Chapter Thirty-Two: Clear Path

Background color
Font
Font size
Line height

Justin blinked at me through the screen and I pouted towards him, hugging my pillow tighter to my chest, "Say something!"

"While I do agree that it's nice that you're giving him the chance and being sensitive to his feelings and his friendship..." he trailed off before his eyebrows scrunched up in concern, "But all I got from that was what he would feel, it's as if you never thought about how you've been so confused and worried the whole time."

"I think the reason why I called you was because I know for myself that I'm confused and worried," I deadpanned.

He sighed, running a hand through his brown hair, "What I mean is, you're too scared of hurting him when you, yourself, are currently hurting."

I casted my gaze downwards, back to my fuzzy purple socks as if they were my saving grace. I picked on a piece of lint because to be completely honest, I had no idea how to respond to that.

Obviously I didn't outright say to Justin that I still loved him, though I had a huge hunch that he knew that already. I went through a whole tirade though but I left out specific names, the little secret that Heart Valentine was the famed best friend wasn't something for me to blab.

"What happened to my banana?" he spoke softly, his words wrapped so tenderly, "Where's the spark in her eyes?"

She extinguished it herself.

"I miss you," I murmured, looking at his bespectacled face, "Sorry I bothered you."

He shrugged, a small smile on his lips, "I get to see and talk to you so I think this was a win in every way."

Finally, I grinned full before breaking into a laugh. Somehow, this heavy feeling flew away from my chest and I was suddenly back in front of him, like an ocean didn't separate us. For this small moment, he sat in front of me and not through the computer screen.

And that was when it settled in me that I have never loved someone as much as I did him.

He was the sparkle in my eyes, he ignited my spirit, he made me fearless.

"Thanks Justin," I said, "I'll call again soon."

He nodded, that joyful expression still there, "You better and take care of yourself, Sienna."

"I will."

When his face disappeared, I was left to stare at the blank screen. My shoulders slumped and I leaned back against my headboard, just thinking of how I should approach this.

It was really a jerkass move but Justin was right, instead of being consumed by that giddy feeling, all I could think of was worry and guilt. Adam did make me feel some sort of special way, those weren't empty kiss or cold embraces.

But it just wasn't the same.

I changed windows and opened up my manuscript. I managed to catch up with the sketchbook so it was pretty up to date with the happenings.

I scrolled up towards the first chapters and read through them, just how confused my thoughts were. Yet, Adam cleared all of that up and made me smile once again. Sadly, we couldn't find that same glimmer in our relationship.

Taking a deep breath, I scrolled towards the very last page and cracked my knuckles – this was going to be a very long night.

I just kept on writing, my fingers tapping rapidly against the keyboard, hearing it clack with every hit. My eyes switched from the black keys towards the bright screen, watching as letter by letter appeared with my movements. This rush, I've missed it so much because for once, I wasn't glancing towards a sketchbook every now and then.

All of this was still fresh in my memory. These words were being written out as I experienced them. That guilt, that sinking feeling, that uncertainty, and most of all, the heartbreak.

And perhaps the worst of it all, he wasn't mine.

Julia poked her head in a few hours later to call me down for dinner. When I murmured an incoherent reply, she sighed and knew exactly that I wasn't going anywhere. Being the amazing roommate that she was, she came back half an hour later with a mug of steaming coffee, setting it down on my bedside table.

I smiled gratefully towards her as she went to her side of the room, also investing herself with her laptop. While I was sure she was doing school works, I wasn't bothered at all that I had a quiz tomorrow and I didn't even plan to open my notes.

All I knew was that I wanted to finish this.

His face was etched in mind, his smile, his frown, his micro expressions. Those deep chuckles whenever he was amused, his lips slightly parted whenever he was studying, the way he moved his fingers over the paper, hovering but not actually touching the book. His words that were so easy to read because he laid his heart on his sleeve.

For the world to see but only a few could experience his thoughts.

I finished at five in the morning, my head throbbing but I have never felt more exhilarated. Julia was fast asleep so I had to tiptoe out with my empty mug. Before I left though, I grabbed my coat first then I headed downstairs. I made sure to wash my mug and then I shrugged on the coat, creaking the large door of the entryway open.

I was greeted by the pitch black night – well, morning. My hands instantly froze so I had to stuff them inside my pockets and whenever I exhaled, I could see the frost forming.

The only people you could see were the ones brave enough to endure the cold for a morning jog. Slowly going down the steps of the dormitory building, I took one more glance over my shoulder before I ran.

The wind slapping my skin gave me a new form of energy. I looked ridiculous since I was still in my pajamas and my slippers weren't the best footwear for running but I didn't care. I didn't care that my lungs was struggling to gather oxygen, I didn't care that my legs were starting to get sore or that my hair couldn't even be considered a bun anymore.

I just wanted to feel alive again.

Because I just knew by the end of the week, I wouldn't have the motivation to do anything.

I stopped at who knows where. The university was large with its own community and while I have taken some time to go around, I doubt I could be so familiar with it to that point that I knew every nook and cranny.

Though I didn't mind that I was lost, I actually quite enjoyed it.

Now how was I going to do this?

