The next couple of days went by in a blur of words about different components of potions and different ways to transfigure different objects.

I hadn't spoken with Fred and George, we really only saw each other at meals and it was still pretty awkward. Every single time that I saw them I wanted nothing more than to make up with them and for them to be my friends again, but I knew that that wasn't fair and that it wasn't really my position to decide. I wasn't the one dealing with rejection and I needed to try and understand that not everything was about me. If they could deal with that, I could deal with not having a couple of my friends.

I had been studying more than I ever had, using every extra second of my day to bury myself in work so that I wouldn't have to think about anything else.

I knew that I was acting like I was going through a breakup when I really wasn't, but it damn sure felt like one. I had always said that friend breakups were worse than real ones, and I was really proving myself right.

On the bright side, when Wednesday night approached I was feeling confident that I could go to the first day of testing the next day and ace the test. I had never felt this confident about any tests before, but I had studied everything I needed to know twice, and then some more. I went to bed Wednesday night just focusing on the tests over the next few days, not thinking about the ball, spending two weeks away from everyone (especially the twins), and definitely not clouding my brain with anxiety about Fred and George.

"You think you're ready?" Hermione asked me as we walked into potions.

"Yeah, I really think I am," I said confidently.

We walked over to our seats and sat down in front of Fred and George. I did worry about them a little bit, I was sure that without bugging them to they probably didn't study as much as they should have for their tests.

I fiddled with my pencil until Snape handed out the exam, and once he called time to start, I focused solely on the test and didn't let any other thoughts running through my brain bother me.

Before I knew it, I had finished the test and it was almost time for lunch.

The way that the tests worked was that we only had our first two classes today, one before lunch and one after, so that we had more time in each class to ensure that we could finish the tests. We would have our last two classes the next day, and then we would be done.

"One of four," Hermione sighed as we walked out of the classroom.

I had always assumed that she would love tests because of how much she loved school work, but the truth was that she dreaded them. I wasn't the only one happy to have one of our exams done. We would have more towards the end of the year, but I didn't need to think about those.

"Three more," I groaned.

"Snape is said to give pretty hard tests though, so maybe our others won't be so bad," Hermione said.

I nodded and we made our way into the dining hall and over by our friends, and we all discussed and groaned about how our first test had gone.

Lunch went by much quicker than I had hoped, and it was soon time for Transfigurations.

We went to class, took the very boring but not too difficult exam, and then we were finally done for the day.

"Thank fucking Merlin," I murmured to Hermione as we left the room.

"I know," she said. "I mean, that was the most utterly boring thing that I have ever sat through. I'm pretty sure that there were at least ten questions about one kind of plant".

"I know," I groaned. "Let's just head back to the room, I don't really feel like doing anything tonight".

"Me neither," Hermione agreed and we headed back up to our room.

Ginny was lying down in the middle of her bed when we got there and she looked up at us with a miserable expression that could be expected after the first day of exams. Hermione and I just walked over and layed down on either side of her, all of us drained from the day.

None of us said anything, but I think we all fell asleep at some point. The sun had started to go down and we didn't have any lights on in the room, so once the room filled with the golden light of the setting sun, sleep was irresistible to our spent selves.

"Y/n," I heard through closed eyelids while someone shook my shoulder.

"Mmm," I mumbled.

"Y/n it's time for dinner," Ginny said from above me.

"Not hungry," I said without opening my eyes.

After a moment, two sets of hands grabbed my arms and pulled me up so that I was standing.

"Yes you are, now c'mon, let's go," Hermione said, pulling me out the door.

We made our way down to dinner, and I was happy that Hermione had dragged me out. The school always made the best dinners on testing days, and today was no exception. When it was time to eat, the tables filled with grilled steaks, roasted potatoes, french bread, and some other stuff that I didn't notice because I had already started to put a piece of steak on my plate. I had decided to indulge myself today because I had worked so hard both in preparation for and on the tests.

Everyone was busy filling their mouths with the delicious food and no one was really talking, but it was really nice. We all knew that we just had to finish one more day, and then it was time for what was supposed to be one of the best nights of our lives and then time to go home for the holidays.

