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Nandito Ako

"How's he?" Tanong ko nang may dumating na doctor. Kanina pa ako nasa tabi ni Xenon. Hindi ko magawang umalis.

Nandito na rin sina Tito at Tita. Pati ang mga kapatid ni Xenon. They were all on the couch. Lahat kami ay hindi mapakali pero pakiramdam ko, ako ang pinakagalit.

Even when I told them everything, they didn't get mad. They even understood me.

It made me more angry at myself. Para sa akin, ako lang yata ang nag-iisip na kasalanan ko dahil ako lang naman ang nakakaalam ng lahat. If they knew, they'd butcher me.

But no. They knew but still...

They were just good people.

Pero ako?

There's a reason why red is my favorite color.

"The patient's currently stable." The doctor formally said. "However, we still need to monitor him. Lalo na ang sugat niya sa ulo. It's not that life threatening but we can't be that confident. We'll be monitoring him closely."

I nodded and after the doctor left, nanatili ang tingin ko kay Xenon.

Balisa ako hanggang ngayon. My thoughts are all scattered. Kung nanatili akong mag-isa sa kwarto ni Xenon, baka mamaya'y masaktan ko na lang ang sarili ko.

"Flaire, kumain ka muna. Kanina ka pa nasa tabi ni Xenon kahit nung makabalik kami. Magpahinga ka muna sa baba." Tita Genesis suggested.

"Radon, samahan niyo muna si Flaire sa food court. Let her breathe fresh air. She needs it." Si Tito Rom na sang-ayon sa asawa niya. "Let her eat as well. She needs energy."

Huminga ako ng malalim. I was ready to reject their idea but when I looked at their soft gazes at me, I couldn't help but pity myself.

Do I hate myself that much? I do. But not when I'm with Xenon.

But am I this pitiful to others? Baka.

It makes me hate myself more.

I always wanted to look strong. But their gazes... They want to comfort me.

I'm just not that open to anything at the moment... I appreciate their concerns but...

"Tito, Tita... Ayos lang po ako-"

"Let's go, Ate Flaire." Radon was suddenly beside me, he took my arm and moved me along behind him as he went out of the room.

I didn't have enough time to struggle and escape dahil nasa likod namin sina Kuya Zennon at Krypton. Parehong nasa bulsa ang mga kamay at nakatingin lang sa akin na hinihila ng bunso nilang kapatid.

"You're not going to help me?" I asked them.

Kumunot ang noo nila sa tanong ko. Krypton's like Kuya Zennon. Mas makulit, pasaway, at batang version, I guess.

"You need that." Krypton said. As if mas matanda sa akin. "I don't know how stressful your life must've been, seeing how Kuya Xenon did everything to protect you... We also need to."

"Just go with it, Flaire. Xenon's not going to vanish. He wouldn't let that happen when you're lost like this..." Kuya Zennon muttered.

I felt goosebumps when I heard the word vanish. When Kuya Zennon glanced at me again, I think he noticed my feelings toward his words.

"Wait, no." Natataranta niyang banggit. "I mean... He'll be okay. Xenon's healing. Iyon. Iyon."

I didn't reply anymore. I let them help me settle down at the food court while I do my best to calm down.

Right now, I couldn't handle being away from Xenon.

But they said this is what I need. It's based on their point of view and not mine. Kung sa tingin ko, ayos lang ako... Para sa kanila, halata sigurong hindi.

I'm just here. Trying so hard to not feel myself crumbling. Here they are, noticing every single breakdown... which is embarrassing.

"It's okay to cry, Ate." Radon said while gently tapping my back. Katabi ko siya sa upuan habang magkatabi sa tapat namin si Krypton at Kuya Zennon.

"Just eat." Krypton said, pushing the food tray on the table towards me.

Hinayaan ko silang gawin ang mga gusto nila. I let them comfort me about their brother.

Hindi ako sigurado kung nakatulong ba iyon pero kahit papaano, nakahinga ako ng maluwag. At least now, I don't have to shoulder everything by myself.

It feels weird to be spending time like this. With Xenon's family, my boyfriend.

