58. Broken

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Harry's POV:

Reading the words over and over again, pinching myself to make sure that this isn't a dream. She wrote this from the bottom of her heart and it hurts me. It hurts me to know that I hurt her this bad. I still love her. I discharged myself to go home yesterday. I can walk but I'm in agony. There hasn't a day that's gone by where I haven't thought of her. Gemma would scream at me everyday and tell me how much of an idiot I am for letting her go. I told her not to contact her because she needs to be free from me.

My mum somehow found out about it too. I haven't heard from her in years and suddenly she contacts me. She emailed me. Email. I'm her son, you think if she really cared that her only son got shot she would come to New York. Gemma thinks I should take it easy on her and just meet up with her, but there's no way I'm flying to the uk.

This article Ella wrote proves how much I hurt her continuously and I hate myself for that which is more of a reason as to why I need to ignore my feelings for her and let her go. She deserves so much better than me.

I drove by her apartment today as David has left me alone for the time being. He was mad about Ella's article that she wrote about the accident. It was written in anonymous but he and I both know it was her. The cops came in and told me someone filed a report. I know that was her too, but thank god David doesn't know the cops are looking for him. He's out of town for now, but he will come back. He had to give me time off for now I mean I can barely move and I'm in excruciating pain. I didn't tell the doctors that though. I lied, I'm good at that. I told them I've never felt better so they discharged me.

I throw the article on my bed and ignore the streaks of pain that I feel in my lower abdomen as I pull my shirt over my head. As quick as my body will let me, I grab my keys and head towards the garage.

*

Driving through the exposed streets where she parks her car it's as empty as ever. Her spot is vacant which is unlikely at this hour in the afternoon. She must've stayed back at work.

I drive to the familiar building where we shared our last intimate moment. I wonder if she thinks about it each time she walks into her office. I was hoping for that affect at the time, but now I just want her to forget about me. She will probably end up with that Luke guy anyway. Niall told me he was at her house the other day and he's been glancing over the shoulder whilst she's been texting him. He seems like a good guy. I hate him as I love her, but this is what she needs. She needs to be with someone else to be happy. My life is too dangerous for someone as precious as Ella.

I don't see her car in her usual spot in her office either. It's barricaded off by fences but I can still see through. I know she's safe in her work building because there's security and cameras everywhere. I would go in and ask Tony where she is, but he will ask questions and I could risk running into someone she knows like Zayn or Taylor. I'll call Niall.

"Hey mate" he answers the phone. "What's up?"

"Are you still at work?" I cut straight to the point.

"I'm great thanks for asking" he remarks sarcastically. "No I'm not and I know what you're about to ask me. Ella isn't either, she took the week off last week and came back today but she left early. Tony is so happy with the success of her article that he said she can have a month off and still be welcomed back to the place."

"I'm happy to hear she's doing well. Do you know where she could be?" I'm proud of her and her article made me, Harry Styles cry. Ruined my pride through writing. No one knows I cried though. I was home alone just like I have been the past two days. I told Gemma I wasn't up for visitors yet.

"She went home. I overheard her telling Zayn that she moved apartments. I don't know where it is as she told me she knows that I'll give in and tell you." Niall sighs. "She misses you so much Harry. She's been asking me how you're doing you know."

"What did you tell her?"

"I told her that you're doing fine. I didn't tell her that you stopped accepting visitors in your room. That would hurt her and you and I both know that. She hates it when you isolate yourself from everyone. We both do."

"I'm fine Niall."

"Where are you anyway Harry? I can hear cars passing."

"I'm outside Hawk Publishing. I need to make sure she's okay."

"Then phone her." I can imagine him rolling his eyes right now and shaking his head over the obvious.

"I can't let her see me. I need to just see her though and make sure she is okay."

"You're a strange man Harry." Niall says. "But I'll do all I can to find out her address alright. Do you know any of her other friends that would know?" He asks and it gives me a good idea.

"You're a genius Niall."

"That's the best compliment you've ever given me. Are you sure you're alright?" He chuckles. "Maybe your meds are getting to your head. Also, you shouldn't be driving you're injured Harry."

"Bye Niall."

"Harry I'm serious-" I hang up the phone before he can lecture me and start shaking Jacko's number. I know that he works for David. He and I both kept that from Ella.

