Chapter Thirty-Six: I Like You

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I couldn't bare how thick the tension was inside the room so instead of sitting on the blanket, both of us opted to stand up and be as far apart as possible. This was so sad, we were literally thrown into a situation wherein it could be a perfect opportunity to talk everything out, but instead, we were scared to utter a single word.

Hey Adam, can I tell you a secret?

I miss you.

"I know you're curious why I never said anything to Soph," he finally spoke out and I could literally play the fanfare at that instant because hallelujah, we were finally talking.

I pushed back my excitement and nodded slowly. He exhaled loudly and ran a hand through his dark hair, "Because I feel like if I told her, everything's actually true."

I lifted a brow because of that explanation. Did he think that this was all a hallucination? Sorry, but while I do want to turn back time and do things differently, I didn't want to be the one to burst this bubble for him. Though to be honest, I was the queen of in denial so I wasn't the one to talk.

The only thing I wanted to turn out another way was how I was suddenly banished from his apartment before we could have an actual conversation. However, if you were to ask me if I regretted breaking things off, then it was an automatic no.

While he did hold a piece of my heart, things weren't meant to be.

He saw my inquisitive look and he finally dared to turn towards my direction, finally giving me glimpse of his handsome face, "I didn't want to believe that you walked away from me and I kept hoping that you would come back."

Why were those words so reminiscent of what I told Justin?

And why was my heart breaking all the same way?

"Adam, if you only knew how much I wanted to see you," I muttered softly, "I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, and as much as I wanted to call you, it wouldn't be fair."

He started to walk towards me, his steps heavy and calculated. Just when he was near, he reached out his arm and even though he was good at showing composure, the slight shakiness of his hand and the sheen of sweat on his palm said otherwise, "Then let's not throw Soph's gift to waste."

It's just one night, right?

"Okay," I murmured in agreement, placing my hand on top of his and I watched as his fingers gently enclosed it. His hold was loose, signifying that he was allowing me to pull away at any second.

Just one night.

I, for one, did the complete opposite and clasped his hand tightly. I caught his gaze and tried to convey to him that just for the hours that we were here, it was like we were back to his apartment when everything was still so right.

He led me out of the room where the picnic was left. Our meals were half-eaten and the bottle of champagne was still unopened.

"You know the fascinating part about this museum?" he said, walking right next to me, "All, except for one room if I remember correctly, are filled with local artists. Many of those were once students of the university."

He then tugged me towards another room, one in particular that reminded me of something Emma made. At the entrance, there was brief explanation that this was project done by a couple that wanted to tell their story in a different way.

The walls were painted in the image of a beautiful sky on the brink of sunset. The floor was one that reflected a river stream and in the very middle of the room, the centerpiece of a room filled with different sculptures and mixed arts, was a bridge.

That, along with the beautiful lighting, this room was like a whole other world.

River Future, I remember Emma say, And these two, they don't know each other yet and they're unaware of each other's existence but this river shows that at some point, they're going to fall in love.

Although her painting was slightly different because she painted a dull sky and an explosive river, it portrayed the same thing – how strangers, so unaware of their future, met each other and nothing was ever the same.

When I boarded that plane, I was a hundred percent ready to give up. I've prepared myself beforehand for the disappointment that I was sure would come to me.

But then, a man, who had this sincerity in his eyes, proved me wrong. I thought that small encounter on the ride to England was all it was going to be, but once again, he arrived into my life and nothing really was the same since.

While I craved for that floating feeling once again, he showed me that having my feet planted on the ground was where I should be at the time.

And sadly, I wanted to soar again. The book was done and I felt like little old Sienna was back again.

Yet, little old Sienna was also suffering because she broke off a relationship... for the second time, if I may add.

He pulled me along until we were on the foot of the bridge. He urged me to go up with him but I shook my head, "We might break it."

"I've seen pictures of people on this thing all the time," he chuckled, tugging on my hand, "It's perfectly safe."

"If you say so," I said, my voice filled with uncertainty. When I did step on the bridge, it didn't even creak or made a single sound, it held up without any strain. I was honestly impressed because I thought it was just for display.

But with the little elevation, I was given the full view of the whole room. It showed the meeting of two people, the falling in love phase, the turmoil, and finally, the reconciliation.

