You don't do spontaneous diner and skating trips if you're friends with them. Don't either get my started on how he's changed you."

How he's changed me? Please. That's absurd. But that doesn't mean I don't want Noah to continue.

"You were a mess when your mum died. As much as I love you, I'm not going to lie and say it didn't change you. When I moved here I saw the old Andie again. The sarcastic, funny Andie. I thought she was gone but it's obvious it was Cole who brought her back. You're different with him."

That's when it hits me like a tonne of bricks. Holy shit. Noah's right. He helped me find myself again after everything and I couldn't thank him enough for it.

"I know you've already admitted to liking him but I don't think you just like him, Dee. You love him. I know it. Mia knows it. The only person who doesn't know it is you."

He has to be joking.

I don't love Cole. I can't.

But... maybe I do.

"I can't let myself love him," I mutter to myself more than Noah.

"You might not want to love him but that doesn't stop it from happening."

No, no, no, no.

Heart don't you dare.

Don't you fucking dare say it.

I swear to god. You say it and it makes it true.

There's no going back if you say what I think you're going to say.

I love him.

For god sake.

I might not want to love him but I do and I can't do anything about it. But that's the problem with love, isn't it? You don't get to choose who you fall for. All of it is out of your hands. You're not in control.

I can't save myself from the impact of the fall. Only he can. Cole is the only one who can save me now.

Remember the pieces of my heart I mentioned? The ones that I was slowly giving to Cole? Well, they're all gone now. I have nothing left to give him but I've given it all. My heart is now his and it's one of the scariest things I've ever experienced.

How did I even get here? When did this even start?

Was it when he sat with me at my mothers grave and comforted me while I cried? Was it the diner trips? The rides to school? Or was it the very first time we met? Even when he was a jerk, was that when it all began?

All I know is I'm in deep shit.

And there's no going back.

>>>>>>

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