So this is how it feels to have many people by your side. This is how it is when you're in a big, happy, and complete family.

"So what're your plans now?" Kuya Zennon asked nang wala sa lamesa sina Krypton at Radon. Parehong may binibili sa kung saan.

"Plans...?" I cluelessly asked after wiping my mouth. I just finished my meal.

Kuya Zennon didn't eat. He just drank water.

"While Xenon's recovering... May plano ka ba? Not to be rude or something but I know that you have a strong personality. I saw how you reacted. I'm sure that... You have some plans..."

"For what?"

"Revenge." He directly said.

I escaped his gaze and took a long sigh. What did I expect with the Ashenbert heir? Of course, he's observant.

"Xenon made me promise not to do anything before he got in the accident so... I can't particularly say..."

"You're lying." Kuya Zennon eyed me with doubt. "You have a plan in mind. You're just waiting for Xenon to recover, right?"

"Can you please not roast me in my worst state?" Hindi ko na napigilan magsungit.

"Oh, sorry..." He smiled apologetically. "Did I push a button? I didn't mean to. I only wanted to say that if ever you have a plan in mind... I can help you."

"Why?" It was a whisper. Hindi ko inaasahang sasabihin niya iyon.

"I'm also angry, Flaire." His face darkened with restraint at the thought of the enemy. "Kung sino man ang gumawa kay Xenon nito gaya ng sinabi mo, I'll make him pay. So if ever you need help, I'm here as an ally. I don't wanna make a move myself dahil hindi ko kilala ng buo ang kalaban. But you... You have history with them so I'm just saying that I'm here when you need help... Future sister-in-law."

Hanggang sa makabalik sina Krypton at Radon, tanging tango lang ang naging tugon ko kay Kuya Zennon. He never opened the topic again. It was like a secret not to be told to anyone else.

He's acting as if he was fine with everything but now I know he's not.

I guess everyone has their sides.

Hindi lang pala ako. Is it because I've always been so open with my anger? Habang ang ibang tao, they seem to hide and wait for the perfect time. But I'm just me. A raging volcano that could erupt at any second.

"For someone who's unconscious, he still looks cheeky like always," Krypton whispered beside me while we both watched Xenon.

What happened in the food court earlier was now a fleeting memory. We're now here, inside Xenon's room. The others excused themselves kaya naiwan ako kasama si Krypton.

I can't exactly say that we're close. We've had brief conversations but this is one of the times we're left alone.

Out of them brothers, si Krypton ang medyo hindi ko naiintindihan. He's a bit... pasaway. Katulad ko. I just couldn't measure his attitude properly.

"You know... Kuya would be crazy if he woke up and you lost your mind because of what happened to him." He suddenly muttered which made me stop. "So please... Endure for a while until he's conscious again. Then the two of you can talk it out. My brothers are crazy but they'd do anything... for the ones they love." Nag-iwas siya ng tingin.

"What're you saying?"

"Let's not drag this out. You have your attitude, I have mine, we have ours. Your personality isn't for the weak, Flaire." He glanced at me. "You're planning something."

Yeah. Just like Zennon. Ganyan din ang nabanggit ng Kuya niya.

Hindi ko siya pinansin. This kid is kind of annoying. Maybe because somehow, I share the same sentiments with him. Pareho kaming pasaway. Ang based on rumors, siya ang pinaka makulit at pasaway sa kanilang magkakapatid. Ewan ko lang kung hahabol si Radon pero mukhang maayos naman ang batang iyon.

Plus, I hate how they can deduce me.

"Why are you ignoring me? Tama ako 'di ba?" He waved his hands in front of my face to get my attention. Kunot na ang noo. Ang sarap pitikin.

I didn't answer him no matter how annoying he was with his snapping fingers as well.

"You're rude, Flaire. Why are you ignoring me? Sinasabi ko lang na napaghahalataan ka na-"

"Hindi ko tinatanong-"

"Pero halata ka nga-"

Ang kulit!

"I didn't ask for it-"

"Bat ka nage-english bigla?"

"Gosh! You're like Xenon!"

"Kung sasabihin mong pogi, sige lang." Mayabang siyang ngumisi. Gosh, this kid looks so proud of himself.

