I was definitely broody the whole ride to my house, or at least I thought she was taking me to my house. "What the heck, Rain?" I looked out the window at The Wondrix hotel where Jamie lived.
"Go ahead already." She pointed toward the entrance.
I slumped further down in the passenger seat. I couldn't believe she did this to me.
I didn't want to see him. He didn't want to see me. I was just fooling myself that this was anything other than a mistake, because I obviously wouldn't of married someone that didn't love me, or even like me back.
"Peyton, the guy may not see how great you are right now, but he can't find out if you won't let him." I looked over at Rain. She was sincere and I'd never seen her so understanding in my life.
She tucked a strand of blond hair behind her pierced ear and smirked at me. "Now get your butt in there. I can't take much more of your puppy pout fest."
I rolled my eyes. I was not getting out of this car, and that was that.
"Really, Peyton?" Rain was shaking her head in disappointment. Well, oh well.
Then she put the shift into park and got out. "What are you doing?" I asked but it soon became clear as she rounded the car and opened the passenger door. I refused to budge as she pulled at my arm.
We were both about the same build and height and weight so we were at an even-advantage. She gave up on pulling my arm and grabbed my leg, and pulled as hard as she could.
"No!" I yelled.
"Stop being a baby!" She hollered back.
I had to admit she was pulling my leg pretty hard because it was starting to hurt. My Vans shoe nearly slipped off, but she grabbed it and let go of my leg all of a sudden. Then a little grossed out she tossed my shoe.
"What're you guys doing?" That was Jamie's voice. I wanted to crawl into a deep dark hole and never come back. I couldn't face him.
"Trying to get this one out of my car. She came to see you." Rain was there to ruin my day. Didn't she realize that we weren't going to get anywhere closer to being something other than nothing towards each other?
"You came to see me, Peyton?" He seemed surprised and that about killed me. Rain yanked on my arm and I nearly tumbled onto the pavement in front of Wondrix building and my husband. She shut the door before I could retreat.

Jamie grabbed my hand and helped me up.
"Well, my work is done. See ya." Rain fluttered her fingers at us as she drove off. Once on my feet I wasn't sure what to say. It was kind of awkward and he looked really nice and smelled really good and I wanted to hug him, but I stopped myself.
"Peyton, are you alright?" He asked. He actually looked concerned.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I shrugged.
"I, uh, was actually about to leave," He said and handed me my shoe. I slipped it on and finally looked up into those big pools of green. "You can come if you want?"
I wanted to but I didn't budge as he started to walk away. I stood there with my arms crossed over my chest. I couldn't believe he just left like that, but then again I couldn't expect anything from him.
A few minutes later his car pulled up and he asked me if I wanted to go again. I looked around and slid in. I figured I was better off with him then stuck downtown. He was at a red light when I finally asked. "Where are we going?"
He glanced over at me. "Where are we going?"
I was confused and the light had turned green but he was still staring at me. "Jamie!" I pointed, but he didn't respond to me.
"Am I really that bad?"
"What are you talking about?"
His lips were parted, and his eyes were peering through his dark hair. "At being a husband, your friend, any and everything you need me to be. I feel so lost, Peyton. I don't know what to do. My heart hurts, but you made that pain go away for a short while."
I stared at him; my heart beat was pounding in my ears. I wanted to tell him I liked him then and there but the car behind us honked his horn repeatedly until Jamie veered off to the left and drove down a long strip of road.
We didn't say anything, but I felt a little better. He needed me. I knew that for real now. I could see it in his eyes. Even though the thought of it hurt, I thought of Hollie. She ultimately made him happy, and I wasn't sure whatever I did could fix that.
He parked behind a shopping center, and cut the engine. "I was going..." He paused and looked down at his hands now in his lap. When I looked at his hand I noticed he still wasn't wearing his wedding band. "To, uh, turn in the annulment papers."