When I turned to the wall behind me, I paused to see our silhouette. The spotlight that was shining on the bridge hit it at the right angle and there we were, just two people hand in hand on top of the bridge. Our shadows hid the sculpture that portrayed the 'falling in love' part of the room.

Oh how poetic.

But I tried to ignore it and only looked at our figures. What I saw wasn't two people who were so scared of doing something wrong. They weren't overthinking everything, they weren't in love with different people, they weren't in an awkward date.

They were just a couple enjoying their time with each other.

"Now that's beautiful," I sighed and it wasn't the room or the artworks that I was talking about, but that image that we somehow portrayed.

I was just staring at it, admiring how our shadows were touching even though the only thing connected between us were our joined hands.

"I like you, Sienna Clark," he suddenly spoke out of the blue.

I gasped and tore my gaze away from the shadows and looked at him with eyes wide in surprise. I felt as if he threw a knife right through me and scarily enough, I didn't flinch or took my hand away.

What shocked me more was how stunned I was with that simple confession. It shouldn't catch me off-guard, but it did.

"And I regret that I've never said that out loud to you," he added and I watched with the dim lighting how his ears started to turn red but he kept his expression serious, "But I really do like you and it was pure torture being away from you when I had you in my grasp before."

If his hold of me was so loose before, this time he was gripping on my hand like his life depended on it. I, on the other hand, was attempting to process those three simple words.

I think we've established that fact during the beginning stages of our relationship but he was right, he had never told me those words.

Just like I never said that to him.

"Please give us another chance," he pleaded, taking a step closer, "And no more of that ambiguous relationship, I want you to be my girlfriend."

My heart dropped and it felt like somebody punched me in the stomach at how quick my breath was taken away. Even though he was avoiding me for the better half of our time here, his eyes were right on me.

Wouldn't be more romantic if I said yes? If I jumped into his arms like a tearful reunion?

Only for me to feel insecure throughout the following days. That high wouldn't last forever, this was just a moment for the both of us.

So I let go of his hand, my fingers finally straightened and the hurt was very much evident in his features. Still, he didn't let go.

"Adam, this date was planned by Heart and the only time I slept was when I talked to Justin," I pointed out to him, "There's never going to be 'just us' and it's going to be a very crowded relationship."

"You shouldn't always care what other people think."

"I know I don't," I quipped back, "But we both do anyways."

If he really didn't, then he wouldn't have dragged me in this entire situation. He wouldn't go through this trouble just to please his best friend's request. And I get it, because I was like that too. 

With those words, he finally released me. I took a step back and flashed a small apologetic smile, "After all that's been said and done, I still want you in my life, even if it's just as a friend."

"Friends," he said again the word and the fact that his voice had no emotions made me internally shudder. His tone was flat so it meant that I couldn't read or even take a guess of what he was feeling. But from my experience, being 'just friends' was never an easy transition to glide through.

He went down the bridge from the other side and hastily exited the room while I was left standing there alone. I blinked at the spot he once occupied then ever so slowly, I turned to the wall behind me once again. There was some melancholy attached to seeing my lone figure without him by my side.

Somebody please tell me that I was doing the right thing.

When I glanced towards the door, it was that exact moment that Adam passed through with the picnic basket on one hand and the blanket on the other. Realizing that he planned on leaving, I recollected my thoughts and rushed to follow him.

Just saying, these heels were not the best for chasing.

I tried calling out his name, but my words died in my throat. Not because I couldn't even say it out loud, but because the view I had of him was something that should have been exclusively for the good times. He had his back turned to me and I reminded me so much of how he pulled me along after our first fight.

His excited chuckles and my confused laughter.

And look where we were now.

"I like you," I declared before I could even hold my tongue. While it wasn't my plan to suddenly blurt that fact out, it did effectively stop him.

Sienna Clark, you're digging yourself a bigger hole and I recommend you stop this instance.

But when was I ever obedient?

He whipped around to face me, his face probably mimicking the one I had when it was him who confessed. My hands balled up into fists to the point that my nails were digging into my palm and I could almost hear my heartbeat in my ears.