"Seriously, Krypton... Quiet."

"Pano kung ayoko?" Humalukipkip siya. Why is he so... sassy!

"Don't you have someone you like?" I asked out of the blue.

I saw how he freeze. I smirked. I see. Sinasabi ko na nga ba.

"What are you talking about?"

"May gusto kang babae?" I asked again.

Hindi siya sumagot.

"Meron 'di ba?"

"Stop! I didn't ask-"

"Pero meron nga?"

"None of your business-"

"Precisely," I raised a brow. "I don't want people minding my business. Ganun ka rin. So why don't we stop roasting each other? Surely, we don't want others to see our weakness. Right?"

He looked away.

"Right?" I nudged his arm.

"Oo na. Gosh..." Inirapan niya ako.

I chuckled. Deserve!

The following hours, nakatulog ako. I woke up in the middle of the night. Magkakatabing natutulog sa couch sina Zennon at Krypton. However, my forehead creased when I saw Radon on the floor sleeping. Mukhang hindi na sila nagkasya kaya don natulog ang bata.

I slept on Xenon's side. Nakahilig ako roon habang nakaupo.

I drank water because of thirst when I heard a muffled voice. Mabilis akong lumingon sa gawi ni Xenon. I saw him slowly opening his eyes. Muntik ko nang mabitawan ang baso na hawak ko. I immediately went back to his side.

"Hey... How are you feeling? Xenon?" I called in a sweet voice.

His eyes started roaming around. Slowly. Segundo palang ang lumipas ngunit hindi na ako mapakali. I called the doctor kaya nagising din ang mga magkakapatid.

"Wait, what's happening? Si Kuya?" Si Radon na kakagising lang.

"Flaire? Anong nangyayari?" Sambit ni Kuya Zennon.

"Obviously, Kuya Xenon's gaining consciousness. Look." Tinuro ni Krypton ang kapatid.

Lahat sila ay nagmamadaling lumapit kay Xenon. I was busy with the Doctor.

"How's he, Doc?"

I asked afterwards. Pinaiinom ko ngayon ng tubig si Xenon. He's been unconscious for a long time. I figured he's thirsty.

Sa kabilang side ng kama, nandoon ang magkakapatid. They were eagerly waiting for the doctor's comment as well.

"No complications so far. He just needs rest and food to recover."

Lahat kami ay nakahinga ng maluwag.

Kuya Zennon called their parents. Krypton was covering his face out of relief. Habang si Radon, nasa gilid din ni Xenon at tinititigan lang ang Kuya niya.

Even with the Doctor's words, hindi ako mapakali. I couldn't endure being without Xenon. Kaya gustuhin man nina Tita na tulungan ako at pigilan upang pagpahingahin, hindi nila magawa dahil ako na mismo ang nagboboluntaryong mag-alaga kay Xenon. Although they do help with aiding Xenon, pinapabayaan nila akong on-hands. I feel like I'll wither away if I don't do this.

It makes me calm.

"Flaire..." Xenon muttered as I helped him eat his soup.

We were alone again. Nainis si Tita at Tito kanina dahil sobrang gulo nina Krypton at Radon kaya pinalabas muna sila. I get how worried they are. I think inuuna lamang nina Tita ang kalagayan ni Xenon kaya ginawa nila iyon.

"Yes?"

"What happened while I was unconscious?" Dahan-dahan niyang sabi.

Huminga ako ng malalim. "Don't worry... I didn't do anything." Yet. "I kept my promise, Xenon." I kissed his cheek.

I heard his low laugh.

"Thank goodness. I was so worried about you getting angry at them."

"I am."

"But?"

"I'm controlling it for you." Sinubuan ko ulit siya. "Heal up and we'll talk about is soon, okay? And stop worrying about me because I intend to keep my promise. Mag-alala ka sa sarili mo dahil kailangan mo gumaling. Hmm?"

He nodded at my words.

Ilang araw ang lumipas. I can finally breathe calmly now that Xenon has gained consciousness. Bawat araw, umaayos na ang pakiramdam niya. Until he was finally given the go signal to go home.