"I left my jacket over at the quidditch pitch, so I'm going to go grab that," Ginny said as we all got up from the dinner table.

"And I need to go grab one more book from the library," Hermione said.

"Okay, I'll just head back up to the room," I said and waved goodbye to them before leaving to walk back up.

I was studying the pattern of the carpet while I walked, my mind distracted by many things. I was interrupted from my thoughts and startled a bit by someone who had walked up next to me and placed a hand on my shoulder, and I looked over to see Harry.

"Harry, hi!" I said with a smile.

"Hey, Y/n, could I talk to you for a minute?".

"Um, sure. Is something wrong?" I asked as we walked over to a smaller and more secluded hallway.

"No, no," he said. He looked to be a bit nervous, and that made me nervous. I just waited for him to talk. "Well, um, I was just wondering if you wanted to go to the Yule Ball with me?".

My mouth opened a bit in shock for a moment.

I mean, I didn't have a date and I really wanted one, and Harry was really sweet. I didn't think that there was anyone else who wanted to take me, either of the twins was obviously not an option. The ball was only in a couple of days, and I needed a date.

"Yeah, sure," I said with a smile.

He let out a huge breath of relief and a large smile took over his face. It was actually really cute.

"Okay, great. Great, that's uh, good," He got out.

I smiled at how endearing he was. "Okay, I need to get back to my room but owl me details, yeah?" I asked while beginning to walk away.

"Okay, sounds good".

I got back to our room, changed into pajama pants and a t-shirt and sat down on my bed to wait for Hermione and Ginny to tell them my good news. I had really thought that I wasn't going to have a date this year.

The door suddenly pounded open, taking me by surprise, and a very breathless and smiling Ginny walked in.

"Y/n! You are not going to believe-"

"You guys!" Hermione exclaimed as she walked in the already open door, interrupting Ginny. She shut the door and walked in with an even bigger smile than Ginny. "You will not believe-"

"Wait, wait, one at a time," I said with a laugh.

"Oh, sorry, Gin you go," Hermione said, still with a huge smile plastered on her face.

"Well I was at the field, right?" Ginny started. "And I was going to just grab my jacket and go, but Oliver was there at the same time, and oh my god you guys, he asked me to go to the ball!".

"Oh my god, Gin! That's so great!" Hermione squealed.

"And you said yes?" I asked with a smile, to which she nodded. "That's wonderful".

"I know, I know. I always kind of thought that he was cute, we'll see what happens," she said, trying to play down her obvious excitement.

"Well, that is kind of weird," Hermione said. "Because I was just walking back from the library and... Ron asked me!".

Ginny and I both squealed. This had been a long time coming, I had no clue how he worked up the balls for it.

" 'Mione!" Ginny and I exclaimed simultaneously.

"I know, I know, I can't believe he finally asked," she said with a huge smile.

"Um, well, I actually got asked too," I said with a sheepish smile.

"What? By who?" Hermione asked with a smile.

"Harry".

"And you said yes?" Ginny asked which I responded to with a nod.

I had expected them to both be just as excited for me as I was for them, but the smile disappeared from both of their faces.

"Y/n, are you serious?" Hermione asked with crossed arms.

"Yeah, what's wrong?" I asked, really confused why they were upset. Ginny looked kind of sad, and Hermione looked angry.

"You know that Ginny likes him. She's liked him for so long, how could you- how- she's your best friend".

"What?!" I asked, completely taken aback by this newfound news. "Since when? Gin, I didn't know-".

"Yes you did!" Hermione defended her. "You did. She told us last year, and she's liked him ever since. He's all she ever talks about and we're always trying to find ways to get them closer. How did you never notice? How did you forget that she literally told you last year?".

"I knew that she had a crush on him last year, but I thought that that blew over. I mean I had a crush on Blaise last year but that is far past over now".

"Yeah, and then you fucked him once and lost feelings," Hermione sneered.

"Hey- that's not fair," I said, a bit hurt by how Hermione had said that. "Gin, I swear I didn't know. I'm so sorry".

She sighed. "It's okay, just- can you please not go with him? Can't you go with one of my brothers? They both don't have dates and I'm sure that one of them would love to take you".

