It was a silent and really awkward ride. I barely talked to Jess, only about our physics homework but that's it. We reached her house and I mentally prepared for my dad's shouting when we are alone.

"Thank you so much Mr. Russell!" she says grabbing her backpack and her water bottle.

"No problem, Jessica." My father says, which is ironic because I just know there is definitely a problem.

"Bye Adi, love you!"

"Bye Jess, love you too." My best friend makes her way to her front door and we took off.

"How many times do I have to tell you I dont have time for this shit?" My dad says and I freeze in fear. Even if he gets mad at me every day and it's nothing new, it hurts. I instantly feel a lump in my throat and my eyes slightly watering as if it was a reflex. I hate myself for that, I want to be strong, yet my heart aches every time.

"I'm sorry I didn't-"

"I take time of my work to come pick you up because you can't fucking do anything on your own, and you still want me to give a ride to this girl?" He doesn't even let me finish and kept talking. My anxiety kicking in, my hands beginning to tremble slightly as my heart raced in my chest. I clenched my fist, trying to clam myself.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know how to say no. It won't happen again." I say feeling a burning in my throat, scared my voice would come out cracked.

I hate when people shout at me, specially when it's my dad. When I was younger my school's psychologist said I have anxiety and that it was mainly caused because of my dad. Because he has always been strict with me, always shouting at me and at my mom. Yet I felt guilty, a weird kind of guilty, I felt like if maybe I wasn't so sensitive - if I wasn't so me, my dad wouldn't be stressed all the time and he wouldn't be the cause of my anxiety. Let's say I felt guilty that my dad was guilty of something like that, I don't think it even makes sense, but I couldn't help but feel this way.

"Yes I'm sure it won't happen again because I'm not picking you up anymore," His words left me speechless, tears in my eyes threatening to fall and I try my best to calm myself.

I'm so disappointed but not surprised at all. He had dropped me and picked me up from school for my past 17 years, I don't blame him for being tired of it. My mind starts racing, thoughts of all kinds creating a tornado in my mind. How would I get home now?

It's fine. I'll be fine.

"Okay." It's the only thing I manage to say. What am I supposed to say? It's obvious he isn't changing of opinion.

"It's time for you to manage on your own. You are 17 for gods sake."

The rest of the ride home was silent. I just kept thinking what I did to deserve this, really I want to know. And I'm not talking about me having to walk home now, but about   always feeling this way.

We get home and I immediately make my way to my room. Not caring about anything else I removed my shoes and lay down in my bed. Thoughts continued to race in my mind not allowing me to fall asleep, even if I desperately wanted to. Not a single tear was left in my eyes, I started feeling numb, I wasn't able to cry anymore.

.

Darkness.

That's all I could see as soon as I opened my eyes. I sat in the comfort of my bed confused. What hour is it? Hell, what day is it?

It was about 4:00 pm when I fall asleep and it's dark outside already. Have I slept that long?

I grabbed my phone to check the hour. 10:26 p.m.

I really slept all afternoon when I have tons of homework. After some minutes I decided it would be better to take a shower before doing all my work. Feeling the warm water in my warm skin, my tensed muscles relaxing.

After a 15 minute shower, I started my assignments and finished most of them after 3 hours. I prepare myself to go back to sleep and get in my beloved sheets. They gave me some comfort I always needed, some comfort no one seem to be able to give me.

Even if we are at 30ºC I'll need to be covered in my sheets or I won't be able to sleep, unless I'm really tired and fall asleep. I know it's stupid, but I feel unsafe sleeping without them.

.

"Adira?"

"What?" I say confused on what is happening, am I still dreaming or is someone actually calling me.

"I thought you were awake already."

"I am mom. I was just resting my eyes a little bit more." I say as soon as I recognized my mom's voice. Of course I wasn't awake.

I sit up as my eyes adjust to the lights. Reality hit me and I remember what happened yesterday, I really wish it was just a dream.

"Your father told me about what happened yesterday. I'll be leaving you in school from now on, some days I won't be able to, but we will see," my mom says and I feel so much relief.

"But about picking you up, I won't be able to. I'm sorry baby, I tried to convince your dad but he insisted that you should start managing by your own." She says and I understand, I really can't ask for more. She is already dropping me to school and I'm so thankful for that.

