"The guy you've been dating is my cousin?" I gaped, shoving Andy from her side.

"He's your cousin?" she quipped back with the same disbelief.

"You two know each other?" Andy fired, finding his spot between us.

Emma was full-on laughing from behind us, she didn't even bother to hide her amusement at the whole predicament. Meanwhile, the three of us just stood there, our gazes switching towards each other.

"Sienna's my roommate," she said, "Again, you two are cousins?"

Oh god no, he was cheating on you behind his back because there was no other possible reason why I was standing here inside his apartment.

Girl, of course he was my cousin.

"I'm out," I placed my hands up in mock surrender, "Bye."

She reached out and gripped my wrist, "Don't."

Girl, I'm not affected in any way that you're dating my cousin. I could care less, as long you both were happy. But like what my uncle said, Andy already has one sister teasing him. Plus, there was going to be some sort of uncomfortable tensions because of this dramatic entrance.

"You owe me a ton of explanation when you get back to the dorm," I pointed towards her, my tone light to assure her that I wasn't upset or any of that sort, "So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to tell Meg all about this so you can feel how stupid it is to be interrogated."

With a tight lipped smile and a joking salute to everybody in the room, I quickly got out. Though I only managed to take a couple of steps before I went back in. I smiled sheepishly as I quietly grabbed my coat and other belonging before heading out once again.

Gosh, I just finished dealing with all the Heart and Axel fiasco now I had to think about that.

I paused just in front of Adam's door, staring at it. It was screaming at me, telling me to go on and knock on it. Talk it out, say I wasn't sure where I want us to go – say all of the uncertainty I was feeling.

And ask for forgiveness because I can never give my all to him.

But I didn't.

I simply continued on with my steps, heading towards the elevator. Was it a good decision to do so? Probably not.

Meg wasn't there when I got back to the dorm so I opted to wait around in my room instead. I took out the sketchbook and flipped it open to a page I was very proud of.

Justin's sketch.

Why was it so easy to love him yet it was totally different from Adam?

When he asked me out, I was so ready to jump in. Maybe it was high school innocence, but I did not feel any hesitation when I said yes. I wasn't inkling for him to ask me to be his girlfriend, I was just happy when he did. There was no impatience, there was no tiptoeing, just laughter and joyful acceptance.

But Adam? I couldn't even ask him if he wanted to be in a relationship with me. Every time we take a step forward, something happens and we take five steps back.

It was tiring.

While he gave up Heart because she lived in another world, he had somehow forgotten that he did as well. He freaking lives with celebrities as if it was nothing, while I was a writer who belonged to the world of words and emotions.

And he should stay here, while I should go back to New York.

"You're making a confused face again," Meg knocked lightly on the opened door, "Where's Julia?"

"Meeting my aunt and uncle," I told her, slamming my sketchbook shut, "Apparently, the guy she was seeing was actually my cousin."

"No!" she gasped out, her eyes widening in delight at the prospect of new gossip, "It had turned rather boring here, I'm all here for new excitement."

Well, at least on her end it was boring. Truthfully, I just wanted a break.

"So how did you find out?"

"I was in their place when she waltzed inside with him," I said, "A lot of questions were fired."

She chuckled and instead of going back to her room, she plopped down on Julia's bed. She didn't say anything for a while and in the least creepy way possible, I swear, I observed her.

Meg was, as you could say, the most stable one among us three. She had decent grades, enough money to keep up with our crazy shopping trips, and a very happy relationship with her boyfriend. She wasn't as excitable as Julia nor was she as distant as I was.

But she was too grounded – there wasn't adventure in her veins. She never sought the thrill that unpredictability gave, it was very clear during the impromptu road trip. She was terrified and worried the whole way.

Boring.

Then again, that lifestyle gave her something I craved of from time to time as well. She didn't need to overthink or worry, because everything was already picture perfect.

Stability.

"Now I think I've given you sufficient time to think about whatever is on your mind," she started off with a slight smirk, "Care to share your thoughts?"

What was I going to ask her?

Then let's start with the first matter at hand, "How did you and boyfriend get together?"

That mischievous expression slipped right away, "What?"

"Was that too personal?" I slowly retracted back just in case I offended her.

She shook her head and stood up from Julia's bed, made her way to my side of the room, and sat next to me, "No, but you never asked about him before so it was a surprise."

"Well, you're in a nice and stable relationship, Julia is off to meet her guy's parents, and I'm just..." I stopped right before I could say something I wasn't even sure of.

I was just stuck.

