AVERY

I stop when I hear the soft rumble of the car engine fainting away letting me know that Dylan is gone. I take in a sharp breath and stomp towards our room. I couldn't even tell Dylan who she was. He must have felt bad. Whenever he keeps something from me, I get mad and now, I can't even tell him who she was and why her being around me affects me so much.

Although I feel like all the problem between us because of me pulling away or lying has to do something with Marc. What if I tell Dylan that it was Marc's mom, will he not get fed up? Me getting affected by a little piece of my past can be a great hazard in our growing relationship. And it's not far away when Dylan would finally give up. A fear works its way through me. I shake it away and enter the room.

I scurry across the room to reach the closet and pull out a pair of track pants and hoodie. In all the stress and confusion, I feel like running and I know which way I must go. I grab the keys from the drawer and jog down the stairs when Mrs Griffin appears in the living room. Spotting me, she asks, "are you going somewhere, honey?"

"Yeah, I actually have to go to my house to sort out a few things, " I answer, pocketing the keys in my hand.

"Everything is fine? You look lost, " she says.

"Everything will be, " I answer and hurry outside the house. "Jason?" I call as I notice him talking to someone on the phone. He turns around and comes towards me, putting the phone away from his ears.

"Yes ma'am?"

"I am going for a run to my house. Will you be fine driving the car behind me? I know you have to be around me all the time so..."

"Sure, ma'am. Give me a minute, " he says and disappears reappearing only after two minutes with his car. I turn around and let out a long breath, then start running. If I am not strong enough to face my past yet, then it's time I start pushing myself. For Dylan and me.

I don't run too fast, just a little faster than jogging. I pass the Church Street. The white cross at the top of the stone building appears a little red as the sun has started setting on the other side. Birds have started chirping marking the bringing of another winter evening. This church was where I started the new phase of my life and I can do anything to preserve it, be that fighting my fears and demons.

After some time, I stop in front of my old house. A nostalgic feeling hits me. This is the place that held me guarded for three long years. This is the place that I once tagged 'home' although I never really believed that. Its walls are the once which have seen me shed the maximum number of tears. I push in the code and the front get slides open. Jason pulls up in front of the house and gets down. I walk over the stone-paved way towards the wooden front door.

I gulp down the emotions building inside me at the thought of what I am supposed to do. A month ago this was like a habit. A habit of desperately hurting and punishing myself. Today, it is not. I unlock the door and push it open. All the lights turn on. I put the keys on the shelf beside the door and walk in, taking in the soft, calm surrounding that I used to once bury myself into. The cream coloured couch and the small love seat on the other side of the living room, where Bear used to sleep. I am pretty sure he misses this. Maybe I could move this one into my old room. I'll have to talk to Dylan about it.

As I enter my bedroom, I realize how much I miss this. Not that I would want to be alone again, but there is a sense of care in here. A comforting feeling. I chose everything, every small thing of this room. A lot of my things are gone but the small mismatching artworks on the walls and the crooked bluish flower vases, I never realized how much I like this room until now. It's just been a month, yet feels like years have passed since I was in this room.

Deciding I have a lot to do, I turn around and walk towards the room which holds my life for 22 years in form of small objects. I stop in front of its door and take in a deep encouraging breath, trying to gain the will to do this. Reaching out with my shaky hands, I let out the breath and swing open the door. Even in the darkness, I can exactly see what things are there. I turn on the light and everything seems to start playing under my eyelid, everything bad.

I enter the room and let my eyes fall on every single picture of Marc with me. Right from the time, we were on a beach when we were five to the graduation day when we were standing in a black convocation gown with huge grins plastered on our faces. I move closer to the wall which has all the pictures of our little moments. I see a picture of both of us crying. He got a cut on his leg and started crying so I joined him. We must have been five or six then. I move to the next picture, where Marc is wearing makeup. A giggle leaves my mouth. I used to put makeup on his face, horribly until we turned eleven. After that, he grew taller and I couldn't reach his face always. Although I managed to draw stuff on his face in his sleep.

I take in every single picture on that wall then turn my head to face another wall with a huge framed picture of Marcus. It was candid. I took it on my birthday, with the camera that he gifted me. He was laughing at something and I clicked it. He said he hated the picture but I knew he secretly loved it. I look to the right corner of the picture. There is my 'e-mail' box. I slowly move towards it and crunch down in front of the box.

Pulling out a letter, I open it.

Dear ex-best friend,

Dont talk to me. Stop throwing stones at my window and stop complaining to my mother. You like to hang out with Jenna more than me and I know you have made her your new best friend. So please dont talk to me. I can find a new best friend.

Not your best friend anymore,
Marcus.

I chuckle at the letter written in crooked handwriting by a 10-year-old jealous Marcus. I put down the letter and pull out another one.

Dear Avy girl,

Mom and Dad are fighting again. I can hear them shout from here. Dad is saying that it was a mistake marrying her. I am afraid. What if he hits her? I know he won't but you said that some bad husbands hit their wives. What if my father does that? I am scared.

The last time this happened, Dad left the house for a week and mom didn't eat anything throughout the week. Can you please take me away from here? And I dont mean your house. Can we ask Uncle Ken to take us somewhere?

Your best friend,
Marcus.

I put down the letter and pick up another and start reading. I lose the track of time while going through the words written by my best friend. Finally, long after losing count, I pick up the next one and open it, immediately realizing it was from the time Marcus had a cold and was convinced it was lung cancer. That boy had a serious fear of cancer and assumed everything that happened to him will lead up to that. And it wasn't even the time when we were too young. I suppose we were in high school when he wrote this.

Dear Avy,

The cold is not going away. My temperature has risen too. Mom said I look thinner than usual. And I think there is a lump on my chest. I am pretty sure it is Cancer. I know you will not believe me but I dont know how much time I have left with you.

Even though I laughed at this letter at that time, tears fill my eyes reading the last line.

So, I need to tell you a few things. Carl is not a good boy. He is just dating you because he wants to brag to his friends. Fiona is not my girlfriend. No one is. Just because I went on a date with her doesn't make her my girlfriend.

I want you to believe me in these last few days. I know many boys would be coming into your life and I wouldn't be there to do a background check on them but I need you to promise me that you will do what your heart says. If you end up falling for a guy who breaks your heart, remember that you are strong. And if you end up loving someone more than me, then... that might be a problem. But even if you do, I would be satisfied knowing that you didn't forget me.

If you fall for a guy no one approves of but you still know that you love him and he loves you, dont think of anything else. Just know that if I would be there, I would support you, no matter what and I would want you to follow your heart.

I know I promised to go to the same college as you but that won't be possible but I want you to become a vet, for both of us. Remember the hospital we thought of building together? I want you to do that even without me. But anyway, just remember I will always love you, even when I am not there physically.

Your best friend in the world,
Marcus.

I break down into sobs. I didn't read these letters in a long time. But every word breaks my heart. Marc thought he was going to die then, so he told me everything that he could think of, including what I needed to hear from him right now.

I sit there, crying. Letting go of as much pain as I can through the tears. After half an hour more, I stand up and wipe off my tears, it is time to do what I came here for. The best thing is, there is no guilty feeling in me. It feels like Marc is telling me to do this. To move on.

I pull out my phone and call Jason. "Yes ma'am?" He answers immediately.

"Can you come in for a moment, please? I need a hand in moving a few things to the attic."

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I got emotional while writing this chapter, I don't know why. And I am not lying when I say that my chest is feeling heavy.

Did you ever get emotional while reading this story? If so which chapter was it?

LOVE YOU ALL, my sweet potatoes and honey bees.