"Thank you so much mum and don't worry I understand. I think my dad may be right and I should start being more independent." I mean he actually isn't wrong, I never thought about all the time they wasted because I cant or I don't wanna manage on my own, and that's so selfish of me.

My mom left me at school and there were 3 minutes till my class started. I ran to my physics classroom, I can't be late. Who even thought it was a good idea to teach physics at 8:00 in the morning.

I don't know how I will get home. The route I usually take is only for cars, there's no actual sidewalks. There is another route but I've never been there before. I guess I'll have to take that one, but what if I get lost? What if i get kidnapped? Or even worse what if there are rats and bugs there. That's so disgusting I'll-

A sudden crash onto something, or someone, snapped me out from my thoughts. I almost fall backwards because of the impact but someone catched my arm.

I look up and saw him. Of all people to crash onto I crashed onto him. The scary third friend of that trio I met in the cafeteria yesterday.

He said nothing, he just looked at me with an annoyed look. I didn't even saw him there.

"I'm.." I pause as I see him going away already. "..sorry." I finish my sentence, although he couldn't even listen to me. Well what a way to start the day.

I finally arrived to my class, just in time. Time for a nap.

After my class was over I quickly went to my locker, grabbing everything I need for my next classes.

Biology book, markers, history binder..

"Adi!" A familiar voice interrupts me in my attempt to check I had everything with me.

"Jess!" I say happy to see her.

"I have so much to tell you!"

"I do too! Well it's actually a question." I may ask Jess if she can give me a ride home, it definitely won't be everyday, but maybe when I feel too tired to be walking all the way home.

"What is it boo?" She asks and a short wave of anxiety takes over my whole body. I just hate asking for something, I feel like I'm bothering.

"Well my father won't be able to pick me up no more and I was wondering if you could give me a ride some days?" I say and cringe at how annoying I sounded.

"I mean it's okay if you can't, I totally understand." I say trying to reassure her she doesn't have to say yes if she didn't wanted to, although I really hope she did.

"I can't, Adi. Jake is my ride home and everyone else's in the group. I don't think there's space for more people. I'm sorry." She says and I can't help it but feel disappointed.

"I didn't know that, if I knew I wouldn't even ask. I'm sorry and don't worry tho I totally understand!" I guess I'll have to walk.

"So what were you gonna tell me?" I ask remembering her excitement, trying to change the subject.

"Ok, so do you remember this guy I told you about?"

"Jess you talk about guys all the time, you gotta be more specific." I say and she rolls her eyes playfully.

"The blonde one I met at a collage party, and kissed but then things got you know like interesting and-"

"Ok I remember now, no need to go through those details." I say cutting her up, I don't wanna keep listening. Gross.

"Anyways, we have been texting for a few days now and he is so sweet, but he can be clingy sometimes. And this other guy from the football team is like so hot but he is so damn cocky sometimes. The point is I don't know what to do, both have their pros and cons, and then I'm not sure I even want to date someone, help me please."

She really thinks it is a great idea to ask an inexperienced girl that hasn't ever dated and has no idea of what to do. Like 0 boys ever like me, I've never got to choose between two guys that like me, more like choose what tv show to watch next.

"Jess, I have no idea, but I say that if you aren't sure you want to date someone, you should wait. You may hurt someone else trying to decide." I say satisfied that what I said lowkey made sense. I'm the worst at this.

"You are right Adi, you are always right," she says and I chuckle a little. "Thank you Adi, you are the best."

"Bye Jess!"

After a few classes, the bell indicating the start of lunch rang and I headed to my -now lonely- usual table.

Jess told me she and her friends are going out to eat, so I guess I got this whole table for my own.

I unwrapped my food from the aluminum paper while looking through my phone, Twitter drama is so much fun.

"Pumpkin!" I hear a familiar voice calling for me from another table. I turn around to see that way and I meet the eyes of the three boys. As the awkward girl I am, I just wave and smile that way.

"Come here. Why you are sitting there all lonely?" I hesitate in going there, but I did. Chocolate eyes seeing me as I reach the table.

