19. Depressing Rain

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After that night my mom actually allowed Jamie to come over. I was really blown away that she took such a liking to him.
He hadn't really said anything amazing and yet it was happening. It was pretty weird to say the least, but at any rate, I could see him, even if it was just for studying.
It made me happy to see that she might like him. I guess I did care after all.
The only downside was that we didn't get any alone time, because mom insisted on being up our butts and since I was still grounded that meant I couldn't go anywhere with him either. Mom wasn't letting up on it yet. If only she weren't so stubborn.
So basically we hadn't even talked about the almost kisses. I was beginning to think that it was all in my imagination. I mean he was dating Hollie again wasn't he?
I was in over my head with math equations and Rain's depressed mood lately. I was glad that Jamie and I seemed okay now but things with Rain seemed to be going downhill rapidly. I didn't know how to make her feel better and I was getting to the point where I felt like I should just tell her what happened.
I knew she would hate me. I knew that telling her this late was crucial to us staying friends or falling apart. All I knew was I wanted it off my chest, because it didn't seem like Michael was telling.
I walked up to Rain. She was wearing a black leather Chanel jacket over her skin tight pale purple lace dress. She looked great even when she was depressed.
I looked like I haven't brushed my hair for days, the natural waves were too full of volume today, and I knew it was because it was getting humid outside.
"Rain, I think we need to talk."
She looked at me, and waited. We were standing by her locker waiting on the last bell of the day to sound.
I was given a free period to study in the library because unfortunately it looked like I was failing, and Rain was lucky enough to not have a class at this time of day.
"Well, um, how do I say this, well, see Michael came to my house, not today, of course, it was a little while ago, uh, right before, um, you and him, well..."
"For god's sake spit it out, Peyton." She sort of laughed, even though I knew she was depressed to her wits end.
"Michael kissed me."
She didn't speak at first and I wished I could take back those words. I didn't want her to hate me. She was my best friend and she meant a whole lot to my heart.
I tried to calm down. Maybe she would handle it like Jamie and we would be able to move on from this and still be close. I knew that wasn't going to happen the moment I saw how mad she was getting.
"You've been going around with my boyfriend behind my back?"

