My heart was thumping in my chest, my eyes staring at my phone screen while it tried to connect to the person I was trying to contact through a video call. I was all alone, Emma gave me her room when I told her what I was planning to do while she finished her painting downstairs.

The amount of times I started ringing him and then ending it right away was too high. The coward in me wants to think that he didn't call again so that was it, but a bigger part of me is yelling that I will never go forward unless I face him.

And suddenly, the screen turned black and what came after was the face I've only managed to see in pictures for the past year. His eyebrows were still bushy and over the place, his hair now up in spikes, his glasses covered his eyes that always crinkled at the corner at any expression he makes, and that melting gaze – he gained weight, not too drastic but it was noticeable, though it didn't matter.

"Justin," I said his name after I've avoided speaking it for a long time, "Hey."

He was just as awkward as I was, not even finding the right words to say. This demeanor of his was the reason I started falling, "Hi Sienna."

My name rolled off of his lips and I was suddenly transported back to the time he would gently whisper it to me before pressing a kiss on my lips. Even if we were currently miles apart, I could almost feel his skin under my fingertips and how ticklish he was even with the lightest touch.

That dance we shared on prom night, it was quiet and we barely made eye contact but when he did, I apologized. He accepted it with an apology of his own, but when I thought we finally made up, he released my hands and walked away after saying that he was going to look for his best friend. Although I didn't buy his excuse, I allowed him to leave.

On graduation, I was never able to say goodbye.

The only time we went near to talking was when I accidentally sent him a message meant for my other friend.

Alright, so maybe I meant to do it a tiny bit.

One part of my book that I couldn't reread was the chapter wherein I walked away and never looked back. I could remember how I dug my nails into my palm and asked him if we could break up, when I turned on one corner and was sure that he couldn't see me anymore, I wept like a baby.

All we shared after that were civil smiles and a hard game of seeing how long can we sit in the same room as we ignored each other.

I've heard that he was still as flirty as he was before we started dating, but he never took a step forward and got himself a girlfriend. It made me hope, thinking that he wanted to be with me again, but when he made no move, it came clear that all my thoughts were just a fantasy.

"Sorry for last night," even though I tried to sound lighthearted, my throat felt like it was sandpaper, "You know how I am with alcohol."

He doesn't because I never really drank except for a few sips here and there. I started to do it in senior year, weeks leading to our separation.

"I was surprised," he told me and I was aware how much I was surrounded by people with differing accents. Although Uncle Levi didn't talk like how everybody in this country does, his use of the slang and language were there and there was a tinge of influence coming from Aunt Janine with his manner of speech. This was home, this was the accent I grew up on, "I mean, Sienna Clark called me, I thought I was dreaming."

You and I both.

"I heard you're in England now," he brought up, "I never thought you would be leaving the country."

I never thought of it as well. I assumed back then during junior year that we would be attending the same college, it was a norm for high school sweethearts to think so. It didn't cross my mind the possibility of us splitting, resulting in me writing a book in my desperation to get him out of my head, and the lack of inspiration during my gap year.

Uncle Levi did me the biggest favor but now I was starting to doubt if everything was ever a good idea.

"Can I just ask you one question?" I muttered, my hand now gripping the sheets of Emma's bed, "What did I say to you?"

"You don't remember?" he gaped and when I stared at him unblinking, he got his answer. Telling me to wait, he put down his phone and I heard rustling from his side. My hand loosened and my fingers resorted to tapping lightly on her bedside table, thinking of the worst.

And when he came back, I didn't know how to react because he pointed the camera right towards a book – not just any book.

It was our story, "You kept telling me to buy it and read the thing."

It felt like the end of the world because yes, it wasn't that accurate since I did sprinkle some other drama in there to make it more interesting and I did change the character names but one look and he would know. Because those jokes that were so corny but made me laugh hilariously were written down there, those times when we snuck our hands together when eating with our friends was vividly described, and don't get me started with those private moments that I unabashedly wrote.

I wanted to end the call now but I willed myself to continue, "Did you read it yet?"

"If I said yes, what will you do?" he questioned, turning the camera back to his face. The answer was simple – nothing.

There was nothing that I could do and there was nothing I would do. All this time, I wanted him to read it, the fear of his criticism was just pulling me back.

When I didn't verbally convey my answer, he frowned slightly before reply almost apologetically, "Yes, I read it."

"I'm sorry," was the only thing I managed to say. It was a violation of our privacy but I'm a writer, I draw my inspiration from the life I live and this is reality – I broke my own heart.

Stupid, I know.