My eyes went down to my feet, squinting to see more clearly in the dark. My gaze landed on the bush right next to where my slippers were, the few droplets of moisture. These were the small things that Sam would absolutely freak out about. He would have whipped out his camera in two seconds flat.

Sam had a more vivid way to capture things as they happen. I, as a writer, only can do so in retrospect.

Hold on, we had a middle ground.

With my numbed hands, I reached into my pocket to take out my phone. She was going to murder me but it was worth the shot since right now, my brain couldn't think of anything else.

"Sienna, do you have any idea what time it is right now?" I heard Emma's tired voice through the line, "I hope this important."

"Your wonderful cousin is wondering if you can do a favor for her," I breathed out, continuing my way through the university, "I'll do whatever you want as an exchange since it's pretty big."

"And now my wonderful cousin is scaring me," she shot back, "What is it?"

My eyes focused up towards the sky, watching the few stars that remained bright even though it was near sunrise, "Lend me your talent."

...

The cashier smiled politely at me as she handed me the bag that contained my purchase. I then headed towards the next shop, which was a printing store, and asked for the work that I left there.

I looked down on it, feeling its weight in my hands. To write more than a hundred thousand words doesn't seem much of a big deal to me, but to see it in its physical form, it was really something else.

It had been almost a week since that run and for a better half of that said week, I caught a cold which I kind of predicted. I've really been pushing myself lately so I wasn't surprised but this was college, so I still had to attend my classes even though I was on the verge of dying.

Now it reduced into nothing more but a couple of sniffles so I was good.

With a slow and steady pace, I made my way towards the apartment complex. Andy opened the door for me and his eyebrows shot up at my creepy ass grin. I didn't bother with makeup today so my eyebags were out for the world to see and I do admit that my skin had been the palest it had been.

I invited myself in and I was surprised at how preppy I was acting considering the reason why I came here.

"Sienna, you didn't call that you were coming," Uncle Levi frowned when he saw me, "I would have ordered extra food."

"It's alright," I shrugged, for once, food was the last thing on my mind. I took out the thing that I got printed and shoved it into his hands, not even saying a word.

He was taken aback at the sudden present but he placed down the mug he was drinking from and flipped it over so he could see the front page.

Then he stilled.

"I know your bet with mom is after I graduate, but I think a semester and a half sufficed," I attempted to joke but I knew that he already felt that there was something wrong, "I'm going to send it to mom, but I thought that I should get your approval first since you're my mentor."

Andy made his way next to his father and tried to see what caused such a reaction. He read over the words and he too mimicked his expression, "So where's the sketchbook?"

"With me," Emma suddenly piped in, going down the stairs, "She brought it to me at six in the morning a week ago."

I grinned sheepishly and she sighed dramatically, handing me the said object, "You owe me."

I opened it and my fingers rapidly flipped through the papers, skipping the pages that contained Uncle Levi and Andy's handwritings. I stopped just where my pages started and as I went through them, I couldn't help the sense of nostalgia.

When I thought about capturing the moments so vividly as they were happening, I knew it was impossible for me to do so. Those have passed and it wasn't like I had my phone ready to take a picture at every given second.

So I asked Emma to draw them down for me. As a writer, I've learned to pay attention to the fine details and because of this, she was able to recreate them perfectly just the way I remembered it.

But she had some difficulties though and she claimed that anybody would think that she had a crush on Adam for the sheer amount of pictures that she accumulated. I told her specifically not to draw me, but to draw Adam as I saw him.

To draw how I experienced him.

That goofy charm that he showed when he sat across from me while we sat on his empty apartment floor. His pleading features when I presented him the ripped pages of the sketchbook when I got angry at him. That masked confidence during our first kiss. The way his hair flopped when he held me in the kitchen.

And the one I adored the most – that warm expression when he kneeled in front of me when I was so overwhelmed during Heart's concert.

That was when I knew I wanted him close.

"What are you planning, Sienna?" Andy asked cautiously as all three of them watched me plop down on one of their dining chairs.

"We write to taste life twice," I muttered, reciting my favorite line, "In moment and in retrospect."

I then proceeded to dump everything I purchased earlier onto the table. It was a large assortment of craft materials and needless to say, they were more confused than ever.

Whatever story I wrote on that manuscript had been tainted already and I was sure that it would be more so when it goes through editing. I hid the most precious moments because once again, those were exclusively for us to reminisce.

What was written there wasn't an explosive romance that ended up in heartbreak like my first book. No, it was a story that had every intention of making you feel light on your feet and have that sense of hunger for self-discovery.

It was the kind of story that made you want to run at dawn to random places or the kind to make you want to chase the twilight sky.

I ripped the pages that contained Emma's drawing and proceeded to start my handiwork.

"She's gone mad," Emma quipped.

"No," Uncle Levi shook his head, his hand tracing the text of my manuscript, "That's still our Sienna, but I think this time, she managed to get rid of the fallen tree."

"Oh that thing you told me when I got blocked?" Andy rolled his eyes, "I guess that Adam did help her."

Uncle nodded, "And she decided to run with the clear path."

--------------------------

Brace yourself for the next chapter! There will be tears, whether they will be happy or sad tears will be a surprise! 

Question: What do you think is Sienna's plan?

Stay safe everyone! I hope my updates give you even just a little bit of happiness and escape during this time.

You are reading the story above: TeenFic.Net