My hands are tucked inside the pockets of my pants as I'm leaning against my jeep, waiting for her to show up.

Even if she would decide against my proposition, she'd still have to pass me to get to her bicycle, which is probably one of the five parked a few feet away from my parking spot in the small parking lot of Sorrisetto.

And like hell that I'm going to let her cycle home all alone in the middle of the night.

My mind might be one big mess of mixed feelings but that doesn't mean I would ever stop caring about her safety.

My head snaps up at the sound of her shouting her goodbye at, what I imagine, are Theo and his husband Elijah, who keeps him company almost every night while Theo prepares his kitchen for the next day.

"She arrives at last." I tease as she approaches. Her normally big, round eyes are now dull, portraying her tiredness, which isn't abnormal after the shift we pulled.

The restaurant was swamped, the kitchen bell was ringing non-stop, and Marcia, our bartender, had a new order ready every few minutes.

Having this kind of shift as your first one is more than a little challenging, not only because she had no clue about how we work, but also because the stress levels during a shift can easily peak causing a few heated arguments if mistakes are being made or if customers are being difficult.

Luckily, we have mama Marcia to save us from those stressful situations. She's an absolute sweetheart and a professional in calming people down. Maybe she's a natural, or maybe she has been trained by her three children to put people at ease, or maybe her 23 years of experience have learned her how to deal with pressured circumstances.

Whatever it is, she's a true blessing. A momma bear at heart and if she was here she would strongly disagree with August's next statement too.

"I would've been fine cycling home."

"And I wouldn't have been fine with that." I shoot back and for a moment I expect her to protest again or make a small comment to make sure I know she doesn't need any help, yet her answer is nowhere close to that.

"Thank you." It's soft, warm, and genuine and maybe it's the sincerity or maybe it's the fact that it's a silent 'you're right', but her thank-you quirks up one corner of my mouth.

I push myself away from my car and saunter toward the bicycle rack. "Which one is yours?"

"The red one." She hurries to the dark red bicycle with a wicker basket in the front and removes the lock from the frame before bringing it to my car.

"You know, I could pick you up or drop you off on the days we work the same shift." I begin as I open my trunk to lift her bike in it. "It'd save you time and before you say anything, you wouldn't be a burden. Your apartment is on my way home." It totally isn't but this white lie might exceed the chance of her accepting my help.

"Sure." The hesitance in her voice makes me doubt if she's actually serious, or if she's just saying it to please me. "Once I get my schedule, I'll send it to you." She adds after a couple of seconds she probably spends reconsidering her answer.

"Good. Tomorrow you're on your own, though, but call an uber, or let Theo or Marcia drive you home, instead of risking your life in the middle of the night." I slam my trunk shut and turn to her when she walks away towards the passenger seat without answering. "August."

"Yeah, yeah. I'll ask them tomorrow." She waves it away yet her tone is rather an indication of her giving in than her deciding to ignore my advice.

Once she swings the passenger door open I stroll to the other side of my car to get in. After fastening my seatbelt and putting on my radio, I drive into the darkness of the night, letting the rhythm of the songs slur the silence between us.

Once in a while, I glance in her direction and every single time she's peering out the window whilst nibbling on the left side of her lip, so deep in thought one would think she's inventing a cure for an untreatable disease. If her mind could make noise I'm sure I would be able to hear it rumbling and rattling. Yet, even if I'd be able to hear it twist and turn, I'd still be unable to decipher the meaning behind the noise.

I'd still be clueless.

Slowly my car comes to a stop in front of her apartment building and I turn my gaze to her as she removes her seatbelt. Her hand rests on the handle to open my car and disappear into the night, yet she hesitates.

"About last night," she turns her head to face me, "I just wanted to say I'm sorry." Her voice is tender, yet her words shoot daggers through my chest.

I look away, focusing my eyes on the world behind the window on my side yet I can't see anything as my mind is fogged by all the thoughts running through my mind.

"It's fine," I sigh before turning back to her. "We agreed to forget about it, so I suggest we do that."

"We did but-"

"Look, August," I cut her off, "we were both drunk and people do stupid shit when they're drunk. So like you said, let's forget it happened." She bites her lip as my words dangle between us. The silence raises my heartbeat because my gut is telling me there is more since she's still sitting in my car. Seconds pass, maybe minutes, and then her timid words set fire to my rage.

To my pain.

"Do you regret it?"

"Don't-" I snap, stopping myself for a moment to reconsider the words burning on the tip of my tongue. I heave a sigh whilst shaking my head before I finish, "Don't ask."

"Why not?"

Two words.

Two simple words, yet they destroy the barrier between my mind and mouth in a mere second.

"Because, August. You were the one that ran away. You were the one that left without one single word except a fucking text message telling me you were sorry. I had to find out from my sister you were halfway across the country. And now you are asking me if I regret it like you want me to say no?" With every sentence, my voice is raising itself without my permission.

"Fuck that, August. You can't tell me one moment to forget it ever happened as if it didn't mean anything to you to then imply it did." My heart is racing and the lump in my throat is on the verge of ripping away the air I need to breathe. "You left me, remember? You were the one that gave up the moment you saw a way out. You were the one that ran away, not me."

The silence that crashes down on us is painfully quiet. My eyes are focused on her staring down at her fingers as the words I pronounced settle themselves inside my mind.

"I'm sorry." Her voice is shaking and when her eyes meet mine, my chest tightens as I see the tears filling them.