No, I thought. It whispered through my mind. I couldn't imagine not being connected to him in such a meaningful way. I know it sounded crazy considering it wasn't long ago that I didn't understand and refused to be married to him, but now I couldn't think of anything else.
I didn't want to let go.
"I hadn't heard from you in days and I thought about it day and night. I don't see why we should..." He was saying but I cut him off.
I was a little irritated he was putting this on me. "Should what?" I could hear the heat in my tone. "Try? Because trying is so bad. I think you never wanted to try with this. It was always fake. I don't know why I care anyways. Maybe we should just get that annulment. It's not like you love me anyways."
"It is so hard to do this when you act like this. We're getting nowhere. You've been ignoring me for days. I thought we were getting better," His hand hit the steering wheel with force. "This is what I get. I get a paper that bonds me to you."
"I'm here you know." I mumbled that much. I didn't like seeing him like this.
"I know that." He murmured. "You just don't understand."
"Understand what? You can hardly tell me anything!"
He looked at me. "What am I supposed to tell you? That I'm emotionally unstable and attached to you because I had nobody. My parents care more about themselves than me, my girlfriend wanted another guy, my best friend actually. I was left with nobody and you came out of nowhere. Literally."
I just stared at him. I was at a loss for words, and felt sick.
"I used you." All kindness I had ever seen had left his eyes and left me with a cold shell of a person I didn't want to know. He couldn't handle but I couldn't either.
My hand gripped the door handle until I could muster the courage and  yanked the door open. I walked away from his car in a blur. I didn't know where I was going I just couldn't be with him.
He flat out said he used me. It wouldn't have meant much in the beginning but now that my feelings are real it felt like a hammer smashed my poor heart.
Maybe I was stupid for forgiving him so easily for everything he's done to hurt me.
Maybe if I hadn't insisted on getting closer to him even in the brief period of time we knew each other I wouldn't feel so sad, maybe if I hadn't gotten happy when he called and I heard his voice, or when he smiled, and I felt this tugging in my chest, maybe I wouldn't feel so weak and hurt right now.
Maybe then I'd just accept the annulment and get on with my life.
I wanted to be strong and walk away tall and all together but instead I crumpled to my knees in the middle of a parking lot in the middle of nowhere and cried like I didn't care. Why did it hurt so much?
He didn't matter. This marriage was a sham. Nothing about this mattered and yet I was crying and hiccuping. I felt like I couldn't breathe in between tears.
"Peyton!" Jamie shouted. I couldn't stop shaking and I felt so weak.
I tried to look up at him but my eyes were blurred. "Peyton, what're you doing? Are you really crying?"
"Go away!" I managed.
"Listen. I'm sorry. We can deal with the paperwork another day. I'll just talk to my dad. I was agitated before. I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said."
I was beyond words now, and just listened to him try to calm me down. When nothing worked he drew me up by the arms like I weighed nothing pulling me to his chest and squeezed me tightly. I couldn't stop sobbing, but he still tried to pat it out of me.
I want to be in his arms forever, was all I could think.
We stayed like that for only a few minutes. When my tears subsided, I realized he was having to force the hug for my benefit, and this must be more awkward than I could fathom when I was crying like a big baby.
I urged him away with my palm to his chest. He looked into my eyes surprised. He was obviously so unsure of what to do. He was probably waiting to see if I would start crying again. "I'm sorry." He whispered. "I mean it."
I just shrugged like it was okay. I just felt drained now.
I got to my feet and followed him back to the car. We didn't talk, and I was kind of glad. I didn't want him to be mad, or anything. Plus I had no idea how to explain why I was just so childish.
The radio had a soft hum, and it was a little relaxed. I laid my head against the window and tried not to think. I traced my finger over my ring; it made me feel better somewhat.
I closed my eyes. Maybe somehow we could get past this. My heart was pounding, and my eyes hurt even with them closed.
"Peyton?" Jamie's voice was light and cracked a little.
"Hmm?" I asked.
"Do you want me to take you home now?"
"Please..." I trailed off. I didn't want to move.