"We started dating when we were sixteen," she said after she realized that I wasn't going to finish that sentence, "He was visiting his relatives for the summer and they just happened to be right across the street. I fancied him immediately so I started flirting and he gladly took the bait."

Look, even the start of her relationship sounded like it was from some summer teen romance book.

"We've been doing long-distance since then because he lived in another city so university wasn't really that different."

Did it help me come to a decision? Not really. I just wished I was as well-adjusted as she was.

"You can talk to me about him, you know," she murmured softly, almost tentatively. Of course, she was referring to Adam.

Julia said they noticed that I was pulling away so I guess she knew that I wasn't going to be that open to her. This was another problem, why was I holding myself back?

They've seen my outgoing side and how I was ready to let loose and yet, I couldn't even ask them about some feeble relationship problems. In fact, I've been trying to solve everything on my own.

But then again, I've always been like this. No one knew about the impending break up when I was with Justin, no one knew that I even had a crush on him before we went out, I just kept my mouth shut. I wasn't the type to blab to other people what I was feeling because those emotions were mine and mine alone to treasure.

The fact that they met Adam and teased me to him before I even started to like him was just a proof of how important it was to me that I hold it in. They were jumping to conclusions before I could think of what I wanted to feel. It was like our relationship was crowded already before I even entered it.

There were too many people just watching us that we couldn't figure it out ourselves. We had Meg and Julia, Heart and Axel, and let's not forget my uncle and his whole family.

"I just think that instead of just him and me, you know, talking things out, there are a lot of other people who wants put their nose in," I sighed, trying to say this in the least offending way possible, "I really wish it was us again, in the middle of his apartment, laughing and talking about the most nonsense things."

Before that stupid frat party, before he cut off my call with my friends, before that impulsive kiss.

Just two people with their box furniture, learning new things about one another.

"Then I don't see why you can't do that," she shrugged, shifting her position so that I would look at her directly in the eyes, "You don't need labels for everything, Sienna. If you simply enjoy his company, and probably adore him, then you just keep hanging out with. You can't keep pressuring yourself like this."

I blinked at her over and over again. What she said was so painfully simple, something that shouldn't even be pointed out.

But usually, we forget the easy route.

"You know what?" I muttered with a small smile, "I'm going grocery shopping tomorrow."

"Not the reply I expected but at least you look better," she laughed.

We waited for Julia to arrive and just like she predicted, we were there ready to interrogate her. Apparently, they met because she visited the library when it was full and there was only was seat left, which was right next to Andy. They started to talking and later on, he asked her out.

"I just couldn't find the right time to introduce him to you two," she said with a slight pout, "Though I should have then I wouldn't have made an embarrassing spectacle in front of his whole family."

"For all it's worth, that was a fantastic way to break the ice," I joked and although it would probably be a bit weird at times, at least I knew both of them would be well-taken care of.

But for now, I had to deal with my own problems.

That morning after breakfast, I immediately told the girls that I would be out for an indefinite amount of time. Meg already had a good idea why and I was sure she would fill Julia in.

Like what I said to Meg, I first went to the grocery before I headed right to Adam's place. I pressed on his doorbell and when he opened the door, he looked like he just rolled right out of bed. I lifted a brow at his disheveled state.

He stared at me for a few seconds before the situation registered in his head, "Shit."

He attempted to smoothen out his bed hair and straighten up his shirt. It was futile though because instead of looking more appropriate, he just looked panicked.

There was one thing that Meg got right – I did adore him.

"I don't mind," I laughed, leaning up to kiss him on the cheek, then I proceeded to invite myself in, "At least I'm sure that you're hungry."

After he had shaken himself from his initial shock, there was now a baffled expression on his features. I didn't blame him, I practically left him hanging yesterday.

Maybe I could go with Meg's route so that in the end, none of us gets hurt.

I smiled softly up at him, setting down the groceries on the kitchen counter, "Let's talk if you want to."

Although I pretended to be light and preppy while he was still in the room, my heart felt so heavy in my chest. It took a monstrous effort to hum a sort of happy tune, as if I really was nonchalant about the whole thing, while I was prepping the food.

Once he excused himself in order to fix his appearance, I sank to the floor. The spatula was still in my hand when I did and I have honestly never felt more pathetic.

That was a lie, I feel pathetic all of the time.

Why the hell did I say that we could talk? Just so I could tell him straight on that the idea of being his girlfriend horrified me?

I wanted to scream and maybe I should – I haven't done that in a while if I was being honest. It was so easy to be lost in your emotions here, there wasn't much to distract and the trees could only hold my interest for so long.