"You're right, I ran and I'm sorry for how I handled things. But I was scared. My family was falling apart and being with you meant I was risking losing my friends too. I wasn't prepared for that, so I ran because at that moment, I didn't know what else to do. I wasn't prepared to give everything up and risk it all." Her last words ring inside my mind, enlarging the rage inside of me.

"I never expected you to give everything up, August. I expected you to talk to me, to be honest with me. To give me at least an explanation. A little heads up I was going to lose you. We weren't together, but that doesn't mean you leaving didn't break me anyway. Because it did, August. You leaving was going to hurt me either way, but you did it in a way that made me feel I was worth nothing to you and that-" before I can finish my sentence she cuts me off.

"You were never nothing and you know that." She snaps, trying her best to hold back the teardrops daring to fall.

"Yet you walked away so easily." I fire back, letting every memory rip my heart open all at once.

"It wasn't easy." She screams not being able to restrain her tears from streaming down her cheeks anymore.

Her words are a nuclear bomb exploding between us, wiping everything away, leaving nothing but ash, dust, silence, and pain.

She sighs between her sobs before continuing, her voice a wobbly whisper. "Walking away wasn't easy at all, but I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought creating distance between us was the only option to not lose everything I cared about, that walking away would somehow magically solve everything. I thought I was making things easier."

I let my head fall against my headrest and close my eyes as I let her words slowly sink in.

"Was it?" I mumble, my voice hoarse from the emotions weighing me down. "Was it easier?" I repeat myself as I open my eyes to look at her.

"I ran away to save myself from the hurt of losing the people I cared about but I lost you in the process. You were one of the people I cared about and I hurt you in a way I will never forgive myself for. I want to say it was easier, and maybe in a way it was because I know I could've never left if you were standing right in front of me but forcing your heart to stop caring isn't easy. It's pretty fucking hard but the thought that you probably hated me helped me to stop myself from reaching out." The hurt in her eyes is resembling the one that's crushing my lungs together.

My eyes fall shut for a second as I shake my head while a sigh tumbles from my lips. "I hate what you did but I could never hate you, August."

I had tried in the past, yet somehow I was unable to. I don't know how she did it or what she did to my heart but every time I tried to be harsh and rude to make her feel that she did something wrong, my heart told me 'no'. It held me back from sending her that rude message, it held me back from leaving that angry voicemail, even though she hurt me it held me back from hurting her. I don't know how she did that. How my eyes would still seek her, my skin would still crave her touch like it was some kind of cure to how I felt. She hurt me and yet somehow I still wanted her close. I don't know how, but even though she broke my heart it was still beating in her hands.

And with every second ticking by, I grow more afraid that it still is.

"I'll quit if you want me to." Her timid voice cuts through my thoughts.

"Don't be ridiculous."

She shrugs, "I don't know, I thought-" She waits for a second and I take the moment to interrupt her thoughts.

"You're not quitting until Theo fires you for breaking one of his glasses again." The corner of her mouth twitches at the sound of my teasing declaration.

"That was an accident." She defends herself, causing a small grin to break through the hurt displayed on my face.

"Tell that to the three glasses that touched your clumsy hands before they hit the ground." I hum trying to distract myself from her previous words.

Her smile grows as a soft laugh leaves her lips like a sigh. "I'll tell them tomorrow."

"Please do, I'd love to see Theo's reaction when he realizes he hired a lunatic." My mocking makes her roll her eyes.

"Shut up." Her voice is small and slowly her smile fades as silence starts to spread itself in the space between us. Her teeth drag themselves over the left side of her bottom lip and her eyes are focused on her fidgeting fingers.

"I'm sorry, Colin." She lifts her head, revealing her teary eyes. "For everything I did." The hurt in her voice is visible in her eyes and it's transferring itself to me.

"I know," I whisper as my thumb wipes away the tear that slipped through the barricade holding back her waterdrops filled with our memories. Her eyes fall shut at my touch, causing a couple more tears to roll down.
I don't want to make her cry. I don't want to hurt her. I don't want-

"Is there any chance we can maybe start over?" I study her not knowing how to react. "I mean, I don't expect you to forgive me, or anything, and I'd totally understand if you don't want to-" she starts to babble and I break her off.

"Starting over sounds good." As I hear myself pronounce the sentence, I realize I mean it.

We can't change the past, yet we can decide to leave it behind us and start over.

And I want that.

Her smile widens slightly at the sound of my response. She suddenly wipes away her tears, softly shaking her shoulder as if she's shaking everything off, and then she turns herself to me, holding out her hand. "August Young. All-time dessert lover and an absolute loser," she introduces herself.

I glance at her hand before returning to her puffy eyes and I grab her hand to shake it, accepting her proposition. "Colin Donovan. All-time agreeing on the August is a loser part." I weakly grin, earning myself a few chuckles from her.

"I really am sorry." She admits once again, sadness still resting in her gaze.

"It's been three years, August," I reassure her, yet I don't know what it means.

"I know, but still." But still. Her words linger in my head as it resembles what is happening inside my mind.

It's been three years, but still.

You hurt me, but still.

You broke my heart, but still.

"We're good."

Her eyes are pools filled with doubt as she once again asks for confirmation. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." I hum reassuring her for the third time and her doubt slowly fades away as gratitude trickles inside her eyes, making them glow in the darkness of the night.

"Now get your ass inside because I'm betting your clumsiness is worse when you're sleep-deprived." I nod toward her apartment trying to distract myself from the battle going on inside my brain.

A part of me wants to shake everything away and leave this behind us. Yet a part of me doesn't.

A part of me wants to erase her words to give myself a reason not to give in. Yet a part of me doesn't.

A part of me wants to forget the pain. Yet a part of me can't.