I dial my mate Mark who also works for David. He rides his motor bike with Jacko so I'm hoping he has his number. I destroyed my phone that David keeps tabs on just incase he can track me. I brought a new phone and had to manually put all my contacts in. It was a pain in the ass but I had so much time on my hands in the hospital. Only I would get a phone delivered online to my hospital room. I manually put in my contacts incase whilst transferring David was able to track my new phone too. Whilst putting in Ella's number I wanted to dial it so many times but I didn't. It took all the strength I have to not press that call button. I miss the sound of her voice and her laugh. Her contagious smile that I would to anything to see right now. It makes me smile just thinking about it. God I miss her so much.

"Yo Harry. I haven't heard from you in weeks how are you feeling bro. What did David do." He asks a million questions at once. Yes it's only two but it feels like a million.

"I'm fine, slowly recovering but fine. Look, I would love to chat but you're probably as busy as I am. I need a favour."

"Anything for you pal."

"What's Jacko's hidden number. I need to ask him something."

"I'll text it through to you. I'll be near your side of New York in two days. I plan on seeing you."

"I'll see you then. Thanks Mark."

"No worries bro. I'll catch ya." He ends the call first and I wait for him to send through Jacko's number.

As soon as it sends I add his contact and call him. At first it goes straight to voice mail, so I call again and again. Eventually he picks up.

"Hello?" He sounds out of breath. He's either doing the dirty or at the gym. I reckon it's the first one. "Who's this?"

"It's Harry."

"How did you get my numb- never mind. How's Mark?" He is still panting.

"Sorry to ruin whatever fun you're having-" I know for a fact he isn't with Ella. I know she would never date one of her good friends especially with how suspicious Jacko was acting. I seen photos of them two hanging out on Instagram. David would love seeing those photos. I reckon Jacko is doing it on purpose which is a good thing. We may not like each other due to past circumstances of working together, but we both want to protect Ella. That's one thing we have in common. "-but I was wondering if you have Ella's new address."

"Of course I do. But I don't want you seeing her. I've head her article, but you and I both know she's better without you."

"I fucking know." He's right but it hurts to ear. "I just need it. I need to keep an eye out. You know what David's like. He can't get to her before I do. We need to keep her safe."

"I've been making sure of that whilst you've been feeling sorry for yourself laying down in your hospital bed all day."

"If only laying down all day was that simple. It did my head in. Anyway, I don't want to talk can you just give me her address." I hear a feminine voice call his name in the background. "Filthy bastard." I mumble.

"Shut up Harry. I'll message it to you." He ends the call and I laugh to myself. I'm glad he isn't with Ella. I know deep down he's always had feelings for her. One of the main reasons why u don't like the guy. He's so sly which is why David hired him in the first place to do his dirty work.

He sends me through the address instantly and I'm assuming he was so quick so he could get back to fucking his girl. I type the address into my Navman and pull out of my parking spot. I see Zayn leaving the building and he is looking straight at me in my car. I'm wearing a cap and many people here in New York own range rovers. I just hope that he doesn't recognise that it's me. I drive off and listen to the directions my Navman is giving me.

*

I'm surprised when I arrive at the destination. This place must be costing her a fortune. I know for a fact she wouldn't use her parents money for this apartment. She's keeping it for her future. If her and I were to get married I'd be buying the house not her. I can't have kids though, so that's more of a reason why I'm staying away. There's so many reasons which is why I can't let her see me.

The security is high demand in this place which I'm happy about. I can't see her car due to big walls surrounding the car park but I have a feeling she is in there. I'll wait here, for hours and all night if I have to. She will have to leave here somehow. I haven't slept in days so I know it'll be another sleepless night. I'll drive around so I don't get fined, but I'll keep an eye out for her.

*

It's 7:35pm and I've been here for hours. I see her familiar brown hair walk out of the front lobby towards the gate. I see a guy walking up to her and she hugs him. Who is this guy. He's too short for Luke. Yes I have done my research on him. The guy is well over six foot. This guy isn't even close to it. He's pretty short if I'm honest, just a bit taller than Ella in her heeled boots.

Who is this guy? I want to approach them now, but I won't be quick enough due to my lack of energy and I need to keep my distance. At least I know where she lives now and I can keep an eye on her.

I want to have her back in my arms, but I'll just keep hurting her again. Her heart needs to become whole again though, so I must not let her see me although I'm keeping my eye out for her.

After all,

I broke her and she broke me.

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