"I like you," I repeated, gathering up every single drop of courage I had in my body, "I like you so much and that's why I don't want to hurt you. I know it feels terrible right now and trust me, I'm suffering as well, but in the long run, there will be no happily ever after if we continue whatever we had. At the end, we would still go our separate ways and even right now, we're not on the same page."

I will leave to go back home and you will stay here. I'm in love with Justin and he loves Heart. I was looking towards the future while he wanted to live in the present. I wasn't ready for a relationship with him, even during the start, and he wanted to jump into one just minutes ago.

We wouldn't work out, it was simple as that.

I've always been reckless, but my heart was the only thing I wanted to be cautious about.

"You never gave us a chance," he pointed out.

"I did," I corrected him because I truly did, I was open to the prospect of falling for him. However, it only took us just a few moments before I realized it wasn't meant to be, "And whenever you weren't being possessive or those little gestures, I felt like second fiddle all the time."

"You think I'm comfortable with you talking so casually about and with your ex?" he shot back, "I don't, but I trust you."

"And I trust you too, I know you will never ever do something wrong, but I cannot control who your heart chooses to love," I spoke, "Just as I cannot control my own."

He loves Heart and I can't change that. No matter what, no matter when, no matter where, he will always choose her. And I wasn't the one to talk because I've tried to change the way I loved Justine, but that was out of my control as well.

I unclenched my fist and slightly flinched at the pain of my nails peeling away from my skin. Still, I kept a straight face and walked forwards, removing the distance between us.

With my shaky hands, I reached forwards and placed them gently on his cheeks, cupping his face with the lightest touch. I looked at him right in the eyes while he remained unmoving. While every second spent in this museum was like a stab through my heart, I persisted through, "One day, you're going to meet a girl so wonderful that you might even forget about me."

Actually, he already had a girl like that. Only problem, she wasn't his. 

I didn't want to be that girl that he will expect to mend his heart, to make him forget the girl he loved for so many years. I didn't want to be that girl who he got into a relationship just because he accepted that his best friend loved somebody else. Was he really happy with me? Or did he think he was because he felt something other than the pain of unreciprocated love?

"Then you're going to fall for her, you're going to treat her well, and she'll be everything that you've been looking for," I continued, taking one last step so our chests were almost touching, "And like I said, I'll just be a distant memory but please, don't ever regret meeting me."

"You know that's impossible," he whispered and I heard the picnic basket and blanket fall to the floor with a thud. He placed his hand on top of mine, shaking his head, "How could you say that I would forget about you?"

Because I'm one of those people who was replaceable.

"Just promise me," I practically begged.

He leaned forward and pressed his forehead against mine, his gaze still locked with mine, "Sienna, I will never regret meeting you."

"And I will never regret meeting you," I repeated, "Adam Nicholas, the boy who saved my spirit and held my affections."

His hands mirrored what I did to him by also cupping my face and what I thought would stop there, escalated more. He angled his head so that our lips were barely touching, just centimeters apart.

My heart was beating in my chest and I truly wanted to kiss him. But we both know that that wasn't fair.

I shut my eyes and refused to move, however the sharp inhales gave me away immediately. But he was a gentleman and instead of actually closing the distance between us in the way we wanted, he moved his hands and settled them around my waist. If it was possible, he pulled me closer towards him.

A single tear escaped my eye as I tried to identify all that he wanted to convey. From the heartbreak to the appreciation, it was all there in the embrace.

And I embraced him back, my arms around his shoulders. I also attempted to say everything that I couldn't even find the words to describe. As a writer, it was a shame, but as a simple girl who fell for a guy, it was the reality.

He pulled away but still kept our forehead touching. My eyes remained closed because whatever scene that was waiting for me when I opened them was something I surely didn't want to see.

So I wrapped my arms around his neck and for what felt like forever, we just held each other.

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Okay, here's a little fun fact: the original way I wrote this chapter was that Sienna would actually kiss Adam. But after much contemplating, I realized that that wasn't fair for them especially what they went through this chapter.

We cannot control who our heart chooses. Our brains may choose for us, but trust me when I say being with somebody who is clearly still in love with someone else, no matter how good or kind they may be, is just signing yourself up for heartbreak.

So enough of that sap. I love you guys and I hope you're staying safe! See you next chapter.


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