"Yeah, why don't you go with Fred or George?" Hermione asked.

I thought for a moment and then looked down at my hands, knowing that I couldn't go with either of them but not having a valid reason why not.

"Merlin, you're still going to go with him, aren't you?" Hermione asked angrily.

"Well, you guys have dates and I already said yes, can you please just-"

"No, Y/n. You should value you're friends feelings over having a date to a stupid dance," Hermione said.

"I can't believe- I just-" Ginny have up on whatever she was going to say and just shook her head.

"Please you guys, just try to-"

"No. C'mon Ginny. We're leaving. I can't sit here and listen to her," Hermione said and pulled Ginny up from the bed and over to the door.

"You guys, wait! I promise-" I was cut off by the door slamming, and the dead silence of the room that I was left with was horrible.

My mind was racing with thoughts, mostly anger at myself for not knowing about Ginny's feelings and also with fear that I had maybe just lost my only two last friends. I had already been freaking out about losing two, and now the other two had just left me as well. My friends were my family, and it felt like I had absolutely none at the moment. They were the people that I trusted with my whole heart and that I relied on, and it felt like that whole support system was gone. The feeling was torturous. I needed people to rely on in my life, that's just how I was.

Just then, an owl pecked on the window. I took a shaky breath and got up from the bed to grab the letter, not having energy for much more.

The owl handed me a pale envelope with my mothers writing on the front, and a feeling of relief and warmth spread through my chest at the sight. This was exactly what I needed at the moment.

I sat down on my bed and opened the letter, ready to drink in words of love from my mother which was the next best thing to actually having her or my dad next to me.

Y/n-

You're father and I have been invited to go skiing with Janet and Russell in America over the holidays. We are so sorry that we can't have you here over your break, and it looks like you will have to stay at the school. We were looking forward to seeing you for Christmas and are sorry that we won't be able to. Sorry that this is so last minute. We will send gifts in the mail.

Miss you!

Love,

Mom

If I wasn't already freaking out about not having people there for me in my life, something that I desperately needed, it was much worse now. I didn't have my closest friends with me, the people that made my life here so good, and now it felt like my own parents weren't even there for me.

I felt completely isolated, and completely alone. That's when the tears and sobs that had wanted to escape my body finally did.

I sat on my bed and cried. Cried about, hurting Ginny and hurting Fred and George, possible losing all of them including Hermione, about how it felt like my parents didn't care about me, about how I was going to be here alone over Christmas.

I felt like I was being suffocated. Too many things were going wrong at once, and I never dealt well with that.

I knew what I needed; I needed comfort and I needed to feel safe. I needed to be with people who I knew cared for me, and there was one place that I could go to get that. The one place that I shouldn't be getting that comfort from, where I didn't deserve that comfort.

With tears still streaming down my face, my feet carried me out of my room almost as if they had a mind of their own.

This is selfish. I thought to myself.

I found myself in front of a wooden door and knocked on it, letting myself be selfish. I let myself seek out the comfort that I needed and be inconsiderate of other people.

George opened the door and a look of surprise took over his face, but it soon morphed into worry when he saw that I was crying.

"Hey, hey, come in, what-" he didn't finish his sentence and I walked in the room without saying a word to see Fred laying on his side underneath the covers of his bed.

I didn't say anything, and with tears still streaming down my face and a few hiccups leaving my mouth I walked over to Freds bed and climbed underneath the covers and over to him so that my back was to his front and so that I was in his embrace.

"Hey, hey, what's wrong?" He asked softly, wrapping a comforting arm around my waist.

Silent tears that I couldn't stop still fled from my eyes and I just shook my head and closed my eyes.

I knew that it was completely selfish. They had feelings for me that I didn't return, and yet I was coming to them for comfort. I was taking advantage of their feelings for my own selfish use and it was a horrible thing to do.

These thoughts ran through my mind, but I couldn't care when George shut off the main light, leaving only a small lamp on, and Fred whispered comforting words and 'shhh' s into my ear while combing his hand through my hair. I couldn't care when all the loneliness and suffocation that I had been feeling felt like it was floating away from my body.

I drifted off to sleep, feeling completely safe and comfortable.