14 | Invitation

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"Everywhere I go my shadow, it follows behind. Doesn't matter where I travel, my shadow, it finds me. Something that I've come to realize after all this time. I can't escape my shadow, I can't escape my shadow. It won't ever let me go. It goes everywhere I go"

Shadow of Mine ((Un)Commentary)

HANNAH

As soon as I hung up the phone, I ran to the bathroom and threw up.

It reminded me of that night I'd met Matt. I had been in this exact position as soon as I had gotten back home. Only this time, my heart was obliterated at what he'd just told me. This time, I had listened to a man I cared about as he told me about the terrible shit that had happened to him.

It had shaken me to my core to have witnessed a stranger being raped that night. Tonight, though, I felt broken. Listening to him detail what they'd done to him had broken my heart.

He'd been so silent at first that I feared I had pushed him too far and he had hung up on me. Then, he'd spoken...telling me so much.

Fuck.

My heart thumped loudly in my chest. A memory of his cries flashed in my head as I gripped the sink tightly. I didn't notice the tears flowing down my cheeks until a soft cry escaped me.

I wanted to book a flight to where he was just so I could bring him into my arms and maybe try to siphon his pain away.

I couldn't do that, though.

Mainly because that would be crazy to just show up without his knowledge. But also because I don't think I could afford a plane ticket right now. I could ask my parents, but I'm pretty sure they would just side-eye me for asking for money only so I could visit a guy and then say no.

No, I would have to wait until tomorrow to see him. There was a small part of me that feared he would feel too exposed and cancel on me tomorrow. I would completely understand if he did so, but that was the last thing I wanted.

Nodding to myself, I got up and brushed my teeth. When I went to the kitchen to get some water, Chloe and Garrett were still cuddled up and asleep. The sight brought a slight comfort to my saddened heart. Not wanting to disrupt their peace, I quickly grabbed water and went back to my room.

My brain was too frazzled to do anything school-related, so I put on Friends to take my mind off Matt and cuddled into myself under the covers.

It was a long time before I fell asleep.

***

The next morning, I had gotten up bright and early. I was so nervous that I ended up making both Garrett and Chloe breakfast and lunch to get rid of some of the pent-up energy. They were both still sleeping, so I left a small note for Chloe letting her know where I was going and leaving the apartment.

It didn't take me long to make it to Sheeps and Goats. I got both of our regulars and waited for him at our usual table by the corner. He'd texted me about an hour ago that he and his teammates had landed safely.

A couple of minutes later, I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up and I knew immediately he was here. I looked up from my phone, catching sight of him entering the cafe.

My eyes watered at the view of him, blurring my vision. I couldn't even focus on how good he looked. I was so happy to see him. It finally dawned on me how much I had missed him and he was only gone for one day.

He smiled as soon as he saw me, looking way too handsome for his own good. I stood up as he got near and practically launched myself into his open arms when he was close enough.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and tightened my hold, wanting to stay like that forever. We may have looked crazy, but who cares. Plus, it wasn't too crowded since it was a Sunday.

"I missed you," he mumbled into my hair, holding me just as tight.

My nose was buried in his chest and all I could smell was his intoxicating scent. Those words said in that deep voice made my heart swell. It was also a reminder of our conversation from last night. I could feel the tears coming and they fell, soaking his hoodie before I could think to stop them. Still, I forced myself to respond. "I missed you, too, Matt."

At my broken voice, he stilled and pulled away. His eyes were steeped in worry as he looked down at me, catching a view of my tears. "Why are you crying?"

I removed my arms from him so I could wipe the tears away and will the others not to fall. "I'm sorry. I think it's a culmination of missing you and our conversation from last night."

He let out a long and heavy breath. He reached up, wiping the remaining tears away. "Don't apologize. I'm the one who should apologize for dumping all of that on you like that."

My throat went dry. "Matt. You didn't dump anything on me. You confided in me. You trusted me to believe you, to support you. You don't need to apologize for anything."

He was breathing faster now, looking so conflicted as he watched me closely. His discomfort was written all over his face. He finally broke our eye contact, looking away to the table I was sitting at. "Is that for me?" He asked, clearly wanting to deviate from the subject at hand.

I sighed and took my previous seat, watching him follow. "Yes," I said as he took the seat next to me. We usually take seats facing each other, so this was the closest we've ever sat. His warmth and scent consumed my senses, almost making me forget about how he'd changed the subject.

He gave me a small smile, almost shyly. "Thank you. But you didn't have to, you know? This was supposed to be my treat."

"I know, but I wanted to," I answered softly.

He didn't say anything else. He took a sip of his water, looking to be deep in thought. He looked so troubled that I honestly thought he was going to bolt. I needed to drive the conversation to something else, but I kept coming up empty as to what else to talk about. All I could think about was how disoriented he looked right now. 

I almost laughed. Usually, the conversation flowed so easily between us, but the one time I needed help, it was dry.

My phone buzzed then and I instinctively looked at it, seeing Chloe's name. Before I could read the message, a thought struck meI was voicing it to him before I could think better of it. "There's a football game next Saturday. It's a home game. Would you like to go with me?"

That caught his attention. He looked surprised at my invitation. "Seriously?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm sure Chloe will be there to support Garrett. You can meet her there."

A small genuine smile pulled at his lips. "Really?"

I laughed. "Yes, I'm being serious. Yes or no?"

His smile widened. "Absolutely. How much are the tickets?"

I stared at him in confusion for a second. "I invited you, so you're not paying," I said quickly, seeing where he was going.

"You are so funny, but that's not happening. I invited you here and you paid for everything. So, that rule is moot."

I rolled my eyes. "This is an anomaly."

He grinned. "You can't call a situation you don't like an anomaly just because. I'm paying for the tickets."

"How about we play rock, paper, scissors for it?"

"No. I said I'm paying."

I let out a heavy sigh, my shoulders falling. "Are you seriously not going to let me pay at least half?"

"Not for this. Does Chloe need a ticket?"

"I'm not sure. I'll ask her and let you know," I gave him gentle smile, "thank you."

He shook his head. "No, thank you. You invited me."

"I know, but I'm happy you said yes," I replied.

Finally, the stress from his eyes was gone. I knew it was only temporary, but I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to force him into a conversation. He had been open with me last night out of his own volition. I didn't want to push him too far now when he looked ready to run. If I just let him be, then maybe he'll open up to me again.

Letting out a soft breath, I nodded to myself, watching him take a bite of his cookie. Before long, the conversation returned to its former ease and began to flow without force. An overwhelming feeling of sadness engulfed me as he described last night's game and I laid my head against his shoulder, not wanting him to see my face until I could get control over myself. I felt him kiss the top of my head and bit my lip, willing myself not to cry. 

The unease that gripped my heart never left. It left me constantly feeling out of breath as his words and cries from last night remained at the front of my thoughts. 

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