He still have bandages around his body and head. Alam kong sumasakit pa rin iyon maya't maya kaya ginagawa ko ang lahat para maibsan ang nararamdaman niyang hirap.

Most of the time, I clean his wounds. Tide and his friends give me the notes which Lau and the girls took. Inaaral ko iyon bago ibigay kay Xenon para matulungan kung sakaling may hindi siya makuha. I help him with his study whenever he finds something hard dahil nga sa kalagayan niya.

I couldn't believe that I was doing that. It was a whole different me.

"Flaire," He called me one day while I was chilling at the beachfront.

"Hmm?" Mabilis ko siyang dinaluhan at inalalayan palapit sa lounger.

He's fine now. Nakakalakad na siya ng maayos ngunit hindi pa rin maiiwasan ang pag-inda sa mga sakit.

"I wanna talk to you." He said while I sat beside him. He played with my fingers.

Huminga ako ng malalim. "Ano 'yon?"

"I think you already know but... Would you be mad if I asked you what your plans are?" He asked carefully. "Alam kong galit ka. Because of what happened. I just wanna know bits of pieces if ever you're planning something. To see if I can help. I don't wanna be kept in the dark..."

"Xenon..."

"I'm grateful that you kept your promise to me. You waited until I recovered. But now... I can feel your anger seething, Flaire. What do you plan on doing?"

"I'll destroy them." I gazed into his eyes. "Papayag ka ba?"

"Delikado?"

I nodded.

"Mapapahamak ka?" He asked one more time.

"Depende. Pero ikaw... Baka mapahamak ka ulit." I whispered.

"I'm worried about you." He said, dismissing my thought.

"Would you let me though?"

He couldn't answer immediately. He was silent.

"Kung saan ka sasaya." Was all he said.

My brows furrowed. He's always like this. Ako na lang ang laging iniisip.

That day, I ended our conversation with a hug. Until I felt my cheeks getting wet so I hugged him tighter.

No one talked anymore. Pareho kaming tahimik. Maybe this was our silent acceptance of whatever we both are fighting for. He's fighting for me and I'm fighting for him. We both contradict each other but our hugs meant that we'll understand each one no matter the difference.

Who knew a single call could ruin everything?

Months passed. It was December. I'm looking forward to spending my first Christmas with Xenon.

I was silently reading on my bed. I woke up too early and Xenon's still sleeping in his room. I didn't wanna bother him because even if months passed and he's fully recovered, I just can't forget the trauma of what happened to him.

Naging instinct ko na na lagi siyang alagaan. Mas lumala pa ngayon.

My phone rang. It was from Ruce.

"Hello, Ruce-"

[Flaire! Lolo was attacked! He's in the hospital right now...] I never heard Ruce being this worried.

Every plan is going down. Everything's failing. Wala ng umaayon sa mga gusto ko. How could I even... Get on?

"W-What? Ruce... What's happening..."

[Can you go here? Lolo needs you. Alam kong may problema ka pa kay Xenon pero...]

I didn't let him finish. "Fine! I'll go! Where is Lolo?"

He gave me the address. Hindi na ako nagdalawang-isip pa na umalis. Mabilis kong sinabi kay Xenon. He wanted to go with him but I told him that it's too dangerous.

"Mom knows. Tinawagan na siya ni Ruce kanina. You're flight is ready. You just have to get to the airport..." Banggit ni Xenon habang kinakalma ako. "Can't I come, Flaire? I'll be fine, promise."

"No, Xenon. No..." I was crying. Tears falling down my face. He wiped it away with his fingertip. "It's dangerous. I promise, I'll be back. I just have to see Lolo..."

"Flaire..."

"I'm sorry, okay? I'll be back, I swear. I just have to..."

He hugged me tight and I felt him nodding his head.

"Okay, go. I'll wait."

I stared at his face. He looked so worried and tired. I kissed him.

"Everything's going south... I'm so wrecked, Xenon..."

"Nandito ako." He said as if that was the answer to everything.

He said that as an assurance that no matter what happens... Failed plans or not... Peace or war... He'll always be here. And that's enough for me to calm down.

As long as he's here. It'll be okay...


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