Chapter sixteen

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My body is a lifeless pool of exhaustion, loosely hanging over a chair in the basement of Sorrisetto, the restaurant I now work at thanks to my lovely roommate.

A part of me is grateful, however, a part of me is cursing Brooklyn's smart brain for saving me. Because not only do my feet hurt from running a marathon through a restaurant, I also have to force my jello-like legs to cycle another 40 minutes to our apartment.

"Congratulations." I open one eye to glance at Alani, my co-worker, smirking at me. Her long, straight, black locks elegantly fall over her muscled shoulders as she undoes her ponytail. She wiggles her long legs out of her black costume pants and grabs her neatly folded mom jeans from the chair next to me. Every piece of clothing is perfectly organized, just like her, or at least that's what I concluded after working one shift with her. Whereas I have to put effort into being organized, she does it effortlessly. Order is her lifestyle. From the way she regulated the reservations to the way she structured the customer's orders, to how she knew exactly when to go to which table, and never forgot a single extra request they made.

If I could peek inside her mind I think I'd see a gigantic schedule.

"On surviving your first shift." She clarifies herself.

Survived? She thinks I survived. If I weren't so dead, I would be laughing at her statement.

They threw me in front of the wolves. I was a piece of meat for a bunch of hungry beasts on the verge of losing control and instead of protecting my newbie ass, they kicked it forward to see what would happen.

It was cruel.

It was brutal.

It was a calculated method I wasn't prepared for.

However, if they assumed I was going to crumble under the pressure of working a busy shift, they are a hundred percent wrong. Giving up is a phrase I don't want to live by. Proving someone wrong, however, is one of my favorite hobbies.

Yet when I catch sight of Alani, I begin to doubt if I actually did prove them wrong. Her dark eyes are still radiant, her face still beaming, She's still able to move her muscles, to jump up and down, wiggling herself in her jeans. She's still able to pour energy into this world, practically everything I'm unable to do.

"How come you look like that while I'm dead on this chair?" Even my voice sounds lifeless and by the look on her face, she hears it too.

"If dead on the inside counts then we're on the same boat." I snort whilst a grin decides to cover my lips.

She opens her purse and drops her bath slippers on the floor before sliding in them. "My secrets are coffee," she reveals as she holds up her index finger, "black," she adds pointing her finger at me.

I wrinkle my nose at the sound and shake my head. "Too bitter."

"And these beauties." She raises a pair of sports shoes and my eyebrows expectantly follow their movement. "Good footwear is key for a job like this. No wonder you're dead." She nods to my shoes and my eyes drop to my white sneakers. I point my toes towards each other inspecting them.

Wearing my black running shoes might actually not be a bad decision. "I must admit that I might've underestimated how much running around you have to do."

She chuckles as she unbuttons her white blouse similar to the one I'm wearing. My eyes land on her spotless neck and I'm grateful I had enough time to rush to the store to get myself the right foundation.

"You'll get used to it," I quirk an eyebrow at her promise. "Mostly," she quickly adds while a grin dances on her lips.

A couple of knocks ring through the room followed by a "Are you dressed?" coming from the hallway.

"Coast is clear," Alani yells back as she pulls her shirt over her head. The door swings open and my tired eyes land on Colin dressed in a white dress shirt and black pants.

Good gracious, he looks good in white.

I tear my eyes away, partly scolding myself for letting the thought wander through my mind, partly because guilt is still knotting my organs together.

I haven't had the chance to talk to him and apologize because the moment I arrived at Sorrisetto, Alani took me under her wing after Theo, the owner and chef of the business, showed me around the restaurant.

Every time we'd cross paths he wouldn't look at me, conversations were only work-related and I don't think I'm hallucinating when I say he was avoiding every scenario where he'd be alone with me.

It's like I'm toxic. And I hate the feeling. I hate every single second of it. So much that I've decided to stop ignoring the obvious elephant in the room. The one that carries an enormous sign 'you've made a mistake and you should apologize'. I don't know how drunk he was, but clearly he was wasted enough to do something he obviously regrets and I'm to blame because I was the one who kissed him. So I should be the one apologizing. As much as I'd like to avoid the conversation and let it pass by, I can't because I know that his distant attitude and curt answers will slowly shred my heart to pieces.

"August, can you help me carry these wine bottles upstairs?" Alani's question makes me blink myself back into reality and I drag my ass out of the surprisingly comfortable chair.

Sunken deep into my thoughts I help Alani refill the wine cabinet behind the bar before saying goodbye to her and strolling back to the basement, which is basically a changing room and storage room in one.

I abruptly stop in front of the door realizing Colin could be in there half-naked and instead of barging in, I knock a few times.

"It's okay, you can come in." I hear before doubtfully opening the door and walking in on him lacing his sneakers. He glances at me and my muscles stiffen as it dawns on me what is about to happen.

This is the moment I have to bring up three years of buried feelings and apologize for last night.

It's easy.

I can do this.

I just have to try not to rip my heart open, pouring my feelings into his hands from the open wound I created.

Easy. I only have to-

"Hey, uhm-," he hums as he stands up, grabbing his sweater from the chair he was sitting on, "You did great today. I just thought you should know." His smile is genuine, his eyes warming and it's causing my mind to go blank because I have no idea what to make of this.

Are we good? Are we actually forgetting the events of last night? Is this his form of passive-aggressive?

I can barely hear my own voice when I thank him for the compliment and I don't know if I'm smiling or if my face is a reconstruction of me being dumbstruck.

I should scramble my thoughts together and just throw it in there. Randomly, abruptly, out of context. Break the silence, the ice, the wall, or whatever I want to call it.

Yet the words floating in my mind don't seem to find their way to my lips. No matter how hard I try.

"Do you have a ride home?" He casually asks putting on his sweater.

"I'm okay," I immediately answer as if the response was waiting on the tip of my tongue. I walk past him and settle myself back on the chair that previously welcomed my half-dead body, which is now on high alert. I should find a way to open the conversation but there is no subtle way to begin about the hickey on my neck or the way his teeth bit my lip in a way that made me moan.

"I saw you arriving on your bike," he states.

I hum and even though I know what he's implementing I simply say 'yeah' continuing to unlace my shoes as I'm still wearing my work outfit.

"I'll drop you off."

"I'm fine," I insist because I don't want to be a burden. But more so because I want to open the door of last night's events knowing I have an escape. Sitting in a driving car isn't exactly a scenario in which I have an escape.

"I'm not going to let you cycle your way home at one a.m. in the morning." I lift my gaze to meet his. Seconds pass, and my heart is racing whilst silence is waltzing between us. As much as I hate to admit it, I know he's right and that's why I don't protest when his voice absorbs the silence by simply stating, "I'll be waiting by my car."

I consider postponing my apology. I consider throwing my apology in his face before jumping on my bicycle and rushing away like a maniac. I consider beginning the conversation in his car and jumping out of a driving vehicle right after. I consider every scenario. I run them in my mind and evaluate the outcome. I consider all the factors. I always did. However, no matter how many times I'd calculate the possibilities in my mind, there will always be one unpredictable value.

Him. 


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