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Have you ever been to a beach and seen the sea? Seen that large amount of water moving freely in the form of waves? The high and low tides that take turns depending on several factors we can't control?

I haven't been to many beaches, so I don't know much about them, but one thing I'm sure is that the sea is never static. Sometimes is calmer, sometimes is scarier, but the water keeps flowing, and it won't stop just because you are drowning.

My mind is like the sea. It doesn't stop even when it doesn't really have a reason to keep going. Thoughts of all kinds would flood my brain to the point I'm not sure if I have control over it anymore, to the point I cry for it to stop.

It never stops, just like the sea.

You either learn to float, or you drown.

Sometimes sleeping is the only way to make it calmer for some minutes, some hours if I'm lucky. Hoping that if I sleep, I don't have nightmares.

And here I am, trying to fall asleep, this time I don't think my mind has any other option but to give up and leave me alone because my body can't take it anymore. My head hurts, my eyes are heavy and full of tears that keep my eyes from drying themselves after being open for so long.

Every night I try to focus on thinking in a specific color, a specific object, whatever that would make my mind still enough for me to fall asleep. I barely ever succeed, but after several days my own body will shutdown by itself.

-

"We are having dinner with the Martins later this week." My mom said as soon as I made my way downstairs. Jess' family?

"Oh," I pause and remember this mess going on between Jess and me, we haven't talked after that day in the water park. "That's good, but why?"

I really don't want to go, I don't have the energy to socialize and definitely don't have the energy to confront Jess.

"Well technically it's not just a dinner, is more like an event and they invited us. It turns out some other of our relatives will be there too." My mom says before shaking her head, probably because of the look I'm giving her. "You have to socialize! You are always in your damn room." She says louder this time.

Family reunions used to be fun, I have a good relationship with my cousins that are my age, but now that literally every single one of them has a couple they usually bring them and forget about me. Their couples are cool people, I have nothing against them, but I always feel so excluded.

So now family reunions are the most awkward events ever, at least for me. And Jess will also be there? In any other scenario I would be relieved, that way I don't have to third wheel or hang with the adults that would interrogate me every chance they have. But now it's gonna be awkward with Jess too.

What even is this event? It hasn't started, but I can't wait for it to be over.

"Yeah ok." I say just so my mom stops listing why I am so pathetic.

I made it to school on time and took my first classes before lunch.

"Sup pumpkin." I feel an arm around my shoulders and I don't even have to look besides me to know who is it.

"Hey Rommy." I give him a small smile.

"Guess who is your new chauffeur?" He wiggles his eyebrows as I frown at him. "Me! Of course. As the pro driver I am, I think Jordan isn't skilled enough to drive you around."

"You are driving me home?" I ask the obvious.

"Yeah, I mean we can also drive to other places don't worry. I'm a pro driver after all."

"Are you sure you are ok with that?" What if Jordan threatened him just as he threatened Blake back then?

"Duh, Pumpkin. I'm actually excited." He says and removes his arm around my shoulders just so he could clap his hands as we reach our table of the cafeteria.

"Thank you Rommy." I'm actually happy about this, I'm not planning to deny his offer -that wasn't even an offer- now that I know I need it.

The rest of the day was pretty boring, I was just looking forward to go home. And when the last bell rang you could say I was excited, spending time with Roman is fun. I didn't see Jordan at school today, guess today wasn't one of those sometimes either.

"Ma'am." Roman opened the door of the car for me as he did some weird reverence motion.

I laughed and shook my head at his weird but good manners as I got inside the car. I've  been in this car before, back then when we went to that party, but I never said how cool it is, it's black and neat, it has a Mercedes logo impossible to not recognize.

"A Mercedes? Damn." I said to him as he got to the drivers seat and started the car.

"What can I say? I don't know if I have mentioned it before, but I'm a pro driver." He says shrugging before putting the car on reverse and turn his head to the back to get off this parking spot.

What does he mean he doesn't know if he has mentioned he is a pro driver before? He has done it like a thousand times today.

"Are you ok if we do a quick stop before I drive you home?" He asks and I immediately nod.

"Sure." I say still nodding.

The rode looks oddly familiar until I realize exactly where we are going. Jordan's place.

Suddenly my stomach does turns imitating the car's moves and I'm trying to not show I'm nervous.

When we finally park the car and I confirm my theories I talk. "Uh, is Jordan here?" I try to sound casual.

I hope he is, even though I'm shitting my pants.

"Who knows, that bitch thinks he can arrive home at the hour he wants." He scoffs as we both make our way to the building entrance.

We soon found our way to Jordan's door and at this point I think it's fair to say it's Roman's and Blake's door too.

Roman opens the door with his keys. "Talking about the bitch." Roman says pointing at Jordan with no shame as we find him behind the door.

Jordan glances with narrow eyes between me and Roman as we make our way inside.

"Blake? I got your medicine!" Roman screamed around as he got closer to the living room. "Where the hell are you?" He said and disappeared as he continued looking around.

I'm alone with Jordan now. Great.

"Hello." I awkwardly waved my hand at him even when he is just meters away, I keep talking hoping he forgets I did that. "How are you-" I gasp as I see his knuckles.

My eyes are wide open now as I see his bruised and bloody knuckles of both of his hands.

He notices my reaction and talks, "Don't worry, it's nothing." He instantly put his hands behind his back.

It's always the 'it's nothing', I mean I'm the same, but he would be in the verge of dying and say it's nothing.