Now he has read my side of our story, of how much I didn't want to let go but I was too weak to do so. He now knew that I didn't fall in love with him like a smack of a speeding train, it was gradual and it was the little things that got me to do so.

"No, it's my fault for not paying attention to the signs," he sighed, running a hand through his hair, something that I chastised him for doing so many times, "But I really did love you, Sienna."

I blinked at my screen, his brown eyes piercing through me. I knew he did, he had told me so many times. Yet to hear it from him, after a couple of years, felt like a huge weight was suddenly lifted off of my shoulders and a ghost of a smile graced my lips, "And I really did love you, Justin."

And there we were, it was like we were in the middle of the field again. He grabbed my hand when I was peacefully enjoying a chat with the rest of our friends and he pulled me with him, my legs barely catching up with him. Still, I laughed along with the breeze, thinking that it was just one of his games.

We stopped when we were out of earshot and that was when he confessed, asking me out on our first date. The answer was a yes, it had always been a yes.

Because I was his before he even knew about it.

"Want to try it again?" he suggested, rendering me speechless. The me a year ago would have jumped into this opportunity without a second thought.

However, I did say goodbye. This was not the purpose of the call.

"No," I rejected, shaking my head, "And you know why."

Because it just wasn't our time.

He showed me a smile and let out a chuckle, "I really do."

"Friends?" I shrugged, "For real this time, no extreme politeness that it makes me cringe."

"Friends," he agreed, "Give me a call when you're back in New York, let's hang out like old times."

Getting cramped in the subway, running around the busy sidewalks, spending a crazy amount of money on useless things, being surrounded with tall buildings, and enjoying the most beautiful skyline during the night. Those were the things I dearly missed with my friends back at home and sad to say, I wouldn't be able to do them again until Christmas.

"Yeah," I grinned, my heart now singing with joy, "You'll be the first one to know."

We ended the call in the opposite direction of how we started it. At first, it was so uncomfortable as if the both of us wanted to scream out at each other but now, we've managed to resolve a problem that droned on for so long in a span of minutes.

When I got back downstairs after the conversation, Emma looked up from her canvas and exhaled loudly, "Got everything settled?"

"Yeah, I'll tell you about it later," I replied, "The others are not back yet?"

"No, but I think dad is..." she wasn't able to complete her sentence because a knock on the door cut her off. She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion, "Can you get that? I have paint on my hands."

I did what she requested, taking the last step of the staircase and heading towards the front door, turning the handle and swinging it open. I took an instinctive step back when I saw Adam standing there, to the complete surprise for the both of us.

"Sienna?!" he gaped and I noticed the crumpled pieces of paper in his hands, it was obvious that he did his best effort to flatten them but you could still see the creases, "I thought you were at the dormitories."

By this time, Emma had managed to wipe her hands and was now standing right behind me, "Yes?"

"I'm sorry, but can I speak to Sienna?" he asked, "Alone."

"I don't know, that's up to my cousin," Emma responded, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

Both of them glanced towards me and I bit my lip, feeling anxious under their scrutinizing gazes. When I did look up into Adam's eyes, I saw how he was almost pleading for me to say yes. His grip on the paper was tightening, I could hear it crunching under his grasp.

So I nodded in agreement, stepping outside and allowing Emma to close the door behind me. He released a sigh of relief, smoothening the paper once again with his hands before he presented them to me, "Sienna, please."

I stared at it, my clumsy handwriting and the tiny scribbles that I placed next to them. The arrows were pointing to different phrases on the page, looking like a weird form of connect the dots. They were all over the place, trying to make sense of something that shouldn't go together.

Just like the happenings of my life. They shouldn't go well together, a side of me gravitating to New York while the other is firmly determined to stay here, finish my education, and create a book worth publishing again. But they do, because at the end of it all, I'm just one person.

The side of the pages were torn where I forcefully ripped it away from the sketchbook. A part of the writing was cut off along with it and when I squinted my eyes, I saw the half of his name written there. I don't know if he read it or not, but I have to admit that he's part of my journey here.

Silently taking the papers from him, I examined it closely and shaking my head at my actions. It was so wrinkly that I was impressed at him for making an effort to make it legible again, he taped it up as precisely as he could at the place where I ripped it apart earlier.

I should really try to be more strong-willed.

"Heart called me, you know," I informed, neatly folding the papers, "Apologizing."

"She what?" he stilled, his voice filled with shock. He didn't even bother excusing himself when he pulled out his phone from his pocket and instantly calling his said best friend, "Sophia Heart Valentine, you called her?"

That was the first time I heard her full name, I'm sure avid fans know that but I didn't. I always thought that Heart was a stage name she somehow extracted from somewhere. To hear it from somebody so close to her, it felt a little more personal because to the world, she was simply Heart Valentine.