"Hey Roman, hey boys." I say looking at all of them, sitting besides Roman. He was the one that invited me anyways.

"You didn't answer my question, why where you there all alone?" Roman repeats his question.

"Oh, well, I'm usually alone, but sometimes I'm with my friend." I say looking at my fingers, that sounded so depressing.

"Aw man, it's not cool eating alone, you can eat with us." Roman says and for some reason hearing that made me smile a little, but they may just petty me. It's still nice from them.

"Thank you Roman. Only if you guys want to, it's really not necessary, I'm used to be alone." I say shyly, I don't want to disturb their business.

"Of course we want to." The other guy that defend me from Roman the other time said.  I can't remember his name. Was it Brody? No I think it was Bryce.

"Thank you so much...Bryce? I'm sorry I'm the worst remembering names." I say embarrassed and he chuckles.

"I'm Blake, you were close. That jackass you already know is Roman and this grumpy guy is Jordan."

Jordan. I finally know his name.

"You three have such cool names, I'm Adira, you can call me Adi or whatever you want." I say giving them all my signature shy smile.

"Nah, I'm sticking with pumpkin." Roman says and I roll my eyes playfully. What kind of nickname is that.

"Why pumpkin tho? It doesn't even makes sense." I asked confused.

"Well you were blushing as a tomato last time and I called you a tomato." Ok. That explains nothing.

"Still makes no sense, that has nothing to do with a pumpkin." I say chuckling. What even is his point.

"I don't like tomatoes, they are gross. You are too cute to be called a tomato so that's why I changed it to pumpkin." He says and the blush we were talking about comes back to my face.

I look up at Roman and see a smirk in his face which made me roll my eyes. I looked the other guys and saw Blake wanting to laugh and Jordan with his blank expression, as always.

I'll handle this situation the only way I know. With sarcasm.

"Aw thanks, you are so cute. But the nickname is still stupid, kinda just like you tho." I say and Blake finally lets out the laugh he was holding.

"I like this girl." Blake says still laughing making Roman roll his eyes.

"You hurted my feelings pumpkin." Roman says with a hand in his chest, pretending to be sad.

"Aww poor boy, I'm sorry." I say with a sarcastic smile and he smirks again. I notice Jordan about to leave the table, he probably is annoyed because of my presence, and the fact I crash onto him earlier makes it worse.

"Jordan.." I stop him and he just turns around waiting for whatever I have to say.

"I'm sorry for bumping onto you earlier." I say embarrassed and he just looks at me for a couple more seconds and just go away.

Oh, ok.

"What happened?" Roman asks me just when the bell rings.

"I accidentally crash onto him in the hall earlier today, I think he is mad because of  it."

"He is always mad, pumpkin. I assure you it has nothing to do with you." He says and I low key feel relieved. I didn't wanted him to be mad because of my fault.

After that I said good bye to the boys and headed to my next class.

With three classes missing, I couldn't help it but think about how I'm getting back home, Jess won't be able to give me a ride and I have no one else to ask for, I'll have to walk.

When my classes finally done I immediately made my way out, if I get lost at least I will have a little extra time before it's dark outside.

I checked google maps and get all the directions, I guess I can't get lost with this.

The path started through a beautiful neighborhood, I saw some people outside of their houses which made me feel a little bit safer. If someone wants to kidnap me they won't be able to with all this people seeing.

The problem was when i had to follow a lonely and scary neighborhood, i don't even think it's a neighborhood anymore. Some houses were destroyed, graphity everywhere, and I haven't seen a single person here.

Until I saw someone that kept looking me in a strange way, he is probably wondering what I'm doing here. My anxiety rises, being in an unknown place, seeing unknown people, and depending only in a phone app is never good.

I ran.

I know that's so embarrassing, if someone sees me will probably think I'm weird, but I just want to be home. I'm really scared to be outside alone.

As soon as the man was out of my sight I stopped running, I walked for a couple more minutes, relief flood in my entire body as I see a familiar neighborhood near. My neighborhood.

I guess running was a good idea because I'm finally home. I get inside my room and lay down in my bed, trying to calm down.

The anxiety and the running took all my energy away.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Poor Adi:( What do you think is going to happen next?

-ARV

Published: April 24 2021