"What happened? Have you cleaned the wounds?" I unconsciously get closer to him.

"Adira, it's nothing." He repeated even softer this time.

I'm worried about him. The way he's been acting recently, his way too tired eyes, and now his wounded hands, make me sick to my stomach.

"Well if it's nothing let me see your hands." I say as I extend my hand for him to show me his.

He looks amused, trying to hide his smile. What is so amusing about this?

"Gotta go, there's the TV is you want to watch it." He grabbed his keys in a swift move I could barely see his hand, and then he nodded to the living room.

No way I will allow him to leave without telling me what's up.

He made his way towards the door, but I was faster and I stood in front of it, blocking his way out.

"Just show me." I said and he looked defeated at this point.

He grabbed me by the waist with both of his hands and easily moved me. Jokes on him, I can be stubborn too. I took the opportunity to clung to him with both of my arms around his neck so he can't get rid of me that easily.

He stood up straight, but I still didn't let go. He grabbed my legs that were now dangling to arrange them around his waist. One of his hands rested on the back of my thigh, while the other one was around my waist.

Ok, what the hell have I gotten my stubborn ass into.

"Let go of me." I said as if this wasn't my fault.

"You clung to me." He said and yeah, he has a very valid point. "Missed me that much?" His hand on my thigh rose a little bit as he talked, but still he wasn't touching my sad excuse of a butt.

"Oh? Sorry bye." Roman appeared and disappeared just as fast, probably creating the most dramatic story in his head because of this view.

I loosen up my grip around his neck to actually be able to glare at him. I kissed his cheek as a distraction and caught him off guard enough for me to push him, but it wasn't enough for him to let go.

He laughed and he finally moved both of his hands to my waist to let me down. "Fine, your kiss convinced me. I'll show you." He said and I'm most likely blushing like crazy now.

Dua Lipa was right when she said one kiss it's all it takes.

He finally showed me and my heart stopped for a second. This totally looks like he had a fight. I won't even ask for more details, he won't talk anyways. But something must be up.

"Jordan..." I trail off as I see him staring at me. "Let me take care of it." I said as if I actually knew how to. I regret saying that because what if I just make it worse? Yeah, this was a bad idea.

"I already did." He says and I just know he is lying because there's no way. I was about to say something else but he did it first. "Stop worrying about it, let's just watch TV." He grabbed my hand and lead me to the living room.

"What-" I stopped talking. I thought he was leaving?

"You wanna watch TV?" I raise an eyebrow at him as we both sit down on the couch, he lets go of my hand just then.

"Mhm." He just hums as he manspreads and makes himself comfortable in his seat.

"Ok yes!" I said excitedly but then I remember he literally just wants to distract me from the fact he is hurt. "We will clean up the wounds and then we watch TV, deal?"

"Not a fair deal." He says as he turns on the TV, not caring anymore to hide his hands.

"Then what do you want?" I asked innocently as he sighed and closed his eyes. He looks tired.

"What do you offer?" He opened his eyes and sat down correctly as he rested both of his elbows on his knees. His gaze was intense and I kept breaking eye contact.

"I offer you a slap if you don't stop being so stubborn." I said and he chuckled a little bit.

"A slap? Depends where tho." He didn't not just said that. I pushed him away and he just laughed louder.

"We clean this shit," he said showing off his hands. "then you put something on the TV while I sleep, you in?" He continued in a low voice as he rested his head on the couch. His plan sounds good to me.

"Great." I said as he handed me the medical kit. "First of all, what am I supposed to do?" I tried not to laugh at the look of disbelief he gave me.

We were currently in the bathroom since we definitely need water. What I know is that I have to wash my hands, so I do.

"Wasn't this your idea?" He said, amusement all over his features. "Let's start by soaking my hands to remove all the dry blood." We did so, and then I gently dried his hands.

"Now we gotta apply an antiseptic." He handed it to me with the hand that wasn't resting on mine.

"This is probably gonna hurt like a motherfucker." I say to him but I think he knows. I carefully poured the liquid and he whimpered after being quiet for a few seconds. "Sorry." I said but kept doing my job.

I found a bandage in the kit and cut it in half so I could wrap both of his hands.

"This is too much now." He said and I met his eyes.

"Shush." I ignored him and continued wrapping them up. "Alright, ready." I said proud of myself.

"Thanks." He smiled at me and my stomach fluttered.

"Ok now how about we watch some Pretty Little Liars?" I said as we arranged the medical kit back and made our way back to the living room. I sat on the couch again and he did too, this time a little closer to me.

"I'm really tired so I'll probably fall asleep, and I don't want to miss out." He said resting his head on the back of the couch. "How about you watch something else while I sleep?"

He actually wants to watch the show? I thought he just watched it because I basically dragged him.

"Sure." I smiled at him and grabbed the remote to search for a movie or something.

Suddenly I want to sleep too.

Jordan's POV

If this goes against everything I've said and planned, if I'm ruining the progress I thought I made, if I'm yet again destroying the walls I've just started to rebuild, if I'll probably regret this, why does it feel so damn right?

I'm utterly exhausted, and after days and nights trying to find some sleep, I think I might finally get it now. With her everything seems so much easier.

I'm too tired to care about the consequences.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
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AUTHOR'S NOTE

Hope you enjoyed! Thank you so much for +9.1k reads wtf, I love you all!<3

-ARV

Published: June 22th 2022