"I know that," I heard him say, his shoulders slumping, "But Soph, I said that I was going to take this matter into my own hands."

What kind of conversation did they have when I left him?

But she went on her own way in order to patch up something that may or may not have been her fault for the sake of her best friend. Even that gentle request to take care of him was filled with love on its own, "She did it for you, Adam. It was alright for her to do it, don't get mad at her."

He paused and turned to me, smiling softly as he covered the phone with his other hand, "I can never get mad at her."

And it was totally reciprocated.

But once again, don't drag me into this.

I found no words to respond to him so I remained silent while he finished his call with her, "Yes, I'm fine and we're alright now. I'll talk to you again later."

Oh we were alright now?

"She loves to meddle with other people," he told me, tucking his phone back into his pocket, "Even when it's already out of her control."

"But I think you're just trying to move forward," I spoke, eyeing my papers again, "I am as well, I talked to my ex earlier."

"Fell for him all over again?" he tried to joke and I slightly amused at the thought.

"No," I denied, scuffing my shoe against the carpeted floor of the hallway, "He asked if I wanted to get back together and I said no."

How could I fall for him again when in truth, I never stopped? And that conversation triggered what I was going to count as the real moving on. Now, I can let go of him with no trace of regret because the chance already presented itself onto me and I still rejected it.

The thought of spinning my head around the idea of him wasn't appealing. When I saw his face, I now remember why I got caught up on him and when I heard his laugh, I went back to the times of inside jokes but I had to face the fact that it was all in the past.

He was different now and so was I.

"I wanted to let go," I smiled to him even though my words were directed to myself, "How about you?"

He examined my face and ever so slowly, he nodded, "I think I am."

Let us share this crazy path together and may we find better people in the future.

"Can I steal you for a moment?" he lifted a hand and offered it to me, daring me to take it. I glanced back towards the door, knowing that Emma was probably still waiting for me. I then turned back to him, his expression now gentle and kind, showing a friendly beam.

I'm sure she wouldn't mind a few minutes.

So I placed my hand in his and he clasped it tightly in his grip. He pulled me forward, almost running towards the elevator and I laughed, staring at his broad back. The image of Justin pulling me along the field that used to be cemented in my mind was replaced by him. Just as we were near, the elevator doors opened and he sped up, my feet barely catching up.

Andy exited the shaft and before he could call my name, we passed by him to get inside. Just as the metal doors closed, I spoke, "Tell Emma I'll be back."

Again, he wasn't given any opportunity to speak because everything happened so fast. The next thing I knew, the elevator was taking up the floors, "Where are we going?"

"Remember the sky lounge I told you about when you first visited my apartment?" he said, his eyes on the screen that showed which floor we already were, "As an apology, I'm going to show you one of the finest sunsets this town has to offer."

The doors opened and we stepped out of the penthouse floor. There were still several rooms but what was extremely prominent was the wall made out of glass. Using his keycard, he scanned it on the glass door and opened it, stepping out into the strong wind of the outside.

When I looked in front of me, I was indeed met with a mesmerizing view of the sun slowly sinking down behind the mountains that were miles away but their peaks were still visible. The sky wasn't the ordinary orange and reds dancing together, but it was extraordinarily purple, blue, and pink. The clouds were like stretched out as if it was cotton, appearing almost feather-like.

I stretched my neck to stare up and saw the moon at the sky as well, going up at the same rate that the sun was going down. Adam had such peculiar timing because he didn't just bring me to a sunset, he brought me to experience twilight.

We were stuck in the middle of day and night.

"Forgiveness granted," I grinned at him before my eyes slowly trailed down to our hands that were still intertwined. A blush came across my cheeks and I was in a mental debate of whether I should pull away but when my gaze drifted back to his face and how peaceful he looked as he stared at the scene in front of him, my panic subsided.

My hand relaxed in his and I faced ahead, both literally and metaphorically. 

------------------

Aaaaah it's my twenty-first birthday! My little gift to you guys.

I based Justin off of a guy that I used to know and when I visited his facebook page, the way Sienna described how much he changed was the exact way he did in my eyes. Aside from that, the description of the twilight sky was all from real life (except for the mountains, of course) because I literally saw the sky in that way with the clouds looking feather-like and the beautiful mixture of purple, blue, and pink. My friends and I were laying and sitting down on the grass in the middle of university when we saw it and I'm still at awe. 

And yes, that scruffy figure at the corner taking a picture was me. No effects, no filters, just the perfect painting that mother nature beautifully crafted.