I know my philosophy was to be a little bit reckless from time to time but my heart could only take so much.

Reaching up, I fumbled around to turn off the stove. The last thing I wanted while I was having my own existential crisis on the floor was to have our food burning.

Dear Sienna Clark, what have you gotten yourself into?

It was as if I could see my spirit dying down once again. Everything felt so suffocating, the exact opposite of what people expected. The open air, the fresh breeze, all the damn trees, nature at its finest to inspire a university filled with student with the best imagination.

And yet, I felt more restricted than ever.

There was variation among the people I encounter, that was for sure. But I wasn't eccentric like that girl with the rainbow-colored hair sketching barefoot on the school field and I wasn't so invested in my work that I could literally block out the whole world.

I loved being in touch with my surroundings, I loved letting it carry me, so that was why I had this feeling that this place just wasn't right for me.

Yes, I could write again, but that was more of my uncle's doing than anything else. I could bring that sketchbook anywhere and I could still write, it wasn't as if I had to stay.

Now I felt like I was just staying for the sake of it. For the sake of my degree for my family, for the sake of riding through my whole university life with Julia and Meg, and most of all, just for the sake of seeing what Adam and I could be.

Did I like him just because he was the first guy to approach me and ergo, I invested all my time on him? Was it because everybody expected us to be dating? Even myself?

It was then I felt a figure sit down on the floor next to me. I didn't look because who else could it be?

"Last year, I visited my best friend and for the first time, I saw how painful and miserable she thought her life was," he started to say, prying the spatula from my hand and setting it aside, "That wasn't the Soph I knew, what I saw was someone calculative with walls surrounding her. She used to be so carefree and wore her heart on her sleeve."

I was silent, I didn't know what to reply. Add to that, I had no idea where he was going with his little speech.

"I thought that I had to pull her away, she was drowning. But then she told me straight on that she didn't want to be saved, that she'd rather stay the way she is," he then said with a somewhat forlorn expression, "Of course, I had to respect her wishes so I let it be, thinking it was better if I could look out for her from a distant."

Then ever so slowly, he turned his body to face me, "Then when I got on that plane to return home, there was this girl who sat next to me. She was sarcastic and incredibly down to earth but just from the way she talked about writing, it was obvious that there was a flame in her that already started to flicker away."

My shoulders slumped because it was as if I betrayed my one true love. That passion I once felt for writing, for seeing words dance to a beautiful story, was fading. He worded it so perfectly that it was like a huge stab on my chest.

"But as I got to know her, she wasn't the type to give up on that flame," he stated tenderly, reaching out but not exactly touching me just yet, "It's small but she protects it. She knows that it's going away but she isn't letting it and she's doing her hardest to keep it alive, it brought my spirits up because after I watched my own best friend give up in front of my very eyes, there was someone who did her best to stay afloat."

Now it was my turn to face him. For so long, I was just staring at the kitchen counter because I was scared to his expression. When I did, it took my breath away and I felt tears welling up. Because what I saw was a man who looked like he fought a war – he was tired.

It occurred to me that the whole time I was having this melodramatic dilemma, I never thought about him. I was hurting before because of my ex, but he also felt like he was being swallowed whole because of his best friend. And now, I learned that he tried to save her but she turned away from his helping hand.

Just like what I was about to stupidly do.

While I was wallowing in misery how I couldn't find my way back, all he saw was a girl who was trying. My struggles, he looked at it like it was a silver lining.

So I crawled to him until I was kneeling right in front of his figure. Placing my hands on his shoulders, I said nothing while I pressed my forehead against the top of his head. When I did, he felt like it was finally safe for him to touch me.

As he positioned his hands on my waist, he whispered softly under his breath with so much sincerity I truly thought that I was going to cry, "Stay with me, Sienna."

I finally got my answer earlier. I liked him because I needed him. While he thought I was that single ray of sunshine, he was mine as well. He radiated positivity, always cheering me on without a hint of hesitation, even during the time when we barely knew each other.

And right now, I felt like he needed me as much as I did him.

"Okay," I answered, closing my eyes.

We were exactly where we needed to be at the moment.

--------------------------

By the way, when Adam talked about Heart in this chapter, it was based more on the published version of Hollywood's Princess and less so on the Wattpad version. Drowning was a very big word there when it came to the plot, which I have said before was somewhat different to the one on this site.

I told you guys to be prepared for some heartbreak and here we go. Stay with me on this one, trust me, there's a lesson to this.

Question: If you were Sienna during that moment, would you stay?

Keep safe, everyone. See you next chapter.