"No." I couldn't help but see the anger in her face. It scared me... "It wasn't like that at all. He just came over and it happened. I swear!"
She shook her head. She didn't want to hear this, and I wished she would just listen to me. My heart was rapidly sinking. I was slowly losing her.
Then she walked away from me, only to stop and look back at me once. "This friendship is over."
That hurt.
I didn't follow after her, I should have, but what difference would it have made? She had made up her mind. Rain could be so dramatic sometimes, but I couldn't argue with her right now or it would just make things worse.
I sat on the third to last stair leading up to the school waiting on my ride home. Today my mom said it would be okay if Jamie came to get me. Not her idea I assumed though, I knew she actually had plans to eat somewhere nice tonight with Leonard. I was actually happy to see my mom happy.
I was glad it would be Jamie, because I knew my façade would crumble any given minute and I really needed a shoulder to cry on, or well, someone to talk to anyways.
I got up when I heard the smooth hum of a new car pull up. Just like Jamie's made, but it wasn't Jamie. It was Hollie in a shiny white BMW.
I stared at her, and she smiled at me. I didn't like where this was going. Why was Hollie here?
"Hey, you're Peyton. Right?" She asked. Her voice was as light and pretty as she was. It made my stomach hurt. She was Jamie's girlfriend again, but her being here just made me more bothered about seeing them together the other night.
"Um, yeah." I said. I didn't really know what to do in this sort of situation. I never figured this would occur.
"Why don't you hop in. I'll give ya a ride home." There was that smile again. It made me feel so uneasy.
"It's okay."
"Don't worry. I just wanted to meet you. Jamie talks about you a lot."
Talks? Didn't she mean talked?! I wasn't happy about this, and I already had this sad feeling from Rain dropping our friendship. I knew I should go talk to her even if she didn't want to talk to me.
I stood there awkwardly for a few more minutes. "I don't bite. Come on, Peyton."
No matter how much I hated to admit it, she seemed pretty nice. I was the one actually being kind of rude.
I decided to just walk away but as soon as I went, I glanced back at her and something made me turn around, walk over and slide in on the passenger side. She had these gorgeous bright eyes, an awesome tan, and pale blonde to dark ombre hair.
I felt uneasy but it got a little better. She did most of the talking after I told her the directions to my house. She didn't bring up Jamie and I had to admit that helped me not hate her so much.
I still felt like she was his one true love and I wasn't sure if I loved him, I knew I liked him oh so very much. But where my heart was made me wonder constantly if I was indeed in love with Jamie Kade.
Hollie stopped yammering about god knows what and gained my attention. "Are you guys really married?"
"Yeah." I admitted. I didn't feel like explaining it to her. Or anyone really.
"I can't believe that." She tucked her hair behind her ear, and seemed sad. She glanced over at me. "You're lucky you know."
I didn't know how to respond. She made me feel bad for her. I didn't want to feel that way. Not toward her. She had the guy. I just had a paper that said we were bonded and technically he had the paper.
"Did he tell you he asked me first?" She asked and I nodded yes. "Did he also tell you that I said no only because he was drunk and I wanted him to do it properly?"
My heart sunk a little. I wished she would stop filling me in. I wanted to believe that she was the bad guy and that she wasn't actually this kind girl that he loved and she loved him back. I was starting to wonder if no matter what happens, it's inevitable that they will be together.
"I'm sorry to drop all this on you; I just needed you to know. I still love him and it breaks my heart to see him with you." She seemed sincere. It broke my heart too. I wanted to be more jealous and mean but seeing her like this even when I didn't know her made me feel like I was just in the way.
Don't get me wrong, I never wanted to give up Jamie. He was something special to me, and he meant a whole lot. I guess I couldn't take the truth. I never really had him. She did...
I knew I was going to regret this but I asked anyway. "Tell me what happened."
She pulled over to the curb just down the street from my house and let the engine run. She had a tight grip on the steering wheel like my chest felt. I wondered if she was mad, but to my surprise she looked over at me with tears lining her mascaraed eyes. "It's not a very good story."
"Why?" I asked. I didn't want her to cry. What had I done? I felt like I hadn't done anything really but here I was with her crying. I didn't know how to make things better.
"Because it doesn't have a happy ending." She patted underneath her eyes with the sleeve of her pale pink shirt.
"I'm sorry." I merely whispered.
She didn't tell me it was okay or anything like I half expected her to, she just dove right in. "It started a while ago. I was dating this guy named Conner."
I just sat there waiting for her to continue. I wasn't sure why she was telling me these specific details though. I wanted to know things but not necessarily everything.
"Well, I cared about him a lot but he was going off to college early and I was only seventeen not even graduated yet. We broke up and I was sad for as long as I can remember before I bumped into Jamie one day. He was sitting outside a coffee shop drawing trees, and I nearly tripped over his legs."
"That's how you met?" I asked. I couldn't imagine it, but I also could. I didn't know Jamie could draw. I wondered what else I might not know that this girl in front of me did.
"Yeah." She sort of smiled to herself. "After that he laughed at me, and offered to buy me coffee. I refused. He wasn't exactly my type with the shaggy hair dressed like a hoodlum even though I knew all of it was name-brand. He wasn't fooling me. Even though he dresses so professionally now."
I wanted to know the Jamie she knew a couple years ago. I wanted to know if he was any different but I was too scared to ask. I took a deep breath and asked anyways. "Is he that different now?"
"Oh, he's so different. He matured overnight it felt like. If I knew he would have turned out like this I wouldn't have broken up with him."
"Oh." I said, She was kind of making me feel uncomfortable now. I just wanted to go home.
She didn't seem to get the hint and was now going on with her story. "I passed through that area several times in the next few weeks, it was my favorite place to shop and Jamie seemed to catch on to that."
She probably didn't really give a crap about my feelings or she wouldn't of cornered me like this. "He would follow me around like a lost puppy and ask me for my number. I would have said no, and I did a lot, but he made me laugh. It felt nice. So I gave him my number and eventually gave in and we had gelato at the coffee shop where we met."
I didn't want to hear anymore. I wished she would stop.
"Anyways, we didn't start dating until a couple weeks later. I figured he liked taking things slow, but obviously I was wrong,"
She glanced at me. "Things were well for a while. We ran into his mother and she seemed pretty nice, we got along well, and that seemed to make him happy. He would bring me nice little things and smile often. I sometimes wonder how it all went wrong..."
She seemed so sad but she continued. "It wasn't long ago that we were still together, you know. We were going to get married, and have a beautiful family."
It was kind of upsetting me and that made me mad. I didn't deserve this. She was the one that messed up. Right? She cheated on him. Wasn't that why they broke up? And what did she mean it wasn't that long ago? I thought they were together?
"Didn't you hook up with his best friend?" I couldn't believe myself but this was Jamie. Jamie was mine... I know she wanted him. She had to, but I wanted to collapse and cry just thinking about it.
"No. What are you talking about?"
"Jamie said you wanted his best friend." I stated.
"I did, but that's not the point." Hollie said and she had lost me.
"How could that even make sense?"
She shook her head. "It doesn't have to. Jamie loves me and once you realize that things will become clearer because I know he is just using you and I think that you know that too."
I couldn't believe her...
I didn't want to believe any of that. He once said that he used me, but that was a while ago and we've come so far from that. Maybe she was right, maybe he used me, and maybe he loved her more than me but I didn't want to accept it.
I got out of the car and started walking away. She didn't bother getting me to come back, she actually sped off instead. I guess that's all that was about. Ruining my faith in a great guy and crushing my feelings and hopes.


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